The Midnight News 03.14.05


Is there a more idiotic name than “the psychology of the beautiful thing”? Gordi Whitelaw sucks ass.


I would say Freakboy’s Big A$$ Column is still the reigning most idiotic name ever. (now THAT’S a reference from the dark ages)

I have no idea what Gordi Whitelaw sucks… who is Gordi Whitelaw?

Why is this such a big deal? Who gives a f*ck? Wrestlers *constantly* cheat on their spouses and SOs, and steal poon tang from other wrestlers. Did everyone forget that every fanboy’s secret gay crush, Benoit, stole Woman from Sullivan? Or Steve Austin did the same from his trainer? Or any of the number of numerous known adulterers in the WWE lockerroom? Shit, Flair has been cheating for 30 years, Hogan was boffing Elizabeth on the side at one point, its well known Stephanie McMahon broke up Triple H and Chyna. Is this all okay because we only found out about the others well after the fact? I don’t recall a lot of howling about what a slut/manwhore these other people were. Marks of the internets (all of them), quit being high and mighty. We know you’re full of shit.
Thank you.


It’s a big deal because we, as a society, will forever get off at laughing at other people’s misfortunes… the wonder of the Net is, we can do it loudly, proudly, and ANONYMOUSLY

I don’t write you very often but I just wanted to check-in with a brief, sad note. I am an associate librarian at a public library in Florida. I just had a young male patron ask for books on pro-wrestling and, when I searched our holdings, noticed that we have just recently acquired Scooter’s “Tonight…In this Very Ring”. It made me very sad inside to know we paid scooter money. You’re the only one who could possibly understand this feeling.


A LIBRARIAN in FLORIDA? Brother, have I got a girl for YOU!

I have made no secret of my dislike of you, but I decided late last weekend that I was done with all of this bullshit, no drama, no taking pot shots, I was done. My point here is that I was not the person f*cking with you last week on that message board, I don’t know who it was, but I was without a computer from Tuesday-Saturday. I am way too old for this kind of behavior (mine included) so I am seriously just walking away from it. No big throwdown, no big insult. You go your way, and I will go mine. I will leave you alone, and I will try to get a couple other people to do the same, but I can make no promises on that front, as they are people who do what they want to no matter what. You were right that one should look at both sides of a story. I have finally done that, and I have decided that I am walking away from it once and for all. I apologize for any bullshit that I may have caused on your end, and I hope that everyone can just let this issue drop once and for all.


Jesus… have ONE homosexual affair and look at what you have to deal with… good god… I thought guys HID their feelings… I think Queer As Folk LIED to me!!

Hi kids. I’m Chris and this is the Midnight News. I wasn’t here last week because it was time for a nice week off. Now I’m here… and we have business to take care of.

This might be my last column, by the way. By the end of it you’ll understand why.

Off we go.


For those keeping score….

Matt Hardy: Has all the sympathy in the world which he could parlay into a LOT of fun jungle sex with a LOT of nasty little slutbags! May have a small penis, which will ALWAYS lose to the big one. Will enjoy a nice, mid-card push over at Smackdown once they let him back in. Will LOVE it if you boo Edge or Lita out of the building with your chants. Will swallow his pride and agree to an angle centered around this… eventually.

Verdict: The good guy

Edge: About to be a three time divorcee. Is enough of a weasel to cheat on his wife while his cock still has the honeymoon stank on it. Probaly never stopped cheating but just got caught this time. Too young to be divorced ONCE, much less three times. Can crow about having a big cock now. Will probably lose any chance at a true main event push because management is furious at the embarrassment here. Made a few new enemies and no friends from this. Isn’t the only guy cheating on his wife or carrying on with a co-worker, just the only one who got caught and was unlucky enough to get caught in front of a bored, gossip hungry IWC crowd. Can look forward to a few years of getting booed out of many arenas… not the sort of heel heat he probably wants.

Verdict: The bad guy who will go broke on all this alimony

Lita: Did herself or her rep no favors with this. To wit:

-Once banged El Dandy

-Known groupie for many punk bands in the Richmond area

-Was generous with her snootch when it came to the whole OMEGA locker room

-Was given the “Dirty Sanchez” by Tommy Dreamer in ECW

-Was peed on by Danny Doring and Steve Corino

-Enjoys swallowing.

Proved once again that girls will take the big cock over the faithful mid-sized one. Will do no damage to her push that her constant injuries weren’t doing for her anyway. The company likes her and the fans pop for her and they need female workers. Can look forward to brilliantly vague, but clear enough for the “in-crowd” to get, shots from Trish Stratus.

Verdict: No one is REALLY surprised by this.

(note: all of the above rumors are herefore RUMORS and mere third-hand chatter and should be taken as such)

Anyway, wanna know what LITA herself thinks about all this?

Well, here’s what she said on the Guest board for her own site:

Why are all you guys being like this? You don’t know all of the facts!

FACTS?? Oh my dear, facts have LITTLE to NO place on the web! For god’s sakes….

Or… maybe Edge and Lita are TRUE love and maybe THIS… THIS will be the fairy tale/storybook romance that will be what Hallmark is ALL about!!

Yeah, and maybe I’ll start farting $100 bills.


