The Midnight News 03.16.05

Comments and a lot of them… take a guess about what

Right On Hyatte!

I’m here every week from now on. Take these lame f*ckers down. Rock on! Tell Widro to wise up. If you go, I go…….and I’m not alone, we are legion.

M99

Great… a legion of freeloaders.

You’re dead-on with the forums… Every other site I have visited that focuses on forums becomes watered down. The forums turn into a clique and the posts on the main site start to reflect that and lose quality in favor of inside jokes and references.

How many people that make the attacks do you think even read you back when? It’s one thing to have rookies trying to make a name for themselves, but it’s another when your “friends” go behind your back. Like you said, it all goes back to being taken for granted. There’s a reason the IP move was announced in your column back on 411.

Cheers,

Jeffrey

Its funny to listen to two wrestling website columnists openly bitch about some girl who is probably just some fat barslut anyways. A tavern tramp if you prefer.

Lost the name

Amanda isn’t fat.

Getting full of ourselves, now aren’t we? I wish I knew what the hell you are talking about (I love your columns, but have no clue about forums and such. Always seemed like loser-heaven to me……) or about your past. I have only started reading you for the last couple of years. Anyway, if you go elsewhere, please let me know where. You can send this to Widro, but you are the reason I started reading Pulse and pretty much the only reason I come back. The wrestling up-dates and news are better at 411, but I always look for your column (and also read Flea and Eric the pollock (whatever the f*ck his last name is….)), but probably wouldn’t even bother hitting the site if you weren’t here. Like you need some more accolades to further swell your head…..

Since you’re in the Lonely Hearts Club business, I will tell you that I am very down right now. My girlfriend broke up with me last night, over the phone! I thought things were going great; sex all the time and it was fantastic! So out of the blue, she tells me we’re through, and you know why? She says I’m a pedophile! Of all the……. I was so speechless all I could tell her was that was a pretty big word for a 9 yr. old to be using!

Anyway, keep us readers in the loop as it’s fun to watch and learn. But please don’t use most of your column for this stuff. Keep the wrestling shit going, the porn links are always welcome, as well as your Flea-isms and such.

Chuck

HA! Funny!

Yes, pedofiles love Flea.

Hi there, First time writer , read you for a while. Kinda disappointed with your big threatening speech at the end there. To be honest, it comes across very
passive agressive and slightly weak. If you had enough anger in you to blast these people you would do it there. Is it more than you think you couldn’t do a good enough job at it anymore, like when you tried to do a mop up recently(ish) and it didn’t turn out like you wanted ? (I enjoyed it regardless) . You came across like a man trying hard to get the confidence back that has been lost from recent troubles or possibly not so recent. It’s silly that you let such childish little morons get to you , why bother what they say EVER ? let them say anything they like. It really won’t hurt your cred with anyone who has a brain.

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do.

Dante

Dude… trust me… the threat was enough to drive most of the folks I have issues with completely insane for a week… with two distinctive reactions which I will talk about at the bottom.

Oh my god, was that pathetic or WHAT!

I read with mild amusement your score-settling with Grut, finding a modicum of entertainment in seeing how an ex-girlfriend of yours got mingled with one of these losers from the IWC. I felt you had a good case, seeing that she was from your real life and Grut was getting involved in that. And then I read this:

“We really should have f*cked at least once. Just to see what it would be like. I know I’D rock your little dewey decimal socks off…”

So, you call ‘ex-girlfriend’ a girl whom you haven’t even f*cked? What are you, five year-old? Christ. I bet you met her over AIM and had phonesex with her. Or perhaps that’s presuming too much? Do you start dating a girl after you kiss her on the lips? Do you consider holding hands a form of sex?

Just goes to show the old saying… Arguing over the Internet is like competing in the Special Olympics; even if you win, you’re still a retard. And what a retard that segment made you to be!

-Philo

It was an Internet relationship thing… my first. Haven’t fallen for anyone online since, I swear. Although the girl who pretends to be Trish Stratus is, like, REALLY hot, and likes me for some reason.

Amanda, on the other hand, just came off another Net thing that lasted two years… and had Grut all nice and seduced within a few weeks…

Inside Pulse has a forum?

The only reason I go to 411 for news on wrestling instead of Inside Pulse is because white text on a black bg is annoying and hard to read. That’s it. What is Wildo’s fascination with a black bg anyway? The only reason I go to Inside Pulse is to check out your column. Besides that, it kinda blows.

cliff rancho

Its still better than 411’s new layout.

Bring the f*cking pain. Show these cocksuckers who they’re messing with, and the Legend of Hyatte grows even larger. I know I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. Keep kicking ass. And you tell that f*ck Widro that if you go, I ain’t ever going back to his shit website again. He can have the inside f*cking pulse on Tyra Banks’ cooch and I won’t give a flying f*ck. I haven’t seen 411 since you left, and I don’t intend on sticking around to read shit on here if you ain’t, either.

Keep kicking ass, douchenozzle.

Soupy

Widro knows this.

