WWE Bottomline Report 19/2/05
CREDITS! Bad techno! All I want for Christmas is better Bottomline opening music. What? I have to wait 10 months? Dammit.
Mark Loyd gives us a preview of what we’ll see tonight…a new Hall of Fame inductee…Christian and Randy Orton…and the main event!
But first, Candice Michelle (who?) Who apparently had a controversial commercial at the Superbowl, and thus gets herself some highlight reel time to discuss her breasts. Thankfully, Hassan comes out (wearing full robe this week) and berates Michelle for disgracing herself on national television. “This is what you call the dumbing down of America” he says in a wonderful bit of irony. This leads to a CHINLOCK on Jericho, but he gets out, delivers some chops, but Hassan beats him down, runs off to the ropes, comes back and gets hit with an Enziguri. Punches and chops (with THUNDER) lead to a forearm on Hassan, a missed clothesline, and a choke on the ropes on Hassan, which leads to a Walls of Jericho attempt, a kickout, and a bulldog on Hassan. Lionsault misses, but he catches himself, flying forearm, and a pin attempt, but Dabari distracts the ref. Middle rope dropkick on Dabari, which gives Hassan the advantage to hit the flatliner and the three count.
As An Aside…When are they going to realize that women like Candice Michelle who like to display themselves for profit look just freaking stupid when they cover themselves as soon as the bad guy shows up? I’ll never get that small piece of WWE logic.
No Way Out, this Sunday!…and other commercials.
Basic Instinct Parody. “I prefer Lingerie pillow fights. Have you ever been in a Lingerie pillow fight, Chris? It’s harder than it looks.”
Mark Loyd has a killer tan this week. Is he trying to suck up to Taz? The red pants also suggest foul play. ANYWAYS, he introduces a video for the WWE hall of fame. It’s the same five guys as last week, along with ROWDY RODDY PIPER. They’re getting close to having the entire card of Wrestlemania I in there. I can’t wait for three years from now when they induct Mr. T.
Last week, WWE Champ JBL was rumored to be at Raw. Was he? Keep it locked until four lines from now.
Chris masters apparently humbles Hemingway. I wonder how many average wrestling fans even know who Hemingway is. Anyways, his video finally changes to say that he’ll be on Raw…next week!
Commercials.
Smackdown announce dates – March 12th, Oshawa Civic Auditorium. Tix on sale today!
2 weeks ago, Raw was in Japan (look! Enthusiastic fans!) Tajiri won the tag titles. Last week, La res invoked their rematch clause, and here we go. Clothesline by Conway on Tajiri, and a pin attempt by Grenier. Tag to Conway, suplex, and a two count. Reverse chinlock on Tajiri, leads to an irish whip and a springboard elbow. Tajiri goes to tag, but Conway stops him, but Tajiri flips over him and gets the HOT TAG to Regal. Fisherman suplex to Conway! Bloody knee to the face, and three seconds later They’re still the tag champs!
Still to come, Batista tells Flair to tell HHH to stay out of it when it comes to JBL.
Raw dates…tomorrow in Erie, next Monday in Penn State U, Friday in MSG, one week from tonight they’re in Springfield, and one week from tomorrow they’re in Boston.
Smackdown dates – Saturday March 12th…again, in Oshawa. Apparently that’s Smackdowns’ only date from now on.
Commercials.
Hey, right now is the third AND FINAL clue to win a chance to go to Wrestlemania. This week, the clue is…This wwe raw superstar is the only man to have wrestled both the undertaker and Chris Benoit at a Wrestlemania event. Well, that certainly eliminates Chris Benoit and the Undertaker. I have a feeling it is also not Headbanger Mosh.
Last Monday, Shelton Benjamin fought off Gene Snitsky. Irish whip leads to a heavy clothesline on Shelton and a near fall. Pumphandle slam attempt blocked, but Shelton just runs into a boot to the face. Three two counts leads to Snitsky getting rather upset and just pounding away on Shelton on the mat and arguing with the ref for a couple of clearly 2 counts. Shelton gets up, and Snitsky runs at him, but gets tossed outside, grabs a chair, and nails Shelton with it and gets the DQ. Snitsky doesn’t seem to understand why. They show a replay, and Shelton is STILL out.
