The Simpsons – \"On A Clear Day I Can\'t See My Sister\" – Review

Public Service Announcement before we begin- DO NOT SEE BE COOL. Sometimes a movie is universally panned by the critics, and you know it’s because it’s just not their type of movie. Films like Team America and Dirty Work, profane comedies that are too crude or over the heads of stuffy critics get shot down with one star reviews. You know whether or not you’re the type of person who should see them, and so you go. Don’t use that instinct this weekend. The critics are right. I’d say Be Cool is one of the worst films I’ve seen, except I’ve seen too many awful movies (Including Gigli, the whole way through, no less) for this piece of crap to have such a dishonorable distinction. That’s not to take away from it’s suckage.

A few reasons the film sucks-

-It has the dual pleasure of both being the sequel to a good movie and an adaptation of a well received book. The potential for quality was there, based solely on the source material.

-Three Christine Milan performances. It’s Beyonce at the Oscars all over again! I was so embarrassed in the theater (even though I was accompanied by two friends) when this giggling cooch froze any momentum of the film to sing god-awful covers of 70’s guilty pleasure songs and “heartfelt originals”. During these scenes, the talented Uma Thurman and acceptable John Travolta (It’s taken years to say that, really) are reduced to bobbing their heads and saying cheesy lines like “wow, I felt that deep. That was so real”.

-It wasn’t a movie. A group of stars threw a party, and since their famous, I, Mr. Happy Go Lucky Consumer, am supposed to instantly like it. I’m sorry, but I want stories, plots, character development, not a celebrity circle jerk. The Rock, sporting an afro, raising his eyebrow isn’t funny.

-White people acting black is not funny. Kind of like how remaking Hitchcock movies isn’t a good movie. But I guess Vince Vaughn is from the old school, and doesn’t learn well. See that last bad pun? That’s funnier than the movie.

I could think of many more reasons, but that would force me to recall the movie even further, and I’d rather not. In a competition between what’s worse: Cancer and Be Cool, cancer barely wins. But only because I despise those yellow bands. Charity isn’t a fashion statement. It’s something you do to help other people.

Oh, and check out “My T.V. Reality tomorrow. I can already promise you it will be better than next weeks. Also, head over to Moodspins and let me know what you think of my 30 Before 30 list. On with the show…

The Simpsons
“On a Clear Day I Can’t See My Sister”

Official Synopsis: Lisa Gets a Restraining Order Against Bart

Favorite Moments- “I hope your all wearing glacier appropriate clothing”, Skinner at his most enthusiastic: “Busward to adventure!!”, Edna on her and Skinner’s romance- Our romance is in the history books, and there’s nothing worth highlighting”, “I have a little girl just like you at home. That’s where she stays. Home.”, Grampa the Sprawl-mart door greeter, Homer mistaking a gnome for grampa, A world without door greeters, “Make me proud, or at least less ashamed”, Homer appealing to specific demographics as a door greeter: “Hey rabbi Jesus loves you. Just kidding!!”, Edna’s advice to Skinner: “See that man, take note of how he’s not you”, and Lou looking up at the trees: “Oh my god!! That used to be a face”. First Commercial Break

Gary Busey hosting a video on restraining orders, “No means yes”, the truth about Joe, Willie teaches Bart, Lisa prodding Bart into the gay section( See, graphic novels do exist in libraries!!), “That’s been my dream since I heard it ever existed right now”, Homer Simpson: Mexican citizen, the international jury (Sacre Bleu!), and Maggie jamming out to jazz. I’m sure Gordi could tell me what song that was. Second Commercial Break.

“The world is my toilet”, “That’s it, I’m disgruntled. And up until now, I was relatively gruntled’, “A paraphrasing of the Alcoholics Anonymous Oath, Homer’s finger-licking hot dog goodness, Bart-noculars (They’re binoculars for viewing Bart), The wicker witch of the west, “Oh Bart, I missed your lies”, and more Jazz!! Can’t wait till they cut out the good music in syndication. End of show.

What Flat Out Sucked- The whole “you must follow the law, and hilarity ensues” type plots have been done to death on this show. This was one of the better ones, but still. If “The Parent Rap” didn’t exist, I’d like this more.

Most Valuable Character-UDER! You know, I had a conversation the other day with someone about how Uder hasn’t been onscreen in years. I’ve really missed the German butterball. Nice to see him again.

Personal Thoughts-One of the characteristics of these last few seasons is that the shows usually seem to start off strongly, and begin to taper off around the middle of the second act. Once they get thick into the plot, they’re no longer as funny. The show has a tendency to start off one place and end up in an entirely different situation at the end. In fact, if I’ve only seen an episode once or twice, I generally can’t tell which one it is until the end of the first commercial break. That’s not a bad thing, since many of the best episodes are like that. But what made them good, and what makes a lot of these newer ones weak is that they don’t know how to remain consistent throughout. It’s like different writers are tackling different parts of the same show. This episode was another one like that, but not as bad as many others. The kids are at a glacier park- funny. Lisa puts a restraining order on Bart- initially funny. We see the effects of the restraining order on Bart’s psyche, which causes him to go insane, before he and Lisa inevitably reconcile at the end- Not so funny. It used to be when they had heart to heart moments on the show, you can accept it as a parody of other sitcoms. More recently it’s become a deus ex machina for the writers. They’ve come to cheaply rely on it as badly as scribes for T.G.I.F. fodder. It’s a shame really, but I’m not going to hate a whole episode because of how it concludes.

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