Hi all. Some of you may know me from a little column I do called The Gatekeepers Guide. Most of you know me as Norty news guy. I’m the guy that J. Kern considers “a Magnificent Beast” and Mike McCullar mancrushes hard on. And I’m here to bring you a brand spanking new weekly column.
The Backstory
Well, I do a little somethin-somethin called the Trailer of the Week (TotW for short) in my Guide column every week. It’s been met with pretty enthusiastic responses – the crew loves taking part and offering analysis and no one’s ever complained about it, so that equals success in my book. Steve Coogan, aka Hitler, loved the idea of the TotW. He also loves, loves, LOVES sado-masochistic activity movie trailers. And when I say loves, I mean loves. He has been pushing hard for a little while now to get an entire column up dedicated to all things trailers, and he tapped yours truly. Why? Well, it’s either because he is incredibly impressed by my work and knows that I carry Movies Pulse on my shoulders (The Atlas of Movies Pulse….hmm) or he just was lazy and didn’t want to use out of house talent. Either way! I have agreed to give a trial run to this little idea of his, and if people deem it a success (Or a necessary evil) then you can look forward to seeing this each and every week.
Pretty lame back story, I guess. But hey, not everything can be epic light saber battles between Campbell and McCullar for position title rights, while evil Kern watches on and laughs sadistically, and always includes long lost love interests and a machine-run alternate reality. Sometimes life is pretty bland, and you just have to deal.
One more thing! Consider this a work in progress, a state of flux, while I hammer out the kinks and get into a nice little comfy groove over the next couple of weeks. Of course, as per the IP Movies Rule book (You should SEE that thing), if you have any ideas or suggestions for column content, never hesitate to email. Norton@4sternstaging.com.
New Releases This Week – Trailers
So, let’s see. Trailers….trailers. Oh, here we go. It’s nothing big or anything, just the first official trailer for the freaking HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY. Sorry. Mark out moment. This has been voted the trailer of the week by just about everyone, so look for full analysis by most of the Staff tomorrow in the Guide. Until then, hit up Amazon, as they’re the only site officially hosting the trailer as of now.
The plot according to Yahoo (Abridged due to length): Helen McCarter (Kimberly Elise) seemingly had the perfect life with husband Charles McCarter (Steve Harris). Over the years, Helen has been a faithful and loving wife, while Charles built a successful and lucrative career as a prominent Atlanta attorney. Theirs is a little piece of paradise away from the city. On the eve of their 18th wedding anniversary, Helen’s paradise begins to crumble as Charles announces that he wants a divorce. He tosses Helen out of the mansion to make room for the other woman. With all of her possessions packed in a moving van, Helen starts on her journey to put the pieces of her life back together. Through the assistance of her friends, family, faith, and a twist of fate, Helen finds the strength and empowerment she needs to get control of her circumstances. She also finds that the tragic events of her life soon become comic, especially with the guidance and help – mostly unsolicited, by the way – of her pot-smoking, gun-toting, and much beloved grandmother figure Madea (Tyler Perry).
Length: 2:29
Spoilerish (Ranked 1-10, 10 being heavy plot give away, 1 being nothing): 7
Analysis: Looks like a nice little inner-journey film, with enough to keep fans of multiple genres happy. The trailer is a big long, and gives away most of the plot. It’s interesting to note, however, that the grandmother featured prominently in the poster and plot summary is given very little trailer time. Perhaps they’re aiming to surprise audiences.
Overall Rating: 6.5 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: This movie focuses on four residents and “stars” of the Central Park Zoo in New York City who are also best friends: a lion (Ben Stiller), a zebra (Chris Rock), a giraffe (David Schwimmer) and a pregnant hippo (Jada Pinkett-Smith). When one of them goes missing, the other three break out of the zoo looking for him, and eventually all four are captured and put in boxes to ship them back to the continent their species are originally from: Africa. An accident at sea, however, strands them on the shore of Madagascar. Having had humans take care of them their entire life, the four know nothing of surviving in the wild, or that one of them, the lion, is genetically predisposed to eat his three best friends. Exploring their surroundings, the four friends soon meet the Malagasy locals (a type of lemur given to having loud “rave-like” dance parties) and their carnivorous enemies, the fousas. As the two sides try to use these four new, strange (and large) friends to their benefit, our heroes are also confronted with the reality of their predestined roles in nature.