As An Aside…What was up with the sound system on Raw this week? Every punch, every chop, every chair shot, everything sounded extra crisp and dangerous. I like the effect. It adds a theatrical element in a show that could use a lot more (I’ll explain if you email me) theatrics.
Commercials.
WWE Rewind…Two weeks ago, Christian Unpretties Orton (IN JAPAN).
Mark Loyd calls Christian a coward, and Orton anything but a coward. He’s right. Orton may be completely stupid for wrestling 3 weeks with multiple contusions, but coward he ain’t. So last week, they dance, and we cut to Tomko getting thrown out for irish whipping Orton into the steps. We cut again to a reversed irish whip and Christian getting nailed in the corner. The ref gets to 8, but then they get up at the same time and exchange right hands. Christian lands some kicks, but Orton gets a standing dropkick and a backdrop. Some body shots to Christian (17 of them according to the crowd that began counting at 9) Bodyslam to Christian gets a two count. Man, it even makes a ‘whoosh’ sound when they hit the ropes. Orton goes up and hits a HIGH crossbody and gets a nearfall. Christian reverses in the corner and Orton hits steel, but again, only gets two. Christian goes to remove a turnbuckle, distracts a ref, and Tomko runs in and knocks Orton silly, but even that only gets a two. Christian goes into major freaking out mode, and tries the unprettier, but that gets reversed into an inverted back drop. Orton signals for the RKO, but reversed into an Unprettier, reversed into an RKO and a three count!
As An Aside…from what they showed of that match, it was fantastic and I want a lot more of it. It wasn’t that the wrestling was good, it was that the energy was there, and the crowd felt that, screaming at just about everything they did. Energy makes all the difference, kids. It’s the main reason Raw is a better show than Smackdown, and it’s the main reason 1998 was a better year for wrestling than 2004.
Meanwhile in Main event land, we cut back to 3 weeks ago, and JBL challenging Batista. Up next, Batista tells Lemmy to stay out of his way between him and JBL.
Wrestlemania Recall…and it’s Wrestlemania 17 and the gimmick battle royal. The Iron Sheik of all people win the thing, giving him his first WWE victory since 1932.
You should check out “Are We There Yet?” by the WWE wrestlers. I mean, if you like good road stories by people that live out there. I do.
Two weeks ago, Batista lead to Edge losing the World Title match to HHH, which logically led to Edge vs Batista last week. Reverse Chinlock on Batista leads to Edge punching him in the corner, but being shoved off. Clubbering forearms by Batista, and an irish whip. Edge leaps at Batista, but gets caught and slammed. Edge kicks Batista off, goes up but gets tackled on the way down. Batista goes for the spinebuster, but Edge reverses it to a leaping DDT. Edge signals for the spear, but gets caught and stuck in a spinebuster. Batista hits the Demon Bomb, but a white limo shows up on the screen, and HHH shoves the referee down. Yeah, that makes sense.
We cut to HHH giving quite the little soliloquay about Evolution getting rid of JBL, but Batista interrupts, saying it’s about him and JBL, and runs off into the parking lot, screaming at nobody in particular. Headlights turn on in the back round, and HHH dives Batista out of the way just before the limo runs them over. All three men are majorly pissed off that he got away. “Looks like I’m going to Smackdown this Thursday…by myself.”
Up next, we get footage from Smackdown!
Commercials.
They replay the car incident (that car was going mighty fast, and I give HHH huge props for running in front of it really only seconds before it came).
They cut to Smackdown, with Batista checking his tie against the window of JBL’s limo, then proceeding to smash every single window. With surprising authority, I might add. He then throws the bat down and rips the horns with his bare hands. And then he checks his tie in the rear view mirror, and drives off in his convertible. That was, I can safely say, the classiest destruction of a limousine in the history of the world.
Later on in the night, during a beatdown of the big show by the Cabinet, Batista came down and spinebustered everyone. He Demon Bombs Orlando Jordan, but Big show comes up from behind him, and they stare down, then stare down JBL. That camera angle, with Big Show coming up from behind like that, was the best moment of the show. Gives ya chills.
Mark Loyd says that he means it when he says he hopes you enjoyed it. In those words.
See You next week!
