The SmarK RAW Rant – February 21, 2005
– Well, Gene Snitsky and Muhammad Hassan have been added to the opening, which says…something.
– Live from Penn State.
– Your hosts are JR & King.
– RAW Women’s title: Trish Stratus v. Molly Holly v. Victoria. Oh hey, it’s the entire division in the same match again. Molly attacks Victoria as the announcers start ignoring the match in earnest, talking about Batista instead. Victoria comes back with a moonsault on Molly for two, and one on Trish, but it’s blocked for two by Trish. She chokes Victoria down in the corner as Molly seems to have vanished from the earth. Victoria gets the sideslam for two as Molly reappears to save. A suplex on Victoria gets two, and Molly counters the bulldog from Trish and gets two. Molly and Trish stop to double-team Victoria and then break up, allowing Victoria to roll Trish up for two. She comes back and backdrops Molly, but Trish slugs away. Chick kick is blocked and Victoria headbutts (?!?) her down, then blocks the Molly Go Round and gets the Widow’s Peak for two. Trish steals the pin at 3:48. Just saw that finish a couple of weeks ago, but whatever. They might as well retire the Women’s title, because the division is dead and no one is in Trish’s league anyway. Eight million rollups here for some reason. *
– Meanwhile, HHH & Flair discuss all things Batista. Just like everyone.
– Pulp Fiction Wrestlemania ad with Eddie & Booker, which while not as funny as the first two, actually does a better job selling the PPV.
– Meanwhile, Trish continues her vendetta against the red-headed chick while some other chick stands there laughing at the cheap innuendo like a teenage girl. Trish smacks her around, so it’ll probably lead up to a gravy bowl match or something because it’s not like they can pay it off with a wrestling match.
– Meanwhile, Shawn gives a peptalk to Randy Orton, talking about making his name at Wrestlemania in the ladder match, while a LADDER is in the background for no other apparent reason. That’s pretty cool if intentional.
– Quick bitch: As noted before, WWE is a big supporter of the stupid.ca anti-smoking initiative thing here in Canada and they air anti-smoking commercials all the time, but then show the Basic Instinct promo, with Stacy featured with a cigarette in her mouth as a focal point, in heavy rotation.
– Simon Dean v. Chris Jericho. We join Simon doing some incredibly cheap heat, and Jericho quickly sends him to the apron and dropkicks him off. He drops him on the railing, but Dean comes back with some jobber offense in the ring and works a chinlock. Jericho dropkicks him coming off the middle rope and comes back with chops and the enzuigiri. Lionsault misses as usual and Dean takes him down with an STO for two, but the Walls of Jericho finish at 3:39. Time to go, Simon. *
– Meanwhile, Teddy Long and Eric Bischoff debate what will and will not be off the heezy fo’ sheezy. This allows Shawn to sneak in and ask Teddy for a match with Kurt Angle. I think I’d also like them to sign Randy Jackson up and have a hip street lingo battle with Teddy. They can call each other “dog” and “playa”. It’ll be GOLD.
– Tyson Tomko v. Kane. Tomko attacks to start and quickly gets laid out and elbowed for two. Corner clothesline follows, but Tomko hits him with a boot coming out of the corner to take over. He does some weak punches on the mat and pounds away into a facelock, but Kane boots out of it and goes up. Flying clothesline sets up the chokeslam, but Tomko ducks (what a counter!) , forcing Kane to get a terrible looking slam and work him over in the corner, then finish with a chokeslam at 3:29. Well, Tomko’s a LITTLE better than Snitsky, at least. 1/2*
– Muhammad Hassan comes out and claims that NO ONE on RAW can beat him. That’s always a bad idea. Chris Benoit comes out to accept that challenge. But Hassan doesn’t want the match tonight, so Benoit attacks him anyway, which leads to the predictable heel beatdown. Well, if anyone can get something out of this guy, it’s Benoit.
