Recapped: Desperate Housewives – Episode 15


Before I even get to the meat and potatoes of this week’s Desperate Housewives recap, I’d like to toot my own horn and celebrate my crossover into the Music section of InsidePulse with my column dedicated to being the shameful owner of Wrestlemania: The Album.

The Undertaker…says…click: Dance With The Taker

I’m just shocked I managed to fit this one in between recapping two of the hottest shows on TV.

But I’d like to give props to a newcomer to the television realm: Robot Chicken. This Seth Green creation is genius, and is another notch in Adult Swim’s belt for being the cutting edge in adult animation comedy. If you haven’t watched it, catch the rerun on Cartoon Network at Midnight/11 Central on Thursday, February 24th. And don’t miss the next episode of Robot Chicken, 11:30/10:30 Central on Sunday, February 27th. In fact, just watch the entire Adult Swim block on Sunday until the Venture Brothers comes on. Because that show isn’t really good.

The only new thing in my e-mail is regarding my music column, so on with the recap!

Previously, on Desperate Housewives: Gabrielle admits to John that he was just her personal sex toy and that there was no real future between them, Tom rubs Lynette the wrong way by mentioning his crazy work life compared to Lynette’s newfound motherhood, Mike gets shot by a trigger-happy neighbor trying to find Dierdre for his boss, and Susan manages to catch Zach and Julie kissing on each other and find out that Mike might have something to do with Martha Huber’s death in a matter of weeks. Of course, the latter is due to evidence planted by the sly Paul Young.

Fade to white as we start in the Van De Kamp house, where Dead Woman Narrating sets up the scene by explaining Bree’s faith in old-fashioned values. Respect for God, the importance of family, and love of country. Bree believed so strongly in these values, it was a shock to her when she found people in her house who weren’t believing so strongly in them…as Bree finds a condom sorting through the laundry. Rex denies that it belongs to him, but the finger seems firmly pointed in his direction by Bree. Bree wants to kick Rex out, but Rex insists that it isn’t his, so Bree asks him who it could possibly belong to. So Rex points out that he’s not the only male in the house who uses that clothes hamper. Andrew? Rex doesn’t think it’s that unlikely, after all, he’s 16. Rex thinks that it’s a good idea to tell him that he’s too young and that he shouldn’t be doing that kind of thing, but the real question is, will it get through to him? Bree suggests taking away all of the condoms, but Rex thinks that even taking Andrew’s penis would keep him from trying to have sex. Rex must’ve seen Shatter Dead. Anyway, Bree doesn’t think they can just put it back, but Rex decides to put it another way: Does Bree want to become a grandmother? Bree has to think about that…and then we cut to Andrew’s room, as Dead Woman Narrating explains that Bree also believes in old-fashioned values, but also believed in being better safe than sorry.

You’re watching Desperate Housewives, closed captioning is sponsored by Ford. Six all-new vehicles, each built for the road ahead. Better safe than sorry. Choosy housewives choose Ford.

Back to Wisteria Lane, as each new morning in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies, little white ones that aren’t made to hurt, like lying about your spawn being an honor student, but to make life more pleasant, like the postman complimenting your looks. Lies are told to protect themselves and their reputation–like Carlos, who covers up his rampant crime with faulty banking online. But someone decides to tell the truth eventually…

…like Susan telling the other Housewives that Mike was shot in Some Random Housewives’ House. This naturally comes as a shock to the other housewives, but Susan thinks that there could be an explanation for everything, even the jewelry. After all, it was Lynette’s kids who came up with Mrs. Huber’s bracelet. What Susan is trying to say is that Lynette’s twins having done Mrs. Huber in is about as likely as Mike having done it. Lynette doesn’t think Mike did it either, but she doesn’t want to get arrested for withholding evidence. Bree thinks that if he really is innocent, then it should be an easy matter to clear up. But they’ll do whatever Susan wants to do. After a few moments, Susan finally caves in and allows Bree to call the police. Bree doesn’t know if she should call 911, though. Gabrielle doesn’t think it’s an emergency, but Lynette does point out that there was a murder. Bree adds on that it didn’t happen recently, and she doesn’t want to tie up the line–as Susan breaks up the pow-wow by just telling Bree to make the call.

