The Amodio Impact Replay for 02/04/05
Let’s get to it.
TNA IMPACT…..KID TESTED, MOTHER APPALLED
Looks like Big Mankind doesn’t like Jeffrey Hardy, that’s our opening video clip. We’re canned from Florida, and our commentators are the usual idiots…..and “Just Like Downtown” Chris Daniels. I could get used to it. This is the RIGHT guy to be pushing.
MATCH 1: Shark Boy (J^) vs. Pete “Greasy Hair Gets Me Boos” Williams (w/Scott “Beardless Wonder” D’Amore)
J^ is the most endearing jobber icon I have. Shark Boy is an over jobber who KNOWS he’s a jobber, and serves to enhance the talent while keeping the crowd entertained. Excellent chain-wrestling to start, not flawless, but good enough, and Shark Boy gets the best of the Applause Pause. Petey is looking for SOME RESPECT heel-style, and gets punched in the mouth for his trouble. Crowd goes for the alternating chants as Shark Boy uses the ASS-BITE OF DOOM while hanging upside down in the Tree of Disorientation. Williams bails, and Sharky slingshot topes him, to the delight of the crowd. Back in, Petey grabs the ropes after a rollup, hops up, and gets the advantage back with his Side Canadian Legsweep, and he follows it up with the chained suplex and right back to the Tree of Discomfort, giving the Tub of Goo an opportunity to cheat. He gets 2 off of a dropkick to the back of the head, and tries for a Destroyer off the turnbuckle, but gets ranaed down, of course. Shark Boy is SURFIN’, and gets 2 off of a missile dropkick. 10 punch succeeds, but Pete goes straight to the backbreaker, and looks for the Destroyer again, but it gets reversed into a neckbreaker for a close 2. The crowd wanted that one pretty badly. Shark Boy looks to follow it up with Diamond Dust, but no dice, and a beautiful Destroyer puts him away at 5:54. The fans are really starting to get into Pete as a heel. This was meaningless, but a lot of fun. **1/4
We come back from commercial to join Riley thanking “The Natural” Dustin Rhodes for taking up with a lame jobber. He got Booker T over again, but this is much harder. More like Blue Meanie territory. Raven breaks the love-fest up, apologizes for being a little bitch, and pulls some clever word play. Dustin is starting to rant like his old man, but I think there was a challenge laid down for the PPV. OK. Dustin says “I try to teach all the young boys…..” Let’s move on.
MATCH 2: Buck Quartermain (J) vs. X-Division Champion A.J. F’N Styles
AJ puts on a mad headlock to start, and even holds onto it through a back suplex. He grabs a bodyslam, and there we have the DAMN DECENT knee drop, as Daniels claims that Dusty screwed him. Fallen Angel and Styles jaw, allowing Buck to jump him from the back and slam him on the mat. The crowd loves Styles. Buck gets a short beatdown, and f*cks up a small package for 2. He gets another 2 off of a clothesline, and AJ goes into Hennig mode, making this shithead look like a million bucks. Styles comes back off of a missed flying legdrop, and almost trips going over the ropes, but recovers and smacks Buck down with the Springboard Soaring Elbow. He glares at Daniels as he mops the floor with the Clash, and that’s it at 3:36. Nothing here, but Styles is great, and it served the purpose. *1/2 A.J. WANTS THE MIC. He challenges Daniels’ manhood, and Chris backs down, claiming that Styles has been dodging him for three years. Heel heat for that one.
It’s Dusty and skanks time! Apparently his skanks have teams to get a shot during the pregame show to show off. Whatever.
MATCH 3: David Young (J*) vs. Jeff Hardly
Whithper in the Wind starts things off, and the crowd is chanting for Young? Anyway, he grabs a clothesline and dropkick, and gets 2, as the announcers make fun of his Horowitz-style record. Another deuce off a dropkick to the head. Young unleashes a generic heel offense, and we get alternating chants. These are the WRONG two guys for that. Young’s lame offense lasts forever. He gets two off a suplex, and apparently he wanted three. If you insist. Hardy acutally sells the beating as he starts the slow-motion comeback. Young quashes that, and misses a moonsault. Hardy uses a chair for Poultry in motion, and Hardy’s FLAMING. Complete Shot sets up for Thwanton, and that’s it. 6:02. That was a bad impression of a good match. 1/4* Abyss comes to join the fun, but Hardy’s ready for him, and we get more brawling.
Back from commercial, the Constructicons are scheming with David Young to have him get a win against Nascar Boy. Apparently NASCAR = Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks. Good stuff. 3LK busts up the party, though, and Konnan calls the heels gay. Look who’s talking, Monkey Man. Kazarian saves the conversation, though. “David, Jeff Hammond was talking about yo’ momma.” BURRRN.
MATCH 4: Lex Lovett (J) vs. Nashkind
Abyss is here and he’s really angry! Clothesline, sit-down Torture Rack, and the crowd is chanting for the Black Hole Slam, and they get what they want. It’s three at 0:47. Sometimes you just need a good ass-whoopin’. 1/2* for good nothing. Abyss says “ABYSS, GET THE TABLE!” Lovett tries to bail, but Hardy comes to the aid of the jobber. Why? Maybe they have a little thing…..Abyss tries to press slam Hardy through the table, but Jeffrey turns it into a tornado DDT through the wood. Okay then.
MATCH 5: THE NATURALS (That Dude and That Other Dude) vs. “The Waterboy” Lamont E. Brown & “The People’s Champ?” DDP
The Naturals jump the faces, but Stevens gets bounced, and Douglas gets Flair Dropped over the top rope, to a nice pop. The Naturals are out as we go to commercial. We’re back with DDP using DDP Move #2 (Clothesline, it’s like Malenko, only a lot simpler) DDP gets distracted, and that will cost you a high knee. That gets one, and Douglas tries to pin him about 8 other ways, failing each time. Nobody said you had to be smart to be a wrestler. Tag in to Stevens, and they agitate Brown, allowing them a double beatdown. Some of this heel beatdown stuff looks weak. Maybe that’s DDP’s fault. DDP fights them both off, but they f*ck up a drop toe hold, as DDP desperately tries to get to Brown. The hexagon makes for a much better visual when it comes to cutting off the ring in a tag match. The beatdown continues in the ring, and the crowd sits on their hands. Stevens gets caught in a taunt, but recovers, and makes another tag. Douglas is having a hard time even pulling off the most simple moves. But he looks like a pornstar, so it’s ok. They push Nash’s film career, referring to his stint as THE RUSSIAN in the PUNISHER. DDP keeps trying to get the comeback, but they’re going all Sting/Hogan on this shit. Nice of them to try. DDP finally gets a Flair Drop, throwing Stevens into Douglas, and really needs the tag. Really! He’s old! He finally makes it, to a mediocre reaction, but the crowd gets up as they realize that he tagged in Monty. The Alpha Male CLEARS THE PLAINS, and he gets two moves in before the crowd is chanting for the POUNCE! POUNCE! POUNCE! Double underhook suplex, fall-away slam, and pounce set up the pin on Stevens, and Douglas can barely take the Diamond Cutter he’s so blown up, but that’s it at 5:30. Felt disjointed most of the way through. *1/2
The last shot of the show is Nash going into Jarrett’s room in a towel. Really.
The Replay Replay:
Much more pointed show this week. They know what they’re building for, and they actually showed some direction in going there, even in the midst of all these jobber matches. Jobber matches have a point, and this week they were well-used. Don’t watch it past the first match if you catch a replay. Out.
