InsidePulse’s WWE Smackdown Recap

Welcome to Smackdown coming to you TAPED from… somewhere! Uhm, Savannah, Georgia – home of … the SakAttack!

Raven’s got the night off, so here I am with my first TV recap since the 9/20/04 RAW “season premiere” (and my first Smackdown since, sheesh, don’t test me like that!)… We’ll have the triumphant return of Marty Jannetty, in his first WWE match since … MONDAY~! … and at least one appearance that will make me have to update this.

I’m taping “The O.C.” and “Jake in Progress” for you, so you best be appreciative…

SD Preview from WWE.com:

HISTORIC CONTRACT
MARCH 17, 2005

This week on SmackDown!, the Legend Killer Randy Orton will make a special Thursday night appearance to officially sign the contract pitting him against the legendary Undertaker at WrestleMania 21. On April 3, live on pay-per-view, Orton will undoubtedly be up against the battle of his career. That is, if he makes it out of SmackDown! Thursday night.

Randy Orton will not be the only special appearance Thursday night, as former Rocker Marty Jannetty will also be on hand to face Kurt Angle.

The Olympic Champion is out to accomplish everything Shawn Michaels ever did in just four week. Last week, Angle won a Ladder Match. This week, he takes on HBK’s former partner Marty Jannetty. The former Rocker is coming off a huge victory over La Resistance on Monday night. Can the momentum carry over to his match against Angle? Tune in on Thursday night to find out.

That’s not all. Rumors have been circulating that SmackDown! General Manager Theodore R. Long will speak about the repercussions against John Cena as a result of the FU he gave to the GM last week. Tune in to SmackDown! to find out what is on General Manager Theodore Long’s mind. One thing’s for certain, Long cannot be in a good mood after having his authority questioned.

Plus, what kind of mood will John Cena be in just two weeks after losing his United States Championship and one week after exploding with rage against JBL’s Cabinet?

Don’t miss SmackDown! on UPN (8/7 CT).

Well, that’s what I’m here for – so you don’t MISS it! Unless you want play-by-play, of course, ’cause I don’t do play-by-play.

The show starts with a recap of Cena’s F-U to Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long, as Cole and Tazz speculate on the punishment, as well as a preview graphic for the Undertaker/Randy Orton contract signing.

Angle’s music hits, he apparently sucks, and he grabs a micrphone, gives a cryptic thumbs down (could he be joining Evolution?) and talks about the Rockers reunion from the past RAW, and that Jannetty has his hands full tonight.

Marty Jannetty vs. Kurt Angle
– The story here is that Kurt Angle promised to accomplish everything Shawn Michaels did in his 14 year career in the four weeks leading up to his match vs. HBK at Mania, and Shawn brought Marty back for a one-time-only Rockers reunion on Monday’s RAW (Rockers beat La Resistance) to shove it to Kurt.
– Marty comes down to the ring to the Rockers’ entrance, but thankfully has lost the Ultimate Warrior-esque fringes hanging from his arms.
– Match starts off with the crowd chanting “Mar-ty! Mar-Ty!” and some quick exchanges and mat wrestling.
– Tazz reminds us that Marty looks better than ever (I have to agree), yet has never faced an Olympic Gold Medalist before.
– Cool spot where Marty half-skins the cat, into a leg-scissors pulling Kurt out of the ring, followed by a top rope double axe handle to the outside, as Marty celebrates and they go to commercial.

Commercial Break

– Back from commercial and Kurt’s in charge, but Jannetty makes a big comeback, which then leads back into a creative lock, putting pressure on Marty’s ribs, driving his knee into the small of MJ’s back.
widro: ‘where the hell did this guy jannetty come from’ hahahaha
– Marty takes over and Tazz could not be more surprised. 10 punches on the top, which Kurt reverses into a powerbomb attempt, reversed again into a head scissors! Marty goes to the top, splash reversed into a rollup, and Marty kicks out! Simpiar action leads to several near-falls, and the crowd actually feels Jannetty has a chance, but it’s Angle-lock time, Angle surviving a few reversals, and Kurt locks it in as Jannetty taps!
Winner: Kurt Angle after a surprisingly long, awesome match with the Jeff Hardy of the Rockers.

Teddy Long is backstage with “Katie” (a production assistant, presumably) getting ready for a special announcement as we go to commercial.

Commercial Break

Teddy’s here, and it’s his duty to present entertaining product, but he “will not allow the inmates to run the asylum” — but JBL comes in to be with Teddy as he comes to his senses and takes away his title shot and permanently suspends John Cena. But Teddy will not suspend Cena, although if Cena lays a hand on JBL outside of a match they have together (“bell to bell”), he will lose his title shot. JBL’s happy with that decision. Until Teddy announces a six-man tag match: Bashams and JBL vs. Cena and the Tag Champs Eddie and Rey. Teddy dances as JBL slams the door.

