Byte Me! Inside Pulse’s Byte This Report: 2.23.2005


Hey guys, sorry about missing last week, but I’ve got some bad, bad stuff going on that I need to take care of. Things will get to normal eventually, even if it isn’t on my watch.

The show starts with footage of Bischoff and McMahon brawling on Raw from February 23, 2004. Jim Ross must love his job during matches like this.

Generic theme #2107 brings us to… Byte This! Happy birthday Marc Loyd! Tazz is now a regular guest host and he’s already shredding on Marc. And apparently it’s not actually Marc’s birthday either. Hmmmm. Anywho, 24/7 this month is all about black history, so they pay it some lip service before announcing tonight’s give away: The Best of the Intercontinental Belt DVD. They look at Tazz’s cell phone for a few minutes and joke about his immense collection of computers and maids. He also explains his role as the new part-time color guy at Byte This, which has got to improve this show somehow.

Brief Batista and Angle/Michaels talk before Tazz, Josh and offscreen producer Lou start to just openly blab about the show’s time table. Josh and Tazz then talk about Will Sasso (who is apparently a friend) and tattoos before Droz comes on the show. Droz was very happy to see the Smackdown crew on Tuesday (which will be the 2-24 Smackdown show) but he refuses to give up the ‘Mania gossip that he heard at the taping. Droz thinks that Batista was due to turn on Evolution eventually, so dropping HHH through a table was a good way to do it. More tattoo talk (???) prompts Droz to tell stories about where he gets his ink done. The show is a lot more casual than usual, which is strangely nice. Droz is dropped so Tazz starts talking to the crew, who we can’t hear. Josh steers things towards the trivia question, so Tazz asks “Who was the first Intercontinental Champion?”

Josh tells us there’s no more breaks anymore, which has got to mean the show’s gonna be shorter than usual, right? Please? Patrick calls and answers the trivia question: Pat Patterson. Tazz breaks in and asks what former Intercontinental champion trained Paul London. Patrick gets it right (Shawn Michaels) so Patrick gets an autographed book and a free DVD. And he’s a Michigan boy, which means he’s way cooler than most Byte This callers. Sorry, it’s a fact.

Season Three of the Fantasy League has begun, and Marc Loyd is the number one guy right now. Ah man, this Fantasy shit is so boring. Luckily they breeze past it and they decide to take a short break. A break? Didn’t you just say… ah, nevermind.

We get footage of Paul London/Akio that’s cursed with bad audio problems. They mercifully cut it off early.

Paul is on the phone right off the break. Paul is burning incense and feeding his frogs, so he takes time to explain his philosophy on how we all come from the Earth and stuff. STONER! And God bless him for it. Tazz suggests that Paul “burns incense” with Michael Cole, but London is afraid that he’d get hit on. Paul talks about how similar he is with Akio, and that’s why their matches are so good and intricate. They try to have Japanese style matches and he feels that the fans seem to enjoy seeing something different. Tazz notes how London was obviously the star of Sunday night’s cruiserweight match (and makes fun of Michael Cole some more), so London thanks him and explains that he was exhausted and very beat up so he was surprised that he did well. London admits that he stole the Dragon Sleeper from Tazz, although Tazz showed him the 450 Splash while they were swimming last summer. London is funny! Paul also talks about how he likes Marc Loyd’s fashion sense, which prompts some brutal ribbing from Tazz.

An e-mail comes in about training with Shawn Michaels, so London explains that it made his level of experience grow by leaps and bounds. Josh tries to prompt London into telling a road tale, but he can’t think of a clean story (and he uses the word “kayfabe”) so Tazz quickly cuts him off and steers things towards his toy collection. London is apparently a huge mark for action figures, movie posters and other nerdy things, which totally makes sense. A nameless caller dials in and asks what Paul’s best match to date was. He thinks that the No Way Out match was really great, as was his second or third Velocity match with Akio. In a moment of awesome WWE hyperbole, Tazz thinks that the Akio feud is like the Malenko/Guerrero ECW feud from 1995. They plan a joke call for later in the show during Shelton Benjamin’s segment and let Paul go.

Josh and Marc start picking on Tazz, but Tazz is way funnier than both of them so he gets out of their barbs easily. They read the chat room insults for a second before Josh takes them to the next break. Aren’t there no more breaks? Were they just kidding? I don’t even KNOW anymore!!!

Footage of Benjamin/Jericho where Shelton wins the belt. This show’s long. Longy long long.

Shelton is on the phone when we come back from break. Josh wonders if Shelton thinks he’s the greatest IC champ of all time, and sure enough, he does. Talk turns to the Snitsky feud, but Shelton thinks he was very prepared for such a situation. Tazz wonders if he still talks to Charlie Haas, and Shelton says he talks to him every week. He was even the best man at his wedding. Shelton misses tagging over on Smackdown. An e-mail question comes in about who Shelton would like to fight in a dream IC match. He would like to take Angle in a 2 out of 3 Falls match. Shelton’s favorite ‘Mania moment was Wrestlemania 19, which was also his first one. Another e-mailer wonders what Shelton thinks about the Angle/Michaels feud, but they get lost talking about if Shelton had ever fought Michaels before.

When Shelton’s not wrestling, he likes to keep to himself and hang out with his family. Josh asks why both he and Charlie Haas use the T-Bone Suplex as their finisher. Shelton admits he stole it from Tazz, who then admits it’s a various on a move he stole from Hase and Scott Steiner in Japan. AND he named it the T-Bone Suplex. He also points out the minor differences between the ways Shelton and himself do the move before Rebecca from Ohio calls and asks if she should keep doing high school wrestling even though she gets made fun of. Shelton knows that if she sticks with it, she’ll eventually earn the respect of the boys in her school. He knows of several outlets for female wrestling, so if she really loves it she can make her way into the sport. They drop Shelton after another Marc Loyd barb and Paul London never called back to prank Shelton. The show ends with a joke: “How do you make a kleenex dance? Give it a little boogie.”

Oh wait… the show ends with a plug for the magazine.

Oh wait… the show ends with Tazz making fun of Josh and Marc for being “frustrated Ryan Seacrests.”

Oh wait… the show ends with Josh thanking Tazz’s friend Ted.

Oh wait… the show ends with Tazz and Josh pimping Thursday’s Smackdown broadcast.

Oh wait… the show ends with everyone talking over Josh.

Oh wait… the show ends with five minutes of Batista’s contract signing from Raw.

Damn, they sure did prolong that ending. Pretty funny show though, especially the Paul London stuff. Nothing special, but pretty good for Byte This.