PANCAKES IN THE AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT- I MUST BREAK YOU
The Truth About Sammy Sosa, AFC East- I’m Gay for Herman Edwards, NL East- Can the Braves Make It 15 In a Row?, Home Grown Hydroponic NCAA Seedings, Shake Along With Me
SAMMY SOSA- REQUIEM FOR A DOUCHEBAG
I read all the columns here at IP Sports. We have a lot of excellent writers here with a lot of great opinions that they are good at expressing. What you read here is valuable in that it goes beyond the mess of blaring synthesizer music and ebonics for peckerwoods that Stuart Scott screams at you every night on SportsCenter, and I think that is a great thing.
That said, I have stuck my thumb in the air to gauge the way the wind is blowing on this fine forum to gauge the consensus opinion of the Sammy Sosa trade, and I’m here to tell you that the consensus opinion I sense couldn’t be more wrong.
I have lived in the Chicago area all my life. For much of that time, Sammy Sosa has played right field in my city, first with the White Sox and for a much longer and more notable time with the Cubs. In this time, I cannot think of one athlete who exemplifies everything that is wrong with pro sports and who oozes more phoniness and disingenuousness than the self proclaimed “Gladiator” Sammy Sosa.
Sammy Sosa thinks you are stupid and from 1998 through oh about the night his bat exploded revealing the tip of the iceberg of the cheating he has done throughout his career (Cork? I’m surprised he didn’t have HGH capsules in there), he has been right. He expects the media and the fans to turn a blind eye to his drama queen clubhouse antics, and his off field misadventures which include assaulting his wife with a rum bottle, having a gym bag full of $25,000 in cash stolen from him in a hotel in the Dominican, probably greatly disappointing his roid source, and the fans and media have done just that. He told you his corked bat was a “practice bat” that he “used by mistake”. That is how stupid he thinks you are.
If you are a Sammy Sosa fan or even don’t think he is one of the top 10 assholes roaming the planet today, you are, to use a wrestling term, a mark. I understand that some people just believe what they want to believe when it comes to sports heroes, because its not life and death, and that’s cool and the gang, but it doesn’t make what you believe an accurate assessment of your sports hero.
So OK you might say, all that may be true but he is still an asset to his team. No way. Sammy is more cancerous than a carton of unfiltered Pall Malls. He makes Randy Moss look like the ultimate team player by comparison. You will not find a player in professional sports that cares more about himself or less about his team than Sammy. His teammates smashing his prized boom box in his empty locker stall after he walked out on the team at the end of the 2004 season tells you everything you need to know about how he was viewed in the clubhouse.
Had Sammy returned to the Cubs in 2005, his presence would have sunk the team. There is absolutely no way the Cubs could achieve their goal of becoming World Champions, a goal that is within their reach, with Sammy Sosa on the team, none. Sammy HAD to go….and like I said last week the Cubs didn’t care who they got for him. They are eating a huge portion of the $17 million he is due this year because nobody else would take him otherwise.
Baltimore is the perfect destination for Sosa, because the Orioles don’t care about winning either. They care about keeping fans out of RFK Stadium to watch the Nationals and Sammy will do that, because apparently there are a lot of people who still don’t know what a pud this guy is.
So enough about Sammy. This week we swing into the AFC in our 2004 Compost Mortem as we look at the home of the Champs, the AFC East. We also bench our DH as we head to the National League in our Hot Stove Hoedown, examining the NL East. Finally, we will wet our March Madness whistle as I unveil my home brewed NCAA tournament seedings as we stand midway thru February. Let’s do this!
NFL COMPOST MORTEM- AFC EAST
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 14-2, 1ST PLACE AFC EAST, 7TH NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 9TH NFL TOTAL DEFENSE, SUPER BOWL CHAMPS
What can you say about this team that hasn’t been said already? Well, a week after the Super Bowl not a whole lot. I guess I can try and find out what Tom Brady is having for lunch today, but I think the Super Bowl hype mongers have already told us everything else.
I’ve said it before in this column and I will say it again, in today’s NFL, the coaching staff and front office personnel are the only constants, and thus they are the most important part of the organization. The Patriots prove that. To win 3 Super Bowls in 4 years in an NFL that is set up to throw as many obstacles in the way of successful teams as possible, in my mind, is the greatest sports achievement I have seen in my lifetime.
The Patriots had won 2 Super Bowls before this year, but this was the first season in which they were truly dominant. The free agent signing of RB Corey Dillon turned what was the team’s one weakness, the running game, into just another overwhelming strength. The Pats lost key players this year, such as CB Ty Law and WR Deion Branch, and just kept right on rolling, plugging other players in, sometimes from other sides of the ball. I cannot throw enough hosannas at this team. They are by far the best organization in the NFL, in American pro sports, in the world in any sport.
