In Memoriam: Sister Lucia de Jesus dos Santos. Shit, I’ve had visions before (courtesy of the medications), but hers beat mine all to hell.
In Memoriam II: Rafik Hariri. God knows that he tried to get Lebanon back on the right track, and he did a good job of it, but getting nailed by a bomb brings back some memories of the Bad Old Days. Man, when Iran condemns something like this (of course, they blamed the Israelis), it’s really, really wrong.
And it’s yet another thrilling Monday after work as I type this. The weather’s gone schizo here, freezing in the morning and springlike in the afternoon, which means that people were looking at me funny at Wal-Mart as I was wearing a winter jacket. I’m also suffering from some extreme pain right between my shoulder blades. Normally, my job causes me pain straight south of there. Well, I don’t give a rat’s ass, really. We’re not going out on the line on Friday, and I transition to night shift next week.
I’ve been so damn trashed lately that I forgot to participate in the That Phil Collins Song Round Table (and Fingers even e-mailed me about that; I’ll get back to you on the other thing as soon as I get unstressed, Fingers). I spent all day Sunday in bed reading, only getting up to piss. I couldn’t even be bothered to eat anything. I’m telling you, this bullshit had better end soon, or the pills are going to stop working, and God knows what happens after that. Mass murder is a definite possibility.
And now let’s come up with a list of people I won’t murder…
THE PIMP SECTION
Lucard describes, page by page, a graphic novel that he wrote. Good read.
Hevia is deluded if he starts missing Flex. So how about WWE eliminating his f*cking face from the Raw opening credits?
Campbell is, for some reason, obsessed with nudity. But he has better taste than Hevia.
Paul has the Heat Beat now in addition to doing Bottomline
Faria does Epilepsy, and seems to be strangely in love with Paul London and Jimmy Yang.
Hollyric does the repackaging of Smackdown known as Afterburn.
Gordi handles Mussorgsky this week. Not my favorite Russian composer, but adequate for a column.
Williams wants to stop hating EA. Why ruin a good thing?
Urciuolo muses and pulses. And, of course, I know the answer to his sports trivia question. Of course, I would, since I know everything.
Rogers comes off with a strong debut.
Gauss doesn’t break away from baseball, despite his teaser.
Cameron continues his HoF prospect series, and the names keep getting better and better.
Campbell does so much shit for Movies that it’s hard to pick out just one column, but I’ll go for the feature. Hey, I’m that type of guy.
Morrison knows that Shanna the She-Devil is one hot piece of ass.
THE ANTI-SPYWARE SECTION
Remember, this all started because the slugs at Enigma Software dared to advertise their piece of shit SpyHunter at 411 (one of the reasons why I decided to leave, honestly). So I’m responding every single column with proper anti-spyware information. And guess what? People are actually taking this to heart. They’re asking me for help if they’re infested, or they’re writing me telling me that their browsing experience is less annoying thanks to the stuff I’ve been putting up here three times a week for a few months now.
(And as I understand it, there are some unscrupulous browser toolbar people trying to advertise here at the Pulse. Well, don’t click on that ad, whatever you do. We’ll still get the money from the impressions, and your system will stay safe.)
Big, big Kudos to the guys at the Spyware Warrior Forum for pointing out to everyone the extent of criminal activity participated in by Enigma Software, makers of the bane of advertising on that site, SpyHunter. Slimeballs extraordinare, aren’t they? And in case you need more info about what flaming bags of shit they are, try here. Suzi’s Blog has a great list of other flaming bags of shit that promote anti-spyware programs that are spyware themselves. Consult it if you have questions.
(On a side note, those SpyHunter ads started over at Reality News Online, and BFM, a contributor there, spotted them. He told the webmaster, gave him those links that I cited above, the webmaster read them, the blood drained out of his face, and he contacted his ad provider. No more ads for Enigma products on RNO, thank you. So guess what? If you provide the info, there are sites who will listen.)
Here’s a list of the programs you really need to help you get rid of menaces, and, more importantly, prevent them from occurring in the first place:
Spybot and AdAware. The ONLY two spyware removal tools to trust. Do NOT buy any spyware removal tools, because none of them work better than these two, and all of them except these two are suspect.
SpywareBlaster. Will nuke thousands of different potentially malicious ActiveX controls, and now has the ability to prevent a number of non-ActiveX methods of installing spyware for people who use Mozilla/Firefox.
SpywareGuard. From Javacool, like SpywareBlaster. It’s a real-time scanner for spyware. A decent first line of defense.
IE-SpyAd. Throws numerous ad-related URLs into IE’s Restricted Zone, where they won’t display or affect your system. Bookmark this one, since it’s the only one that doesn’t have an in-program update.
A few people have recommended also installing the Sun Java Virtual Machine, since it’s Windows’ buggy, half-assed implementation of the JVM that allows a lot of spyware to install (less so within the past month and a half than before). I STRONGLY recommend that you visit here and update your version of Java.
