X-Force: Shatterstar #1

Story Title: World Against One Chapters 1-4
Reviewer: Paul Sebert
Plot: Rob Liefeld
Script: Brandon Thomas
Art: Marat Michaels
Colors: Matt Yackey
Editors: Sean Ryan, Nick Lowe, Mike Marts
Publisher: Marvel Comics

Please excuse me while I laugh myself silly over having said both “Rob Liefeld” and “Plot” in the same breath…

MYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ok I’m stop now.

*snicker* *snort* Tee-hee-heee-eee! Sorry I can’t help myself there. Ok a few months ago I had the somewhat less than brilliant idea of doing a review of Runaways as to the tune of Only The Good Die Young and, well, because I care about you, the reader, I’m going to do it again. Only this time I’m singing for a much different reason.

Once again I apologize to Billy Joel…

It’s one o’clock on a Wednesday
The regular X-books come in
There’s an one that’s an absurdity
And this comic just can’t win

Title says, “X-Force: Shatterstar”
I’m not really sure what it’s story means
But it’s incoherent as hell
and I knew it would sell
When Rob shilled button-fly Jeans”

Bla bla bla, de de da
La la, Yada Yada Yada

Tell me I’m wrong, it’s not 92 again.
Tell me I’m wrong, tonight
Well, I’m not in the mood for inanity
This comic’s like experiencing a blight
Now John at the shop is a friend of mine
He gets me my titles early
And he’s quick with a joke
Sippin’ on a diet coke
But there’s some comic that I’d rather see
I say to him “John, I believe this book is killing me.”
“The art is a total disgrace
“They found someone who draws as bad as Liefeld,
All the proportions stretched out of place”

Bla Bla Bla, Bla Bla Bla
La la, Yada Yada Yada

Now the pencils are by Marat Mychaels
Who’s work I’ve never seen in my life
And he’s with’ with Matt Yackey
Who’s colors are tacky
They fill my eyeballs with strife

And the dialog is by Brandon Thomas
Who may have done the script while stoned
Yes, I’m pushed to the brink by sheer wordiness
Reading this makes me feel boned

Tell me I’m wrong, it’s not all the same crap again
Shatterstar wins a cage match, alright
Then the plot boils down to insanity
Oh and there’s red ninjas to fight

It’s a pretty soon it will be next Wednesday
And the store owner will give me a smile
‘Cause he knows that it’s me
An’ that I came to see
Something that will make forget this book for awhile
Cause this character, he needs a burial
This franchise is dead as Uncle Ben
Looking back not to far
Even Jeff Loeb couldn’t get people to care about Shatterstar
So why’s Rob even trying again?

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Tell me I’m wrong, it’s not this again
Tell me I’m wrong, tonight
Well this comic is completely unnecessary
I wouldn’t wish upon Jesse Baker this Plight