The big question heading into next season is how will the team replace its offensive and defensive coordinator? DB coach Eric Mangini turned down more money with Miami and Cleveland to take over as Defensive Coordinator, and assistant head coach and offensive line coach Dante Sarnecchia is the front runner to take over as offensive coordinator. Regardless, if this is the biggest problem the Pats have heading into next year, they should be favored to win their 4th Super Bowl in 5 years.
NY JETS 10-6 2ND PLACE AFC EAST, 14TH NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 7TH NFL TOTAL DEFENSE
While I am throwing out breathless platitiudes, let me throw a nice bouquet at Jets coach Herman Edwards. I love this guy. If I had TiVo I would be all over his post game press conferences. Whether he’s flipping out when a reporter says losing to the Patriots by a touchdown is a “moral victory” or just generally scaring his players and beat writers, he is the angry black man I wish I could be.
Speaking of press conferences, none was more priceless than Chad Pennington’s bizarre soliloquy he gave to the New York media where he infamously lectured them on how “privileged” they are to cover the Jets. It was great. The touching of the thumb to the fingers, the pointing, the enunciation, it reminded me of British Parliament Q Time on C-SPAN. All that was missing was the powdered wigs and the harumphs.
On the field, the Jets had a pretty good season. Curtis Martin found the fountain of youth and led the NFL in rushing, and the defense was among the league’s best. However, the hot rumor in the NFL right now is that Randy Moss could be headed to the Jets. Yeah, him and Herm Edwards should get along great, that sounds like a good idea. I swear sometimes you have to wonder what goes on in the minds of our beloved sports teams.
BUFFALO BILLS 9-7 3RD PLACE AFC EAST 25TH NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 2ND NFL TOTAL DEFENSE
The biggest news to come out of Buffalo actually did not happen until just yesterday, when the Bills released QB Drew Bledsoe. In doing so, the Bills officially closed the door on the disastrous Greg Williams/Bledsoe era, and are ready to move on with somebody named J.P. Losman as their starting QB.
What this tells me is that the Bills plan on using 2005 as a building year, and are ready to take on the world in 2006 with Losman at QB and Willis McGahee at RB forming the cornerstones of their offense. To that I say, meh. That may be enough to overtake the Jets and but its not going to be enough to overtake New England. But then again, Bills coach Mike Mullarkey once made Tommy Maddox look like a viable NFL QB as the Steelers’ Offensive Coordinator, so who am I to question his judgement.
The Bills real strength, though, is their defense, as they finished 2nd in the league in total defense, ahead of such vaunted units as the Ravens and Patriots. The unit doesn’t boast a lot of big names, and doesn’t boast a big sack man or anything like that, but they are tough to move the ball on. The Bills are headed in the right direction, I think, but I don’t see this team as having a very high ceiling. They look more like they are on their way to being something like the post-Elway Denver Broncos or something in that vein. Which is OK, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing.
MIAMI DOLPHINS 4-12 4TH NFC EAST, 31ST NFL TOTAL OFFENSE, 8TH NFL TOTAL DEFENSE
I’m so glad the world finally got to see what a shitty coach Dave Wannstedt is. Here’s another guy, much like Sammy Sosa, that gets the royal ass kissing treatment from the National Media for the sole reason that he kisses their ass too. He got a long way in the league by looking the part of a Head Coach, and by being Jimmy Johnson’s boy, but passing the buck and denying any responsibility for 10 years of failure can only take you so far.
Yes, Ricky Williams left, and that wasn’t planned, but the Dolphins would have sucked with or without Ricky. So instead of being a 4-12 team they would have been a 6-10 team, what’s the difference? New England lost plenty of players but you didn’t see the media falling all over themselves to get Bill Belichick a Kleenex like they did for Wannstedt.
And while we are on the subject, let me tell you something about the Ricky Williams situation. Ricky has an anxiety disorder, and unless you have one yourself, you don’t know how real that shit is, and yes I would know because I myself have struggled with it too. Ricky smokes pot because Ricky has to smoke pot to keep his disorder in check. He self medicates with it. Just because he would rather do Pot than Prozac doesn’t make him a demon in my point of view. Ricky decided if the NFL won’t let him do what he needs to do in order to stay sane then, well, he had enough money and didn’t need any more, so he was going to go another route for the sake of his own mental health. At least he didn’t lie to anybody about why he was leaving.
