VIEWER MAIL! VIEWER MAIL!
Do the White Sox have any prospects left to trade for Roberto Alomar? I’m on a one seat plane and I’m going to a crack house.
The Matador
Matador-
Not only do the White Sox have prospects to make the annual trade for Roberto Alomar, but they will release Carl Everett so they can trade three more prospects for him at the trading deadline too.
Should the Cubs have traded Sammy Sosa for Jerry Hairston Jr.?
Dook!e
Dook!e-
If I were the Cubs I would have traded Sammy for Jerry Hairston Sr. and the rights to Ken Caminiti and been OK with it.
So is the Super Bowl over yet? I was a little disappointed that Tom Brady didn’t put his hands on his head and shake his head back and forth in disbelief with that giant plum smuggling grin on his face as confetti rains down on him. Oh well, maybe next year.
Donovan McNabb was apparently sick at the end of the game. Maybe there was a little something special in his Chunky “Creamy Corn Chowder”. Heh heh heh heh.
We’ll lead off this weeks column by continuing our whimsical promenade through the year that was in the NFL, this week parking our love bus in what was quite possibly the worst division ever in the history of the NFL this season, the NFC West..
NFL COMPOST MORTEM-NFC WEST
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 9-7, 1ST PLACE NFC WEST, 8TH NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 26TH NFL TOTAL DEFENSE
Very rarely can you more obviously pinpoint the exact moment in a team’s season where everything went to shit than you can in the case of the 2004 Seattle Seahawks.
The Craphawks started the season on a 3-0 tear, and looked for all the world like the team that would meet the Eagles in the NFC Championship game. Then they somehow managed to blow a 17 point lead at home in the final 6 minutes against their division rival the St. Louis Rams, and staggered through the rest of the season before finally receiving a first round playoff KO on that same field from those same Rams.
Next year is make or break for this bunch. Already, either or both RB Shaun Alexander and QB Matt Hasselbeck could be gone. Not far behind could be their big cuddly head coach, Mike Holmgren. The Seahawks have the fact that the NFC West will most likely again be awful next year, so the playoffs seem a sure thing, but another season like this one and heads will roll.
ST. LOUIS RAMS 8-8, 2ND PLACE NFC WEST, 8th NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 17TH NFL TOTAL DEFENSE
Even though by anyone’s standards the Rams had a mediocre season, I like what they accomplished this year.
The Rams know what the strength of their team is, offense.Thus they have placed a priority on making sure that the franchise has a pipeline of skill players that will be able to step up and keep that the strength of the team.
In 2004 you kind of saw the players who represent the future of the Rams offense, and the future looks good. Marc Bulger has shown he can be an upper echelon NFL QB, Shaun McDonald and Kevin Curtis look like they can be reliable targets through the end of the decade, and Steven Jackson looks like he will be able to take the torch from MC Hammer Doppelganger Marshall Faulk at running back.
Call 2004 a reloading year for the Rams. I think they will be one of the surprise teams of 2005.
ARIZONA CARDINALS 6-10, 3RD PLACE NFC WEST 29TH NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 12TH NFL TOTAL DEFENSE
The Cardinals are angry!!! If you don’t believe me, watch the Pro Bowl and check out their new angry bird logo on Bertrand Berry’s helmet! Gone is the stoic, emotionless bird that has graced the side of the Cardinals helmet since their move from Chicago in 1960, in its place is an in-your-face bird that is teeming with rage..TO THE EXTREME!!! I wouldn’t want to be a worm with this bird around, no siree.
As for the team on the field, the Cardinals are like the Cardinals always are, at best they are just kind of meh and at worst they are awful. Dennis Green did a nice job in his first year as head coach, and the defense can be one of the better units in the NFL if it continues to progress. Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald also make for a pair of exciting wideouts.
The Cards have a long way to go, though, because they don’t have a viable quarterback or running back. Until they address those situations, the Cardinals are going nowhere.
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 2-14, 28th NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 24TH NFL TOTAL DEFENSE
Ahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That’s what Joe Montana gets for selling his soul to Satan.
As long as we have to talk about the Niners I will go ahead and make a crazy prediction that Jeff Garcia will end up reunited with Steve Mariucci in Detroit next year.
As for the current Niners, they’re just bad, and there is no hope of getting better. Apparently with the hiring of former Ravens defensive coordinator Mike Nolan they are going to try to reinvent themselves as a defensive oriented team. Good luck with that.