I actually don’t have much on her… just a couple of random observations…

1) I don’t say this about too many girls but has anyone noticed how much weight Trish has lost lately? All the puffiness around her face is gone now! It’s like, she looked in the mirror and said, “Gee, I’m not beautiful ENOUGH… let me drop about 15 and REALLY make the boys horny.” She gets any hotter and I really will have to stop watching RAW. Man, I hope she isn’t barfing up her lunch.

2) With all this backstage drama about people screwing other people and all that, isn’t it funny how you NEVER hear about Trish or HER love life? She keeps it all nice and private! That, my friends, is how you beahve PROFESSIONALLY. You just show up to work, do your work, and retire quietly to your hotel room or to your rental for the next show. The WWE should give her a side gig as a teacher. She can teach all these newbies, male and female, on the art of acting like a professional.

3) She can also give a few lessons on how to NEVER rest on your past achivements and ALWAYS work on improving! I swear, the girl is 10X better now than she was last year

4) These useless web assholes who scream about how poor Trish will have to deal with making Christie Hemme look good at Wrestlemania. yeah, like she should work with Molly Holly for the 23rd time. How about all of you stop f*cking griping for ONCE and consider that Christie walks, talks, and acts like a go-getter… like someone who works her tight little ass off for everything. You know where Hemme is right now? Probably with Stratus and an agent and probably putting their match together. I noticed this when neither girl worked the houses this weekend. I bet we won’t be seeing either of them work too many houses from now ’till WM… I bet they’ll be putting together a HELL of a showcase match that WILL surprise us. I look at Christie and see a girl who wants to succeed. And Trish is a proven commodity who works good matches. Shut the f*ck up, you nitwits. They will NOT disgrace the sport (ugh) at Wrestlemania… noi matter HOW HARD you hope they do…


Speaking of Christie… a guy who says he dated her in high school sent me a picture from her high school yearbook…

Even as a kid you could watch Titanic wide-screen on that forehead

Methinks the girl has had a WEE bit of work done here and there… just a tad… a touch.

I’m looking to interview the dude, but so far he has told me that Christie is is really batshit insane and pretty kinky, but did throw him out for sliding into third. I’ll have more on this later… IF I still have a column, that is…


With all the talk of despicable backstage shenanigans and rampant adultery going around, I thought I’d showcase a WWE Superstar who just wants to be HUGGED…



32 years old

Nesquehoning, PENNSYLVANIA

United States

Last Login: 03/02/2005

Status: Swinger

Here for: Friends, Networking

Orientation: Straight

Hometown: Nesquehoning, Pennsylvania

Body Type: 6′ 4″ / Body builder

Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

Sign: Virgo

Smoke / Drink: No / Yes

Children: I don’t want kids

Education: College graduate

Occupation: Professional Wrestler

Income: $250,000 and higher

Television – Talent – Other: I’m a professional wrestler for the WWE.

So who is this hep cat with a passion for MARRIED COUPLES JUST LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME….

Why, its Gene Snitsky, of course.

And he wants to f*ck YOUR wife… but you can watch… and maybe DOUBLETEAM!!!


“I don’t want kids”…. heh… ha!



*Shakespeare invented the words “assassination” and “bump.”*

And just like that, you’re already a little smarter than you were… however long it took your slow ass to read this.

Hyatte LIVES to inform.

Yeah, well Hyatte invented “Flea”… so you tell ME who is more brilliant???

Speaking of which…


Whenever we talk, I can always count on Flea to give his opinions on just about anything. And those opinions are usually extremely fascinating to listen to. It also allows me to go to the toilet or something while he lectures on.

So, I decided to grab a pen and paper and start jotting down his thoughts. Everyone likes Flea.

The following is 100% true… more or less:


Personal Grooming?

Always keep your place ready for visitors; always dress like you’re about to pay someone money

Bookmark Flea’s site. He’s about to make it a must visit daily site again


What? WHAAA?? Where did this come from? Has Hyatte gone INSANE???

Well hang on, a reader, (who’s name I forgot) has authentic PROOF… Read on:

I for one am sick of all the Scott Keith bashing that went on back in 2003 when everybody and their brother (including you, jizz breath) used to rip off Scotsman. So today I’m going to point out why Scooter is better than YOU, John Q. Sissyboy, who’s probably never accomplished a damn thing in your life! And probably a fan of Muhammed Hussan, you tree hugging liberal!

Scooter is better than you because…

* He has a blog! Need I say more?

* He got married, unlike your lonely pitiful ass. Trying to pretend you have a life on Wednesday nights and thus unable to write 2 columns a week is fooling NO ONE.

* Scooter doesn’t have an e-mail with COX in it. What kind of shit stabber wants COX anywhere near his e-mail? Never mind, I always knew you had an affinity for the dick, you slimy jew.

* People are actually sending Scooter money and wedding gifts! God bless those hapless online f*ck-tards over at Scott’s Blog of Doom! Have you ever been given a gift in your actual offline life?

* Scooter is brave enough to wear a wrestling T shirt in public past the age of 21 and past the year 1999.

* Scooter was actually brave enough to put up an online dating profile with his real information, unlike your closet-dwelling ass who puts up a profile of TEST, hoping to score with some guy named DEXTER who wants to be “discreet” and “take things slow”.

* You went to all that trouble to belittle Scooter at every turn, and he never even gave you the time of day.

* Scooter had the foresight to steal a throwaway line from Lita (Tag!) and incorporate it into internet geekspeak.