It’s a real shame that GRUT has turned out to be that way, but the last time I recall reading anything by him was when he came out of the woodwork to bitch at the Layfield Goostepping Fiasco. Goddamn, what a bitchfest that was. Every writer was denouncing the incident, but GRUT made it sound personal, as if the wrestler spat on the Grutman family name.

And for the forums — well, shit, who the f*ck puts value in an internet forum?

Anway, I’m glad you’re showing some piss and vigor back. If you do walk away (and I mean, walk away — no Sean Shannon bullshit or comeback) you do have to put the chairs up and turn out the lights. You’re f*cking Hyatte. Anything less isn’t acceptable.

Lost the name

Hyatte,

I have been reading your columns from the first one on Scoops and I’d like to give you a little feedback on your latest column:

It’s about time you remembered where you balls were!

Do you know how many years I have been reading the new “neutered” Hyatte, just waiting for a glipse of the Sean Shannon-killing monster? I stopped watching Vince’s little dog and pony show years ago, but I still kept coming to 411 and IP just to see you tear into NoSoul or Scooter or Dickface Sciaiaiaia (or anyone else for that matter) only to be denied for YEARS! You wouldn’t even throw us a Pat Patterson joke for god’s sake! Thank you for finally remembering and doing what put you on the map. You’re a shitty columnist (they’re still fun) but you write flames like no other.

Lost the name

Patterson sucks!! No, really. He has to take his teeth out these days, but still…

Sucks that you got into this mess, but hopefully you learned a lesson: the internet is full of nothing but fat, overstuffed whiners doing nothing but whining and crying because their life sucks. Real men are out DOING stuff that matters. Quit this internet crap now. Please. Before we witness the mighty fall even further. Nobody that matters cares about this nonsense.

Anthony

Yes, you’re right! I QUIT!!

It’s about time!! PLEASE for the love of God, and all that is holy and unholy bring back the old school Hyatte that made me want to log on to whatever site he was posting for! Start tearing into any and all of the limp wrist tree hugging assholes that f*cked with you. Hyatte=Readers

Jim

I’ve never agreed with you more. IP’s forums are completely useless, and the only reason I joined is I read how great they were in YOUR COLUMN. Way to go sticking up for yourself man. No reason you shouldn’t. One thing though. I have been reading for only over a few months, but I feel your column is the best on any site you go to. Midnight News is why I left 411. If they don’t like you, take your business elsewhere. You keep writing, and I’ll keep reading.

Greg

Oh Widro likes me… he just likes being everyone’s friend more… even the losers.

Absolute Drivel.

Luke

Well, yeah.

G’day Hyatte,, Just read your last column and ( I know you will ) crush that punk bitch faggot chaos . Who the hell does he think he is ?? You have been around for ages and what has he done , ? I hope you dont get into any dramas because you have hurt this little girls feelings BOO HOO get a life dickhead , I Have read your stuff for years and it is great most of the time also the guide to life columns are not bad for a laugh . ( seeing that other people go through the same shit as i in relation to females ) Anyhow keep up the good work ….. Cheers from Australia

Andrew

Hyatte:

My name’s Francisco, I’m a chilean (south america) fan that has read your column quite some time now, although, I was never really interested in the forums, cuz with that ass hole of Chaos and his comments, I was always kinda not motivated in entering. Except this one time last year, that I had to register to ask a few questions…

Well, chit chat done, let’s get to the facts… I FULLY SUPPORT YOU ON YOUR QUEST TO REALLY FUCK UP THIS CHAOS, AND HIS DUMB ASS FRIENDS… IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, AT ALL, JUST MAIL ME, CUZ BELEIVE IT OR NOT, YOU’VE GOT QUITE A FEW FANS HERE, AND WE CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YA FUCK HIM UP 4 LIFE…

Well, this being said, I’ve gotta go now, cuz, like any other normal, young male, unlike Chaos, Ive got a girlfriend, who doesn’t blow me off… and man, u know them.,.. she’s latin!!

Fuck Chaos!!! get life man, and a plastic infltable bitch 4 your, err… “needs”

Bye Hyatte, thanks 4 reading, would appreciate a response, and pardon my english, It’s not really good… I know

Francisco

I was totally entertained by this letter

fear, respect, burning – it means nothing, the only thing you can possibly take away from anyone is internet life and internet respect, which has so
little worth it’s hilarious. however, if you’re targets care enough about this to actually be negatively affected by it being taken away from them, then you’re threats actually carry some worth, which in and of itself is quite funny, but really not that impressive – it’s like mugging a granny, if someone has an actual internet
life then f*cking it up for them is really no more impressive. what’s kind of sad though is that you would care enough to need to make so much of a statement, as you’re gimmick always kind of revolved around being a bit more savy to the ridiculousness of the whole iwc thing – and the fact that you let it get to you gives them a fair amount of victory, more than you ever managed at scooter.

still it should be at least mildly entertaining, go for it

Tom

So wait, you loved this girl, but you never f*cked her?