NBA DRAFT MIDTERM PROGRESS REPORT
Okay I’m going to throw you all a little curveball here. In looking at this years draft, what I notice is that any high schooler or international player drafted has had absolutely no impact this year, with the big time exception of the first overall pick Dwight Howard and also Sebastian Telfair to some degree. So we won’t cover any of these players in this report because all you can give them at this point is an incomplete. However, we WILL look at the high schoolers and crazy foreigners from the 03 Draft, because they should have their shit togther by now don’t you think?
The format here is we will give them a grade and a brief comment.
Class of ’04
Dwight Howard F Magic- A, the next Karl Malone, the only non-college player to make an impact this year
Emeka Okafor F Bobcats- A-, won’t be dominant but will be good
Ben Gordon G Bulls- A-, electrifying on offense, bad defense limits his minutes
Devin Harris G Mavericks-B, contributing on a good team
Josh Childress F Hawks- B-, has been OK, not as good as expected though
Luol Deng F Bulls- B+, a great athlete, the Bulls’ next Scottie Pippen
Rafael Araujo C Raptors- C+, has shown some rebounding ability and little else
Andre Igoudala G Sixers- A-, has looked like a veteran
Luke Jackson G Cavaliers- Incomplete, injured, out for the year
Kris Humphries F Jazz-C, averaging about 10 minutes a game, shooting 38%, big and white, fits right in with Utah
Kirk Snyder G Jazz- C, putting up just about the same numbers as Humphries
Jameer Nelson G Magic- B, has shown he can play at the NBA level
Delonte West G Celtics- D, should start looking for a condo in Zagreb because that’s where he will be playing soon
Tony Allen G Celtics- B, getting 15 minutes a game with the Celtics, shooting near 50%
Kevin Martin G Kings- C, not getting as much playing time with the Kings as he might elsewhere
David Harrison C Pacers- B, good defense and shot blocking ability has gotten him near 20 minutes a game with the Pacers, and Jermaine O’Neal’s suspension didn’t hurt either
High School/International Class of ’03
LeBron James G Cavaliers A+, Duh
Darko Milicic F Pistons F-, yes he is tall but I’m pretty sure he is also retahded
Mickael Pietrus G Warriors- B, a skilled player who is going to be a good one
Zarko Cabarkapa F Suns C-, Cabcrapapa
Aleksandar Pavlovic F Jazz D- , This Pavlov(ic) is a dog, screwing the pooch in Cleveland
Boris Diaw G, Hawks- C,has had a couple of decent games but for the most part is terrible, his coach hates him, what do you expect he’s French
Zoran Planinic, G Nets B- , inching towards averaging double digits in PPG, in the Nets rotation
Travis Outlaw F Blazers- D, 3 minutes (a game) and were out of here, 3 minutes and were in the clear
Carlos Delfino G Pistons- C , averaging 5 points a game on a contending team, not too shabby compared to most of these mopes
Ndudi Ebi F Timberwolves- F, Ndubu Muwhutah??
Kendrick Perkins Grizzlies- C-, has seen a little bit of action with the Celtics
Leandrinho Barbosa Spurs – C+ gets some playing time on a good Suns team, name reminds one of shaving cream
So I think what we are seeing here is that maybe a little bit of college buckets for a player is a GOOD thing after all.
HOT STOVE HOEDOWN- AL WEST
If Jose Canseco taught us anything this offseason, it is that every team in the AL West is all on heavy amounts of steroids and have been for a long time. Except the Mariners. Well, actually we only heard about the A’s and Rangers all being on steroids but come on you know the Angels are too. So what does 2005 hold for the AL BALCO division? Take your protein pill and put your helmet on, and we will find out.
LOS ANGELES MIGHTY CALIFORNIA ANGELS OF ANAHEIM LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA
Key Additions
SS Orlando Cabrera
OF Steve Finley
OF Juan Rivera
IF Maicer Izturis
SS Orlando Cabrera
Key Subtractions
OF Jose Guillen
RHP Ramon Ortiz
RHP Aaron Sele
RHP Troy Percival
3B Troy Glaus
OF Raul Mondesi
RHP Ben Weber
SS David Eckstein
Projected Rotation
RHP Bartolo Colon
RHP Kelvim Escobar
RHP John Lackey
LHP Jarrod Washburn
RHP Paul Byrd
The Angels did a lot of housecleaning over the winter, sending many members of their 2002 World Championship team packing, and harvesting the organs of the Rally Monkey to help sell polio vaccine to pay Vladimir Guerrero’s salary.
