Another week… more shows. Pay-Per-Views, TV, general craziness. All of this and I have to try to drive to Newark at four in the morning in crazy snow. If you are reading this, I am either dead or freezing. Either way, you love this column so much you could care less about my welfare. Sick bastards. On with the show…
Raw 02.14.05
Valentine’s Day, so I watch it on tape. I also watched 24 on tape. I had a phone date. With Kim Raver. Yup, Kim Raver. Check out the interview here. I was congested and sick as a dog too but being the trooper I am, I kept up my end of the bargain. All that and even PK got a date. So Raven hooked us up with the report.
– Candice Michelle joins the Highlight Reel and has a “wardrobe malfunction,” which is interrupted by Muhammed Hassan. This leads to a match between Jericho and Hassan.
– Muhammed Hassan def. Chris Jericho
– HHH says JBL is on his way to Raw.
– Roddy Piper is going to the Hall of Fame.
– Stacy asks Orton out on a date.
– Batista tells Flair to let Triple H know that should JBL arrive, Hunter should stay out of it.
– Shelton Benjamin def. Gene Snitsky via DQ
– William Regal and Tajiri def. La Resistance to retain the Tag Team Championship
– Randy Orton def. Christian
– Edge bitches to Bischoff
– Trish slaps Christy to end their collective Playboy pimp time
– Kane def. Simon Dean
– HBK says Angle should focus on his match at No Way Out
– HHH and Batista argue about who will take care of JBL
– Edge def. Batista via DQ when HHH took out the ref to get Batista’s attention due to JBL’s limo arriving.
-Batista goes to the parking lot alone and HHH saves him from getting run down by the car.
The Raw Membrane
Legally
– Candice Michelle is guilty of indecency.
– Muhammed Hassan is guilty of interrupting an American wardrobe malfunction.
– Roddy Piper is guilty of being a hypocrite and using up too many “second” chances.
– Stacy is guilty of forgoing that middle ground where…you’re an idiot Stacy.
– Gene Snitsky is guilty of assault with a chair.
– Randy Orton is guilty of being a thief. Orton beating Christian steals a rung from Christian on the ladder.
– Edge is guilty of being a whiny bitch.
– Trish is guilty of assault on Christy.
– Christy is guilty of slander for saying Trish has slept with half the locker room.
– HHH is guilty of being a lifesaver. What a great man.
Personally
– This is wonderful. You have the beauty and awesomeness that is Victoria, yet Ms. GoDaddy and Trimspa’s Playboy chick will get the airtime. Christy even says she is training for matches now! Fan-F’n-tastic.
– Is Chris Jericho becoming The Patriot?
– Roddy Piper…Roddy Piper…spare me. Yes, he should be in the Hall of Fame. It just amazes me that this business gives back more than baseball with Steve Howe.
– I’m done talking about Stacy, it’s friggin’ hopeless. Eric, I don’t care how strong the soap is, she’s done.
– The chair shot Snitsky gave Benjamin was nasty! I think he killed Benjamin’s unborn baby.
– Kane needs to get someone pregnant pronto, because killing Simon Dean sucks.
– Christian = Awesome Randy Orton = Not so much. Seriously, what happened to the concussions? You really couldn’t put Christian over there? C’MON!
– Edge probably wishes his neck was still broken.
– WWE Films, were you watching? Great job by both HHH and Batista in their dramatic action sequence. They should redo that scene with the donkey and have Flair “WHOOO!” the donkey again.
SmackDown 02.17.05
– Rey Mysterio def. Doug Basham
– JBL tells Long he didn’t try to run Batista over.
– Funaki, Paul London and Shannon Moore def. Spike, Chavo and Akio
– Kurt Angle def. Danny Gimondo
– John Cena def. Booker T to reach the #1 Contender Match at No Way Out.
– JBL goes over the plan for Batista’s arrival. He also mentions that something like this was the reason he fired Amy Webber.
– Heidenreich laughs at Booker T
– Luther Reigns def. Nunzio.
– Undetaker def. Mark Jindrak
– Cena and Angle verbally spar.
– Batista wrecks JBL’s limo with a bat. Orlando and The Bashams give chase, but return to the ring as Big Show confronts JBL. Batista makes the save and Demonbusters and DemonBombs Jordan.
The Smackdown Membrane
Legally
-Batista is guilty of destroying property. Funny how a Raw guy has to show up for some illegal stuff to happen on this show.
Personally
– Rey Mysterio is always fun to watch, even in ungodly situations.
– The first crack in the JBL going after Batista facade: JBL denies his involvement. Very nice.
– I (heart) cruiserweights. They are just so much fun with flippy and floppy and brake your necky.
– Kurt Angle vs. Danny Gimondo = MOTYC.