HOT STOVE HOEDOWN- NL EAST
Last year the Atlanta Braves came from way up the track to win an amazing 14th NL East title in a row, and of course got thumped in the first round of the playoffs in front of a half empty home stadium, as is their custom. Will the Braves be able to make it 15 in a row this year? It won’t be easy, in 2005, the NL East is stacking up as the best division in baseball top to bottom.
ATLANTA BRAVES
Key Additions
RHP Tim Hudson
RHP Dan Kolb
Key Subtractions
RHP Russ Ortiz
RHP Jaret Wright
RHP Paul Byrd
OF Eli Marrero
RHP Juan Cruz
RHP Antonio Alfonseca
OF J.D. Drew
Projected Rotation
RHP Tim Hudson
LHP John Smoltz
LHP Mike Hampton
RHP John Thomson
LHP Horacio Ramirez
The Braves lost a lot this offseason. In Jaret Wright and Russ Ortiz, they lost 2/5 of their starting rotation, and they also created a self-made hole at closer by announcing that John Smoltz would move back into the rotation in 2005.
They did a good job of filling those holes though, and it looks like they will indeed be able to make a run at yet another division title this year. Getting RHP Tim Hudson was a huge coup for the Braves, and having him exposed to pitching coach Leo Mazzone’s tutelage, and facing weaker NL lineups can only help. Smoltz is thrilled about moving back into the rotation, so we could see a renaissance from him this year. Horacio Ramirez, who looked great before missing most of last year with an injury, is also back and will firm up the back end of the rotation. Dan Kolb was acquired from the Brewers to close and should do a nice job if he maintains his form of 2004.
While the pitching is good, the lineup looks a little shaky. Especially in the outfield, where we could be looking at a starting 3 of Andruw Jones, Brian Jordan, and Raul Mondesi, which would be great, if the Braves also had access to a time machine and could set the date to 1997. Which I don’t think they can do.
The Braves, as always, will be in the thick of the NL East race, and nobody has been able to beat them yet, so you have to pick them again.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
Key Additions
OF Kenny Lofton
RHP Jon Lieber
RHP Terry Adams
Manager Charlie Manuel
Key Subtractions
LHP Kevin Millwood
LHP Eric Milton
RHP Todd Jones
Manager Larry Bowa
Projected Rotation
RHP Cory Lidle
RHP Jon Lieber
RHP Brett Myers
LHP Randy Wolf
RHP Vicente Padilla
I really don’t like anything the Phillies did this offseason. You want a team that’s very liable to go straight down the crapper in 2005? This is it.
The Phillies seem to be laboring under the impression that fired manager Larry Bowa was the only thing standing between them and dethroning the Braves in the East. Well, maybe so, but the only problem is that the team is worse now than it was at the end of last year.
Let’s start with the manager hired to replace Bowa, former Indians skipper Charlie Manuel. Manuel is seen as the anti-Bowa and a consummate player’s manager. He also was not a very good manager in his last major league stint, as he oversaw the decline and fall of the Indians AL Central dynasty. I don’t consider him an upgrade. The Phillies compounded that bad hiring by letting their top 2 starting pitchers get away, and replacing them with nobody. Your staff ace of the 2005 Phillies staff is Cory Lidle. Sounds great.
FLORIDA MARLINS
Key Additions
LHP Al Leiter
1B Carlos Delgado
RHP Antonio Alfonseca
RHP Todd Jones
RHP John Riedling
Key Subtractions
RHP Carl Pavano
RHP Armando Benitez
C Mike Redmond
RHP Billy Koch
RHP David Weathers
RHP Rudy Seanez
Projected Rotation
RHP Josh Beckett
LHP Al Leiter
LHP Dontrelle Willis
RHP A.J. Burnett
RHP Ismael Valdes
The Marlins didn’t make a whole lot of waves this offseason. They lost RHP Carl Pavano, but LHP Al Leiter should fill in nicely if he can stay healthy. They also signed 1B Carlos Delgado who will give the team a little bit of power, something that was lacking in 2004.
The problem spot on this team is the question of who will be the closer. Armando Benitez had a phenomenal year last year, but he left for San Francisco. That leaves a closer by committee of Guillermo Mota, Antonio Alfonseca, Nate Bump, Todd Jones, and whoever else may show an inkling that they can do the job. I’m struggling to think of the last time “closer by committee” worked. No I can’t think of one. Thought I had it there for a second.