Moving to the Mayer house, as Zach hands over an invitation to Julie while Susan is away. The invitation is to Zach’s pool party, but Julie doesn’t think that she can get it past her mother. Zach practically begs Julie since she’s the reason that he’s doing this, but Julie can only promise to do the best with her mother. No matter what, Zach has to disappear, and fast.

And now we’re off to the Solis house as a man greets Gabrielle on her way to the house. Gabrielle isn’t familiar with this man, so he introduces himself as Justin, John’s roommate. Justin is here to do a favor to Gabrielle. John has explained that Gabby can’t exactly afford a gardener right now, but Justin would be happy to do it, for free. Gabrielle is a little skeptical, but Justin suggests that he could do everything John did for her. Gabrielle turns down the offer, since Carlos is around a lot anymore with him being under house arrest and all, and if any bush needs trimming, Carlos can get it done. Okay, this is just a big innuendo piece, isn’t it? Dirty writers with their sick fantasies and their Moby Grape. Justin offers again, and Gabrielle denies him again, but Justin makes one last plea, grabbing Gabrielle’s arm rather forcefully in the process. So Gabrielle takes the time to explain why Carlos is home a lot: He’s under house arrest and very angry at the government. Justin would be the right person for him to take his anger out on, ironically. Justin releases his grip on Gabrielle, but still seems optimistic.

Now it’s over to the Scavo house, as Tom arrives home and tells Lynette that he didn’t get promoted to Vice President. Lynette comforts Tom’s broken pride as the boys play a game of noisy hockey over in the living room. Tom tries to calm them down or at least take them outside, but they continue on as Lynette asks Tom if he made it clear to his boss that he wanted the promotion. Tom wasn’t going to beg, having worked at that firm for 8 1/2 years, but Lynette just thinks that Tom should’ve stepped up from time to time, not exactly begged. Tom thinks that his leadership quality is quiet, but effective…as Lynette counters that by yelling at the kids to take it outside, and the kids obeying quickly.

And now we’re outside of the Mayer house with Zach long gone, as Susan begins to unload groceries from her car and runs into Mike. Susan has been avoiding Mike for the past two days, according to the Creepy Plumber himself, but Susan says that she’s just been grocery shopping, which Mike doesn’t buy at all. Mike asks about dinner tonight, and Susan stalls for time as officers come out of the woodwork to sneak up on Mike. Finally, Susan provides a diversion long enough for her to hit the ground so they can apprehend Mike. Mike is read his rights as Susan watches on in self-loathing.

Cut to the Van De Kamp house for dinner time as Andrew starts a topic regarding Zach’s pool party. More specifically, the intricate invitations that Zach created for them. Instead of putting flyers up somewhere, Andrew believes that Zach was just incapable of being cool and decided to make formal invitations for the party. Rex asks Andrew if he’s going, and Andrew is thinking about it, but they can always bail if it’s going to be as lame as they think it’s going to be. Bree asks about one of Andrew’s friends that are going along, Lisa, the one with the pierced belly button. Bree slowly begins to turn the subject towards sex as she mentions the frequent time that Andrew and Lisa spend together. Rex looks ashamed to be sitting through this, as Andrew doesn’t seem to be catching on. So Bree just moves along and mentions that Andrew will have a curfew of 11:00 on Saturday night. Andrew can’t believe that, since it’s a school night, and Rex sides with Andrew since he believes a curfew won’t solve anything. Bree has to take responsibility, though, but Andrew is in the middle of this, completely confused. Rex and Bree nod to each other, and Andrew then realizes that this must have something to do with the condom left in his room. Bree confirms this and then makes it clear to Andrew that should he get Lisa pregnant, he will marry her. Well, that was kinda jumping the gun, wasn’t it? Andrew laughs it off, and Bree doesn’t find it funny. But Andrew certainly does, because the condom isn’t even his. Uh-oh. The finger goes back to Rex, but Rex has already said his peace…that means…sure enough, the other female Van De Kamp (name escapes me now, but it’ll come because there’ll be more talk about it later in the show), as the girl basically fesses up to being the one in possession of the condom. Bree is just plain shocked at this point, and Rex seems somewhat staggered too, for a change.

And now, a word from our sponsors… Well, that was a nice swerve. Good to see that both Van De Kamp children are equally messed up in their own special ways. Andrew likes the sauce and sleazy strip bars–not to mention running over old ladies; and the female Van De Kamp just likes it raw.

