Monday Night Rabble

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We are NOT LIVE from Japan!!! Welcome to Monday Night Rabble kids!

“Why does everyone look tired in the audience?” – Hernandez on tact!

We’ve already started… welcome Eric G, Hernandez, and Jenna joining us for our favorite Monday Night Passion. Now I’ve stayed away from the spoilers, so I’m going to act as if I know nothing about what’s going to happen – since I have no idea what’s going to happen. So before the show, let’s see this week’s pic of all of my friends:

Be on the look out for this week’s “IS IT BEN MORSE?” Contest hint. Now onto ……. THE MONNNDAAAAY NIIIGHTTTT RAAAABBLLLLEEEEE!!!!

Coming down first is Bischoff and he’s got a translaltor.

“What the hell happened to Finkle?” Hernandez on the translator.

The crowd is going nuts!!

“Damnit, Bischoff’s mouth is moving” – Me on dubbing.

Anyway!!! Bischoff starts off by giving us our card, and they are blowing my match of the night with Benoit coming down first. Take note, Lillian Garcia is wearing anime Gogo boots, frigging awesome.

BENOIT vs. JERICHO
Submission Match

The crowd is hyped, and Ross is talking about when they met ten years ago for the Super J Cup. It starts up with a lock-up that rolls outside and they go face to face, nose to nose. Waistlock to Benoit and he drops to the ground, Benoit catches with an armlock, but Jericho reverses it to a hammerlock. It woroks it’s way down to the mat, Jericho rolls out of it and goes for the Walls, but Benoit rolls out in turn. They continue rolling around until they are once again standing face to face and applause from the audience.

They lock-up and Jericho goes for the face first suplex onto the top rope, and then tries to capitalize with the 2nd turnbuckle dropkick – but Benoit catches him and they fight on the top turnbuckle, crack skulls and we go tooooo…

COMMERCIAL!

We return to chops, and Jericho is already busted open. Benoit catches with a german suplex, and Jericho pulls Benoit into an odd abominal stretch, and Benoit works out of it, but gets caught up in a single leg boston crab. Benoit reaches the ropes and fights Jericho down, fights to put him in a sharpshooter. In a moment of blinking I asked how Jericho seems to be knocked out at this point..

“He saw his record sales” Eric G on Fozzy’s new album.

Benoit hits the big headbutt, but as he’s going for the Crossface – Jericho stands out of it and drops Benoit with a big doubleaxe, he goes for the Lionsault – Benoit’s knees are up, but Jericho catches them and goes for the Walls. Benoit gets out of it and snaps in the Crossface. Jericho catches the rope, gets up and drops Benoit, immediately going for the Walls – big STIFF hits and boots to Jericho’s head drop him as he pulls into the Crossface … Jericho … TAPS!!!

WINNER: CHRIS BENOIT!

They stand face to face and shake hands – and these men look in pain. A great looking match, but the ending came quick.

Coming up .. next? The All American Diva Fashion Show – which isn’t even a match.. just a weird way for the Tokyo fans to laugh at the round-eyes.

COMMERCIAL!

We return to a video package of the Japanese cheering the wrestlers – the wrestlers sleeping on their Jet Blue flight. We get Val Venis talking about the show.. why Val?!? I bet he’s not wrestling… anyway –

Evolution is hanging in the back, at least Ric and Hunter are, talking about geisha girls, Batista beating Maven, Ric beating HBK, and Trips beating Edge. Hunter goes on talking about not wanting Batista to leave Raw – to have the greatest match in Wrestlemania history.. even though Andre is dead. Flair wants Evolution to rule both shows.

Also Christian is back talking with an asian reporter about how Captain Charismatic he is – they spot Stacy and the reporter wants to know where Randy Orton is. Christian claims that Orton isn’t a legend killer because he hasn’t beaten Christian. So, Christian tells Orton to meet him in the ring later, where he will face.. Tomko!

We jump over to !DAVE! on his way to the ring.