From a distance, the Angels, even with all their departures, still look like the class of the division. The rotation is strong top to bottom and the lineup is also solid. I think this team might have some chemistry issues though. They got rid of A LOT of key players, and will have an all new left side of the infield. Maybe it will work but maybe it won’t. Management has seemed to make a statement that this is now Vlad Guerrero’s team, and they brought in another former Expo in Orlando Cabrera to be his sidekick in order to drive home that point. How that goes over with the remnants of the 02 championship team that won a title without those guys and for the most part No Habla Espanol remains to be seen.
Another area of concern for me is closer. Is Francisco Rodriguez capable of being the guy? His nickname is so clever, “K-Rod”. “K” like in strikeout. That is such an awesome nickname. For me to poop on.
OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Key Additions
C Jason Kendall
IF Keith Ginter
RHP Danny Haren
RHP Kiko Calero
RHP Juan Cruz
RHP Keiichi Yabu
Key Subtractions
RHP Tim Hudson
LHP Mark Mulder
OF Jermaine Dye
RHP Mark Redman
LHP Arthur Rhodes
C Damian Miller
Projected Rotation
LHP Barry Zito
RHP Rich Harden
RHP Keiichi Yabu
RHP Juan Cruz
RHP Danny Haren
This is going to be a banner year in Oakland. Jose Canseco’s book will reveal that pretty much anyone that has played for, worked for, or even watched the A’s play in the last 15 years shot up HGH into their eyeballs in the bathroom with him. In addition to that, it looks like the jig is finally up for GM Billy Beane and his giant, throbbing brain. Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder have gone bye bye, leaving a rotation that is among the worst in the majors.
The A’s still possess a decent lineup, but there is no way in hell you can contend with some guy named Keiichi Yabu that has an 84-106 career record in Japan as your #2 starter. Look for the A’s to land in last place in the AL West this season.
There is also a rumor going around that Beane himself will be a “free agent” after this season, and will leave for greener pastures, and that the team’s new ownership is going to move them to San Jose, so all in all this team is a mess right now and it looks like they won’t contend this year or anytime soon.
TEXAS RANGERS
Key Additions
OF Richard Hidalgo
C Sandy Alomar
Key Subtractions
OF Brian Jordan
IF/OF Eric Young
Projected Rotation
LHP Kenny Rogers
RHP Ryan Drese
RHP Chan Ho Park
RHP R.A. Dickey
RHP Joaquin Benoit
The Rangers stood pat with an overachieving team this off-season, and that is a recipe for disaster. Their rotation sucks. Kenny Rogers won 18 games for the Rangers at 40 years old last year. Apparently GM John Hart has found a supplier of some really primo doobage, because the Rangers apparently expect him to do it again in 05 because he heads into the season as their ace.
The Rangers were a nice story last year. They model themselves after the Cleveland teams of the ’90s, that won with a thumping lineup, a strong bullpen, and a mediocre rotation. That is all well and good, but I think they need to do a little better than what I have listed above in the rotation if they expect to contend. They are looking like a .500 team at best to me this season.
SEATTLE MARINERS
Key Additions
1B Richie Sexson
3B Adrian Beltre
IF Pokey Reese
RHP Aaron Sele
RHP Jeff Nelson
Key Subtractions
None
Projected Rotation
LHP Jamie Moyer
RHP Ryan Franklin
RHP Gil Meche
RHP Aaron Sele
RHP Joel Piniero
The Mariners boat has hit the iceberg. Before doing this write up I thought possibly this team could be a darkhorse pick to resurrect itself and prove that the 2004 debacle was just an aberration, but no.
The Mariners added some, well, actually a lot of power to their lineup with the additions of 3B Adrian Beltre and 1B Richie Sexson. The problem with this is that they play 81 games a year in the park that is one of the least conducive to home runs in MLB, Safeco Field. You do not win by trying to play long ball in that park.
In addition to these questionable big money signings, the M’s did absolutely nothing to address their horrendous starting pitching. I just see a lot of uncharacteristically stupid moves by this organization in the offseason and everything they did smacked of pushing the panic button. May the Lord have mercy on their gas sniffin, orphan beatin souls
Well that’s a wrap for this week. Come back next week and we’ll talk about the AFC East, the NL East, and I’ll throw my projected NCAA seedings at you using my own special home-brewed RPI system. Also, coming in March I will be sharing my view of the 1st round of the NCAA Tournament from where it looks the best, the sportsbook at the Strat-o-sphere Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, it’s a ways off but mark your calendars for that.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all and remember, I Choo Choo Choose you.