Length: 2:30
Spoilerish (Ranked 1-10, 10 being heavy plot/jokes give away, 1 being nothing): 7
Analysis: I was impressed when I saw this first trailer, but man was I laughing when I watched this new one. The cast is fantastic and the premise is solid. The animation looks good and it’s painfully obvious that the House o Shrek has another monster hit on their hands. Painful in a gut-busting way, that is. I just hope the trailer didn’t give away all of the gold.
Overall Rating: 7.5 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: Unlucky in love, beautiful Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Cantilini (Jennifer Lopez) has finally met the man of her dreams, Dr. Kevin Fields (Michael Vartan). There’s just one problem – his mother. Overbearing and controlling, not to mention volatile, Viola Fields (Jane Fonda) has recently been canned from her job as a star news anchor. Fearing she will lose her son’s affections as she has her career, Viola decides to break up the happy couple by becoming the world’s worst mother-in-law. Helping her with her crazy schemes is Viola’s long-time assistant, Ruby (Wanda Sykes). The gloves come off when Charlie finally decides to fight back and it looks like Viola has finally met her match.
Length: 2:32
Spoilerish: 8
Analysis: So J-Lo begins her attempt at a come back with this film. The trailer shows that she’s chosen the only type of film she’s strong in (Not that she’s overly strong anyway) but the concept is tired and cliche. When I watched, I was reminded of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode, and I don’t even watch that show. Showing seemingly all the vital parts of the film, the trailer is a dud, much like the movie will be. Sorry, did my anti-J-Lo feelings take over here?
Overall Rating: 4.0 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: Set on a world populated entirely by robots, this is the story of a young genius, Rodney (Ewan McGregor), who wants to make robots capable of making the world a better place, but he finds his dream challenged by a corporate tyrant and a master inventor, Big Weld (Mel Brooks), while also being seduced by a sexy corporate robot, Cappy (Halle Berry).
Length: 2:29
Spoilerish: 6
Analysis: You know, it’s not hard to be impressed with an animated movie’s trailer. They usually do everything right, and there’s no exception here. This one will be another monster hit, and with the fantastic cast (Robin Williams!) featured in the trailer, it looks mighty. The only question at this point is whether or not the best jokes of the film were used in the trailer (anything over a minute and a half is way too long for a comedy). But it didn’t give away too much of the plot or anything else, and it really shined the lights on it’s stellar cast.
Overall Rating: 8.0 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: After being abandoned by her husband, a woman finds her life changed when a once-great baseball star steps in as her drinking buddy and becomes an ad-hoc member of the dysfunctional family.
Length: 2:13
Spoilerish: 5.0
Analysis: Kevin Costner is great when he’s motivated and given good material to work with. That being said, the trailer kind of gives the vibe of this as another film in the vein of Somethings Gotta Give, with both main stars getting on in years. That being said, it also looks to bring in the older demographic and doesn’t really reveal too too much of the story, which everyone will know going in.
Overall Rating: 6.5 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: In a small Prague apartment, Franta (Jiri Machacek) and Mila (Natasa Burger) dream of having a child, but Franta – on probation because of his soccer hooliganism past – is not allowed to adopt, and Mila is unable to conceive. After cashing in on her savings, Mila decides to buy a baby from a pawnshop that fronts a den of thieves and pickpockets. Meanwhile, an unusual family reunion is taking place: Academy professor Otto (Jan Triska) collapses while teaching, prompting his estranged son Martin (Petr Forman, son of director Milos) to return to Prague from Australia to see his father and his mother, Vera (Emilia Vasaryova), long separated from Otto whom she still pines for. Otto is now living with the beautiful and much younger Hana (Ingrid Timkova), who works in a refugee aid center helping immigrants to adjust to their new lives.