Surprisingly, many people have asked me about the Microsoft Anti-Spyware Beta. I downloaded it and tried it, and it shockingly did a great job. Since it’s free, I’ll recommend it here.
So many people have asked about a free anti-virus program that I’m also going to recommend AVG. Totally free, and works really, really well, as well as commercial anti-virus programs. Frequent database updates, good heuristic detection, everything you want in an anti-virus package.
Another program that I’d like to add here is a little tough to work with for noobs if it goes buggy (you need to know a little something about your Networking settings in order to debug if something should go wrong). Protowall is a supplement to your firewall or NAT system. It hooks directly into XP’s networking system to block any and all traffic that comes from URLs on a list maintained by the program (all protocols, not just TCP/UDP). It’s mainly designed for anti-P2P purposes (which will appeal to a great many of my readers), but it contains lists to block spyware and ads. Its blocklist can easily be updated using its supplementary program, Blocklist Manager. I have Protowall running and a Blocklist Manager icon on my desktop, and I use Blocklist Manager to update the blocklist every couple of days. You will have problems getting to some sites unless you shut down Protowall temporarily, like ESPN or Sports Illustrated, but it does have a tray icon you can right-click and shut down in a few seconds. It’s the third layer of anti-ad material for me, with IE-SpyAd and AdSubtract running alongside it. Warning, though: it only works with XP. I’d recommend its predecessor, Peer Guardian, for other MS OSes, but it isn’t being developed anymore, and there were still bugs in it when development stopped. You can get Protowall and the Blocklist Manager (which will also work with Peer Guardian) at Bluetack’s site.
Of course, only download them from the links provided above. And only download those programs; don’t fall for the ads that are shown at various websites.
With AdAware and Spybot, check for updates using their internal update function at least once a week. Run them at least once a week or whenever you think you might have problems. Remember, the new version of Spybot has browser protection capabilities, so have that run at startup and leave it running. Check for updates to SpywareBlaster once a week. It only needs to be run once initially in order to establish protection. Then, after it downloads updates, just click on the line that says “Enable Protection For All Unprotected Items” and kill it. It doesn’t need to be active. For IE-SpyAd, bookmark the site and check for updates twice a week, since it has no kind of internal updater. Since all it does is add Registry entries, it doesn’t eat up anything. Run the Blocklist Manager every couple of days to make sure that you keep up on the latest banned URLs.
If you’re having trouble with spyware or a browser hijacker, or think that you do, head over to the SpywareInfo Forums, where the pros there can help you diagnose and get rid of stuff. I was promoted to Full Helper status there and ended up joining ASAP, the Alliance of Security Analysis Professionals. Look for their symbol.
The Ravin’ Cajun asks me to recommend a good client-side spam filter for MS mail programs running under Windows. Now, this is something I don’t have experience with because my ISPs have always had good spam filtering, plus, I use Thunderbird, which handles the remainder quite nicely, thank you. Some readers wrote in and recommended SpamBayes, which is totally free and supposedly works very well, so I’ll add it on to the anti-annoyance list that we’re building up here.
Now that 1.0 has been released, I feel good in recommending Firefox as an alternative to IE. Go grab a copy and see what you’re missing.
SOME QUICKIES BECAUSE I’M TOO FUCKING TIRED TO DO IN-DEPTH
According to one of 1bullshit Junior’s unpaid stringers, Amy Weber is featured in a movie called Forbidden Games in which she plays some interesting little games herself. Namely, she does a lesbo scene. All you deves should be able to rent this at your local Blockbuster, and the more deviate of you can do a videocap of that scene and upload it PWTorrents for your fellow deves to masturbate over. It also answers Hevia’s question, even though Weber probably isn’t part of WWE anymore. She’s been in and out more than Trish’s monogrammed “Hyatte” dildo. Maybe she’s just having a bad period or something.
Sean Waltman “surprised” everyone at That Phil Collins Song by doing a run-in during the world title match. You were surprised, that is, if you didn’t read the spoilers (and I haven’t finished downloading it yet, so I haven’t seen it; needless to say that this news pushed the PPV waaaaay down on my priority list). Well, he was also working hurt. He injured his back while doing a trios match down in TJ with…aw, hell, I haven’t used this phrase in a while: the New Age Outlaws. Ironically, or not so ironically, one of their opponents was Road Hogg’s 3 Live Kru partner Konnan. Poor oogums Waltman. Let’s hope he gets better soon so he can go back to being in the ring and/or terrorizing girlfriends.
Mark Madden is still justifying the existence of WCW by claiming on his unlistenable ESPN radio show that Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman having an altercation in the NBA Finals (which was won, of course, by a certain team from Chicago) was actually a work designed to promote their titanic PPV confrontation. This is too goddamn sad to make comments about. Let it go, Fatboy.