Returning to the Van De Kamp house, as Bree needs to talk with Danielle (so that’s her name!) Anyway, Danielle shares that she is still a virgin, and Bree is glad of that, but why on Earth would she need a condom in that case? Well, it just so happens that Danielle is planning on having sex, and she doesn’t want to get pregnant. Bree reminds Danielle that she is president of the abstinence club. “I wasn’t planning on running for a second term.” That’s just black gold, baby. So Bree decides to ask a terrible question to Danielle about who she was planning to have sex with, and it turns out to be with John Rowland, the infidel himself. She didn’t break up with him, it was vice versa because Danielle wouldn’t give up her seat in the abstinence club, if you catch my drift. Bree thinks that Danielle might be better off if he’s that type of boy, but Danielle makes it clear that every boy at that school is “that type of boy”. And besides, John is different: She loves him. Bree is quick to point out that just because she gives a boy sex doesn’t mean that she’ll get love in return. That’s a cruel, but true way to break her heart. Only Bree. Danielle think that it’s JUST sex, and Bree understands those urges, but she waited until she got married to Rex, and that ended up making it all worth it. Of course, Danielle snipes back with the truth: Rex did end up cheating on Bree. Not to mention ever since Rex’s return, she’s been miserable. The walls are paper-thin, so Danielle hears more than she’s probably supposed to. Oh no. I hope she doesn’t know about that whole Rex wanting to be dominated thing. That’d just be awkward if I was a member of that family and I knew that my dad liked to be walked on with high heels until he got a heart attack. Danielle loves her mom and all, but Danielle belives Bree is the last person who should be giving advice about sex and happiness.

Moving to the Solis house, as Gabrielle gathers bills off the table and shows them to Carlos, asking if he’s seen the latest mail–more past due notices. Carlos says that he’s handling it, but Gabrielle is upset that the checking account is completely broke. And with the mortgage payment coming up and property taxes coming up–but Carlos tries to charm his way out of this, but Gabrielle knows that not everything is alright–the Solises are screwed. Carlos is convinced that things will turn around, but he doesn’t know when. Point is, they are lucky people and they will be lucky again. At this point, Gabrielle hears a motor whirring outside. Turns out that as she goes to the front door, Carlos reveals that a new gardener has been hired today to work for free as a friend of John’s. See, of course the Solises are lucky people.

Over to Some Random Company Softball Game, as Tim Duggan steps to the plate and smacks a liner to the gap as Tom provides bitter play-by-play with Lynette watching on. Duggan rounds third and is heading for home as Tom is about as bitter as can be, but expresses great joy in watching Duggan go down and eventually be tagged out. Lynette thinks that something is wrong, but Tom is convinced that Tim is just grandstanding until he sees the other players gathering around to perform CPR on Duggan. Both Tom and Lynette are in shock…

…as we return to the Mayer house with Julie beginning her pleas to Susan to go to Zach’s pool party, since everyone’s gonna be there. Susan stands by her negative response, and Julie wonders if she’s doomed to stay in a boy-free zone until she’s eighteen. Susan is going to allow her to see boys in a couple of years, but certainly not Zach Young. Susan doesn’t hate Zach, but she thinks that he’s sort of crazy. Julie has heard some describe her mother as crazy, but Susan says there’s a difference: She’s “adorable crazy”. Zach is “rampage crazy”. There’s nothing adorable about Susan making an ass out of herself every episode. It’s another “a” word: Annoying. Here comes a knock on the door, as it’s Detective Copeland wanting to ask some questions about the Creepy Plumber. Basically, Copeland wants to know about Mike’s whereabouts on the 7th of last month, which happens to be the night that they are led to believe that Martha Huber was murdered or at least went missing. Susan definitely remembers that night, though, since it was the first night that Susan and Mike…”did it”, as Julie finishes. Julie knew because she found men boxers in the clothes hamper, and Susan asks the detective not to right that down. Susan thinks that this is good news because now Mike can be let go, but this is assuming that the alibi for Mike doing the horizontal bop with Susan is true. Julie defends this story with the morning after and Susan making pancakes out of little hearts. Susan gives Julie a playful slap on the knee for sharing a little too much with the Detective. And…scene.