– Cena over Booker T was to be expected, but was good nonetheless. People are working hard to get Cena over.
– Good way of getting rid of Amy Webber’s name. She’s probably over in Japan “back at work” right now. Am I going to get subpoenaed for that?
– Heidenreich, as I said in the Roundtable, Heidenreich is a mutant Dale Jr.
– Luther/Jindrak/Undertaker/Nunzio…one of these ones is not like the other.
– I absolutely approve of the backstage meeting with Angle and Cena. Bringing up their history and how far it dates back was great.
– Batista was great in bringing the Rawsomeness.
The Math: No Way Out 2005
Eddie + Rey Mysterio + Tag Team Belts = Odd. Yeah it’s fantastic to watch and they will have great matches with a sub par division, but it’s not as if they will revive this corpse.
Booker T + Heidenreich + any ring = Noooooooooo! Honestly, why do us hard working fans have to pay for this?
Cruiserweights + Flippy Floppy + Chavo becoming champion = nothing. I like Chavo, I do. But why not give it to London, or Moore or keep it on Funaki. This is the equivalent of busting your ass to get back to square one.
Undetaker + Luther Reigns = Once again, why pay? Why? Why should I pay for this when it could be used on SmackDown? God knows this isn’t a PPV match. Bet you didn’t know God was a wrestling fan.
John Cena + Kurt Angle + Wrestlemania Title Shot = Awesome. Now I wonder if they will take the US Belt off of Cena before Wrestlemania.
JBL + Big Show + Barbed Wire Steel Cage + big hole = Well, that’s one way to get out of this situation. A horrible way, but a way nonetheless. But once again, for the paying customer this is absolute bullshit.
Cena + Dave + shenanigans + JBL + Cabinet = The best part of the PPV. Scary isn’t it? You pay all this money and the best part is the, pretty much, post PPV zaniness.
Overall, this wasn’t “I must pay to see this!” material. But honestly, what do you expect from a PPV who’s entire purpose is to build for a WWE Title match at Wrestlemania? Everything else is just fodder, especially this year.
The Crown Of Thorns: Raw
– Batista will choose to face Triple H after finding out that Triple H set him up the entire time.
– Eric Bischoff will challenge Teddy Long for Wrestlemania.
– Matt Hardy will return and take out Gene Snitsky.
– Edge will spear Chris Jericho through the TitanTron because he’s “…never had a fair shot!”
The Crown Of Thorns: SmackDown
– John Cena will get jumped by the Cabinet. Orlando Jordan will stab him in the kidney, screaming “It was bitch!”
– Big Show will chokeslam JBL off of the fist on the stage.
– Kazarian will win the Cruiserweight Title from Chavo,
– Eddie and Rey will eat tacos.
Victoria Rules Because:
Someone paid over six hundred dollars for her signed, event worn boots!
Visit Victoria at ViciousVixen.com
I received an email the other day about Victoria from a reader named VD2820, talking to me about Victoria and the sadness of seeing her as she currently is. Check it out:
Dan,
Just like you, I am a huge Victoria fan and it is just disheartening to look at her current position in the WWE. It just baffles me as to why a woman who just happens to be immensely talented and attractive isn’t being given a fair opportunity to shine at a time where they could use some strong female talent in the company. Among other things, I can’t help but think that her whole career in general has been sabotaged by the company. With that in mind, I wanted to bring up certain points to support my claim.
-Ever since Chyna left the WWF/E in 2001, it seems like the only women that the WWE have cared about (if you don’t count anyone involved with the diva search and Sable’s year-long comeback) are Trish, Lita, Stacy and Torrie. Do you ever notice that virtually all the publicity concerning women in the WWE for the past few years have basically revolved around those four women?
-When Victoria debuted as a wrestler, she was following a pattern that was prevalent on Raw at the time, which was that who was the next woman to beat up on “poor” Trish? In her case, as with Jazz and Molly before her, her whole purpose was to make sure that she got absolutely no credit at all for what she did while the company continued to suck up to Trish. Now I know what you’re thinking, that this is supposed to happen because they are heels and that you are obviously supposed to support the face. But as I have and will continue to point out, the WWE has an extreme bias towards women that have been useful to the company dating back to when they were really successful.
