Ten years ago, the whole “athletes = entertainers” experiment was picking up steam all through the mainstream.
Shaquille O’Neal was acting (alongside then-teammate Penny Hardaway) in Blue Chips and a certified platinum recording artist. Why should biological bother, when over a million listeners already do?
Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor was co-main eventing”¦oh, hell, if you’re reading this site, then I don’t have to tell you”¦
And, of course, there was NBA star Dennis Rodman as Simon Phoenix.
Well, a decade ago, this trend collided with another from the exact same time period: the low-budget movie adapted from a video game. I’m looking at you Super Mario Bros., Double Dragon and”¦Street Fighter.
Truth be told, I’m actually looking at Street Fighter: The Soundtrack, because that’s where it all began. Specifically, on track #10:
Straight To My Feet-Hammer feat. Deion Sanders
Hammer was essentially done as a marketable act after the complete retail rejection of his faux gangsta gimmick featured on the Funky Headhunter LP. Sanders was an All Pro cornerback and a decent Major League baseball player blessed with the gift of gab n’ loads of charisma to spare. So, why not bring ’em both together for a song?
Believe it or not, the video (I am not kidding) was in heavy rotation on the fan-determined playlist of The Box, a call-in cable TV request channel devoted to videos. So, in the shadow of Shaq and striking while the iron was hot, Deion signed with Hammer’s Bust It label.
In January of 1995, Prime Time was unleashed upon an unsuspecting Earth.
Now, I know you don’t expect “That Bootleg Guy” to go it alone on this one. And, since misery loves company, I’ve invited my friend and fellow Friday fixture, Nick Salemi to agonize along with me.
Here are Nick’s initial thoughts going in:
This was maybe the first time I actually bought a CD knowing it was going be awful and went ahead and bought it, anyway. Maybe I was conducting my own personal Pavlov experiment, since I was probably in a psychology class at the time this atrocity was released. I don’t remember getting any lab credits for it though.
$16 for a cheap laugh?
Now I know what you might think, “What did you expect from a Deion Sanders album?” Obviously, not much, but nothing could have prepared me for the awfulness that lied within. While re-listening to this, I felt like the guy who made that Super Size Me movie.
With each song, I started feeling worse, and it got to the point where I somehow felt personally responsible for it.
Deion Sanders presents Prime Time“¦
Prime Time Keeps on Ticking
Aaron: OK”¦if I’m admitting that I own this album, then I might as well take it one step farther and say that this track isn’t half-bad. Well, actually, it is half bad, but that’s mostly because of, well”¦you know who.
The beat, on the other hand, is from Sean Barney Thomas, who was the uncredited co-producer on some of Death Row Records biggest hits from the same era. The bass and synth are breezy and lightweight, but good enough for what it is.
Here, Deion tells us that his “Prime Time” persona is a 24/7 dilemma, but he still has time to videotape his sexual encounters, make records, with a teaser that he’d be conquering Hollywood “next year”. So, I guess someone did try to warn us about Celtic Pride.
“Called the limo, so I can go to the stadium.
Michael Irvin called, so we must be playin’ ’em”¦”
Y U NV Me
Aaron: Talk about groundbreaking! This brutha was text messaging song titles last century! Not a whole lotta Deion on this one, as he hands over the mic to Deuce Deuce. And, with that kind of name value from beginning to end”¦
Umm”¦I guess the truncated title explains it all. Still, it’s notable for a few things. First, this was supposed to be the second single from the album and, supposedly, there’s a video for it that was never released. Second, there’s a couple of times that “n*gga” is used, which, for some reason, is funny as hell on a Deion Sanders album.
Finally, there’s a “call-in radio” outro, where Deion voices one of the “callers”. That’s right”¦I said supposed to be the second single.
“I gotta be me, that’s the bottom line
‘Frisco gave me the contract and Prime signed the dotted line”¦”
Must Be the Money
Nick: This song and video have become a clich锦THE standard, if you will, for arrogant athletes (Please see Any Given Sunday for a nice, mocking tribute to the video.) I imagine the NFL must play the video for rookies during their training camp orientation.
I still haven’t figured out what the hell he’s talking about at the end of the song when he says:
“”¦my library cards gon’ turn into credit cards”.
Somehow, I didn’t picture Deion having a library card. Or, credit cards for that matter. Mildly amusing, but the novelty wears off”¦fast.
It’s All Real
Nick: Brace yourself for some lyrics to go:
I grew up in Fort Myers, down in Florida
My momma had to work 2 jobs to support us
and
My homies call me prime / my number’s 21
and you can see me on the field havin much fun
Yup, it’s all real. Those are the real lyrics.
2 B Me
Nick: This gem sounds like a 3rd rate version of a Dogg Pound track from around 94-95″¦minus Nate Dogg, Kurupt, Daz and Dr. Dre’s production. What does that leave us with?
A cheesy G-funk beat with Prime Time dropping possibly the worst words ever spoken on wax (and I do mean spoken since this guy basically just talks over the beat):
Me, Myself and I / Me plays football / myself plays baseball/ and I rhyme
I’m still in awe, and not in the “can you believe that punt return?” way. Starting to feel nauseous.
