…which means she must be insane. Sorry, I just felt that I would finish the Mozzer line that I started in the teaser.
Anyway, welcome to Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say! It’s gonna be a pretty random mish-mash of thoughts and stuff, but try to follow along.
Pressure, Pressure, Pressure…
I spent the better part of the day on the phone. My buddy, ATP, is working on a script, and since one of the characters is based very heavily on me, he wanted to play a bit of word association.
It went something like this:
ATP: Dude, what do you first think of when I say the word “rat tail?”
Me: Rat tail? Seriously?
ATP: Yeah, be honest.
Me: Um, I think of the ridiculous early 90s haircut with the long, flowing piece in the back. Well, mine was red, and it was almost two feet long.
(There was a great deal of laughter at this point.)
ATP: Are you kidding?
Me: Sadly, no. I braided it too. I thought it was cool. That’s not the worst part: I shaved the sides and back of my head, leaving the tail alone. My mom said I looked like something from a bad “chop-socky” flick.
ATP: How have you managed to be able to date? Didn’t that scar you?
Me: No, chicks dug it. That and I could do the running man.
Anyway, there were 32 more questions, each equally as stupid, but I gave it the old college try. That’s really all I can do, right?
Time for Frivolous Thoughts
If you haven’t already heard, Coachella has announced its lineup for April 30 and May 1st this year. Others on this site have covered it already, but let me add my two cents.
DAMMIT!
I live on the total opposite coast, so that means I need to come up with a cool grand in order to go, have money to eat, money to fly, and money to buy cool merch.
I may feel that Coldplay is selling the hell out, but I still haven’t seen them live, so I NEED to go. Add to that Nine Inch Nails and 30 other bands that I currently can’t stop talking about, and I am convinced that the good folks at Coachella are reading my mind.
It must be a gift.
Anyway, I am sure that the show will sell-out within a few weeks, so make sure you get your tickets when they go on sale this Saturday, February 5th at 12 Noon.
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
The life of an aspiring stand-up comedian is tough. There are the “open-mike nights,” the commutes to clubs, the constant writing of every waking thought. They may seem like a bit of a hassle, but the thing that has gotten to me the most lately is being here in Upstate New York.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s great up here. I love my family, and the friends I have up here are incredible. It makes it very hard to push myself to do the necessary things in order to get to the level I would love to be at. Sure, I have ALL the time in the world to write, I admit that, but, the amount of isolation I feel up here, north of Albany, makes it hard to take this dream of mine seriously.
So, a few weeks ago, I decided to move to New York City. It’s been something I have talked about since college, and seeing that I have not been able to keep (or find, for that matter) a job worth staying up here for, I have elected to move to the Big Apple.
On one hand, I am stoked beyond belief. My friends and family, both Upstate and down in NYC, think that this is the best decision that I have ever made. I will be with the people I write my most productive material with, and might just make something of my life.
I won’t lie. I will go on record and say that I am a 26 year old “f*ck up.” My family won’t say that, but I am more than comfortable doing so. Yes, I am “brilliant.” Yes, I have all this “untapped potential.” All the resourcesup here and I still can’t find a constructive way for me to channel my creativity. I tried taking up the guitar, but I get bored easily. I managed to continue writing poetry, screenplays, and even jokes, based on the amazing friend/writing partner that I have in Brooklyn.
He’s just a Godsend, I swear.
So, I am relocating as soon as my tax refund check arrives. I already knew that I had the greatest girlfriend in the world, but her never-ending support is going to make this radical change that much easier. Also, I know the long distance thing has been hard on both of us, so being down there will show her, and me, that I have what it takes to be the man she knows I can be
In the meantime, I have to sell my Jeep.
Oh, Jezebel
The reason I bring my Jeep up is that it’s really special to me. Jezebel, as I call her due to her inability to start when women are in the vehicle, is my baby.
See, when I first came home from college, I didn’t have a car. Hell, I didn’t have anything; just a lifetime’s worth of furniture and toys with no where to live. I moved into the two-bedroom apartment that my mother had gotten with my sister shortly after my father “cracked up,” and disappeared.
It had been a hard couple of years for the Smith family. We were all down on ourselves, as the constant abuse that we all endured from my father had definitely taken its toll on us.
I was living in the den. I had no door and I constantly complained that there was no one to help me out. My mom isn’t rich; in fact, she lost everything trying to find a safe home for herself and my sister. I was basically being a spoiled dick.
Hey, I am honest.
So, after temporarily removing my head from my ass, I decided to save up to buy a car. My dream car: a 1989 Jeep Cherokee Laredo. My mother and sister actually found one while driving to my grandmother’s house. They called me and told me about it, I called the owner and headed over the next afternoon. It was a manual transmission, but thanks to my former girlfriend, I had learned how to drive a stick.
When I first got in it, I heard music in my head. Seeing that a history of serious mental illness runs in my family, I was a bit freaked. Then, I realized I was having an epiphany.
I was about to do the FIRST adult thing of my life. I was buying my own car. Granted, Jeeps all leak oil like their lives depend on it, but I had always wanted one, and after my first two cars ( ’81 AMC Concord and ’84 Dodge Daytona, which were both picked out for me) I figured I had to do this for myself.
The song, by the way, was the Strokes’ “Last Nite.” I still sing it at Karaoke shows; it’s my song, the one that reminds me of the day I first started growing up.
I have yet to finish, but at least I am trying.
Stuff I’m Digging
Michaelangelo McCullar’s Perfect Flick previews the Oscar races. I agree that Uma and David Carradine got shafted, but who would you have bumped off of these lists?
gloomchen is big on touching people with her work. I read her stuff every week, but I feel she’s just tapping into something great. She was my vote for 2004 InsidePulse Music Writer of the Year.
Wondering what is going on with that Outkast movie? Yeah, well, Mike Eagle has the answers to that question.
Mathan Erhardt reminds us all of the “good ol’ days,” when 8-bit gaming was considered “cutting edge,” with his review of “classic” videogame music. My pick would have to be Tetris’ soundtrack. I used to be really great at that game.
My last reviews are hanging around somewhere. I got some excellent feedback, which I always appreciate. If you haven’t checked them out, here’s the one I wrote for The Zutons. I am still overplaying that album as we speak. Also, if you are curious as to what I thought were the top albums of 2004, go here.
Random Site of the Week
Anyone into fantasy sports? Okay, that’s a foolish question, as it seems every guy that I know has some fantasy or rotisserie team, but if anyone happens to be into fantasy SOCCER, this is the greatest game on Earth: Hattrick. If you happen to already be a member, my team is Deutsch Fire FC.
Alright, that’s my first OFFICIAL column. I will have another album review up in the next few days, so check back. I haven’t decided whether I will do The Arcade Fire Funeral or either of the new Bright Eyes releases, so I will flip a coin (or two.)
I’ll be back next week with more funny, and less serious stuff, I swear.
Until then, keep it real.
Ssquared