COMMERCIAL!
-Note: The Braveheart/Triple H commercial is better than the Eugene commercial
Why? Two words: Ric Flair-

In the ring is Maven talking about why he wasn’t in the Royal Rumble. Talking about how if he was in the Rumble, he would have— Hey it’s Batista’s music!

Batista vs. Maven
Support the big guy squash match

After a strong pop for Dave, Maven cheapshots him and the match starts. Maven hits the ropes and shoulder checks him. He goes for the other set of ropes and gets caught in a spinebuster. Batistabomb and that is it. The crowd reaction is much better this time.

Winner: Batista!

As Batista is preening, the Titantron jumps to a clip from Smackdown – Batista getting verbally punked by Big Show. Dave leaves, pissed.

COMMERCIAL!

Backstage, Dave meets up with Bischoff to complain about the Smackdown footage. Bischoff promises to get to the bottom of it, not to mention he tries to talk Batista into staying. Dave said he’ll think about it.

Coming down to the ring now is La Resistance, who the crowd dutifully boo him.

“Wait, the Japanese don’t like Canadians either? They liked the first match?!” Eric G on Asian Racism

Their opponents, and the crowd goes nucking futz is TAJIRI & REGAL!

Tajiri & Regal vs. La Resistance
Tag Title Match!

The match starts with Regal and Conway and a huge Tajiri chant! Some chain wrestling, with Regal on the top as he tags Tajiri and a baseball slide to Conway’s face. Conway tosses Tajiri into the ropes, but Tajiri with a drop toe hold and a tag to Regal. Regal gets caught by Conway and charged into the bad guys corner with a shoulderblock charge. Regal fights his way out, only to get picked up and dragged back over to the corner for the tag.

Grenier comes in and goes into a front facelock on Regal. Grenier breaks it to hit Tajiri, and Regal goes for the taga, but Tajiri isn’t there. Regal goes for the STF, but Conway runs in to stop it. Regal finally gets the tag and Tajiri goes nuts all over La Resistance, hitting all of the big high spots – the spinning backkick – the Tarantula… excellent stuff with a riled crowd.

La Resistance slides in the flagpole, but miss with it, Tajiri spins Grenier around – spits some mist and gets the Buzzkick for the pin. Tajiri makes some announcements to his peeps in the hizzy and we have new, awesome tag team champs!

WINNERS & NEW CHAMPIONS: TAJIRI & REGAL

The boys go into the crowd to celebrate and we go to a commercial, but up next, Michaels vs. Flair.

COMMERCIAL

They come back to the Japanese crowd clapping along with the Raw theme.. kind of weird – also in attendence is a world sumo champion Akebono – and then we go to the Inductees to the Hall of Fame this year. Go check out the forum for a great discussion on this very topic. Take note, everyone of those guys, minus Jimmy Hart was in the old WWF cartoon – coincidence? Go talk about it in the forums.

Now, though, coming to the ring… Ric Flair – who the Japanese crowd is literally, bowing to. Reverent Worship is going on… and who do the Japanese love more than a man they worship – a man who worships… Shawn Michaels.

“He is unto a God to them” Jenna on Flair worship.

Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels
Legend vs. Legennd Match

Starts with Flair pushing Michaels into the corner for some patented chops, which the crowd is having a blast ‘woo’ing. Back body drop, Flair gets up and gets clotheslined out to the ringside for some more chops and another back body drop. They roll in and Flair begs for mercy, followed up with a thumb to the eye. Flair grabs Michaels and a BIG chop sends Michaels down for a fast 2 count.

Flair pushes Michaels into the corner for some chops of his own, but Michaels pulls himself out of the corner, big fists give us the first Flair Flop of the night which gets a respectable clap out of the fans. Michaels turns around, but Flair clips his leg and then starts working the knee of HBK. Kicks to the back of the leg brings Michaels to the ground and Flair gets him the figure four. A couple 2 counts, and HBK is starting to feel the power of the Lord.. and heeeeee
REVERSES IT – and the hold breaks, mutually.