Bwhahahahahahahahahah

Barry

Oh f*ck you… I remember when you used to come sobbing to me about how to get laid a few years back, don’t you get all tough with me, stud. I remember you when you were a little insecure brat.

you are indeed: Fucking Hyatte

If I was a chick, and I couldnt get me, i’d be all over you.

Randy

Get in line, fag.

If you ever thought about giving up the net columns because people are giving you a hard time, then I’d be pissed at you for being a fake all these years.

I don’t post or even check out forums. They are lame, Chris. Really man…they can’t get any lamer and I don’t care if you run them or not. That’s one thing I could never understand about you. I don’t know why you wasted any part of your time in them, other than to shill them for Widro’s sake. And from this past column, add that to the other multitude of reasons why forums completely blow. The only time they are remotely funny is when you do your “Across the boards” feature, and still yet there’s only a small handful of entertaining statements in there.

If Widro is too blind to see what makes that site great, then you should move on and go to another site. I bet if you went to Flea’s site exclusively, you’d get more daily hits then all of IP as a whole. This frivolous talk about any “last column ever” stuff is ridiculous. The real Hyatte doesn’t get driven away by anyone, especially by a low life no-name forum mod who most of us have never even heard of.

Best of luck to you and I sure as hell hope I see you next week.

Longtime reader,

Scott

Hey douche bag,

It’s been a long time…

Oh yeah, give them hell. Give them ALL hell.

Regards,

Art

That… that…

… That was f*cking Hyatte.

It’ll probably only be apreciated by those who’ve grown more mature along with you, but sometimes it’s nice to see the old dog show the pack he can still rip the throat out of some alpha-male wannabe pup.

Lost the name

And finally…

Me: Read the column?
Flea: Yup
Me: What did you think?
Flea: Oh, I thought it sucked.
Me: WHAT?
Flea: Next time you want to rip into someone, let me show you how to do it right!
Me: WHAT??

And he’s serious too..

I’m Chris and this is the Midnight News. With that extended letter section done, let’s just jump right into it.

IN-DEPTH SMACKDOWN REPORT

WHO SPOILED THE SPOILERS FIRST!!

Every week, the race is on to see which sites post the Smackdown spoilers first… this is SERIOUS business, people… net credibility IS on the line… NET CREDIBILITY!!! THE STAKES DON’T GET MUCH HIGHER THAN THIS!!!

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: early AM: Was it Scherer? Noooo, he was busy pumping iron at the gym, as he’s frequently announcing (see below), was it Mike Johnson? Noooo, he was busy pumping his own cock over the latest edition of PWI (mark!) Was it Meltzer? Nooo, he was busy counting his Observer money that you losers hand over to him hand over fist. Was it Keller? NOOOOOO HAHAHAHHAAA… Are you nuts?

No… the first asshole who came OUT OF NOWHERE with the spoiilers… who BROKE the spoilers for the week…

Kevin Malton from PWBTS.com! Yes… PWBTS.

Who? I don’t know… but I know Malton… his British… and you’de be AMAZED at who he has had sleep at his flat. He also personally verified something that had bothered me for a while… but that’s nothing you should concern yourselves with.

So CHEERS to Kevin Malton for shocking EVERYONE and breaking the spoilers first! TAKE A BOW, YA BLOODY WANKER!,

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: 09:42 AM: Joey Styles was running LATE for work and just could not WAIT for some loser to send him the spoilers… so, rather than be upstaged and embarrassed by… EVERYONE (except the Torch) AGAIN… he took matters in his OWN hands and ripped the results off from Kevin Malton! Hey look, Joey Styles needed the help of some low-level web dude to keep his site looking legit! HOW COME BOB RYDER COULDN’T COME THROUGH FOR THE TEAM, JOEY??? ISN’T HE THE JIM ROSS OF TNA????? ISN’T HE THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN WRESTLING???

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: 09:50: AM: And PWInsider shows up… with a WEAK, LAME, BULLSHIT little piece of spoiler fluff from some barely literate inbred named Gene Phelps. Wow… I remember when Scherer used to brag about how PWInsider fans would call Mike Johnson ON HIS CELLPHONE and provide PLAY BY PLAY results… lo’, what ahppened, Mr. Big Shot? What happened?

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: 11:32 AM: Beaten by Styles and BUTTFUCKED by some Brit named Kevin Malton, PW Insider finally comes through with a full, more detailed Spoiler. Ernest Joyner, who obviously enjoys sex with his various siblings… and maybe Momma too, saved Scherer’s weight lifting fat ass from total, Keller-Level embarrassment.

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: no time given: Kurtis Osterlund beats Ashish to the punch and steals PWInsiders spoilers just SECONDS after they were posted. Good job, Kurtis… now go on the writer’s only forums and bitch at me for being a general dick like many of your fellow IP writers.

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: no time given: Ashish… 411… always the bridesmaid. I’d say more but I might be jumping back so I’d better be nice.

Heh… let’s take a moment while various people do a double-take and re-read that last comment.

