Welcome to Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say: Week Two. I wanted to thank you all for your feedback last week, it was truly appreciated.
This week, as always, it’s a good time, so enjoy.
Oh, I know I promised a review this week. I didn’t finish it yet…sorry. Rest assured, I will have at least one up next week, maybe two. I owe you that much.
Where’s the Beef?
Elvis Costello and Oasis, respectively, are two of my favorite musical acts. As it turns out, both will be performing in NYC, not to long after I move down. How frickin’ cool is that?
Can I just offer that something MUST be going right cosmically for the Gallagher Brothers to be touring again. I thought those two were still fighting at, but Liam must have grown up and seen that he has no chance of success without Noel. Glad to see he got his head out of his ass.
Costello, on the other hand, put out one of my favorite albums of 2004, The Delivery Man, with a new band of musicians, the Imposters. I know that some people complained that he stepped away from his punk-ish roots, but he truly can craft a fantastic album regardless of the genre. In this case, he dives into the Delta Blues headfirst and comes out on top.
State of Love and Trust
After Coachella’s lineup was announced last week, I knew I would be working my ass off all Spring. Hell, I still have a May-ish cruise to pay for, and I don’t think Carnival Cruise Lines accept “good intentions.” Ugh, since the Smiths (my family, not Morrissey’s original band) haven’t had a vacation in almost 10 years, I am pretty sure that Coachella is a no-go.
At least I now have TWO great shows to look forward to.
Oasis, however, has Jet playing with them. If you don’t know already, I hate Jet. They just try to be all things to all people. One second, they’re the Rolling Stones. The next, Jet impersonates the Beatles. Sometimes, I seriously am concerned that I might just hear some of Pet Sounds on their next disc.
Having to sit through Jet is a small price to pay, I guess.
I Wanna Be Elected
Back again, after many people mentioned how much they LOVED it is:
Ssquared’s conversations with ATP:
Now, in case you don’t know, ATP is a buddy of mine who lives in Brooklyn. We are writing partners, and he is currently working on a script with a character that is based on me.
So, he devised a way to get certain ideas out of me: he’d play a 30-something question game of “Word Association.”
ATP: What do you think of when I mention Mardi Gras?
Me: The strip joint?
ATP: No, the New Orleans-based festival…
Me: Titties.
ATP: Why titties?
Me: No, change that. Debauchery. I like that word.
ATP: You like committing debauchery, or witnessing it?
Me: Hmmm, not sure. Maybe both.
(pause)
Can I change my answer again?
ATP: Sure.
Me: Mardi Gras makes me think of: titties, debauchery, and unprotected sex.
ATP: Why’s that?
Me: Maybe it’s the Girls Gone Wild videos, but all the chicks in New Orleans seem really easy. After a couple of beers, out come the titties and hot lesbian action ensues. That’s where the word “debauchery” comes in.
ATP: What you are saying is that you are morally opposed to the concept of what Mardi Gras has become?
Me: Hell no. I am just pissed I never had a chance to go when I was younger.
(My guess is that ATP thought I was being serious up until that point, as he burst out laughing when I said that.)
If he didn’t want to know, he wouldn’t have asked. Like I always say, “‘f’ ’em if they can’t take a joke.”
Isn’t It Ironic?
After all these years of no one knowing, it appears as though fate decided to screw with me. You see, I try my best to not reveal all of my celebrity crushes to my friends, as some, like Smurfette, are just plain bizarre.
But, after years of defending one artist in particular, it appears that fate has deemed it necessary to admit that I have a crush on Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, I know.
I also have a thing for Katie Holmes, Michelle Branch, and Elisha Cuthbert, but Vanessa has always been my “secret” love. I owned her first album months before it came out due to my ability to convince just about any A&R person to hook me up with promos when I am too ashamed to “claim” them in front of friends. That was one such example.
I loved that album, but once I heard of her relationship with Stephen Jenkins of Third Eye Blind, I was hurt.
What was it that he had that men her OWN age didn’t? If you’ve ever heard his music, and we all must have at some point, its not an overwhelming amount of talent. Frankly, his songs suck, and he knows it now that his “hits” have been relegated to story-telling devices on various MTV reality shows.