Flair to his feet first, and Michaels is crawling up the ropes. One chop. WOO! Kick to the back of the leg, and Michaels is selling like a mofo! Flair goes for a suplex, but it’s reveresed – a run to the ropes and Michaels rolls Flair up. 2 count, and Flair goes for the figure-four, and it’s reversed into a roll-up for 2. A lock-up into a backslide from Michaels for another 2 count. Flair goes to kick Michaels, but it’s caught and spun into an enziguiri with a Flair Flop!

They both get up fairly quickly, and as Flair climbs the top rope he gets slammed down. They both are on the ground and Michael’s kicks up.

“Isn’t this NOT the place to call it the ‘nip up’ Ross?” Me on more racial cruelty.

Shawn goes for the big elbow off the top and hits it. Michaels starts stomping out the Jesus Kick and hits Flair square in the chin for the win.

WINNER: HBK

“Way to go, you just beat up a 60 year old man…” Roommate Randy shows up for some snark.

COMMERCIAL

Coming into the ring is Jerry Lawler, which means pointless marching of women in skimpy clothes. First is Breasty McHips (Maria) dressed as a cowboy. She does a little cowboy riff.. whatever. Next is, representing the ‘Open Roads of America’.. god the joke is way to easy there. Victoria dressed in a really tiny leather jacket and the smallest panties ever, which are in fact.. ripped. Finally, representing the ‘sunny beaches’ is Christie in a tiny bikini.

Now that they are IN the ring, what are they going to do with them? Demeaning, you can count on it.

Ah, interrupted by Simon Dean, well.. at least it’s not Hassan and Akbar. IT’S NOT A TRAP!

Simon is supporting a new color outfit tonight – indigo! He makes fun of the Japanese being too fat, and the aforementioned Sumo chap stands up. Dean apologizes and starts claiming the WWE Diva’s are fat. The irony is lost on the Japanese crowd.. and well… the irony. Lawler starts getting up “In Dean’s Grill” and Miss Hemme comes in and lowblow’s Dean to end this bit, thankfully.

COMMERCIAL

Returning to Raw, we go backstage with Evolution talking with Dave about where he should go. Ric and HHH think he should go to Smackdown. Batista should go and shut all of the yapping mouths at Smackdown.. Flair can see the marquee now…

“That’s Flair’s stigmatism” Me on eye problems.

Flair says it’s bigger than DX, bigger than the Horseman.. but Dave needs some time to think about it. Tonight though, they have to focus on Edge.

Edge is waiting to talk to the Coach about how he’s being overlooked with this whole ‘Where will Batista go?’ bit, and Trips’ new Wrestlemania commercial. Edge is being overlooked. The biggest night of his life, and he can’t even seem to get a little support. He also wants his binky and juicebox.

COMMERCIAL

Everytime we come back from commercials, we get a few more shots of what’s going on in Tokyo with the superstars. I’m sure you all can make your own jokes here – I’m an established writer and won’t dig so low… I already did that at the beginning of this report.

Now coming to the ring is Randy Orton, his opponent.. Tyson Tonka Truck.

“Tomko has a Titantron!?” Eric G on how long it’s been since we’ve seen him.
“Bad tattoos need showcasing too!” Dani (who just showed up) on Tonka.

Orton vs. Tomko
Continuing Concussion Match

The match starts with Tonka hitting Randy, but Randy throwing him down in response. A headlock to Tonka. Tommy pushes Orton into the ropes, and Orton ducks a clothesline and Tonka lifts up Orton and powerslams him down. As Tonka is lifting up Randy, Orton shoves him into the turnbuckle.

Christian comes down WITH Stacy (forcably, take note) and Tonka with the a big clothesline flips, floors, and drops the concussed Orton. Tonka continues to beat Orton in the head, but Orton grabs onto to Tonka’s tights. Tonka lifts him up by the head and slams it right down into the canvas. Tommy picks him up and a quick forearm from Orton changes things up, even though Randy looks like hell. He grabs him for the inverted backbreaker and then continues to beat him down with big forearms to the chest – and Orton starts staggering.. obviously from his concussion.