Going to the Solis house, as Gabrielle is just stepping out of the bathtub and getting a robe on as Justin is in the door to her bedroom. Justin announces that the hedges are done and asks if Carlos wants anything more done, but Carlos is in a meeting with his lawyer so he’s not exactly around. Gabrielle doesn’t think that this is going to be the time that Justin is looking for, asking him to leave. Justin thinks that if they just hang out, she’ll realize that he can be a lot of fun. All his friends say so, after all. Gabrielle isn’t interested in becoming friends with Justin, however, and tries to take her leave, but Justin stops her and tries to force himself onto her. This gets a slap for his troubles and Justin backs away from Gabrielle, telling her that she shouldn’t have done that. Gabrielle can’t believe that he would be so forward, as it would be easy to call Carlos and tell him what Justin just tried to do, but it would be much easier for Justin to tell Carlos what happened between Gabrielle and John. The blackmail is in place as Justin tells Gabby that she’s going to have to be nice to him…at least once. What a creep.

And now, a word from our sponsors… I was right, the Gabrielle storyline is interesting, if only because it gives promise to one of my dreams about this show: Watching Carlos go man-stomping again like that unfortunate misfire on the gay cable guy. To see Justin get his just desserts would be very, very nice.

Returning to the Delfino house, as Mike is released from jail and off the hook. Susan bounces over and proudly announces that she was his alibi, and that she definitely believes that Mike didn’t kill Mrs. Huber. Mike takes his leave to go take a shower and will call Susan later, after he takes care of some stuff.

Moving to John’s apartment, as John invites Bree in for a discussion. Bree cuts right to the chase: Danielle is planning on giving her virginity to John and she would be very appreciative if John decided not to take it. John doesn’t get time to weave in a response…

…as we go to the Scavo house, with Tom arriving home and announcing that Duggan is going to be out for four to four and a half months, but Tom is all grins because he already got the promotion to vice president. Turns out he marched right into his boss’ office, telling him that he’d be a fool to hold Duggan’s promotion. Although that was risky in retrospect, the boss still gave him the job. Lynette is pleased pink, and they share a hug as Tom explains that he’s setting up new offices from Seattle to L.A., not going after an in-house position. Tom is going to be doing more traveling, but Lynette points out that Tom is barely around as it is, and now he’s got twice the workload. Tom doesn’t want his high to be ruined, but Lynette believes that she should’ve been consulted about taking this promotion. Tom makes a good point by telling Lynette that she encouraged him to stop being a shrinking violet and step up, but Lynette repeats herself and thought that it was an in-house position. Seems that there’s a shower bug going around, as now it’s Tom’s turn to take a shower and get away from his problems, but Lynette wants Tom to understand what it means–but what it means to Tom is that he’s gotten the chance to be vice president at 41 and if he doesn’t take it, he’s never going to get the job as it is. Tom’s career is important to Tom, but the same was true for Lynette and she ended up in the home, didn’t she? Tom closes the case by telling Lynette that he’s definitely going to take the job. And off Tom goes to take a shower.

Back to John’s apartment for the rest of the story, as I hope it doesn’t end in John wanting to go take a shower to get away with Bree. Bree asks if it’s true that John broke up with Danielle because she wouldn’t give up the cherry, and that’s a big blow to John as he tries to think of words to explain himself. Finally, John claims that that was just an excuse, when the truth is that John simply wasn’t that into Danielle. Bree seems somewhat pleased by this, as John explains that Danielle seemed so proud of being the president of the abstinence club that John figured he had a way out. Don’t get John wrong, of course, Danielle was a very sweet girl…but there was someone else. They’re not exactly going steady, but the other lady ended up dumping him. John will have a talk with Danielle and will lay her down gently, but Bree doesn’t suggest that that is the right way to go about doing things. Danielle can be very determined, and if John isn’t firm with her, she’ll still believe that there is some hope. John agrees to be firm, but Bree suggests that he be brutal. Oh man, this is going to be a fun scene to watch.