– Randy Orton & Shawn Michaels v. Edge & Christian. You know, the repeated reuniting of E&C without ever mentioning their on-screen relationship really boggles my mind. If Kane and Undertaker can still be “brothers”, why not Edge & Christian, who at least are both portrayed as human beings and not undead zombies with romantic problems? Christian starts with Orton, who slugs him down and poses right away, causing his charisma meter to go up. Oh, wait, I keep confusing him with a video game character, sorry. Christian takes him into the corner, but gets hiptossed and headlocked. E&C lure Orton into the corner for some offbeat shenanigans, but Orton rolls up Edge for two. He starts working the arm and brings in Shawn, who gets a kneelift and a chop for two. Edge quickly slugs him back down and lets Christian have at it again, but he doesn’t have much better luck. He meets all three turnbuckles in the corner and gets backdropped out of the other corner, and that gets two. Christian comes back with a good old face rake and brings Edge back in. Shawn gets an awkward Thesz Press and slugs away, but Shawn cradles Christian for two. He grabs a headlock and works on that, fighting off a suplex attempt and holding on. I’ve always liked that tenacious headlock spot, especially if taken to ridiculous extremes like Barry Windham used to do. Christian uses the hair to break and Edge pulls down the top rope, and right on cue we take a break as Edge gets a cheapshot in. We return with Edge getting a dropkick on Shawn for two. Christian goes up and gets hammered coming down, however, and Shawn gets the neckbreaker for the double KO. Hot tag Orton, who dumps Christian and pounds on Edge’s chest with the CLUBBING FOREARMS. Christian goes up to save, but Orton knocks him to the floor and goes up himself, and the high cross gets two. E&C come back with a double-team neckbreaker, however, and Edge gets two. So the heels are back in control and they stomp away in the corner, allowing Christian to drop an elbow for two. They try another double-team, a flapjack this time, but Orton turns it into a double DDT and everyone is out again. Hot tag #2 is Shawn Michaels, and he’s the proverbial house of fire. Backdrop suplex on Christian gets two. Ref gets bumped and Edge spears Orton, but Shawn goes up and hits Christian with the flying elbow to set up the superkick. Edge saves Christian from that and posts Shawn in the process, then they set up for the long-forgotten CONCHAIRTO! Shawn ducks, however, to spoil the nostalgia, and Christian eats a superkick to finish at 18:09. If Angle can do a job at the PPV last night, you’d think Shawn could help elevate Edge and Christian. HAHAHAHAHAHA, sorry, forgot who I was talking about. Great TV match, though. ***3/4 But more importantly: What did the Randy Orton concussion angle lead up to? Anything?
– Meanwhile, Edge agrees with me and attacks Shawn backstage.
– Steven Richards v. Chris Masters. Oh hey, it’s another generic roid freak, yay. Masters does some overpowering of Richards to start, then overpowers him into the corner after no-selling an enzuigiri. Backdrop suplex and he does more overpowering in the corner. Stevie fights back with chops, but gets powered down by a Polish hammer. Yeah, a Polish hammer. Full nelson finishes at 1:57. Yeah, a full nelson. 1/4* Masters is just another vanilla musclehead who brings nothing new to the table, aside from what I can only assume is someone getting nostalgic for the 80s.
– Intercontinental title: Shelton Benjamin v. Snitsky. Apparently Lillian hasn’t gotten the memo about Snitsky no longer having a first name. Shelton slugs away to start and kicks the leg out of his leg, then hits him with a running knee and takes him out of the ring with a Cactus clothesline. Well, someone sure means business. Back in, Shelton works him over with knees, but gets taken down with an armbar. Snitsky yells a lot and stomps him down, then follows with a sideslam for two. He goes to a wristlock and clearly calls about a month’s worth of spots right on camera, but Shelton knocks him down and follows with the corner splash. Snitsky knees him down and grabs a chair, but this time Shelton kicks it back in his face. Snitsky isn’t too bright. But then neither is Shelton, as he grabs the chair and knocks him silly for the DQ at 3:07. Well, Snitsky sure had that one coming. Just for all the bad matches, if nothing else. 1/4*
– Meanwhile, HHH is so frustrated with Batista’s lateness tonight that he accidentally blabs the entire evil plan on camera, thus revealing what was obvious all along. And of course, guess who was standing outside the dressing room all along. Man, the cameraman is kind of a dick, then. Not a good way to finally pay off the angle.
– Main event contract signing: Yes, the ring is red, so it must be a contract signing. We are joined by Bischoff, Teddy, Batista, HHH and Flair. Both GMs make their case, which seems to come down to “Sign with me or my job is in jeopardy” when you think about it. And if you DO think about it, why would the board of governors, which presumably covers both shows, care which side Batista ended up on anyway? Are there separate boards of governors for RAW and Smackdown? Does Vince oversee both? This is making my head hurt, so we’ll move on. Batista ponders it, with the crowd clearly siding with RAW (duh), and then HHH adds his viewpoint. He asks Dave to remember the Four Horsemen and DX and what if Arn Anderson had been WWE champion 15 years before there was a WWE or something. So Batista throws down the RAW contract, then offers a nice callback, giving HHH the thumbs down and finally turning on Evolution. A demon bomb through the table for HHH follows. Well, so much for THAT evil plan. Too bad they nearly ruined the moment with that stupid “let’s explain the entire storyline for the really stupid viewers” segment before the break.
The Inside Pulse:
The treadmill that is RAW lately continues, as there doesn’t appear to be anything on tap for Wrestlemania for anyone besides Evolution and Shawn Michaels at this point. One really good TV match helped out a lot and it was nice of them to finally pull the trigger on the Batista turn, albeit in really obvious fashion, but there’s certainly nothing at Wrestlemania to make me really interested to see it yet.
