Yes, I Really Own This: t.A.T.u.- 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane

1. Not Gonna Get Us
2. All the Things She Said
3. Show Me Love
4. 30 Minutes
5. How Soon Is Now?
6. Clowns (Can You See Me Now?)
7. Malchik Gay
8. Stars
9. Ya Shosla S Uma
10. Nas ne Dagoniat
11. Show Me Love [Extended Version]

Admit it. The first time former WWE Women’s Champion Victoria came out to “All the Things She Said” you liked the song. It was catchy, it was different, and it was fun. You might have even gone out and searched out other music by t.A.T.u. through some downloading service. You may have acquired their original Russian album and like most foreign music, thought it rocked because you didn’t understand a single word of it. You may of even been excited enough to buy the group’s first American album 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane the week it was released. I did. This is my shame.

I personally got into t.A.T.u. a little more then your average fan because I had a Russian speaking girlfriend who was trying to expose herself to more Russian culture. She however, got pissed at their songs as they were singing about dating men while pretending to be lesbians in the United States. As a bisexual, it offended her somewhat. As a horny teenager, it sort of turned me on…

And let’s face it, if the two teenage vocalists of t.A.T.u. didn’t regularly kiss, not one of us would give a shit about them. Playboy has made a whole industry out of fake lesbians and it’s surprising that this was the first time someone ever attempted to use lesbians as a draw without actually having any real lesbians in the band.

Looking back, that’s probably the only reasonable defense any heterosexual man can give for owning this album, sort of like owning any Britney Spears album. It was too poppy to appeal to the counter culture crowd, and too mediocre to really make a splash in the mainstream, but remember, they were hot. And they kissed. A lot. And that was hot.

The music was pretty frigging ridiculously bad. What’s so bad about it? Well let’s take a few of the lyrical gems from some of the many songs of t.A.T.u. and their inspiring lyrics. Here’s a verse from “Show Me Love”:

You play games, I play tricks
Girls and girls, but you’re the one
Like a game of pick-up sticks
Played by f*cking lunatics

If that doesn’t say something about the meaning of something I don’t know what does. Quite a few of their songs were just as incomprehensible as this. “Not Gonna Get Us” is a song that from what I can gather is about running away from the fake lesbian police in a future resembling the movie Blade Runner. Now that I think about it, that’s sort of hot too…

That brings me to my other point. 200 km/h in the Wrong Direction at times is frigging hilarious in how completely incomprehensible the songs are. Not only do most of their songs not translate well into English, but also the songs don’t make very little sense when translated directly from their original Russian. Let’s take a look at “Clowns”:

Can you see me now?
Can you see me now?

All this weeping in the air
Who can tell where it will fall?
Through floating forests in the air
‘Cross the rolling open sea

Blow a kiss, I run through air
Leave the past, find nowhere
Floating forests in the air
Clowns all around you

Clowns that only let you know
Where you let your senses go
Clowns all around you
It’s a cross I need to bear

All this black and cruel despair
This is an emergency
Don’t you hide your eyes from me
Open them and see me now

I was playing this in the car with my brother the other day and we were laughing our asses off to this song. Also, I’m not really taking the lyrics out of context here. The entire song is like that. Hell, most of their songs are like that.

I think that t.A.T.u. is a band that ten years down the road will be a guilty pleasure sort of like how Ace of Base is now. They were exceptionally catchy despite being completely pointless, and they made pop fun, which is really the only point of pop as far as my understanding goes. I’m still embarrassed at owning “200 km/h in the Wrong Lane” though. It, more then any other album in my collection, proves that I have absolutely no taste in music, and I can be swayed by even the smallest amount of hot chicks making out with each other. Then again, weren’t you?

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