Moving right along to Some Random Bar, as you just know that Mike is going to walk through the front door. Sure enough, there he is, and there’s his boss, enjoying some pie. Mike has a seat and notices the bevy of sweet items around his boss, as the boss mentions that since he’ll be dead in less than a year, he doesn’t really need to worry about his waistline. The boss asks about the woman that the police think Mike killed, and Mike explains that he did not kill Martha Huber, but whoever did did a good job of setting him up. The boss believes that Mike is getting close to something, as people leave trails, and one of those trails must lead to Dierdre–the person who did the setting up must know that. Mike doesn’t think he’ll be any good to the boss locked up, but that’s one of the good things about being rich: You have the ability to buy your way out of any problem. The boss isn’t going to be taking his money to the grave, he’s going to be using it to get the cops off Mike’s ass.

And now, a word from our sponsors… I’d just like to once again confess my love for every scene featuring Mike and his boss. They turn out to be some of the best scenes in each episode, and they bring up the entire episode just by being there. The boss is such a low-key, and yet eccentric fellow at the same time that he just radiates with awesomeness. Combined with Mike, and you’ve got a killer scene every time. It’s going to suck when the boss ends up kicking the bucket.

And now we’re going back to John’s apartment, but this time it is Justin who answers the door to find Gabrielle on the other side. Gabrielle isn’t here to make chit-chat with Justin, no, rather to talk with John ABOUT Justin. Mrs. Solis is going to inform John that Justin is trying to blackmail Gabby into sleeping with him, and Gabrielle wonders if John will be violent if that happens. Justin doesn’t think that that’s necessary, but Gabrielle can and will talk with John about that. Justin makes one final plea, telling her that he didn’t want to blackmail her, but he really needed to sleep with Gabrielle–he thinks that he might be gay. Well, that certainly came out of nowhere. But at least it’ll give another gay man for Carlos to ravage should he end up being the gay.

Time to go to work at Tom’s office, as Lynette and the boys surprise him by arriving at work since he wasn’t going to be able to get home until after bedtime. Tom gives them a tour of the office, starting with the window. “It’s all about the window.” Lynette’s sarcasm is noted, but eventually ignored by Tom as the kids want to go on chair rides in the other office. And here comes the boss’ wife to talk to Lynette as they share some common small talk before Lynette is told that it was the boss’ wife who convinced the boss to not hold the promotion over for Tim Duggan. It was obvious that Tom was such a workhorse and wanted it so bad, after all. Lynette seems rather sad, and the boss’ wife wonders if she’s happy for him or not, and Lynette has a pause as she knows that she can’t lie to the boss’ wife, but she can’t be too convincing. So Lynette basically lies her way through this, saying that she’s happy about all the money but she’s going to miss him being gone for so long and missing so many things. Lynette just wants Tom to be around, truly, the money means nothing to her, naturally. The boss’ wife seems to realize that she might have made a mistake in convincing her husband to not hold the promotion for the heart attack victim, but Lynette cuts their conversation short and just walks off to wait for results.

John’s apartment, as Gabrielle asks Justin if he’s been acting on his gay urges. Well, Justin does have this buddy and they do mess around a bit…but he doesn’t seem to think it’s that big of a deal. However, he’s been starting to care about him a little, and he’s not quite sure how to go about handling it. Justin just thought that if he was able to sleep with Gabrielle, he’d know for sure and he would stop freaking out about it. Okay, maybe true, but Gabrielle wonders why Justin doesn’t try someone his own age? Justin explains that girls talk in school, and should it not work out with a girl, the word would get around and the secret would get out. Justin figuers that he can trust Gabrielle, since she has a husband and all. Gabrielle thinks that makes sense…in a weird sort of way. Justin thinks that he’s been kidding myself about this whole buddy thing not meaning anything. Gabrielle acknowledges that they’re all in denial about something, but Justin is facing the music and that’s kind of brave. Gabrielle takes her leave and as she leaves, Justin explains that he would’ve never told Carlos about Gabrielle and John. He may be gay, but he’s not a jerk. And with that Gabrielle and Justin share a passionate kiss. Justin didn’t feel anything, though. “You’re definitely gay.” Leave it to Desperate Housewives to muck up a rather interesting and mind-expanding scene like that.