Say Hi To The Bad Guy
Aaron: Weird up-tempo, bass-heavy beat that sounds more like 2 Live Crew should be the ones spitting sh*tty rhymes on it. At least their mediocrity is established. You know the routine, by now”¦we hate him because he plays football, baseball, etc. But, this one does include my choice (so far) for worst line on the album:
“I kick this”¦like a game of kickball.”
I guess “hacky sack” would’ve sounded ridiculous.
We Can Roll
Aaron: Finally”¦ Deion leaves the incessant sports references behind, in favor of materialism and women. Whew, I was wondering when he’d get back to that. The beat isn’t bad, as it could’ve passed on a Lil’ ½ Dead or Domino album from the early ’90s. This one has a place close to my heart, if for no other reason than the handful of times that Deion makes a point by using “iggedy”.
For example, in the first verse he raps about taking a shower, with the water falling on him (“driggedy drip”). He doesn’t just check out women, he “chiggedy checks” ’em out. Who knew that E-40’s Snoop Dogg’s “shizzles” and “fizzles” actually had a Beta version?
“Out of control.
The sun has now been taken prisoner by the moon
The nightfall is cold”¦”
House of Prime
Nick: (Chorus)
Huff and puff baby / blow the house down (repeat 3 X)
This is the House of Prime and only I can tear it down
Wow, we’re in free-fall mode here. I just remembered he was the host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live when this came out. Anyone have THAT on tape? I’m waiting”¦
It Ain’t Over Yet (?)
Nick: I added the question mark. This song title pretty much sums up how I feel at this point on the CD (track 10).
Movin’
Nick: Deion had an unbelievable season in 1994, his rent-a-cornerback year for the San Francisco 49ers. He returned 3 interceptions for touchdowns, won his first Super Bowl ring”¦
Yes, I know I’m not talking about the song. It’s intentional.
Heidy Heidy Hey
Aaron: In the first verse, Deion’s back-up vocalist chimes in with, “No j-o-o-o-ke, let the mic smoke”¦” Then, Deion comes in with, “Slam it when I’m done and make sure it’s broke.” If this had only been the first track. Prime Time is using his “ly-berry” voice here, as he’s just barely audible on what’s ostensibly his attempt at a club track.
You know he’s hard up for material, when he resorts to spelling his entire name (both given and “Prime” nickname) for what amounts to the entire third verse. Listeners with sharp ears will note that he pronounces his “R’s” the same way that Hoke, from Driving Miss Daisy, did.
Papa San
Aaron: If there’s no other song that you download from this album, Lord let it be this one. It’s a tribute to Deion’s late father, as Prime sends this out to everyone “who couldn’t say those three words that we took for granted”.
Serious and somber Deion Sanders is hilarity in its highest form. I can only compare it to those aspiring stand-up comedians who show up as Sportscenter anchors. Ever notice how those guys look equal parts uncomfortable and unconvincing any time they have to tell us that some athlete got arrested or is due in court or overdosed. And, if you’re Michael Irvin, that résumé might get you hired.
By the way, I have a new favorite for worst lyric:
“Pop Sanders”¦Daddy Buck”¦Pimp Stick is what they all called my father.”
Pimp Stick! I’m demanding that my son refers to me this way”¦if only so I can see his teacher’s face on his first day of Kindergarten.
Sum’n About That Woman
Nick: Holy sh*t. We’re at threat level red here. There’s plenty of R&B crooning here to pass the time and an unnamed (smart move on his part) guest “MC” that helps him out. And as you can guess, he definitely needs help here”¦here’s Neon’s take on men who abuse their spouse”¦.
“So give respect to the women of today
or you might find somethin lyin on the highway”
WHAT???
It’s On
Aaron: Ah, the requisite “sounds like 69 Boys” song, that every artist had to have in 1995. Damn you, Tootsie Roll. Hey, credit where it’s due”¦Deion actually sounds motivated here, which might not sound like much (it isn’t), but considering the state of somnambulance everywhere else on this album, it’s gotta count for something (it doesn’t).
“Come on everybody, let’s do it!
Now, let me see you go through it!
Put your left foot in and your right foot out
And let me see you go through it!”
And, so it ends.
Deion would somehow survive this sonic catastrophe and help the Dallas Cowboys complete their 1990s dynasty with a Super Bowl win in 1996. Prime Time the album pretty much killed off the “rappin’ jocks” craze for good, too. Shaquille O’Neal never recaptured his platinum prominence from earlier in the decade, while NBA stars Kobe Bryant and Allen Iverson both completed albums that were never released.
Still, Prime Time will always remind me of a simpler time. When Thursday nights at 9:00 meant New York Undercover and Alicia Silverstone was actually somebody.
I’m spent, so let’s have Nick take us out:
Maybe the best way to describe this album is with a sports metaphor. Clearly Deion’s people threw a deep pass trying to cash in on his success while his star was burning bright. Unfortunately, it was intercepted by absolute shittyness and returned for a touchdown.
And trust me, that’s the only place this album returned to, since the only reason I still have this is because I was too embarrassed to try and sell it used to a pawnshop.
Bad CD Final Rating for Deion: **** ½, drives off of a cliff to find god (minus ½ for him lying about driving off a cliff AND finding god).