*Scooter got laid!!! He consumated the marriage!!! You on the other hand are still figuring out just the right spots to hold the pillow against your genitals to get that perfect thrust.

Good night cumcrust.

So there you go… proof positive!

I haven’t said a word about Scooter in a year… why do I still get these e-mails?

Oh, and for Christmas I sent Trish Stratus a nice card and a crisp AMERICAN $50 via her website’s “contact Trish” address… no clue if she received it… snotty little, stuck up… that’s no way to treat your future husband, Miss THANG!!



I, for one, am so sick and tired of HHH bashing. Thus, I give you this ongoing gimmick.

Every week, I shall list one good thing Triple H has done that makes him a much better person than YOU, John Q. Anus-slammer, who has never done anything for anyone… and probably a supporter of Rob Feinstein too, you PERVERT!!

Triple H Is Better Than You Because…

He’s married to the heir of a billion dollar empire. He’s the first wrestler to EVER break into the heart of the McMahon family. But word has it, he STILL has the balls to sneak around on his wife with some tight little fresh trim! NOW THAT TAKES A NUTSACK!!



I’m sort of running low on these, which might be okay since I’m not sure how much longer I’ll…. oh nevermind.

This week, let’s honor Nitro! Why not? Got some memorable, extended promos here… you’ll like it!

01): Ladies and Gentlemen, as Slamboree continues, this is the Cruiserweight Battle Royale, the winner to face Chris Jericho tonight. In this contest wrestlers can be eliminated by either pin fall or when their feet touch the ringside floor. And ladies and gentlemen, here are the participants…– David Penzer

Hold on just one second here, David Penzer… you unintelligible, moronic, high-voiced dweeb! You know nothing about the sport of pro wrestling and you know nothing about these fine competitors coming out today. So I’m gonna do all the Jerichoholics a great favor. I’m gonna introduce all of the contestants in the cruiserweight battle royale. Let’s face it, one of these fine contestants will get a chance at the cruiserweight belt, (they’ll never win it), but tonight you’re gonna see a great match from a great competitor. Let’s get down to the list here…

Coming out first from Sunchimilko Mexico, you’ll notice his hat NEVER comes off, the master of trick-track, the master of Da Funk, he is Super Calo! Look at those moves ladies and gentlemen. You got about a one in ten chance of winning… maybe.

Next, from El Paso, Mexico, this guy used to be a great bartender, but it hasn’t translated into his wrestling skills, he is the scourge of the illustrious Guerrero family, he is Chavo Guerrero Jr. maybe a two in ten chance of winning…

Coming out next, from Mexico, this is a rags to riches story, from selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW is Ciclope!

Then we got Damien. He can’t afford a mask, he’s using paint, but sooner or later he’s gonna buy a mask, I’m guaranteein’ you that.

Here we go, the winner of the Lou Ferrigno lookalike contest, this guy is also from Mexico, El Dandy.

Coming out next is the featherweight pacer champion, El Grillo.

Now this guy pulled up in a nice rusted out ’68 El Camino Chevy, he’s the ugliest man in our sport today, he’s the illustrious Quazijuice Skelerra.

A former champion in many countries, he’s gonna rock rock til he drops, rock rock never stop, Marty Jannetty, ladies and gentlemen.

Coming up next from Allentown, PA. He’s a lost and lonely soul, his name is Kidman. And Kidman, I’ve got some Calamine lotion for you after the show!

This guy’s the true shooter of WCW, does he have a chance? No, zero chance, no way, he’s Evan Courageous, ladies and gents.

Oh yeah, straight from Minneapolis, Minnesota, I want my Lover Boy tape back, Lenny Lane!

And of course we’ve got Psychosis, he’s got a lot of hubcaps in his collection, if you need one, he’ll procure one for you after the show.

This guy is Silver King, if he wins twelve more matches he’ll be upgraded to Golden King.

This guy is Johnny Sinjer? Johnny SSS…. Johnny Swinger? You ever heard of this guy? I haven’t. Zero out of ten chance in winning! No chance.

And last but not least, representing Villanos 1 through 62, from the Villano family, he is Villano IV.– Chris Jericho: WCW Slamboree ’98

02): Where is that damn Scott Hall? We checked all the bars!

Maybe he is at the strip club?

Konnan, my friend, he has been kicked out of every strip club in the country.– Kevin Nash: Nitro ’98

03): It’s amazing how far a little dab of paint will take you.-Warrior to Sting: Nitro

4) We don’t want to destroy WCW, we just want to be ahead of them!– Bischoff

Yeah, WCW can be number 2– Nash

Some of the Japan promotions can be like number 3– Bishoff

ECW four– Nash

Who?– Hall and Bishoff

Got three bucks on you?– Bishoff (laughing)

And the best part is you can play bingo too.– Hall- all three in full “NWO is taking over” mode: Nitro ’96

05): Wait a minute…wait a minute…I don’t want any trouble with you. I don’t want any trouble with you here now, but I do have to point out to that you came out here last week… where is it…the big surprise. I mean I’ve heard a lot of talk, but where’s the walk?– Eric Bischoff to Scott Hall

(Hall points behind Bischoff)

What? Where is he?– Bischoff

(Nash tapped Eric on his shoulder, Bischoff looked shocked)

You been sittin’ out here for six months running your mouth. This is where the big boys play huh? Look at the adjective – play. We ain’t here to play. Now he (Hall) said last week he was gonna to bring somebody out here. I’m here. You still don’t have your three people, and you know why? Because nobody wants to face us. This show is about as interesting as Marge Schott reading excerpts from Mein Kampf.– Nash