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: 04:38 PM: The Lords of Pain… well, one of them at least, FINALLY gets home from school, “Man, detention SUCKS” and the first thing Calvin Martin does before settling down in front of TRL with a plate of cookies and a nice glass of milk is steal the spoilers from Inside Pulse… yes, he stole them from US…. because Calvin’s Dad will have a FIT if he sees all those spyware pop-ups that you get when you visit Scherer’s free section! .

WEDNESDAY March 16, 2005: 06:43 PM: Sigh… Wade Keller… poor Wade Keller… the Torch’s Wade Keller… the man who works harder than ANYONE to make his Newsletter the PEOPLE’S Newsletter (he changed his site design three times over the last WEEK because people keep complaining… (which I SWEAR is a giant, conspiracy from his site readers to keep bitching about the new format just to see how long they can make him change things around)… Wade didn’t get a single spoiler until late… LATE in the evening… from Ken Anderson… Ken Anderson from Inside Pulse… or, as I like to call him, JUDAS ANDERSON!!! YOU SOLD US OUT TO WADE FUCKING BALD-ASS GAYER-THAN-RICHARD SIMMONS-KELLER??? YOU TRAITOR!! YOU SLIME!! YOU SKUNK!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!

Jesus… yet I’M the asshole of IP… gah.

And finally…

Never March never, 2005: never: Dave Meltzer… your Lord… your GOD… the man you fully intend to hand over your first daughter to for proper seeding… has yet to recieve a spoiler for last week’s show… you turned your back on your King… how dare you, sirs… I SAY HOW DARE YOU!!

So to wrap up…

Out of nowhere, a no-name called Kevin Malton out-scooped us ALL!!

Styles gets a small victory over cocksucker Dave and his cocksmoking partners.

It’s business as usual for IP, 411, and the Lords of Pain.

Keller truly has no clue HOW to run a website or present his product.

And Meltzer will probably make a few million this year DESPITE not getting a single spoiler.

You either have to laugh or cry

THINGS ROB FEINSTEIN SAYS THAT SOUND GAY

His name is Rob Feinstein and not too long ago he was caught pulling up to the house of an underage young BOY by a news crew. Perverted Justice.com claimed to have online chat evidence that Feinstein has met the boy online and actively pursued him.

He responded by turning around and getting the hell out of there.

Ever since then, poor Rob was more or less blacklisted from wrestling. Being gay is perfectly okay in this bizness (so long as you keep it fricken QUIET… fag!!), but being gay for young, YOUNG boys… well okay, if you HAVE TO… just don’t be late for the house shows!

But being CAUGHT being gay for young, YOUNG boys… that’ll get you chucked out.

But Rob stayed firm! Stayed optimistic! Was patient, and rode this controversy out. All charges were dropped before they were even filed! He was cleared of anything TECHNICALLY wrong! Hell, he doesn’t even have to report to his new neighbors that he’s a kiddie popper… should he ever move.

And now, Rob is BACK, with his very own Live Journal! He posts on and on about his life, his hopes, his dreams, his comebacks, and how EVERYTHING is wonderful! Perfectly innocent, innocuous posts…

And yet… when read in the right light (ie: when taken completely out of context)… certain things Feinstein says literally SCREAM that he hasn’t changed and NO ONE with a penis who is under the age of 15 is safe!

The following are statements posted by Rob himself that make him sound GUILTIER than Robert Blake! And gayer than an Italian Waiter:

“Wrestling can open a million doors with the right connections.”

“We then went onto the stage before the show started and found a dark corner basically.”

“So that is my plug for the week”

“If anyone knows anything about cruises E mail me at feinsteind@aol.com for info. I want to swim with the dolphins.”

“The excitement at a game blows anything I have ever dealt with in wrestling”

“I was at some huge sports bar with over 1000 crammed into it”

“We have some killer ideas that we are going to do. Enough of that talk before I give away our secrets.”

“What a RUUUUSSSSSHHHHH!!!!”

“I have been doing something that is crazy as of late.”

“Had a few drinks and saw Beefcake at the bar.”

“As a good friend once told me ‘that is all I got'”

“I just can’t wait to run shows and get these chains off me.”

“He is one of the funniest f*cks I have ever met.”

“I think I got a new concept that should turn some heads.”

Heads? Which heads?

And what.. in GODS NAME does he want to do to those poor dolphins! LEAVE THEM ALONE, FEINSTEIN!! LEAVE FLIPPER ALONE!!!

I’m sure they are UNDERAGE dolphins too!! That evil, sick BASTARD!!

BACKSTAGE LEGENDS!!!

And if Feinstein’s shenanigans weren’t enough to make you re-think the PURITY of this business… here are some rather sordid RUMORS and GOSSIP about our heroes… our heroes of WRESTLING, that you may or may not have heard of…

The following is 100% third hand info… couldn’t tell you if its true or not, but it’s fun to speculate, ain’t it?

-Randy Savage once shagged Stephanie McMahon when she was 14. No one knows if he popped her cherry, but Vince knows and this is why we never see Randy in those past Wrestlemania clips.

-Kevin Sullivan likes to hang out at nudist colonies.

-Tommy Rich blew his way to a four day NWA World Title run.

