WWE Bottomline Report 12/3/05
Preempted by some game they call ‘basketball’. Eh, it’ll never catch on.
Hello, Mark Loyd! You’re looking totally ready for the prom! This hour, we’re looking at some Raw and a little bit o’ Smackdown just to round it out.
Last week, we see Shawn Michaels talking about Kurt Angle in the ring. He says that Kurt angle has anger issues because he’s never fought Shawn at Wrestlemania. “Despite all the Olympic gold medals, all the Olympic accolades, all the world championships, both in your amateur career and your professional career, you’ve never had a chance to go to the biggest stage of them all and display your ability against mister Wrestlemania. You never had a chance to hook up with the chairmen of the board. Well Kurt angle, this is the WWE where we make dreams come true. And on April 3rd, in Los Angeles, you’re going to get the chance to face the showstopper. And we’re going to find out again just who is the greatest superstar of this generation”
Kurt Angle comes on the screen : “My issue does go back beyond the royal rumble. It goes all the way back to 1996. You remember that year? I trained my ass off and won a gold medal for my country. Then a funny thing happened. As I was making appearances, they all kept asking, when you gonna face Shawn Michaels?…I won a gold medal, and all I heard was about Shawn Michaels, coming down from the rafters and putting on a wrestling clinic. But to even call yourself the greatest of all time is an insult to me and everything I stand for. Look at me!!! Let me tell you one thing. It’s tough to land sweet chin music when your ankle is broken in two.”
And that’s it. Those two will fight at Wrestlemania. Hopefully nobody interferes or something stupid like that, and it’ll be a good fight.
Up Next, The Ladder Match at wrestlemania!
Two weeks ago, Jericho had an idea for a match. Last week, 5 wrestlers were in Bischoff’s office, not having a clue why they were there (Especially Edge). Bischoff tells Christian, Benoit, Jericho, Benjamin, and Edge that this is a 6 way ladder in the bank match “This breifcase will be suspended above the ring. And if you grab this briefcase, you will get a chance to fight the world champion at any time in the next 12 months.”
This led to Christian vs Kane, the 6th man. Kane goes up top, but misses the clothesline, but still catches Christian and hits the chokeslam for the win. He lights the posts on fire and that’s that until Tomko nails Kane with the ladder from behind! Kane sits up and looks all ominous.
Mark Loyd thinks the ladder match will be awesome, and pimps the Wrestlemania magazine, part deux.
Up next, Rosey lays around on a stretcher. Who dunnit?
Next Monday, Batista got to pick HHH’s opponent, which is a man HHH has never beaten, Chris Benoit.
HHH apparently is going to be on the Bernie Mac show. He was also in a movie that 8 people saw, and a book that 11 people bought. The show airs March 18th.
Last Monday, HHH fights Rosey. Spine buster on Rosey. Pedigree. Pinfall. That was certainly one sided. HHH isn’t done though, as he goes outside and grabs the trusty sledgehammer, bangs it against the steps to show that it’s real, goes in, and nails Rosey in the abdomen. He picks up his world title and casually leaves.
Still to come, HHH mentions that the sledgehammer is his friend. Up next, Lita Returns!
WWE Rewind: Trish spray painting Christy’s playboy photo, chick kicking her, and spray painting something ‘derogatory’ according to Mark ‘PG’ Loyd.
Last Monday, Christy Hemme skipped down, but as soon as she got the mic, she was all so serious. She calls Trish out. “The reason I want you out her, is that I wanted to challenge you for the women’s title at Wrestlemania.” Trish laughs, but then realizes. “Oh My God, you’re serious. Honey, I’m a 6 time women’s champion. If you get into the ring with me, it will not be for a lingerie pillow fight. It will not be to shoot T-shirts. I will end your career like that. Is that what you want?” “That’s what I want!” “Okay, deal, you’re on. Wait, I gotta know, what makes you think you have what it takes to get into the ring with the greatest women’s champion ever?” “Someone’s been training me to wrestle.” “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize Hugh Hefner was training people.” “No, it’s someone you know very, very well.” Lita’s music hits, and she comes down. Trish can’t believe it, and they have a little stare down. Christy pulls Trish from behind and lands a SLOPPY twist of fate on Trish.
Up Next, Randy Orton thinks he’s gonna shock the entire world.
Last Monday, Randy Orton comes out. “I am so proud of my father, so excited, and If there’s anything I ever learned from my father is that if you ever want to stand alone, you have to stand alone and do something special. And I think I did that, and I became known as the legend killer. True, I made a lot of decisions that weren’t popular, but in this business, it’s not always about a popularity contest. It’s about making an impact. And at Wrestlemania 21, in a most ultimate matchup, Legend killer versus legend, I will defeat the Undertaker. The legend of the undertaker will become a myth, courtesy of the legend killer.” Bischoff comes out. “I’ve gotta tell ya, it’s gonna be one hell of a night. Not only is Shawn Michaels going to defeat, you are single-handedly going to end the Undertakers’ winning streak. Make no mistake about it, the board is going to have to recognize my outstanding achievement. Can you see extra stock options. Congratulations Orton, great job.” “I’m glad you’re going to be in a better standing with the board. Isn’t it true you used to run WCW?” “That’s true.” “And isn’t it true you beat the WWE for 83 straight weeks?” “Yes, I made history, and at Wrestlemania 21 we’re going to make history again.” “Well, doesn’t that make you a sort of legend?” “Well, yes Randy, I suppose it…..does.” RKO to Bischoff for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
Over on Smackdown, Undertaker is choking Carlito Cool. Undertaker has the mic. “Many men have come to wrestle me and make a name at my expense, and Randy Orton has one thing in common with the lot of them. At wrestlemania 21 he too will rest in peace.” Tombstone Piledriver on Carlito cool for…absolutely no reason whatsoever.
There’ll be a contract signing this Thursday on Smackdown for that match.
Up next, Jericho and Edge…wrestle!
Wrestlemania Recall: Wrestlemania 5, with Rowdy Roddy Piper and Robert Downey and a fire extinguisher.
Last week it was Edge VS Jericho. Edge goes to spear Jericho, but misses and spills outside. Edge grabs the ladder and brings it in, but Jericho hits a faceplant and a walls of jericho, but there’s no ref to count. Edge gets up, hooks the leg as the ref comes in, and that’s that.
Benjamin and Benoit went one on one, as well. Benoit tries for a suicide dive but hits the ladder in a sick spot. Back in the ring later, they reverse each others moves a bunch of times, and eventually Benoit gets that crossface locked, and Benjamin taps out.
Okay, that’s crappy recapping. But you know those two. They’re FAST, man.
Up Next, Flair VS Batista.
Batista Irish whips flair, scoops him up and hits a lateral power slam and poses for HHH. Batista picks up Flair and hits the spinebuster. And does the thumbs up, thumbs down thing that is going to get really freaking annoying. HHH runs in, but Batista throws him out, and hits the demon bomb on Flair and gets the three count. HHH pulls another sledgehammer from under the ring. He comes in, tries to hit Batista, but he blocks it, and damn HHH looks scared. Batista pulls it away, looks absolutely crazy, and snaps the damn thing under his leg. Symbolically, the sledgehammer is now completely useless from now on. That’s pretty cool.
Next Monday, HHH faces Chris Benoit in a pick your poison match.
And that’s the show. See you next week.