Length: 1:59
Spoilerish: 7.0
Analysis: Well,being a foreign film, odds are you wouldn’t know about it unless you follow that sort of thing. As a trailer, it does its job of getting the viewer interested, and includes some pretty catchy music and interesting characters. A bit too spoilerish for my tastes, however.
Overall Rating: 5.5 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: A hit man, Eyal, is given the mission to track down the very old Alfred Himmelman, an ex Nazi officer, who might still be alive. Pretending to be a tourist guide, he befriends his grandson Axel in Israel to visit his sister. He wants to convince her to come back to Germany for their father’s birthday party. The two men set out on an extended tour of the country during which Axel’s frankness challenges Eyal’s rigid values. Their friendship grows until he learns of Axel’s homosexuality. With this final straw he leaves. To finish his mission Eyal has to go to Germany. He meets Axel once more and succeeds in being invited to the family party where secrets will be revealed.
Length: 1:59
Spoilerish: 4.0
Analysis: Another foreign film seeing limited release, this one has a very interesting plot and the trailer serves it nicely. It tells the viewer enough to captivate them, but that’s it. The film itself may not be anything new, but the trailer really shows promise for something that may be a surprise gem that few know about.
Overall Rating: 7.5 (out of 10)
Trailers for Films Opening This Weekend
The plot according to Yahoo: John Constantine (Reeves) is a world-traveling, mage-like misfit who investigates supernatural mysteries and the like, walking a thin line between evil and good. Constantine teams up with a female police detective, Angela (Weisz), who seeks Constantine’s help while investigating the suicide-like death of her twin sister. Does it have something to do with a mysterious group called “The First of the Fallen”? And what is it about Constantine that puts him in a position where he is making deals with representatives from both Heaven and Hell?
Length: 2:27
Spoilerish: 6.0
Analysis: Keanu returns with a *probable* bang. Based on the trailer though, is this an action film? A horror film? Both? It’s hard to tell. It starts off strong but then gets pretty confusing, flashing images fast and furious until it’s climatic ending. Definitely strong material to captivate audiences, but I’m torn as to whether or not it achieves its goal.
Overall Rating: 6.5 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: The Mask of Loki has found its way into the hands of aspiring cartoonist Tim Avery, whose son is born possessing some of its spectacular powers. But when Loki comes to earth looking for his “son,” a power struggle of epic proportions and cartoon-like contortions ensues.
Length: 1:56
Spoilerish: 8.0
Analysis: People are in an uproar about this film, and who can blame them? If you look under ‘terribly thought-out and unnecessary sequels’, this would top the list. But, it’s done, so it should be looked at objectively. They’ve taken the concept and are now marketing it directly to kids, as opposed to teens and young adults with the original one. Taking that into consideration, the trailer should make kids laugh. I mean, what kid is going to notice the fact that the entire movie is given away in the trailer?
Overall Rating: 3.5/7.0(Kiddie Scale) (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: Based on the perennial best-seller, a lonely young girl adopts an orphaned dog, Winn-Dixie (so named for the supermarket where she found him), who helps her make friends in the small Florida town. The bond between the girl and her special companion brings together the townspeople and helps heal her own troubled relationship with her father.
Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 7.0
Analysis: Here’s a movie I’ve never heard of, based on a book I’ve never heard of. That being said, it looks to be the best family film to come out yet this year, and it’ll probably melt a lot of hearts. It’s a solid but long trailer, and the last 30 seconds or so flash through scenes, seemingly giving away parts of the film. And what’s with the friggin CGI smile?
Overall Rating: 6.0 (out of 10)
The Number One Movie in America!
Every week, I’ll take the number one movie in America and put its trailer here, just in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet (or just loves the trailer). Also, comments from anyone who has seen the film and the trailer will be thrown in, to give you a complete idea about it and the movie.
The plot according to Yahoo: A professional matchmaker’s program is threatened by a female journalist who enrolls as a student and plans on publishing an expose on his fraudulent methods.