I don’t want any trouble.– Bischoff

Yeah…no trouble…because you know I’ll kick your teeth down your throat. Where’s your three guys? What…you couldn’t get a paleontologist to get a couple of these fossils cleared? You ain’t got enough guys off the dialysis machine to get a team?– Nash

(Hall ruffles Bischoff hair)

Yeah, where’s Hogan? Where’s Hogan? Out doing another episode of “Blunder in Paradise”. Where’s the Macho Man huh? Doing some Slim Jim commercial? Hey we’re here.– Nash

Look…I don’t have the authority right here right now. You want to fight? The fight isn’t with me. You want three guys? Tomorrow morning at 9 o’clock I’ll be in Atlanta. I’ll be in the offices of WCW. I’ll try and get you your fight…and you know what? Live this Sunday in Baltimore… Great American Bash…you guys want to show up? You guys want to fight? You show up. I’ll see if I can get you your fight.– Bischoff

I don’t know about you but they love us in Baltimore.– Nash

Hey…hey big man…I say me and you…we be at the Bash. Maybe these punks want to fight.– Hall

Bring what you’ve got. The measuring sticks just changed around here buddy and you’re looking at it.– Nash: shoving Bischoff and throwing the microphone at him. Nitro ’96

06): I’m telling the camera crew right now if you dont get a closer shot of the ring I’m coming up there myself!– Hall

(long pause as nothing happens)

Well, you sure scared them.– Nash: Nitro ’96

07): There’s no need to shout, Tony, I’m sitting right next to you.– Louie Spicolli doing color with Tony Schiavone: Nitro ’97

08): Your dad was on the road night after night and your mom was all alone … and you wonder why you and your brother look nothing alike– Chris Jericho to Dean Malenko: Nitro ’98

09): I am twice the man you are, and I have half the brain you do!– Sid Vicious speaking to Kevin Nash

10): For two years Hulk Hogan has been trying to prove to the wrestling world that he walks on water, and I have to agree… turds float.– Kevin Nash

11): Can you say ‘butt’ on TBS?– Scott Hall to Mike Tenay: Thunder

12): What happened to that sweet lil’ rasslin’ show we uused to have? I mean, where’s the Dog when you need him?– Kevin Nash, being the snarkiest wiseass in wrestling, Nitro: 00

and finally…. because he’s cool…

13): Wrestle, Nash!– Fan

You must never seen my career before son, ’cause I don’t wrestle. Someone else does and I get all the money!– Nash: TNA Impact

So you REALLY wanna know why I like Kevin Nash? Re-read the last two…

Kevin Nash… he is handsome

Kevin Nash… he is sensitive

Kevin Nash… he is dashing

Kevin Nash… by God, he is SEXY

Chris Hyatte… is he FINISHED? Not quite… one last thing to take care of…


(note: The following is me getting nasty on certain people… if this bores you, click off)

You know… once upon a time, I was feared. Maybe the most feared asshole online. No, really. People were terrified of me.

What happened? I got older, I guess. Things change. The IWC became too businesslike as all these imbeciles who don’t have a single clue as to how to present their products in a unique way focused on pay sites and trying to wring a few pennies out of your mostly broke asses.

Plus I just got tired. Being feared is cool and all, but I wasn’t getting anything out of it other than an ego stroke. I mellowed. It happens.

But you know what I just learned? That if you stay quiet long enough, people get cocky. They start to think they have you nailed, and they start with the jabs.

And when they realize that I’m STILL playing it low-key, the jabs get worse and worse… then OTHERS see what’s happening, see that the big bad asshole seems to be vunerable, and THEY join in. They see an opportunity and they all gang up. Let’s dog pile on Hyatte and make HIM weep for once! He’s lost his rage! We’ve got him on the ropes!

And, like a sucker, I thought that if I rode it out, it would go away on its own. It didn’t. It got worse.

The story thus far, for those NOT keeping track, is that certain aspects of my personal life became public, various different things having no real relationship with each other just SUDDENLY started becoming fodder for people. Instead of blowing it off and letting it dry away on its own, I blew it off and it threatened to snowball into something major. I STILL think it’ll snowball if I don’t put and end to it here and now.

I’ve taken steps on a few of these little dramas and they have seemed to have stopped… which is very, VERY smart on their part. But there are two people who took things with me too far… they got WAY too indulgent with what they think they had on me. They thought Hyatte had gotten soft… that they have some sort of inside track on me and can say/do what they want.

Well… I need to make an example of some people anyway, as a warning to all… so you two lucky douchebags get the spotlight… front and center.

And we start with an old friend of mine…

Joshua Grut:

Joshua Grut has a blog, well HAD ONE, he seems to have decided that keeping a live journal isn’t worth the hassle… I agree. Some people are too damn sensitive and impulsive to have one. They end up putting shit in there that they shouldn’t, which results in being the subject of this column. Had Josh kept his mouth shut… I wouldn’t have to tell this story, but since he INSISTS on making posts in his blog blaming me for EVERYTHING and whining like a little butch faggot… he get this reward.