-By late 2003, Victoria was starting to get cheered for what she was doing, while Trish was involved in a high-profile angle with Jericho and Christian. With these two factors in place, the company decided that Victoria should work as a face and in addition, Trish should turn on Jericho to make their angle more intriguing. However, this is where one can see just who the WWE truly cares for and who they don’t. With Victoria’s face turn, there was no defining moment when she turned face, her character was changed without an on-screen explanation, and when she was women’s champion during this time, she didn’t have a well-built up feud with another woman. On the opposite end, Trish turned on Jericho during the most heavily-promoted PPV in the company’s history, provided an explanation the night after, and would receive shit loads of time to build her new character. While I’m on this subject, I should point out that last year, Victoria wasn’t on the Raw before a PPV on three (!) separate occasions, twice of which were women’s title defenses. In fact, did you know that she virtually wasn’t on Raw for four weeks in the period from the night after Wrestlemania XX to Backlash? And in addition, I recently read in a Victoria interview from the middle of last year that it was the company’s decision to ditch her increasingly popular character, with the added fact she misses playing that character. Decisions like these can really make you think about the company’s priorities…
-When Victoria’s second women’s title reign ended, it ended in a way that deemed her as insignificant. Not only did she not appear on the Raw before the PPV in which she lost her title, but she was not a factor in the outcome, and wasn’t even on TV the next night, while just about all of the other women on RAW did appear. At this point, given the WWE’s history of forgetting people who they would release (i.e. Hulk Hogan in 1993), I thought that they were going to release her. Even though she did face off against Trish the week after, she was soon stuck on Heat, as Trish continued to get TV time even though she was injured, Lita was “pregnant” and the Diva Search was about to begin.
-By the time Trish recovered from her injury, the WWE set up a September PPV match between her and Victoria. However, they spent virtually no time in building up this match, as by this point, they were set on building Trish vs. Lita. During this period came a moment which made me stop watching WWE TV. On the night of Lita’s wedding, there came a moment when Victoria was complaining about the wedding to Bichoff. Then, HHH pushes her aside to talk to Bichoff himself. At that point, I realized that this is how the WWE truly felt about Victoria, and this, combined with other factors such as Eugene, Orton’s face push, and the Diva Search, made me quit watching the WWE for once and for all. Before I go on, you must be wondering why I continue to follow the company. Simply put, I follow just to see if things get any better, but in my opinion, they haven’t.
-By late last year, while Trish vs. Lita was in full swing, the WWE released several of their female wrestlers and replaced them with diva search rejects. Given the WWE’s desire to push a feud between their two most popular female wrestlers and desire to have these new, talent less women show their stuff, Victoria was hardly given any T.V. time. When she was, it was simply to make everyone else look really good. In fact, since the November releases, Victoria has only been on Raw three times. Once to get beat up for five minutes in a six minute tag match, once to get squashed by Trish, and once to have the diva search winner upstage everyone. What’s even more disturbing is now that Lita is injured, one must think that Victoria should be given another shot since there are no other female face wrestlers. But instead, it seems that they are going ahead with the diva search winner vs. Trish. In building up this feud, I would assume that they are going to use Victoria as a too! l to continue go get both women over, which would be an absolute disgrace.
To sum up, I think that this whole time, they never really wanted Victoria to be as popular as a Trish or a Lita, and that they just wanted to bury her for the sake of putting over their perennial cash cows, as well as their Diva Search women. I wouldn’t be as sure that this was the case if it wasn’t for their proven track record of burying male talent (Jericho, RVD, Booker, Hurricane, Eugene, etc.). In their case, it seemed that it scared them that a woman that they wouldn’t usually care about was getting popular, so they did everything in their power to ruin her career in the WWE. Worse yet, it seems like she can’t leave the company on her own power, as there is no other wrestling organization that has the money and security that the WWE has. You shouldn’t wish what has happened to her on anyone, and as a huge Victoria fan that has happened to have the chance to meet her; I can’t help but feel extremely sorry for her. I’m sorry that I had to write so much, but since you are a Victoria fan like myself, I figured that you would understand this more so than others in the IWC, as nowadays it seems like they all have a hard-on for Trish.
VD (I still get a kick out of typing that): I agree with you that her position is completely unfortunate and she isn’t being utilized like she should be. Additionally, you provide great facts to back up your claim. The only disagreement I have is when you say “On the night of Lita’s wedding, there came a moment when Victoria was complaining about the wedding to Bichoff. Then, HHH pushes her aside to talk to Bichoff himself. At that point, I realized that this is how the WWE truly felt about Victoria…”The only reason I disagree is because you’re looking at things way too deeply right there. That’s kind of like me saying that it troubled me when I saw Triple H having sex with a corpse, because I truly felt as though he was telling us all that he liked banging dead people. If he does then that’s his thing, but in terms of Victoria, that probably won’t stand up. It is more of a moment in time where you can look at it and say, “Damn, she’s screwed.” I remember that when I saw that, I actually wanted Victoria to take a swing at Triple H, even if she got the hell kicked out of her. Sadly enough, I only wanted this so she would get more TV time. At least she just signed a lease for a new restaurant, so maybe we can check her out there. Great research though.