-Ricky Morton and Robert Gbson once walked into a room and found Jimmiy “The Boogie Woogie Man” Valient jerking off under a glass table while a rat took a dump on it. Morton pukes and runs out of there. Gibson stayed and watched the show.

-Brian Pillman hated black people.

-ROH’s Gabe Sapolsky (you know, the INNOCENT one) likes to participate in apartment wrestling in his underwear. There’s a tape of this floating around.

-Back in his indy days, WWE Raw superstar Rhyno liked to masterbate in the middle of the locker room before his matches.

-Giant Baba liked men AND women.

-“The Natural” Butch Reed marked his territory by pissing on the floor and furniture of every hotel he stayed at.

-Genichiro Tenryu had cock enhancement surgery.

-Tammy Sytch once offered to blow a fan for $20. The fan laughed, thinking it was a joke. Tammy cooly looked at him and said, “So, do you have the $20?”

Then there are the Von Erichs…

-Gene Kinisky got Kevin Von Erich a hooker in Las Vegas when he was only 12.

-Kerry Von Erich tried to walk on his freshly surgically-repaired foot and crushed it. They had to amputate.

-Kerry put the iron claw on a cat in a Japan locker room and crushed its skull.

Actually, the Von Erichs could get their own segment, there’s so much stuff about them.

Professional Wrestlers… the modern day role models!!

God Bless them, I’m sure there is never a dull moment in that world!

SCHER AND SCHERER ALIKE

Its been quiet a while since myself… or ANYONE ragged on the guy… and since he’s the easiest target out there…

His name is Dave Scherer… from PWInsider… and he very much wants you to bestow Meltzer-Level worship on him…

His name is Dave Scherer and he is FEARED within the WWE.

His name is Dave Scherer… and his ego is so out-of-control that he makes ME look downright humble…

His name is Dave Scherer… and he can give Hyatte lessons on how to be a true asshole.

Dave Scherer on…

Stirring up controversy with his in-depth reporting

Oh yeah, some have definitely gotten ticked at me and let me know about it in the past. I have gotten a few threats, but nothing major or anything I would write about here because in almost every case, I ended up talking to the worker and came to an understanding. I try to be as fair as I can when I write. I realize that sometimes guys have a cold, or personal things happen, which can affect their work in the ring. But in the case of guys who just aren’t good in the ring, like Gene Snitsky or Heidenreich, I don’t mean anything personal by what I say about them. I think I owe it to the readers to speak the truth and be honest. Yeah, it may offend them but hey, there work is offensive to me as well!

You hear that? If you are a wrestler and you SUCK… Dave is NOT AFRAID to tell it like it is!!

Dave Scherer on…

His influence

There is a person, or are people, in WWE who peruse the web, grab contents and put together reports, that are then sent to WWE management. They feature a lot of content from our site. From what I have been told, the reports include the critical commentary as well. Also, keep in mind that anyone in WWE, including Vince, can click on our site whenever they want and no one will know that he did so (just in case he wants to keep selling that he “doesn’t read the internet” to his underlings). I know a number of prominent people in WWE read the site, and I am glad they do. The commentary that we offer here is devoid of malice. It’s done to try and point out what we see wrong with the product in hopes that someone may listen. We realize that they probably won’t, but we won’t stop trying.

Yes, YES!! Dave will FOREVER point out what’s WRONG with the business… he’ll let those ridiculous “newz” sites point out what’s “right”… cuz they’ll be wrong cuz they don’t know the business like he does!! And he’ll never stop… NEVER!! NEVER!!!

Dave Scherer on…

Trish Stratus’s love life

I know that for a while she had a boyfriend outside of the business. I remember when WWE did a shoot of her at her home, I was told it was actually the boyfriend’s house. For a long while, the word backstage was that she was seeing someone, so that kept her from hooking up with any of the workers. I honestly don’t know what her personal status is now but the way I understand it, as a rule the male workers don’t go hitting on the Divas, so it’s probably a case of unless Trish makes a move towards a guy, nothing will happen. For what it’s worth, I respect that Trish has kept her personal and professional life separate. It shows me what I already knew from her rapid improvement in the ring, and that is that she is very dedicated to what she does.

And that boyfriend’s name? Dave Scherer! That sly fox!

Dave Scherer on…

His body… his TEMPLE

I lifted a lot when I was younger, but stopped lifting in the mid 90s. Then in the late 90s-early 00s, when I was working 80-100 hours a week, I let myself get out of shape. In the beginning of ’03, I started doing a lot of walking to lose the excess weight, and by the end of the year, I had dropped 50 pounds. I also noticed I was losing muscle mass so I started lifting again in the beginning of ’04. In my youth, I was a 400 pound bencher and I wanted to see if I could get to that again once I got back in shape, which I did in about five months when I did 405. I stayed on the power kick and did it twice a few weeks later. I don’t do a lot of powerlifting anymore though. I prefer to do a lot of heavy duty cardio and lift three times a week, doing sets of four sets of 20 reps on four exercises for a total of about 320 on each body part that I do in the workout. I have stopped going for maxes, at least for now.