I TOLD you Grut… I asked you VERY NICELY to stop posting shit with my name in it… but you HAD to do it one more time. Fine… here we go…

So… in January, an ex-girlfriend of mine, some of you might remember her name… Amanda, showed up in my circles clear out of the blue after a long time away, looking for me to talk to because she was going through some bad times and I was always good with helping her out. I wasn’t around at the time so she went to the people she knew were my friends, Flea first. Of course, Flea is Flea and she didn’t get my contact info out of him. So she went to Grut, who didn’t have my number either. She decided that it would be a bad idea to talk to me for some silly reason and dropped it.

Joshy, of course, was too curious about this peek into my past to let it go, so he started asking her questions. They started talking a little.

It didn’t take long for me to find this out… because I am f*cking Hyatte and my network is deep and intricate… so I reached out to her and said “Hey, I’m here if you need me… blah blah blah.” She being only the second girl I have ever loved, I was a little freaked over this… and honestly jacked that she wanted to talk to me again. Why not? Cute girl. Nice too.

Thing is, it didn’t take me long to figure out that she really… REALLY didn’t want to talk to me anymore. She wanted to talk to Josh Grut. I didn’t care for it much, and made that clear. So, Grut made his first post about me in his Journal… which, in a nutshell, said, “I like talking to her, she’s my new friend, please don’t take it away from me. PLEASE LET ME HAVE THAT!!!

Oy. I had to call him and calm him down.

Weeks go by, and while Amanda had no clear use for me, she LOVED talking to Grutman… oh it was SO much fun watching them both online for hours, then logging off at the same time… oh, how CUTE… how ADORABLE. I removed them both from my buddy list.

Then I started making cracks in this column about it… because it’s what I do… this led to a second post from him about me… which I had to call him up AGAIN to calm him down… which led to a few chats where we discussed Amanda and he, trooper that he is, tried to give me advice about how to handle Amanda, how to talk to her. It’s the type of advice you can only follow after you slice your nuts off and turn your cock in to a vagina. “Be her friend, Hyatte! Be her FRIEND!!”


It was at this time when I suggested to him… warned him, in fact, to stop making posts about me… about this whole thing… in his Journal. I was getting tired of it.

Weeks go by and I give up on Amanda. First of all, she is a pill. Second of all, she can’t be trusted. Third of all she likes to show private messages and e-mail (some of it was REALLY sappy) to her friends (and to Grut) for delight and amusement. Fourth of all she has a history of blowing people off after she doesn’t need them anymore. Fifth of all, she isn’t the girl I onced love. Sixth of all, the last time she bothered to talk to me was to accuse me of doing something that I didn’t do… and I doubt she believed me when I said I didn’t do it. Seventh of all only a complete loser would continue to be hung up on ANY girl after not having much contact with her for 2 years. I am cheerfully dealing with a life without her.

Grut, on the other hand, isn’t exactly sure WHY she stopped talking to him… oh, he’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that he doesn’t CARE about online relationships or friendships, that they mean nothing to him… yet he’s clearly upset that she seems to have dismissed him… to have blown him off…

So, of course, he makes one more post… something about how I was so jealous, so ENRAGED about him and Amanda that I personally “destroyed his blog” because of it… and how I got what I want and broke them up… even though they were just friends… I chased her away, I guess.

Who the FUCK has time to destroy blogs? Jesus H.

Now Josh has trashed his journal because he’s heard that this little burn on him was coming. He left a voice mail on my phone bitching at me about how jerky I’m behaving and how I could have told him at any time that I didn’t like him talking to my ex girl and blah blah blah….

No… this is what happened… listen carefully, Joshua… listen and LEARN…

You should have blocked her from the get-go. You knew from the beginning that I had feelings for this chick, and yet you still were so horny/needy/desperate for new friends that you HAD to keep talking to her. You KNEW that you were f*cking up. You KNEW that you were pissing on me. You didn’t care, it felt great to take “The Net God’s” ex-woman. Just like all those little “Wrestling Tales” that you banged out after “The Taking of Triple H”… those meaningless stories that you jacked out because you feel inferior to me. Amanda runs to you, not me, and you felt like a KING!

Problem is, I was never worried that Amanda would go for you. There’s a reason you talk to all these girls and very few of them are into you… it’s because you have ZERO confidence in yourself. You try to hard to be their friend… girls have enough friends. They want someone to throw them down and take them. They like guys who act like they can get them whenever they want. They like aggression. They do NOT like guys who post shit in their journal like, “I just want to be her friend! PLEASE LET ME HAVE THAT!!”

You whiny… insecure…. CHILD!!

I never did a goddam thing to chase Amanda off your chubby ass. Amanda stopped talking to you because that’s what she does. She gets tired of people… she moves on. You’re not exactly Mr Excitement, Chief. You’re the geeky, harmless lad next door. You’ve got talent to spare but ZERO confidence that is needed to channel it. You are in New York, THE place to be to be a success in ANY field… so why are you begging Flea to get you a job in Orlando, Florida? Because Amanda lives there and because Amanda talked to you for a few weeks.


Daddy Hyatte is NOT to blame here. Daddy Hyatte is NOT responsible because Amanda doesn’t want to talk to you like girlfriends for hours and hours anymore. And shit, after reading this, she probably WILL contact you and you can both ruminate about what a sack of shit I am. Good… have at it. You’re welcome. I got her back for you! Enjoy.