With both standing there, Orton comes out with a dropkick, but waits for awhile before anything happens. Tonka gets up and starts throwing Randy around. He hurls him into the corner and goes for the charge, but Randy leaps up, and slides behind Tonka and rolls him up for the win. A great quick ending, but Christian comes in and now both men are beating Orton. An unprettier and Christian has taken Orton out.

“Did anyone make a joke about how many cameras are in the audience yet?” Dani on catching up with Japanese jokes.

COMMERCIAL

During the break, Randy fell down a lot, and the ladies of Japan were concerned. Now though, it’s time for the main event.

“This match… battle of the big hair.” Dani on 80’s metal ballads.

EDGE vs. TRIPLE HHH
World Heavyweight Championship Match

The ref checks the boots and things, because the ring is full of cheaters! The bell rings and they run in for the lock up. A side headlock takedown from Edge, countered with a headscissors by Trips which is rolled out.. this exchange happens twice before, before it rolls into a tight headscissors from Trips to Edge. A backbridge from Edge, and they bridge up together and these guys are putting on a technical clinic!

Finally they get into the beatings, tossing each other back and forth into the corners. Trips finally gets the upperhand and slams Edge shoulder first into the post.

COMMERCIAL
Note: Your ‘Was It Ben Morse?’ Hint this week is: “The Conquistador is a fan of Geoff John’s comic work.”

We come back with a backbreaker from Edge and a quick 2 count. The flashback to the commercial break shows how Edge got the upperhand with a fight on the outside and a hard suplex onto the mat.

“WAIT! This is a match of who was a better vampire!” Dani on the Brood & Blade.

Big left and rights between the men, and then the jumping knee from Trips sends Edge to the mat. Edge crawls out to the outside, they fight between the ropes and Edge gets the upperhand and Edge crawls to the top with a big missle dropkick and a close 2 count. Edge picks up Trips and hits the ropes, but Trips goes for the big spinebuster. Another 2 count. Hunter picks up Edge, who reverses and drops with with the Edgucator. Edge climbs to the top rope, but gets caught with a boot to the stomach and it’s reversed by Edge!

Edge gets into the corner, setting up for the spear, but gets a high knee right in the face – but gets up on the 2 count. Lawler mentions the ‘Krispy Kreme’ look…. I HATE that catchphrase. Trips now tosses Edge into the ropes and goes for the sleeper, but it’s denied as Edge drops Triple H and goes for Edge’s ‘Special Not The SharpShooter’ Finisher. Trips is ‘roid raging and catches the bottom rope.

Edge now pulls Triple H into the center of the ring, but gets kicked before he can set-up the move again. Edge runs out of nowhere and misses a spear to hit the ref. He hits the reverse neckbreaker on Trips and gets a ‘no ref’ 3 count. Ric comes in with a chair, but gets speared. Edge now has the chair, but misses Trips with it and gets a belly to back suplex. Both men are down, as well as the ref. Amazingly, the audience is quiet and patient.. both men are crawling towards the steel chair, and both reach it – but DAVE GRABS IT! Edge crawls to the apron and is yelling at Batista – Trips hits Edge who hits Dave… and we are in the middle of a Rube Goldberg machine.

Trips pulls in Edge, sizes him up – kick to the gut – PedigreeeeeeeNOO!!! Countered, and turned into Edge’s Highend DDT. Amazingly done. Edge is standing waiting for the Spear, but as Edge is going to hit it, Dave catches him midway for the Batista Patented Spinebuster. Again, all 3 men are down (that’s including the ref). They stumble towoards each other, but Trips catches the kick, Pedigree, and the win.

WINNER: Triple H!

Great closing shot of Batista holding up Trips’ hand with the belt and both men stare at the belt and at each other. Nice ender.

Final Thoughts

A show geared mainly for the fans that were out there, and from what I understand the quiet parts of the show was a respect thing. Japanese fans don’t go ballistic like we palefaces do. So, I can’t judge based on that. Every match did have it’s high points, so I can’t even say there was a huge letdown, other than Simon Dean. The highest point? The fact that Akbar didn’t show up.

Until next week.. aww, Valentine’s Day.. See you then.