But he’ll still f*ck you up, and any wrestler who gets in his face! He will! He’ll outlift you… outfight you… and out run you! FUCK WITH HIM, HE DARES YOU!!

Dave Scherer on…

Advice to Vince on how to save the WWE

It was cool to see Randy Orton and Eric Bischoff on the show last night. It was nice that they set up the inter-promotional match the way they did and I like that they are putting together guys that normally wouldn’t get a chance to work together for Mania. With that said though, when they do that it really points out how much they need to kill the brand extension. The product would be so much more interesting if they had a full pool of talent to work with and it shows every time guys cross promotions. In 1999 or 2000, the brand extension would have been a great idea. But in today’s market, where the talent base isn’t what it was, it’s not.

Yes… combine the rosters so 75% of the locker room will NEVER get airtime and many, MANY stars will get fired.

Seriously… Keller screams this too… its simply the most IGNORANT, SHORT-SIGHTED piece of shit opinion there possibly could be. More people… fans and talent alike, will lose out be recombining the brands…

Pure and simple… anyone who thinks the quick fix is to recombine the brands is just showing their utter stupidity. Its proof you shouldn’t take a single word any of these so-called “reporters” have to say with any true merit.

Back to Dave’s awesomeness…

Dave Scherer on…

Dave Scherer

Dave Scherer has been covering the business of professional wrestling for the past decade. After writing for various publications in the early 1990s, Dave started “The Wrestling Lariat” newsletter in June of 1995. Over the next few years, the Lariat grew steadily and became one of the must-read publications for those in and around the wrestling business.

In August of 1997, Dave was approached by Bob Ryder to become a part of the new website 1Wrestling.com. Ryder wanted the name value of Dave and the Lariat to be one of the draws for the new website, and the two joined forces. Dave worked at 1Wrestling.com as columnist, reporter and webmaster until January of 2004 before deciding to branch out on his own and start this website.

Dave’s extended network of contacts and ability to consistently break the top stories in pro wrestling has made him a must-read for anyone who follows the wrestling business online. Dave’s column, “The Daily Lariat,” quickly became a favorite of cyberspace’s wrestling fans around the world and will now be featured here on PWInsider.com.

Also during Dave’s time at 1Wrestling.com, he was a staff writer for the now-defunct WOW and ECW magazines. He also penned the Saturday pro wrestling column at the New York Daily News for two years. And he was the webmaster for the Extreme Championship Wrestling website until the company ceased operations in 2001.

Dave’s combination of reporting skills, humor and ability to succinctly analyze the trends and patterns of today’s wrestling business allow for him to pen informative and entertaining pieces for the readers of PWInsider.com.

Yes, he actually wrote that… it’s here! Actually, it ISN’T there… Dave’s bio (which he wrote because… come on, who else could have written such a glowing ass-kiss about him other than the man himself?) can ONLY be read on the ELITE section. yes, you have to PAY to read Dave put himself over.

Dave Scherer on…

being humble

We get asked about this a lot and we have decided not to put up pictures of ourselves with our columns. I have just never really been comfortable doing it since I think it’s a bit of an ego trip. I know that some people like doing it, or adding a title to their name, but it has always come off to me as if someone is trying to prop themselves up when they do that. Again, that is just my opinion and I realize others feel totally differently. Mike, Buck and Jess have never wanted to put their pictures up either. If you want to see what we look like, Mike, Buck and myself are all on WWE’s ECW DVD!

Indeed… NO ONE will get to see SuperDave Scherer… feared columnist, power-lifter, wrestling insider, all around GENIUS, and God’s gift to the net marks! Oh no, my friends… no one shall be so lucky as to see what Dave looks like… NO ONE!!

Well… UNLESS YOU CLICK HERE

Oh yeah, its him… note that double chin… the fine sweat upon his brow… the goofy “what, me worry?” look… and how his mustache is oddly colored while his hair is dead-ass grey!

Dave Scherer… the Net GOD!

He makes it too easy.

The point I want to make here is that after this past week of all you fudgepackers quietly gabbing among yourselves about what a world class ego-maniacal obnoxious asshole I am for picking on your faggy friends… all you losers pissing on about how I prattle on about how awesome I am, I wanted you to see the difference between a guy who KNOWS just how lame he really is… and a guy who truly self-markets and then beleieves his own hype.

When it comes to being a douchebag… Dave Scherer OWNS me…

Little perspective for ya…

Oh, but I am MUCH better looking than him! And YOUNGER… and COOLER. I swear.

A FUN FACT THAT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK SMARTER

*Tom Sawyer was the first novel ever written on a typewriter*

And just like that, you’re smarter than you were three seconds ago

Hyatte LIVES to inform.

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO FLEA

Whenever we talk, I can always count on Flea to give his opinions on just about anything. And those opinions are usually extremely fascinating to listen to. It also allows me to go to the toilet or something while he lectures on.

So, I decided to grab a pen and paper and start jotting down his thoughts. Everyone likes Flea.

The following is 100% true… more or less:

WHERE DOES FLEA STAND ON…

Billy Bob Thorton?