Just… f*cking…. KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES!!! Do NOT make this any more public… do NOT post whiny journal posts. Stay the holy FUCK out of my business. Both of you kids… since the only time either of you deem fit to talk to me is to bitch at me for some silly ass thing…. just SHUT UP AND LEAVE MY SHIT ALONE!!

Grut, I like you. You’re a friend. But you decided to taste my old pudding, and too bad for you for not being able to charm her. And you decided to make too many posts about me. That’s two f*ck ups that I can’t let go of. One, maybe… not both. And coupled with all the other bullshit around that deals with me, you’re timing is just pure shit. Drop this and learn the lesson… or I will make this a REGULAR feature. Stupid kid, get your own pussy and stop BEING one

Amanda… sorry about this. Blame Grut. He pushed me into this. I’m not bothering you anymore and you know what, I’m cool with that. Don’t you even THINK of coming to me in full bitch-mode. No one knows your screen name. You can continue to be anonymous. We really should have f*cked at least once. Just to see what it would be like. I know I’D rock your little dewey decimal socks off… I just wonder if you’d be a bore. I guess we’ll never find out. Alas.

The Inside Pulse Forum

Sigh… first of all… if a single word of this is deleted or blocked, WIDRO, then I’m gone from this site forever.

I WAS an administrator for the IP forums here. Then Widro de-adminned me.

Why? Because one clown, who happens to be a Forum Mod, threatened to walk off the forum, and the site, and take all his little friends with him unless I was dealt with.

And why would he do that? Because I banned one of his friends from the forum for a very good reason. Then allowed her to be brought back, then she promptly supplied another good reason for being banned… so this time Widro banned her, and as far as I know she’s still banned.

Why was SHE banned? That’s a story I do NOT need to tell right now, and since things with her have definitely calmed down, I’ll probably never have to tell. Good.

Problem is, Widro, because he thinks IP NEEDS a forum to be a decent, respectable site, got scared and tossed me in order to keep the ten posters who threatened to walk happy… which now makes the mod who made this threat, named “Chaos”, feeling very important about himself and arrogant.

When an idiot gets arrogant, he starts doing stupid shit, like getting carried away and start to f*ck with me.

So, now that Widro made it clear that he favors ten posters on a stupid forum over one of the biggest reasons he even HAS this site (he’d still be at 411 with Dave Gagnon as its biggest draw if it wasn’t for me and the stuff I told him to do, like hire Scott Keith and Eric Szulczewski), little Chaos actually had the nerve to think he has some sort of power here.

The thing with forums, that Chaos OR Widro doesn’t seem to get is that they are SUPPOSED to be SUPPLEMENTS to the site columns… and NOT a whole entity to themselves… and the fact that almost EVERY FORUM IN EXISTENCE always ends up being just the same 20 or so people exchanging meaningless, boring, brief notes to each other does not seem to register with these people.

But whatever, Widro tossed me and good for him. He made his choice and I’m fine with it. I’ll just keep doing this Midnight News and bringing in whatever audience bothers to go look for me and hopefully, I’ll still be entertaining and give people a reason to visit the site (Scott has his own blog where most of his columns are posted now… but I’m the one Widro likes to bitch at for not doing enough. Go figure).

But, like I said, that f*ckhead Chaos got cocky… so he decided to push things. For some RIDICULOUS reason, he thought he had enough stroke with this site to get site WRITERS to join his cause…

The cause, of course, is to muzzle me. Widro did it, why wouldn’t EVERYONE?

So last week I was off putting out a fire concerning me at a different site, that attracted a LOT of attention… Chaos read what I was up to, and decided to issue a HUGE e-mail to all the site editors here at Inside Pulse… and like the true numbf*ck that he is, he actually thought I wouldn’t find out about it..

Here’s what he sent to the editors…

Hyatte was caught making explicit threats at another forum hinting at revenge and knowing how vindictive he is, I am concerned both for myself (Chaos, a moderator on the IP forums for those of you who don’t know me) and for others involved in this latest incident involving his demodding, etc.

On page 15 of this thread, Hyatte wrote (pay attention to the bottom two paragraphs, where the threat is):


It’s enough.

There have been far too many people bringing up far too much shit concerning me here and elsewhere for my liking. It’s way past time I put a stop to this once and for all, forcefully and absolutely.

The problem with (Name Deleted by Hyatte cuz he hasn’t earned the right to have his name in my column) is that there isn’t much I can do with him. He is a true perpetual bitch. He takes insults, attacks, belittlement, and humiliation and I’ve yet to see him defend himself… not once as far as I noticed.

This is because he knows he is a futureless soul. What can I, or anyone else call him that he doesn’t call hiumself in private? The dude hates himself. The man/boy has talen self-loathing and has made it a way of life. It’s as much a part of him as his arm. I’m not sure he’d even try to deny it.

Now he’s fixated on me, because I’ve taken away one of the only things he likes in life, posting on my site. All this… this huge, monster thread that has over 11’000 views (it’s ! gotta be a record for something that hasn’t been around THAT long) is because he wants to post on my site.

So, if I have him unbanned, I can eliminate this little branch and focus on the roots of my irritation. (Name Deleted by Hyatte cuz he hasn’t earned the right to have his name in my column) was never a huge concern of mine. Focusing my attention on him is like stuffing cotton up a runny nose while ignoring the cough and fever. I’m dealing with an effect and ignoring the cause.