The Voice Of This Person
Once again, I’m breaking away from normal format here to deal with Jason Giambi. This stems from last week and two emails I received regarding Jason. First, from Jason Mis:
So Giambi blatantly cheated and smeared the integrity of his profession, but on the other hand he didn’t commit perjury when cornered and confessed to the public two months later and only then after his testimony got out. This makes him a “stand-up guy”? Is this really what we’re down to in sports? We’re giving guys credit for not committing further crimes to cover up their initial ones? How are Giambi’s actions lessened by the fact that Bonds and Canseco are even worse? What he did is indefensible. Forget about an asterisk, his stats should be wiped off the records like he never existed. Any awards he has won should be voided just like a cheating Olympian losing his medals. I think that would make a bigger statement than any suspension or ban. He absolutely should be crucified, he just shouldn’t hang alone. (and I haven’t even cared about baseball since the 1994 strike) Oh well, at least you have the taste to like Victoria.
That’s right, I love me some Victoria…however, I must rebut. Ok, here’s the thing: Giambi is being as “stand-up” as possible. Giambi’s actions aren’t lessened by what Bonds and Canseco are doing, but Bonds and Canseco’s actions are worsened by what they are doing, follow? Giambi did steroids and told the truth. Bonds took steroids (HIS HEAD…HIS FUCKING HEAD) and he’s lied about it. Someone as meticulous as Bonds is with his training not knowing that the “stuff” for his knee was steroids? C’mon! That’s way too weak. Canseco admits it freely, but only does so because he needs to make money. I’m not saying Giambi is a great human but so far, he’s the only one to come clean, even if it was only because he was under oath. He could’ve just lied like Bonds and Sheffield. He didn’t. He told the truth, which is all we can cross our fingers and hope for these days.
Now onto the opposite, from ABarker:
Will I be booing Giambi on April 11th… yes… will it be about steroids… no… it will be equal opportunity as I only dislike the Yankees because they’re the Yankees, not necessarily specific players (ok, maybe A-Rod). Do I have a great deal more respect for Giambi than almost every other player in the game… yes… I think it takes a real man to confess his mistakes and attempt to make things better. I also feel that his public apology was more than adequate, even without mentioning steroids, since he has already confessed that before going in front of the grand jury, and now can not mention it. It takes balls to come clean like Giambi has.
EXACTLY…wait…man…FUCK BOSTON! Also, Mike Greenwell, great Boston Red Sox guy huh? He wants the AL MVP from Canseco. Out of this whole situation, Greenwell looks the shittiest to be honest. Good luck finding that trophy on Ebay or Hunt’s Point or wherever Canseco sold it for crack.
Also, since nobody on the Yankees will say it, I will: Fuck Trot Nixon. What did he do for Boston to help them win the Series? Two words, one name saved Boston: Dave Roberts. Fuck him too.
Yea, I’m bitter, f*ck off.
News and Thoughts
– Jeff Jarrett apparently has to have the idea chanted to him now. Yes Jeff, you should drop the damn belt. This isn’t good ol’ heel heat; people hate you because you are ruining your own company. People want you to lose your title not because you are a top-level heel who gets people to hate his every move. Rather, they want you to lose the title because you f*cking suck. When people chant “Drop The Belt” at you, you should probably drop the belt of die a “wrestling related” death to be remembered well.
– Matt Hardy may have a handicap match at Wrestlemania. I say handicap because he has one leg and Gene Snitsky may be in the ring as well. That’s like Timmay and Jimmay fighting against Cartman if Kane gets involved.
– God bless Vince McMahon. He needs some friggin’ punch and pie. Both quads!? DAMN!
– Amy Webber might file a lawsuit against WWE. Better hope the GoDaddy skank and Hemme cash in for you Vince, because this geisha whore wants to take your company to town. I’m just wondering what liquid they poured on her to wake her up. You know when people say “…a liquid…” that it isn’t normal liquid.
– Johnny Ace is on thin ice. I knew certain things sucked for a reason. BOOMER SOONER!
Plugging It In
– We’ve got some new blood in Matt, Jeremy, Dave and Big Andy Mac. Welcome to the circus kids, you’ve got the barbed wire trapeze. We haze, it’s loving.
– Blatt teaches the art of writing and email to us. To add to this, if you want to say f*ck you, say f*ck you, do not spell it the “cool way” like PHA-Q. That’s just silly.
– Jed keeps on keepin’ on and it is awesome. I can see it, I really can.
– Speaking of seeing, “Ray” is fantastic. There were certain points where I forgot I was watching Jamie Foxx. Unreal.
– Click on the banner and check out my 10 Minutes With Kim Raver!
Le Crucifix…SUCKA!
What the f*ck is that doing there? That’s just weird.
I’m out! Peace…through superior firepower.