Onward, ho, to the Mayer house, as we get a knock on the door again, and it’s Detective Copeland again. This time he wants Susan to go down to the station with him to answer a few more questions. Susan and Julie were going to go see a movie together, but Julie sees the party across the street and tells her mother that she’ll be fine with going to a movie some other night. Susan is okay with that and goes to grab her purse, but Julie is going to be just fine and Susan isn’t going to be late anyway, so everything should work out. As Susan leaves, Julie looks over at the pool party just starting (how morbid is it that they’re going to have a party in THAT pool?)…

…as Susan takes a seat in Some Random Questioning Room with Detective Copeland. Copeland goes over Susan’s statement again, about Mike being with Susan on the night of the 7th, around 10 PM. There was no prior tension between Mike and Martha Huber that Susan knew of, but Susan was aware that Mike had been shot on Valentine’s Day. He dropped his gun while cleaning it, according to Mike. But the detective breaks the hard truth by explaining that he’s been around guns for years and has never seen a gun discharge while dropping it–someone has to pull the trigger. Susan wouldn’t know anything about that, but Copeland moves on and talks about the home invasion that was the true reason why Mike was shot. The invader was wounded in the stomach, which is the same position of Mike’s wound. Copeland asks if Susan loves him, but Susan doesn’t see what that has to do with anything. Copeland just knows that people in love will do silly things for each other–Copeland should know, having been married four times. Copeland wants the truth–is Mike just asking Susan to cover for him? No, Susan and Mike were definitely together on the 7th, and Susan is not covering for Mike at all. Mike wouldn’t kill anybody, of that Susan is sure. So Copeland grabs Mike’s file. “Convicted 1987, did 5 1/2 years for drug trafficking and manslaughter.” Susan takes a look at Mike’s file (complete with Billy Ray Cyrus-era haircut), as Copeland excuses himself for some coffee and talks to the detective outside the room on the other side of the two-way mirror. The other detective doesn’t think that she’s covering for Mike–she’s just a sucker.

And now, a word for our sponsors… Wait, so which person did Mike Delfino kill? And drug trafficking? Man, what a hard knock life Mike must’ve had. I imagine that was what drove Dierdre away from Mike. The whole Justin/Gabrielle thing is kinda silly when you get right down to it, and much like just about every Lynette storyline, I’m wondering how this one is going to end.

Woo! To Zach’s Pool Party, as Julie arrives with Danielle. Julie sees that everyone is in Zach’s house and assumes that no one has gone into the pool just yet. Danielle isn’t going in for sure, especially when she turns and sees John on the couch. One of John’s friends departs and wishes John good luck, as Danielle tells Julie that she’ll see her later. Danielle goes over to John and gives her a kiss that isn’t returned, as Danielle has a surprise for John and wants to go somewhere and talk. John thinks that’s a good idea and goes off, as Zach comes up to Julie. Julie is surprised that Andrew decided to come, but Zach says that he came with his friends and they’re acting like jerks. Zach is fine now that Julie’s here, though…as we go to the pool. Danielle and John come storming out of the house with Danielle refusing to speak with John in a very angry tone. Meanwhile, Andrew and a friend toss someone in the water with the bench, as Zach asks Andrew to take it easy. Andrew says everything is fine, since it floats and Zach’s the main party animal. “Am I right?” Zach’s delayed response makes me freak out, because I’m just anticipating Zach freaking out and attempting to murder Andrew by drowning him in the pool or something. You can just sense it in Zach’s reactions. That’s awesome. Andrew wants Zach to give him a howl…but that’s just ridiculous. No one does that at a party unless they’re dumb. Andrew shows Zach how to do it, and apparently Andrew went to the “Susan School of Making an Ass out of Yourself”. Andrew’s friends watch on as Zach does his best try, but clearly he’s not that into it, and Julie looks rather distressed about the whole thing with Andrew. This is going to end terribly. And I’m going to love every minute, folks. Andrew laughs as he walks away, as Zach dismisses Andrew as nothing. He could take care of him, after all. Julie asks what he could mean by that…and Zach reveals that he knows where Mommy Dearest kept her gun. Oh YES. DO IT. JUST DO IT. Andrew probably has a co-starring role in American Pie 13 anyway, just KILL HIM! Zach looks over at Andrew…standing with Justin(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) as Zach points an imaginary gun and pulls the trigger. Julie’s seen enough and tells Zach that that isn’t funny. “Well, if you think about it, yeah, it kinda is.” Well, Julie never thought of it that way. And she doesn’t want to stick around. So Julie’s out as she walks up to Danielle sobbing. She just wants to go home, and Julie wants to go too. Julie isn’t going to come back, despite Zach’s wants and needs. Andrew howls in the distance as Zach goes in the direction opposite Julie and Danielle. Awesome, awesome scene, and if the payoff is just as good, I might have to deem this BEST. EPISODE. EVER.