Eddie’s washing his face as his nephew Chavo comes up to him, holding the CW Title, asking where Rey was. Eddie doesn’t know, but Chavo asks Eddie what happened to him. Last year, he was WWE Champion, carrying the weight of the entire WWE on his shoulders, but now he’s only one half of the Tag Champs. Eddie tells Chavo he’s trying to stir things up with he and Rey, Chavo says no, he’s trying to tell it like it is. “How many times did Rey Mysterio have to beat you before you had to tag with him?” and “If you can’t beat him, join him.” and “Do the family a favor … stop calling yourself a Guerrero.”

Commercial Break

We’re back, and Tazz and Cole argue about wearing green for St. Patrick’s Day, as the camera shows some Divas-in-green making the rounds in the audience.

Luther Reigns vs. Booker T
– Not sure what the storyline is for this match, although one has to feel bad for Luther, who I was pushing for a win over Undertaker a month ago, yet is now feuding with Mark Jindrak and seemingly in a position to job to Booker T.
– Book’s nemesis, poet Heidenreich, is at ringside, silently stewing at the announce table.
– Basically a very punchy brawl, and as Luther gets the upper hand, Jon smiles.
– Booker goes nuts, Spineroonie, punch, punch, kick, kick, PIN! And was that Paisley T in the crowd with Book?
Winner: Booker T

Heidenreich stands on the table, yells for Booker to listen to the latest poem, which I refuse to transcribe here. Tonight he wants to give thanks to Booker T for showing him the light (by clocking him with a chair last week?), which will “show me a new way to live my life.” Uhm, and he’s doing the entire poem with his best Randy/Jesse Jackson impersonation. So he gets hit in the head and he’s black now?

Up Next: Contract Signing!

Commercial Break, concluding with a Wrestlemania 21 commercial, featuring Kurt and the surprisingly interesting Christy Hemme spoofing the When Harry Met Sally fake orgasm scene. “And then there’s the Angle Slam, which I could do multiple times, four or five times in a row even!” Ha!

We’re back, and the red carpet and table are set up in the ring, and Teddy puts over that Mania is the one time that RAW and SD superstars wrestle each other, as Eric Bischoff comes out (Cole claims he “told us Bischoff would be here earlier tonight” but I don’t remember or buy it) to claim RAW will kick SD’s ass, and introduce the “Legend Killer” Randy Orton with some pre-established heel heat. Well, except for the ladies in the house.

Teddy Long introduces the “Legend” Undertaker, 12-0 at Wrestlemania, as the lights go out and the crowd goes insane for his entrance. Orton looks scared, but doesn’t flinch. And there’s an “nWo” sign in the crowd? Seriously?

Tazz quotes SmackDown! Magazine saying that a win at Mania over Taker would solidify Orton’s status at the top of the WWE food chain. Bischoff asks them to make it official, Taker signs, Orton pauses contemplatively and grabs a microphone… because he has nothing but respect for Taker and his legacy. 12 and 0. Undefeated. “But look into my eyes when I say this: soon, very soon, you will be 12 and 1. Because I’m not like all of your other opponents, I’m not afraid. I refuse to be afraid! 12 different men have tried to beat you, and all 12 failed. But I’m unlike all the others, I’m unlike all the others, Taker, ’cause I’m not afraid. Now people tell me that facing the Undertaker is like facing nobody else on Earth. But they’re dead wrong, because you know what I say? When the Undertaker faces Randy Orton it will be like facing no one else on Earth. Facing Randy Orton. Legend… killer.” He signs. Places the mic down, and SLAPS TAKER! Taker takes his hat off, goes a bit nuts, the video screens flip out, and he raises his arms … causing FLAMES to appear on the ramp. Randy, still scared — but composed — walks backwards up the ramp as we go to commercial. Great f’n segment.

Commercial Break, including a spot for WWE’s subscription video on demand service — “24/7” — featuring Hogan vs. Andre from 1987, body slam, leg drop, 1-2-3! This goes into a plug for the Hall of Fame ceremony the day before Wrestlemania 21.

We’re back, and more Divas are hanging out with fans.

Paul London vs. Billy Kidman
– Apparently Billy Kidman is making his return from an injury, and on the latest Velocity, London beat Akio to become #1 contender for the Cruiserweight Championship. The storyline is simple: Kidman left London, his former fellow Tag Team Title holder, injured a while back, and London hasn’t been able to get his revenge, as Kidman’s been injured.
– Unfortunately, Paul London STILL has the Jannetty/Warrior fringes on his outfit, but luckily they’re only on the boots.
– The announcers put London over big-time, noting his great matches at live events and how he got screwed out of the CW Title by Chavo’s tainted victory. They also talk a lot about Kidman’s ring-rust, and what a loss would do to London’s #1 contender status.
– London abuses Kidman’s nose, first with a drop toehold to the bottom turnbuckle, then with a somethingorother planting his face into the mat, in a cute call to the injury inflicted on London in the past.
Winner: Paul London with the 450 Splash.