NEW YORK METS
Key Additions
RHP Pedro Martinez
OF Carlos Beltran
1B Doug Mientkiewicz
IF Miguel Cairo
LHP Felix Heredia
Manager Willie Randolph
Key Subtractions
C Vance Wilson
LHP Al Leiter
RHP Mike Stanton
OF Richard Hidalgo
RHP Ricky Bottalico
Manager Art Howe
Projected Rotation
LHP Tom Glavine
RHP Pedro Martinez
RHP Steve Trachsel
RHP Kris Benson
RHP Victor Zambrano
I really really want to be able to predict the Mets to fall flat on their faces. I love it when teams throw a bunch of money at free agents and then suck to high heaven. That really really makes me happy. However, I just can’t see fit to do that with the Mets. The reason for that is Carlos Beltran. Look at the 2003 Royals, and the 2004 Astros, and you see two teams that had successful seasons almost solely because of him. He is, for my money, the one guy I want if I am starting a team at this point in time.
Where the Mets might run into problems is with their starting pitching. Pedro’s health is always a concern, Kris Benson and Victor Zambrano also have the potential to stink. If you look at the names it looks like a strong rotation, but there is a reason to be concerned about each one of them.
Also, the Mets don’t really have a closer. Mike DeJean and Braden Looper are the 2 candidates, and I am not feeling the sense of security there. In a close game in September, if the Braves have Dan Kolb on the mound and the Mets have Braden Looper, I like the Braves, and that’s what the NL East could come down to.
OF Mike Cameron is still on the trading block though, so maybe the Mets will have this situation addressed by Opening Day.
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Key Additions
OF Jose Guillen
SS Cristian Guzman
3B Vinny Castilla
RHP Esteban Loaiza
RHP Antonio Osuna
C Gary Bennett
IF Wil Cordero
Key Subtractions
OF Juan Rivera
IF Maicer Izturis
OF Ron Calloway
Projected Rotation
RHP Livan Hernandez
RHP Tony Armas
RHP Tomo Ohka
RHP Esteban Loaiza
RHP Zach Day
The Nats inaugural season should be an exciting one. Keep in mind, this is NOT an expansion team. As bad as the Expos were last year, they played much better in the second half of the season and have a good young nucleus.
In addition to that, the move out of Montreal gave MLB reason to open its vault and spend some American dollars on its red headed step child of a franchise. Jose Guillen brings the Nats a right fielder who’s not Vlad Guerrero but is not too bad, and Cristian Guzman and Vinny Castilla give them a left side of the infield that can produce some runs.
The rotation is solid if unspectacular, and Chad Cordero gives them a closer who could be real good one. Keep an eye on this team, they could be a nice little story. Youpee! is in tears.
NCAA HOOPS-O-RAMA- Bracket Abbondanza!!!
A few years ago while trying to beat back a coma at work, I invented a NCAA Tournament seeding system that I have found gives me a pretty decent idea of what the field of 65 will look at come March. It’s not perfect, but its not too bad either. I won’t tell you how I get these, but I will tell you that it doesn’t involve the RPI rating at all, if you want specifics email me and I’ll be happy to go into more detail on how I arrive at these. So here, for amusement purposes only, is what the spreadsheet spits out at me through the games of Monday, February 14. Enjoy!
#1
Illinois
Kentucky
Wake Forest
Kansas
#2
N. Carolina
Boston College
Syracuse
Duke
#3
Oklahoma St.
Louisville
Arizona
Pitt
#4
Alabama
Washington
Utah
Michigan St.
#5
U Conn
Georgetown
Texas Tech
Charlotte
#6
Florida
Oklahoma
Cincinnati
DePaul
#7
Gonzaga
Pacific
Miami FL
Maryland
#8
Memphis
Miss State
Wisconsin
S. Illinois
#9
Notre Dame
LSU
Wichita St.
Arkansas
#10
Georgia Tech
UAB
Ohio St.
Old Dominion
#11
Virginia Tech
Stanford
Villanova
Texas
#12
S. Carolina
Nevada
Marquette
Davidson
#13
Vermont
UW Milwaukee
St. Joseph’s
Winthrop
#14
Gardner Webb
SE Louisiana
Miami OH
Oral Roberts
#15
Holy Cross
Denver
Niagara
Portland St.
#16
Monmouth
Samford
Penn
Play In
Alabama A&M
Coppin St.
Close But No Cigar
TCU
Houston
NC State
Iowa St.
UCLA
Minnesota
N. Iowa
UTEP
Illinois St.
Vanderbilt
St. Mary’s
Air Force
Well that’s gonna do it for this week. As always thanks for reading! Next week we’re going to look at the AFC North, the NL Central, and we will be graced by the long awaited return of the NBA HOT LIST! Until then, for me its back to trying to contact my long lost father, Shelton Benjamin. Later!