Fuck him. Old, ugly cocksucker. I got asshole friends who like to sit around and debate on his work. Shit, whenever that bullshit starts flying around, I steal one of their cellphones, wander off into the bedroom and make calls to Japan. They want to f*ck up my night by talking about f*cking Billy Bob Thorton, then I’ll f*ck up their phone bill. I call Japan and the first voice I hear I start screaming “AH SO!!! AH SO” Good times, Hi-Rate. Good times. But no, f*ck Billy Bob Thorton. He should be executed on the grounds of annoying me.

Flea: slowly trying to convince everyone that he’s responsible for everything I’ve written since 1997.

TRIPLE H IS BETTER THAN YOU

I, for one, am so sick and tired of HHH bashing. Thus, I give you this ongoing gimmick.

Every week, I shall list one good thing Triple H has done that makes him a much better person than YOU, John Q. Anus-slammer, who has never done anything for anyone… and probably a supporter of Rob Feinstein too, you PERVERT!!

Triple H Is Better Than You Because…

If he banged Lita, he at least had the courtesy not to fall in love with her.

THIS HAS BEEN “TRIPLE H IS BETTER THAN YOU” STARRING TRIPLE H! WRITTEN, DIRECTED, AND PRODUCED BY CHRIS HYATTE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

DOING LINES… CAUGHT ON FILM

In honor of the Oscar telecast… oh, who am I kidding? I’m putting up anything and everything I can find in my files here…

01): Wait a second, the suspect lied to you, don’t you want to know why?

I’m a homicide detective, the only time I wonder why is when they tell me the truth.Homicide: Life on the Street

02): Folks, pardon my language. I just got out of prison. Well, I’m gonna take ahold of him

And then?

And then I’m gonna pull his trousers down.

And then?

And THEN…

And then?

And THEN…

They’re gonna buttf*ck the preacher on television.Pass the Ammo

03): Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?

Oh yeah, the greek mythology.

Hey, I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nothin’, but I think unicorns are kick ass!Orgazmo

04): Sign it quickly, then you can ravish me again on the linens for which he so dearly paid.

And then, I beg you, on the bearskin rug in his study. And finally, as a crowning gesture, we’ll leave puddles of love on the Peruvian marble.Quills

05): Do you have children?

Only when there are no men around.The Lair of the White Worm

06): Am I right in thinking there is no one else in this house?

Uh, no.

So there is someone else in this house!

Sorry, I said no meaning yes.

No meaning yes? Look, I just want a straight answer. Is there someone else in this house or isn’t there? Yes or no?

Uh, no.

No there is, or no there isn’t?

Yes.

Well, there is still some confusion as to whether there is someone else in this house!

I told you there isn’t.

There isn’t any confusion or there isn’t anyone else in the house?

Either. Um, or both.

Just give me a straight answer.

Certainly. [pause] What was the question?Clue

07): Enough… ENOUGH… have pity on me! How much can one man f*ck??

Nonsense… I haven’t f*cked you up the ass yet

…OhAss Slammers 23

08): Hi, can I get you a drink?

Wow! I’ve never heard that one before. You really blow me away with your creativity.

Well I…

Well I… uh… you’re recovery’s even better! Do you even care at all who I am? I mean, I could be the Antichrist or have the intelligence of a thermos but unfortunately those are not the matters the male penis ponders. So please… tell me. Why did you walk all the way over here to ask to get me a drink?

Well… because… I’m the bartender.Heartbreakers

09): I’ll tell you what I found out. I found out that you eat shit, you f*cking frog, you! You goddamn scumbag, you!The French Connection II

10): Do you mind putting down that gun? Then I’ll leave.

What difference does it make, you’re leaving anyway?

I’d like it to be my idea.Shane

And there you go…

LEARNING THE HARD WAY

So what happened? What was the fall-out from last week’s cheerful tirade/warning?

Pretty much what I expected… people got real, REAL scared…

Good. Stay scared. Smartest thing you can do.

Chaos got real quiet, but I’m told he’s banning people left and right for the tiniest infraction on the IP forums… just weeding out all the non-friends so only his Live Journal buds can post away unbothered. Good job with this kid, Widro. You can sure pick them.

Oh, many of these “friends” tend to gather in top secret forums and bitch about me… whine, whine, whine, and whine some more. That’s okay… so long as you keep it to whispers in the dark… because if you try to take it right to me… well, I won’t attack dumb screen names of whom I know nothing about. Oh no, I’ll go after the people you’re DEFENDING… the ones I DO know all about. I guess we’ll just see how deeply you care for these people… if your willing to risk getting them absolutely FUCKED OVER by me just so you can get a lame-ass shot or two in.

Incidentally… it’s becoming clearer and clearer that SOMEONE is telling people ALL about me… and my private life… funny how I’ve yet to do the same with anyone, nope, I’ve kept nice and quiet and haven’t said a word to anyone. Sort of makes me the better person, respecting personal shit. Ah well.

But on the whole, I’m happy with the last week… lessons were learned.