That ends now. (Name Deleted by Hyatte cuz he hasn’t earned the right to have his name in my column), if you want to put this behind you and go back to posting at my forum, free and clear, wherever you like and on whichever thread you like, with your avator, name, and what passes for “prose” in your head untouched, you may.

But first, you have to apologize to me… and ask me nicely.

No begging, but you have to apologize for being the snot in my nose… and you have to nicely ask me… right here in front of all your… “niggaz”, and whoever may be reading, now and for as long as this thread stays visible, you have to swallow your! pride one last time and apologize for the inconvienence… and ask me nicely.

“Nicely” means you say “please”, not “OMGPLZNIGGA”

This is your one chance to get out of my radar. Continue to be a part of my problems and… well, we discussed this in private already.

Some people reading this won’t be impressed, I’m sure many will blow this off and scoff at this. But you know better, don’t you (Name Deleted by Hyatte cuz he hasn’t earned the right to have his name in my column)? You know what will happen when the old Hyatte is finally roused.

I’m going to impliment some changes, and I’m about to torch the living shit out of a lot of people. Anyone who knew my in the late 90’s knows what this means. The people who don’t are in for a treat.

You don’t want to be a part of this, (Name Deleted by Hyatte cuz he hasn’t earned the right to have his name in my column). Take this opportunity and get out.

What did he do back in the late 90’s and what exactly does he mean by torching?

I think this goes beyond the forums and now involves the whole site, though his column.

Off the top of my head, I can think of two things Hyatte might try to do:

1) Hyatte claimed he still had admin powers in that thread even though he clearly doesn’t. This could only mean one of two things: either he has another backdoor in that we don’t know about, or more likely he’s going to hijack FLEA’s moderator account and torch the forums by deleting accounts, changing passwords, etc. And speaking of FLEA, he banned someone at IP for something they did at CRZ’s boards, so I wouldn’t put it past him (with his loyalty to Hyatte) to turn over his account to him for a final act.

2) Hyatte could reveal a shitload of personal info (phone numbers, etc) in his midnight news column, which he has hinted at doing on that forum and that could result in serious legal trouble for Inside Pulse and also tarnish our image.

I know you guys work your asses off and this is the last thing you want to deal with, but Chris Gadreau is posing a serious threat to us.

Someone (a site editor, etc) needs to look over his latest midnight news column before it is published (and all subsequent ones) and make sure no personal info is in there.

Also, I am worried about him using FLEA’s moderator account to trash the forums, so demodding FLEA might not be a bad idea as a precaution. I wouldn’t put it past Hyatte to try anything on us.

Thank you,

Howard (“Chaos”)

Oh no… big bad Hyatte might ruin it for ALL OF US…

And get rid of Flea too!! Because Flea and Hyatte are tighter than a black man in a white virgin!!

I like how he said I was “caught” making threats… caught red-handed, yup.

Of course, the “site editors”, from what I understand, either yawned, laughed, or told the guy to go f*ck himself for wasting their time with this.


What did I do in the late 90’s? I refused to allow faggots like you to get away with shit like this, that’s one.

How will I get back into the forums? I won’t… I’ll just do everything I want here… where more people will read it then who visits those forums.

Will I post phone numbers? Sure, starting with mine… 14017440799.

OOPS… that’s my OLD number… I just got a new phone AND a new number… so now only a VERY select few can reach me… the rest of you can go f*ck yourselves.

Can I get IP into serious legal trouble? Sure, if I was short sighted and unimaginative like Howie here… thing is, I’ve been ripping fresh new assholes for a loooong time, and somehow NEVER managed to get a phone call from a lawyer. I’m smart like that… I know exactly how much I can get away with… DESPITE pointless threats from drama queens.

This isn’t over yet. See, Howie got real scared real fast once he found out that I knew he tried to raise an army against me… so in a very private forum, he told his little gaggle of friends this:

I am done with the Hyatte situation. Right now, I am keeping an eye out for myself in his columns (and I suggest you do the same), but I am done with this. I don’t have the time, energy, and patience to continue fighting for something that I don’t even understand anymore, plus it is straining my relationships with people at IP.

I got into a huge argument with an IP admin today pretty much all over this incident. The internet is supposed to be a place to gather information for research, chat with friends, and distract yourself with mindless games and drivel – not a place to publically carry out real life feuds.

Relationships between two people are just that – between two people. And that’s how they should stay.

I played my part and I am done.

I don’t want any emails, PMs, IM’s, or posts made to me about Hyatte anymore and although I don’t moderate this livejournal, I would appreciate if we could rid it as well of talk about him. It’s getting old.

Thank you,


You played your part, bud… but you ain’t done until I SAY SO…

You f*cking cocksucker… who the f*ck are you to think you can mess with me? I pissed in snow that didn’t melt as fast as you will here. I’ve turned grown men into transexual she-males. I’ve made WCW announcers lock their doors at night. I’ve lost count of all the assholes I’ve outlasted…

and now I’m going to deal with you…

When IP first started, I was Howie’s HERO… oh he LOVED me… kissed the f*cking ground I walked on! He was made moderator because he posted more than anyone else… period. He was mod, Widro evolved the forums, and Howie was left alone to mod his little heart out and he did a decent job…

Then he started getting TOO involved… he started making friends on the forum… he and his mod friends started tossing out anyone who wasn’t their personal friend and started whining when their friends were tossed.