Congrats to High-Quality Speaker Boy and his new bride, Meredith Whitney. But since she works for Fox News, f*ck both of them.
And speaking of f*cking (or getting f*cked), it’s the Valentine’s Day edition of Raw…
THE SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Mohammed Hassan over Chris Jericho (Pinfall, Sand Nigger Special): Well, they let Hassan actually break out some wrestling moves for a change. However, considering the “asshole” chants going around, Jericho really didn’t need to job to him. I’m still trying to figure out how he fits into the Wrestlemania plans, if at all (and they need to include him in if they want to keep that heat up). Memo, though, to Khosrow Daivari: Some men can wear earrings. Some men can’t. You’re in the latter group*.
* – Personal Disclosure: I have a pierced left ear, yet I know the kind of earring that looks good on me.
Shelton Benjamin over Gene Snitsky, Intercontinental Title Match (DQ, Fun With Chairs): Well, they were treading a fine line here. They had to make Snitsky look strong without making Benjy look like a wuss. Therefore, the DQ ending was telegraphed from the start. In the meantime, we the audience got to watch a misfit of styles go totally batshit. Please, don’t continue this. Just feed Snitsky and Heidenreich to UT and Kane at WM and let us have the pleasure of not watching any of them in the time being.
Mister Regal and Yoshihiro Tajiri over Rob Conway and Sylvain Grenier, Rematch Clause Tag Title Match (Pinfall, Regal pins Conway, knee to the temple): Has Gre
nier actually been improving as a wrestler while we haven’t given a f*ck? People are starting to be able to watch him without cringing. Guess he has to do something now that Patterson’s not there to give him hot beef injections. All that can be said about this match is: no mist. Damn.
Randy Orton over Christian, Transition Special (Pinfall, RKO): They might have given it twenty, but it wasn’t a very memorable match. It wasn’t because of dead spots or because of anything the wrestlers did or did not do, it was just…well, there. You could definitely discern the periods where Christian was carrying Orton, but they were less than you might suspect. Still, it won’t be seen as anything other than time-filler.
Kane over Simon Dean (Pinfall, chokeslam): When given an appropriate sense of humor in a proper context, a squash match can be fun. Bucci does that so well that it’s actually a delight to watch. His masterpiece this time was cutting a fearful promo and still insulting the audience. Not many people can pull that off.
Edge over Dave Batista (DQ, Trip-ference): Matchus Interruptus, as usual for an angle development. The only question is, of course, who was driving the limo? Orlando Jordan? Steph? Amy Weber? Hell, she hates all the wrestlers anyway. More important than any of this, though, is the question, “Do we care who was driving the limo?”. The answer to that is an emphatic “No”.
Angle Developments:
Is mohammedhassan.com Registered By GoDaddy?: Okay, seeing Candace was nice. Now have her disappear for a while. Her clock’s ticking at 14:59, if you know what I mean. As for Hassan’s interruption, Jericho’s gay jokes were rather beneath him. He usually doesn’t go for the cheap laugh. And what the hell’s with the “USA” chants? They’re from f*cking Detroit, people! Of course, you might not know that considering Hassan’s tragic choice of dresswear. He should stick with the suit; it looks a lot better on him than the white muumuu.
Paying the Piper: Jesus Christ, you’d expect that if anyone would burn bridges, it’d be Piper. He’s left a string of mentally-broken-down promoters all over the world driven nuts trying to deal with his antics. But, somehow, Vince has come to a modus vivendi with him for one night…oh, sorry, we’re forgetting about Wrestlemania. He’ll get involved in that somehow. Special Guest Ref or something like that. This is all WWE needed to “enhance” WM, considering that we’re headed for Batista/Trip and High-Quality Speaker Boy/Cena for the mains. This, folks, is going to absolutely suck.
Who Says Stephanie Is A Perfect Beard?: The Joe In Me comments about Trip’s chin fuzz:
I’m sure that, watching RAW, you’ve noticed Triple H’s facial hair. I can tell you that the reasoning behind that is most likely (like, I’m
99.9% sure) as a tribute to Motörhead’s winning their first Grammy last night. Lemmy Kilmister, frontman and one of the coolest rock stars in history, is known for that handle-bar moustache/beard thing. Triple H, as has been documented, is one of Motörhead’s biggest fans. Just thought I’d pass that along.
Well, it’s very well-known, especially considering that he requested Motorhead do his theme. Personally, I think Motorhead’s terrific, and Lemmy has a definite charisma despite being one of the truly ugliest guys in music. However, I’m not sure that Trip did it as a tribute for Sunday night. It does take time to grow and sculpt facial hair, you know.
And that’s going to end this off as I contemplate trimming my mustache. Of course, it’s way past my bedtime as I’m writing this, so I’ll postpone that until I have a little more energy. That should be sometime in April, I believe. Until then, good day.