Length: 2:26
Spoilerish: 6.5
Analysis: You know, you watch this trailer and you don’t sit there and ask yourself, ‘Why is this number 1?’ This trailer will make you laugh. It’s excellently put together and shows a hillarious movie. It definitely makes me want to see the film, and the trailer never even touches on most aspects of the plot. Of course, the question arises about whether or not it ruins the movie by giving all the jokes away. To give you analysis on that, here is Brendan Campbell.
Campbell: Hitch is the funniest movie of the year. Now, I never watch trailers, so I went into the movie knowing it was a romantic comedy starring Will Smith as a guy who helped other guys with their female problems. I saw one or two jokes from the trailer before I saw the movie, more or less by accident, but they didn’t ruin the jokes in the flick. It’s a fun, feel good movie. Yes, you’re better off going into it having not seen the trailer, as it will wreck a few punch lines, but there are quite a few more that it doesn’t mention that will still have you cracking up in the theater. But I’d always recommend not watching a preview until AFTER you see the movie…which may sound odd, but that’s just me. Not the odd part…me, as in my opinion…nevermind.
Overall Rating: 7.0 (out of 10)
Debating that DVD purchase? Check out the trailer first!
Yup, each week, I’ll take the new, major DVD releases and put their trailers here too. Just to help you decide how to spend that cash or remind you about a movie, in case you forgot ^_^
The plot according to Yahoo: A young man named Adam (Leigh Whannell) wakes to find himself chained to a rusty pipe inside a decrepit subterranean chamber. Chained to the opposite side of the room is another bewildered captive, Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes). Between them is a dead man lying in a pool of blood, holding a .38 in his hand. Neither man knows why he has been abducted; but instructions left on a microcassette order Dr. Gordon to kill Adam within eight hours. If he fails to do so, then both men will die, and Dr. Gordon’s wife, Alison (Monica Potter), and his daughter will be killed. Recalling a recent murder investigation by a police detective named Tapp (Danny Glover), Dr. Gordon realizes he and Adam are the next victims of a psychopathic genius known only as “Jigsaw.” With only a few hours left to spare, they must unravel the elaborate puzzle of their fate in the midst of mounting terror. The killer has provided them with only a few clues and two handsaws – too weak to break their steel shackles, but strong enough to cut through flesh and bone.
Length: 2:03
Spoilerish: 8.5
Analysis: I saw this movie back when it came out in theaters, and since this isn’t technically a movie review column, I can’t say much about it. I liked it then, though, and I am incredibly, INCREDIBLY thankful I did not see this trailer. Holy hell does this give a ton away about this movie. Major scares, characters, some plot twists, you name it this ruins it. If you want to watch this movie and keep the tense atmosphere it tries to create, I strongly recommend you skip this trailer. For those of you who have seen it, and are disappointed, the trailer is fun to watch and think to yourself what could have been…
Overall Rating : 3.0 (out of 10)
The plot according to Yahoo: Some may think that Donnie Darko is a typical maladjusted teenager. Actually, Donnie is borderline delusional, beset by visions of a monstrous rabbit, which is trying to keep him under its sinister influence. Prompted by this apparition, Donnie commits antisocial acts while he is undergoing psychotherapy, surviving the vagaries of high-school life and romance, and fortuitously escaping a bizarre death from a falling jet engine. Donnie battles his demons, literally and figuratively, in a series of intertwining story lines that play with time travel, fundamentalist gurus, fate, predestination and the machinations of the universe.
Length: 2:27
Spoilerish: 5.5
Analysis: I…wow. I know of the cult status that is Darko, but I’m still waiting to see it myself. This trailer (From the 2001 release of the film, not the Directors Cut) sure is interesting. I’m not even sure how to describe it. It makes the movie feel incredibly deep and intense, and while it does show a lot, I’m not even sure it gave away much of anything. For anyone remotely interested in this kind of film, the trailer will definitely cement it’s place on your wishlist.
Overall Rating : 8.0 (out of 10)
Wrapping it Up
So, that’ll do it for debut week. I’ll probably mess around with the format a bit and all that jazz, but this should give you a good idea of what it’s all about and what to expect on a weekly basis. Again, any thoughts or comments, send them my way, and, as usual,
Until next time…..