Me? I’d come in, raise a little ruckus, and quietly leave… nothing too harsh… didn’t make too many waves… left well enough alone most of the time…

But Howie loved me, you see… and created forums “in tribute” to me… like an advice forum… which I told him sucked, because who wants strangers giving “Guide to Life” advice when I do it myself…

And Howie was hurt because I pretty much blew him off when he tried to chat with me on AIM…. I’m f*cking busy, I don’t chat. And I DO NOT respond well to “what’s up”. I’m not going to tell you “what’s up” with me… I don’t want to chit chat. Ask anyone. I HATE small talk.

Howie got mad because, like with Grut, Daddy Hyatte wasn’t loving his son back. Daddy wasn’t being nice. And Daddy started throwing off his friends from the forum for good reason.

So he went crying to Widro, and then threatened to walk and take all his little friends with him… which freaked Widro out because lord knows, a weak message board forum would just KILL this site!!

See, over time, the IP forums, under Chaos’s leadership, turned into a “Live Journal Club” where a bunch of Live Journal friends hang out and shoot the shit with each other… and make post after post after post… which is AWFULLY oft-putting for anyone NEW who might want to join… which is why no one is joining the forums, DESPITE my gracious plugs (which, as far as I can see, was the only place on this site that tried to encourage people to join… yet Widro is quick to bitch at me for not doing enough). So when Chaos threatens to take all his friends with him… that would mean a huge loss (*cough) to the forums.

So naturally, Chaos now holds this over Widro’s head and will pull it out whenever he wants.

The site would survive without forums… everyone but Widro seems to get this… and I have given him one HUGE idea on how to gain a LOT of new interest and give something NEW to the general audience that would bring in THOUSANDS of regular new readers and generate some HUGE excitement…

No, Widro wants forums… he pissed on my idea. No problem, its his site.

Well, he can have the goddam forums… and Chaos can have it all to himself. I don’t want anything to do with them anymore. It’s all yours, douchebag. Unban whoever you want… I’m done with them. Good luck.

How about Widro fires me and gives Chaos this column!! Because Chaos clearly = readers and old Hyatte has lost it anyway!! Chaos can write a column! I mean, instead of modding, all he does is make post after post after post and keeps creating more forums that no one pays attention to except his gaggle of friends!!

Of course, now I’m going to hear it… how DARE I rip into the forums… don’t you see how hard we are working on making them a SUCCESS??? Why are you trying to destroy EVERYTHING!!

You know who is the BEST site administrator? Big Mike Watters from 411. He minds his own business, keeps a firm control over his mods, and only raises hell when he really has to… and 411 has a LOT of forumers… so many that the banned ones started their OWN sub-forum. He’s good, why can’t we hire him?

Howie… Chaos… f*ckface… if you kept your little powerplays relegated to the forums you would have gotten your way… but you HAD to get cute and try to get in my face out of the forums. You took it to the writers, to the SITE… you tried to leave your own little pathetic world because you were retarded enough to think you had the stroke. Now look at you, everyone knows what a loser you are. Everyone now knows how silly you look!

You are a tiny fish in a mid-sized pond… did you REALLY think you could rally the other fishies to go after the wide-mouth bass who tends to mind his own business? Most of the other site writers here GET that I bring in a good chunk of the people who read them… and almost ALL of them don’t care enough about me to pay attention to your little woe is me play. They do their thing, I do mine, and everyone’s happy! The only unity here is how pretty much everyone reading this thinks you are a moron.

You little f*cking girl. You don’t know the first thing about getting asn audience. You’re a WHIZ at driving people off your forums… but getting new ones, you suck at. Too busy worrying about what daddy thinks. Too busy wondering what I’m up to. Too busy listening to other people whine about what I dick I am. Too busy taking sides. Who the f*ck are you? What kind of name is “Chaos”? You want chaos? You want a lesson in stirring the pot and making people talk about you? Hereth begins the lesson… enjoy.


And stop bothering Widro with this… or he might just wake up and listen to me one day. He might remember that every time he HAS listened to me in the past, it’s usually ended up a success. You’re probably thinking about walking. DON’T. I’m not an Admin there anymore… no stroke at all. It’s your little fiefdom, boy. Stay there and make private posts about what an asshole I am… but if you walk, you will be AMAZED at how quickly you’re replaced.

OR, tell Widro “either Hyatte goes or I go”. Who knows with Widro. He might just throw me out! You might get your way and that no good asshole Hyatte will be gone… hooray! Everyone can cheer. YAY!

Let’s find out… maybe I’ll be here next week, maybe not. Maybe I’ll have a few more people to f*ck with hard, maybe not.

I kind of want more people now… because I decided that I have nothing to hide. No one has anything on me that I can’t handle. (Yeah, I’m talking to a few people here… get the message). I kind of want to start attacking relentlessly and with ZERO remorse again! I’m about done with this net thing anyway. Let’s see if I can still raise a little shit…. let’s see if I can make people RUN to this column again every week just to see who I burn and how badly I humiliate them.

I sort of want to know if I can still bring the thunder… I want to go down in flames.

Did you assholes REALLY think I’d let all this bullshit go on for TOO much longer?

Let’s get dirty… let’s play. You wanna play? Wanna see what I have left? Are you suuuuure?

You will lose… how badly is entirely up to me.

Last piece of advice… back away from me nice and slowly, or I’ll give you a reason to be afraid to log on.

Idiots… none of you will be safe. No one. And no one will protect you from me.

This is Hyatte