En Francais: TNA Impact Report

My name is Hollyric and I do the Afterburn Report. Now, I do another report.

Last week, RDS, the French version of TSN, got TNA Impact. So, you will now get to see, exclusively on InsidePulse, a recap of TNA Impact, from the province of Quebec.

And don’t worry, the recap is in English.

But first, a little history with RDS and wrestling. When I started to be a wrestling fan in 1993, RDS was already showing WWF wrestling on Sunday mornings. All I remember is that it was not WWF Superstars. The show was hosted by Ray Rougeau and Jean Brassard, as they put over the talent pretty well, unlike the current ones. Then, in 1998, for a weeks, we got to see Heat. After that, WWE not longer played there. Wrestling returned in 1999 with WCW Nitro with Marc Blondin and Michel Letourneur (the current ones) as hosts. The big thing that happened was in 2001 when RDS aired, for seven weeks, WCW pay per views from Starrcade 1999 to Bash At The Beach 2000 (it was for 1:30). By that time, WWE bought WCW and the hosts said that they no longer able to show more WWE, WCW or PPVs, and they were finished.

Until last week! After a 3 years plus hiatus, wrestling has returned to RDS and Quebecers couldn’t be happier. The hosts returned and said that they got millions of mail wanting wrestling to return. I didn’t notice it then, but as announcers, they suck. You’ll find why as I will bitch about them in these reports. For example last week, Christopher Daniels challenged AJ Styles to match in which if Daniels could survive 10 minutes, AJ would give him a shot at Against All Odds. So, what do announcers talk about during the match? The 30-minute Iron match at AAO! They pretty much already gave away the ending to the match. So, of course, Dusty’s announcement of the match was useless. Anyway, let’s start.

TNA Impact (from February 11)

Footage from last week (I think) with JJ trying to attack Kevin Nash.

We have Marc Blondin and Michel Letourneur in the RDS studio. I was all ready to write a negative recap of them, but they actually improved from last week. They state that they got a lot of e-mails and they even make a joke that they only got 2 positive ones. Don’t thing it’s a joke, as the people in forums at rds.ca did not really like them. The announcers hype Against All Odds by giving their opinion on who’ll win the JJ-Nash match. Later on, they’ll talk about the interviews that Jarrett and Nash had, but they won’t show them. Why?

We see Dusty saying that if JJ uses the guitar at AAO, he will be stripped of the title. Since this is a French station, do you think they put subtitles? Nope. Dubbing? Sorry. These geniuses decided to orally translate everything the wrestlers are saying at the same time, meaning that we could barely understand in either language. The funny thing is that not only does Le Tourneur translates, he also imitates the wrestlers.

Sonny Siaki vs Johnny Devine: Devine blindsides Siaki, but Siaki fights back. Huge back body drop. One of the members of Team Canada stops a ten-count punch by hitting Siaki. Devine is now in control and gets some assistance from Team Canada. Quick suplex for a two. Now, we got a Bow and Array. Devine misses a moonsault and Siaki is now in control with a bunch of moves, like a Goldberg powerslam and a bunch of two counts. Devine is outside and Siaki tries to suplex him back in, Devine goes over and gets a rollup with his feet on the ropes for the un, deux, trrrrrrrrrrois. I love it when Blondin does this.

Footage from the Superbowl as DDP, Monty Brown and Jeff Jarrett are there.

Shane Douglas is with Monty Brown. Monty says he is still trying to be the NWA champ. He has learned and it is his destiny to be champ. He ain’t Tom Cruise, but messing with Monty is risky business. Scott Hall and Bobby Roode will get the Pooooooounce.

DDP vs Chris Candido: DDP starts by almost getting the diamond cutter, but not quite. Candido makes a “this close” finger motion. Shouldn’t DDP do that? Candido gets a rollup for a 2. DDP gets a bunch of right hands, as well as discuss clothesline. Big Boot by DDP. Candido gets in control with well-placed kick between the legs. DDT and punches by Candido. Half hour suplex on DDP. Candido goes to the top, but gets crotched. DDP finishes Chris off with a diamond cutter from the top rope. Bobby Roode and Coach Damore show up to taunt DDP. In the words of Scott Hall, DDP says “Don’t sing it, bring it!” The rest of Team Canada show up, but so does Monty Brown, and Damore tells his team to back off.

Video package on Jeff Hardy and Abyss.

Commercials

Michael Shane, Frankie Kazarian and David Young come to the ring. Then, we have Three Live Crew and Jeff Hammond coming to the ring. Konnan does his thing and the announcers fun make of it; it’s pretty funny. BG James introduces Jeff Hammond. Hammond calls Shane & Kazarian “motor mouths”. That’s not very nice. If this were Smackdown, an apology would be in order. He’s going for his pit stop. The match is Hammond vs Young. Young starts it off with some kicks, I guess. Choking by Young. Hammond gives Dave a tackle and gives him some right hands. Kazarian kicks Jeff behind the referee’s back. Weird looking suplex by Young. Konnan distracts the ref, James gets a pump handle slam, elbow drop by Hammond for the un, deux, trrrrrrrrrrrrrois!

We see Dusty, Trinity and Traci. Trinity kisses Dusty, Traci gets angry and Dusty says “did I miss something here?”

Commercials

Jean-Francois Kelly gives a rundown of the EWR cards. Petey Williams will be there. More independent federations are being mentioned.

Commercials

We’re back with Impact as we see AJ Styles with Mike Tenay and Don West. Christopher Daniels shows up and says that it is his title that Styles is carrying. Daniels says he should be getting the air time with the commentators and tells AJ to get the smile off his face. One slap later, it’s on. Security steps in. This is what I like about TNA over WWE: two wrestlers who hate each that much can’t act civilised. For example, Edge and HBK were just talking to each other the night after the Royal Rumble, then finally a superkick happened.

Shark Boy vs Elix Skipper vs Chris Sabin: Shark Boy and Sabin shake hands. Shark tries the same with Skipper, nope. Fast and furious going, way to hard to call. Shark Boy is thrown to the outside. Elix with spinkick to Sabin. Sabin is placed on the top, Elix goes for a superplex and Shark Boy powerbombs Elix at the same time. Two count on Sabin by Shark, then gets thrown to the outside. Elix and Shark fight, then Sabin gives them a dropkick at the same time. Sabin is now in control with clotheslines and a DDT. Sabin goes to top, Elix crotches him and gives a hurrincarana. Shark Boy gives Sabin some cool move, Elix throws Shark out and covers Sabin for the un, deux, trrrrrrrrois!

Video package between AJ Styles and Daniels

Commercials

Kid Kash, Lance Hoyt and Raven vs Dustin Rhodes and AMW: Back and forth by James Storm and Kid Kash, but unfortunately,

Commercials

We’re back. Hoyt gives Harris a flapjack. Tag to Kash. More beatings and tag to Raven. Let’s just say Harris is in trouble and there are a lot of quick tags. Moonsault by Kash for a 2 count. Harris fights back and has Kash on the top. Harris goes up with him, superplexe attempt, no, Kash throws him off, flogsplash misses. Tag to Raven. Raven prevents a tag, but Harris clotheslines him. Tag to Dustin. Dustin is on fire. It’s a pier 6 brawl. Back and forth by Dustin and Raven, and Dustin gives Raven a bulldog for trois.

We finish it off in the RDS studios. They talk about the PPV and their e-mail if you want to contact them. Blondin says that a lot of people don’t like Kevin Nash, and Letourneur tells him try telling that to a 7 foot tall person. Blondin’s response: “he doesn’t understand French”. See you next week!

Loading...