Anyway, I heard from my girlfriend, who I will refer to as “Moonbeam” in order to embarrass her a bit, that on the main music page, there was a pic of Vanessa next to a plug for my debut column, I was a bit freaked.
Who had found out?
Had I put my secret crush on some kind of InsidePulse info sheet? No.
Did I tell anyone on the boards? No.
I’m just going to chalk it all up to fate.
Vanessa, the former ballerina, well, she’ll always have a special place in my heart with the other current crushes, but I seriously think that Moonbeam was kinda hurt. She thought it was funny at first, but who can compare to a dancer who can also play classical piano? Very few.
However, since I am moving down to Queens to be with my girl, I chose this space to tell her the truth: I secretly LOVE pop music. Especially pop music performed by talented, sexy young women. I don’t care if they lip-sync, I am too old to give a f*ck anymore. They could use someone else’s voice for all I care. Just be hot, and play your own damn instruments, and we will be fine.
Now, I won’t have to explain having M2M’s album in my stash!
I know, it’s sad, but I can’t deal with the pressure of living a lie.
Plugs for the Non-Balding
Gloomchen talked a bit about Debbie Gibson and Tiffany this week, and I was a bit surprised at which 80s icon she preferred. See, I know this sounds asinine; I always thought that Tiffany was the “white trash” version of Debbie. She just didn’t have the musical chops, and her Jordache jean jacket kinda gave that way. Debbie (who I will NEVER call Deborah) she probably rocked Z. Cavaricci’s.
Matter of fact, I think that Debbie Gibson was my kid sister’s first concert. It was at the RPI Fieldhouse. I wanted to go, but I wasn’t invited so my dad took me to see Nightmare on Elm Street 3 instead.
I think I won.
Back to the point, Debbie is rumored to have signed an agreement to pose for Playboy. I laughed, as this is the first time that Tiffany has beaten her to anything. Oh well.
Sorry Gloomy, Tiffany is a redhead, and even though I am as well, I just think that “bubble gum princess” Debbie was “too cool for school.” I still remember the track listings to Electric Youth and Out of the Blue. I still know all the words to all her songs, but if you ever ask me in person, I will blame that on my kid sister.
Shit, come to think of it, I loved the Bangles, too. Susanna Hoffs…what a babe!
Houston, We Have A Problem
Did you happen to read that R&B singer Houston gouged out his eye? This is a really tragic event, and I truly hope he gets the help that he needs.
Alternative music had a similar tragedy a year ago in Elliot Smith, so I surely hope the people around him do whatever is necessary to save him.
He may or may not have tried to throw himself off of a balcony first, but this isn’t a cry for help. This guy, obviously, really wants to die. He poked his eye out! He OBVIOUSLY wanted to hurt himself.
I couldn’t joke about shit like that.
Mathan’s newest column is a good read. Have to say I agree with him on two of his Top 5 Favorite Directors. Won’t say which two, so go read it, and see how well you know me.
Michaelangelo McCullar’s The Perfect Flick mentions a little-known, but can’t-miss action film. He’ll convince you why you should see it.
It’s Less White Trash-y than Nascar
I love wrestling, its a fact. Always have, always will. Problem is, right now WWE sucks donkey balls. Most of the time I can’t stand to watch great talents like Paul London and Rob Van Dam be abused on Smackdown. The show just sucks.
Also, I detest Triple H, due to the fact that he just plain sucks, and favorites of mine like Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit get to sit and watch the Duke of the McMahon family steal valuable airtime.
I really wish that NWA:TNA would find the necessary formula for success, simply because it would give fans something worth watching now that Vince and Co. own the wrestling business here in North America.
Rob Blatt wrote an awesome column this week detailing what he thinks they should do to get TNA over. I agree, as I think most writers here do, that Monty Brown has the potential to be a big star. Why they WON’T reward his hard work and promise, I don’t know.
Hopefully, we’ll know where this federation is headed after this Sunday’s PPV, Against All Odds. If Jeff Jarrett keeps his title, maybe there is hope for a potential match-up with Brown. The longer the belt stays on him or any of the other Kings of Wrestling, this fed is digging its own grave by tossing away barrels of money.
That’s it for me this week.
Keep it real–
Ssquared
Shawn M. Smith