Carlito is at the hotdog vender, where he’s supposed to be helping sell food. Instead he steals money from a kid, squirts ketchup in his face when asked for change, and spits a hotdog in another customer’s face.

Commercial Break, including a 24/7 and Mania commercial similar to the earlier Hogan one, but this time featuring Austin’s 1999 match where he re-claimed the Smoking Skull belt from The Rock, and plugging the Piper’s Pit for Mania 21.

Michael Cole is in the ring, and introduces the man who will face off against grand sumo champion Akibono at Mania: the Big Show. “Nearly a half-ton of humanity will be in the ring…” (hahahaha!) They show footage of Akibono, and man, I don’t know how Big Show will do a sumo match. Hopefully Show won’t wear those fun Showkishi shorts vs. the “first American-born grand champion.” He cuts another typical babyface “I respect you, but…” promo, in so far the only part of tonight’s episode I haven’t enjoyed.

US Champion Orlando Jordan gives JBL a pep talk backstage. “If I beat John Cena, don’t you think you can do it?” They plot to get Cena to hit JBL thus losing his title shot.

Commercial Break, including the “RAW Rebound” plugging Kane vs. Batista for next week.

We’re back and Dawn Marie is looking HOT in the crowd, but uh oh, there’s Michelle McCool (doesn’t she have to end up with Carlito at some point?) and catfighting ensues! The refs get the most heel heat of the night as Charles Robinson (lucky dog!) pulls Dawn Marie off of McCool, the crowd chanting “Let them fight!”

Cole and Tazz go over the Wrestlemania 21 line-up:

World Heavyweight Championship
Champion HHH vs. Dave Batista

Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker

Piper’s Pit with Stone Cold Steve Austin

Women’s Championship
Champion Trish Stratus vs. Christie Hemme

Money in the Bank Match for World Title Shot
Jericho vs. Edge vs. Christian vs. Benoit vs. Benjamin vs. Kane

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

Sumo Challenge
Big Show vs. Akibono

Class of 2005 Inductees into WWE Hall of Fame
Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Paul Orndorff, Bob Orton, Jr., Nikolai Volkoff, Iron Shiek, Jimmy Hart

WWE Championship
Champion JBL vs. John Cena

JBL and OJ are backstage and spot John Cena, so JBL goes to taunt him. He hates hip hop ’cause it’s just for dumb, inner city kids. JBL talks about how Cena’s mom had to have sex to get by, while his is rich, and still married. Yet Cena tells JBL that he’s as stupid as he looks, and he’ll save the hitting until the six-man tag in five minutes. Good point.

Commercial Break, including the Christie Hemme/Playboy segment.

Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Jr., and John Cena vs. JBL, Doug and Danny Basham
– Storyline is that Cena can’t put his hands on JBL except from bell to bell, and Eddie and Rey recently beat the Bashams for the Tag Team Titles.
– The Cabinet comes out first, and then Eddie and Rey come out in the lowrider, with “619 Cam” in tow. Cena’s got new entrance music which is pretty hot. Rey doesn’t look happy, and Eddie’s wearing a hat?
– Cena charges JBL as the bell rings, and the fight is on! Some quick tag action occurs, but a couple of minutes in, we head to commercial break.

Commercial Break

– We’re back, with Doug Basham bashing on Eddie in the corner, but some tags are made and suddenly it’s JBL beating on Rey in the heel corner. HOT TAG to Cena, but JBL runs off and tags Danny in and Cena goes to work. Rey in, and Eddie chokes Danny while the ref is distracted. A 6-1-9 later, and Rey’s tossed out into the barricade, and the ref won’t let Eddie or Cena help him.
– JBL tags out after a quick Last Call (fallaway slam), and Rey continues to get beat on.
– Good announcing by Cole (what?!) who reminds us that Cena better be careful not to get DQ’d because if the bell rings while he’s beating on JBL he will lose his title shot.
– OJ gets Eddie’s attention, who distracts the ref as Cena wrecks shop on the Bashams and finally JBL.
– Eddie sets up one of the Bashams for the frogsplash, but Rey – the legal man – drops the dime for the 1-2-3! Rey jumps into Eddie’s arms, but Eddie doesn’t look thrilled.
Winners: Cena, Guerrero and Mysterio.

After the match, JBL taunts Cena, who comes VERY close to snapping and hitting JBL with a chair, but holds up (with JBL on his back crawling up the ramp), turns around, and beats on one of the Bashams BADLY. JBL goes to sneak up behind him, but Cena turns around again with the chair in hand, but again — after some tension — puts the chair down and doesn’t lose his title shot. Cena sits down next to JBL, tells him he can’t see him, and walks up the ramp to his music.

widro: best smackdown in months
PulseMM: yep

[EOS]

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