Except for Grut… Josh Grut spent the last week stewing… boiling… and freaking out over this… and had a weird reaction.

First he e-mailed me a letter telling HIS side of the story… which is STILL stuff that I was done with two months ago… why would he keep bringing it up? Why is he harboring over the fact that some ex-girl of mine who decided she liked talking to him better stopped talking to him at all?

Oh wait… it’s because she found a real live cock and wants to play with it! No more time for Net life… no more time for Grut.

And Grut’s happy… no, really, Josh is happy… ask him, he’ll make a BIG DEAL about how happy he is that Amanda lost interest in chatting with him… just friends (PLEASE LET ME HAVE THAT, PLEASE LET ME HAVE A FRIENDSHIP WITH AMANDA)… he’ll tell you over and over how he’s happy… he doesn’t get net crushes… no.. he doesn’t. By the way, did he mention how he’s thrilled that Amanda doesn’t talk to him anymore? He has? Well let him re-iterate. No, he’s serious. He’s delighted.

People… let ME remind you that this is a topic, and a girl, of whom I stopped giving much thought about for a while now.

So now that he’s made it LOUD AND CLEAR that he doesn’t CARE that Amanda left him dry… (LET ME HAVE THAT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD), Grut then became fixated on this… RIDICULOUS notion that I took great delight in “destroying his blog”… and I took FURTHER delight in the fact that he went a few weeks without posting anything ON his blog… oh yes, I DESTROYED his blog…. WRECKED his good time!

HOW did I do this? No clue… but he says I did… and points out that I read his blog so I must have destroyed it… I mean, most of his posts had my name in them… why WOULD I read?

He also blamed his old friend Gloomchen for… betraying him, I guess.

I’m telling you people… the kid went nuts over the last week. He’s STILL going nuts.

But… he’s also doing the one thing that got him in this mess to begin with… HE’S POSTING LONG BLOGS ABOUT ME!!!

YOU STUPID FUCKING WHINEY LITTLE DOUCHEBAG!!! SHUT UP!! STOP IT!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! JEW DOWN, JEW IT ALL DOWN FOR CHRISSAKES!!!

Here, let me make this as clear as I possibly can… this is cause and effect… you cause something and I initiate the effect. The more you try to soothe shit down, the worse you make it. So f*cking shut the f*ck up! Stop it. Hush! Quiet! Give me no reason to talk about you and I shall not talk about you. CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THIS??? DO YOU GET IT???

Idiot… you blamed Gloomchen because you can’t blame yourself. Blame yourself. You were so jacked that a girl chose YOU over me that you spent a few long posts dropping her name! You f*cking DELIGHTED in it. Jesus, you simpleton… I’m a smart dude… I saw what you were doing since day 1. What YOU don’t seem to get is that you didn’t fool anyone. Not me, not all those people who watched your act and talked to me about it.

I don’t f*cking care about your lame journal, post every day for the rest of your life! If I get jealous, I’ll go crazy and start my OWN journal… well f*ck gee, how about that? Just stop putting Daddy Hyatte in it… you BABY… YOU GIRL… stop it.

And stop renting your hand out at Grand Central Station to old men. There are better ways of making money, Joshua. Friend to friend, just stop, No more handjobs.

And that’s the last friend to friend advice I have for you. You are now among the Live Journal crowd to me. Congrats… all those people who whisper in private places about how evil and cruel and mean I am, you might as well join them. They’re the only people who comment on your posts now. You’re one of them. You USED to me someone better… but now you’re just a screen name.

No f*cking apologies… no f*cking retorts… no f*cking weak displays of proof that I really am taking glee in ruining your oh-so UNimportant web life (if its so UNimportant, why are you stressing while I’m having a ball?), and no more shouting about how you weren’t getting off on Amanda picking you over me. Fine, good… you can have her. She isn’t aging well anyway. She’s yours.

Just shut the f*ck up. Are you capable of doing that? Can you just stop? Can you just not say a word and go on? Can you just MOVE ON?????

And yes, I get it… you don’t fall in love over the net… you’re HAPPY Amanda isn’t around anymore. Good! I get it. No, I do… no, please, don’t explain it again. I’m convinced. Everyone’s convinced… yes. Absolutely. What’s that? Yes, you’ve explained it. For weeks now you’ve been explaining it. Yes. No, I don’t think you’re f*cking lying. No, I don’t think you’re just trying to convince yourself.

And Josh, if this bitchfest sounds familiar? It’s because I’ve used it before… about someone else. You REALLY want to start acting like that person? Because the way you’ve been whining…

Please… just stop. Shhhhhh… that’s a good boy! SHHHHHHH

No more whining about me and no more handjobs. That is your mission for the week.

Yeah, somehow I think it’s not done with quite yet… just a feeling.

Oh, this column IS done, however. Done right… about…. now

Whoops… I forgot to mention that Grut is NOT bummed that Amanda left him dry for a new guy… he wanted to make sure everyone reading got that.

Amanda, of course, isn’t reading this… in case a couple of you are curious.

Now I’m done.

This is Hyatte