But for now, we transition over to the Scavo house as Lynette collapses into bed after a PTA meeting from hell. Tom tells Lynette that Peterson called him in to his office today, and he changed his mind, holding his promotion for Duggan. Tom is glad, though, because he doesn’t want to work long hours and all that flying…he just would’ve ended up like Tim Duggan. Tom accepts that it’s over, but Lynette thinks that he’ll make it someday. But Tom is honest–he’s really glad. And Lynette’s fine with that, too.

Susan is DEVASTATED as she returns to the Mayer house, but before she can step through the front door Mike steps up and scares Susan. Mike asks her how it went. “Went just peachy…and humiliating…and shocking.” Apparently Mike is not only a liar, but a killer and a drug dealer. Whattapersonalad. Mike tries to explain why he came to Wisteria Lane, but Susan doesn’t want to hear it, yelling at Mike to stop, and pushing him away. She doesn’t want Mike anywhere near her heart, ever, so he should just stop talking. Susan goes into her house and sobs hard, calling for Julie and needing a hug. But Julie is nowhere to be found…and finally looks over at Zach’s house. Oh yes, the pool party! Susan rushes out the door and I can tell this is all going to get very complicated very quickly.

Swiftly over to The Pool Party, as Susan crashes the party, which is described as “pretty dead”. Susan makes her way back to the pool and sees two people kissing, but she automatically assumes that it’s Zach and Julie. Aha, but the camera shot gives it away to the sly recapper–it’s Justin and Andrew kissing. Susan eventually finds Justin popping out of the water–followed by Andrew. “I’m not gay.” Justin affirms, and Susan is in a hurry to get rid of those shorts. She makes an ass out of herself on the way out, fumbling around. Sure, Julie could be dead or something, but Susan is too embarrassed catching Andrew and Justin. Note to writers: Don’t give big hints like that. That was huge.

And now, a word from our sponsors… Despite the story turning a 180 from its start, the Andrew/Justin thing was predictable as soon as I saw a shot of Andrew and Justin talking together. Oh well, that doesn’t change that this is going well. Unfortunately, this means that Zach is going to do something relatively harmless, and perhaps to himself and not to Andrew or Justin. How terrible. Home stretch, by the way.

Back at the Solis house, as Carlos can’t believe that they’re talking about selling. But they’re knee-deep in debt, so they don’t really have a choice at this point, even with the savings, they’re screwed. Gabrielle thinks it’s time for them to face the music, but Carlos walks out the door, stepping out onto the front porch. Gabby joins him, as Carlos admits that he never thought he’d be poor at this time of life. Gabrielle has been broke plenty of times, but never poor. Poor is just a state of mind. They’re just without funds. Carlos agrees to start over, and who knows…maybe they’ll get a house bigger than this one.

Returning to Some Random Diner, as a man explains a story to The Boss, but it’s not Mike. Anyway, the story about the dog is not important. But The Boss wants to make this man happy. It turns out to be the detective not named Copeland. Here we go…

Final narrative…

Yes, each new day in Suburbia brings with it a new set of lies…the worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep.

We whisper them in the dark…telling ourselves that we’re happy…

As we see Gabrielle and Rex sleeping together…

Or that he’s happy…

As we see Tom sleeping and Lynette wide awake…

…that we can change…

As Justin is wide awake and sobbing with the fear of being caught…

…or that he will change his mind…

As Danielle is wide awake and sobbing with the rejection from John…

We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins…

…as Mike sits in bed wide awake, tossing and turning thinking about past wrongs…

…or that we can live without him.

…as Susan turns in bed, likely thinking about Mike as she cries

Yes, each night before we fall asleep, we lie to ourselves, in the desperate, desperate hope that come morning it will all be true.


I can’t even fathom to think what’s going on with Mike and that manslaughter charge, except that it obviously has something to do with the loss of Dierdre. But who did he kill? Was it actually Dierdre and he’s been covering up his death to get the boss’ money? Crazy stuff, folks. Excellent episode.