My TV Reality: "I'm So Ronery" Special Edition


Other Schtuff

Warning- If you are in a good mood and don’t want it to change, I’d highly recommend you scroll down.

I hope you enjoyed the online dating chronicles, because it’s over. I lost. I was supposed to call Coelena on Friday at 7:00 and did. And I called her a few more times between then and the next day. No answer. No call back. So that’s it. I tried and I failed. You’d be surprised, but typing that out, is even more painful than experiencing the rejection itself. I mean it’s not anything entirely new, but how do you get used to that? Wouldn’t you be accepting defeat if you were completely used to it. If you accepted that it’s okay? It’s not okay. I’m not okay. Being ignored sucks. It sucked then and it sucks now, and that’s in any capacity. I called off work to take this girl to an art museum because she had never gone to an art museum and she stood me up. And two days before Valentines Day. I’m actually writing this on Saturday night so as not to have to write about heartbreak on a day where everyone is being loved around me. I’m not the weakest person, but I’m certainly not that strong either.

So what do I do? Think deeply and eat lots. Immerse myself in my schoolwork and various projects around the site. I certainly enjoy what I write here, but I’m to the point that all forms of personal enjoyment have become mere diversions, blinding me from realities I can’t defeat. But it keeps my mind off things for good periods of time. The more overwhelmed I am, the less it hurts. I hope someone is getting a kick out of what I do here. The few e-mails I get do mean a lot to me.

I’m still not giving up. Not entirely. I’m discontinuing the dating service as of next week, when my month long membership expires. Maybe I’ll find someone in real life. Maybe I’ll give the e-dating another swing further down the line. I don’t know yet. Sending out 14 e-mails and getting one response (the one that stood me up, no less), is the type of thing that keeps me away from going back.

With over six billion people out there, there has to be someone who can tolerate/love me while allowing me the privilege not to compromise too much. We’ll see.

Plugs in Haiku

I’m skipping the news so that I can pimp some staffers. Too lazy to do the html. Besides, you should be reading these folks anyway

Read Mathan Erhardt
He’s almost as black as me
If that’s possible

Check out Steve Coogan
He writes two columns a week
Two more than I do

Aaron Cameron
His name rhymes within itself
If you say it fast

Can you believe it
We cover reality shows
Who would’ve thought so?

I review Simpsons
This week’s episode was good
It had Fiddy Cent

The Column Proper

I was going to review the Superman: The Animated Series DVD this and next week, with help from comic forumers, but none sent in anything which has caused some personal disinterest in spending two weeks on it. So you’ll get a condensed one week review next week. Which leaves this week to do something a bit different. With Valentines Day here again, despite my own romantic failure (see above in case you forgot), I decided to recall five childhood crushes I’ve had on T.V. characters. It’s the characters I’ve always adored, I could care less about the actor/actress/voice behind them. As a way to show my love to these fictional people, I’m going to convey my lust by incorporating a different style of poetry for each character. So you’ll learn something this week. Enjoy reading!

Limerick- A Limerick is a rhymed humorous, and or nonsense poem of five lines. With a rhyming scheme of: a-a-b-b-a

Kimmy Gibbler- DJ’s best friend on the beloved ABC sitcom Full House, she had lots of sass and frass, and annoyed the hell out of Danny Tanner. I found her sarcastic charms to be downright seductive.

A Limerick For Kimmy Gibbler

There once was a girl named Gibbler
She made me a genital fiddler
Though as small as a mouse
I’d still fill her house,
As if I was Dirk Diggler

Clerihew- A Clerihew is a comic verse consisting of two couplets and a specific rhyming scheme, usually aabb. The poem is about/deals with a person/character within the first rhyme.

Harlequin- Harlene Quinzel was assigned to be the Joker’s therapist, but the relationship grew from a professional one, to a personal one, when the Joker used his twisted mind games to make Harley his hench wench.

A Clerihew for Harlequin

Harlequin, I’m coming for you
Please bring Poison Ivy too,
Our love so hot, it’ll start a fire,
Don’t forget to invite Live Wire

Cinquain- A five line poem, with the first line having two syllables, the second line having four, the third line having six, the fourth line having eight, and the fifth and final line has two again. These generally do not rhyme.

Bubbles- The cute bubbly (how apropos) Powerpuff Girl, who fights crime and saves the world. I mainly like her because she’s so damn cute, though I would never do anything with her if she were an actual person. Because she could kick my ass. And then some.

A Cinquain for Bubbles
My Powerpuff
I’m way better than Him
I will be your evil monkey
Save me.

Tanka- Not to be confused with former WWF superstar Tatanka, the tanka is like a haiku on steroids. It is a traditional poetic form of Japanese origin, which consists of a single five-line stanza, with no rhyme scheme and a defined syllabic verse pattern of 5-7-5-7-7

Talkatoo Cockatoo- Quite possibly my first crush, I fell for this bird from Zoobilee ZooWhen I was all but four years old. Probably because she looked Jewish with that big ass beak of hers, and I still hadn’t gotten that taste of “Oy Sauce” out of my mouth.

A Tanka for Talkatoo Cockatoo

Ben may be the mayor
But I’m master of this zoo
So spread your wings, babe
I’ll teach you a few lessons
Just don’t sing with your mouth full

Villanelle- A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa.
The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).

Billy- The original blue power ranger, Billy was handpicked by Zordon to battle Rita Repulsa, Lord Zed, and a host of other otherworld baddies.

A Villanelle For Billy

Oh Billy, my boy in blue
Show me your power lance
Stop Rita and her evil crew

You’re brain is big, you’re heart true
Give my nutty putty a chance
Oh Billy, my boy in blue

We’ll morph before the night is through
Take off those spandex pants
Stop Rita and her evil crew

Tommy and Jason are waiting for you
We’ve got to see Zach break dance
Oh Billy, my boy in blue

Our zords combine, make one from two
We’ll be triumphant, holding hands
Stop Rita and her evil crew

Let us drink Ernie’s fruity brew
Now that we’re out of Pinoctopus’ trance
Oh Billy, my boy in blue
Stop Rita and her evil crew