Stuff I Think, And Shouldn't Say: March Madness?


As far as I am concerned, the NCAA Tournament is my downfall. To be more specific, I meant to say that all of the various betting pools and games held online, as it always seems that I blindly enter into these contests with the hopes of calling another perfect tournament.

Granted, that would be the first time I have done that, but I have called the Final Four twice, so that is cool. Also, I always manage to find some rare strain of the flu to catch around this time, which is a blessing and a curse. See, every man in his right mind wants to sit home all day and do nothing. No one wants to do it whilst in the midst of sickness’ pale, clammy grip.

Love is a Battlefield…

Oh my frickin’ God, do I have the flu. Honestly, I haven’t felt this shitty since Ricky Williams “retired,” and that was just an emotionally painful day. The past three days have been spent lying flat on my back, feeling sick as a dog, and involve lots of water and tissues.

All of my joints hurt like a there is no tomorrow, so I haven’t been able to call about any interviews for jobs. So, here I sit/lay, in this gorgeous new apartment in Astoria, Queens, and I can’t even get out and en joy ANY of it.

I basically have been locked up in the house, and feel like a big bag of dogshit.

The Biggest Plus of all of this: I have been watching a TON of sucky movies on HBO and such. I just finished watching 13 Going On 30 with Jennifer Garner.

What a touching story. Really, I know I am getting all soft on you guys, so I will blame it on the NyQuil which I take so that I can sleep with coughing up what’s left of my lungs . Trust me, there’s been lots of it, as the only thing you can really do when you have the flu is ride it out and drink lots of fluids.

Don’t take my advice, though. I am not a licensed medical practitioner. Go see your doctor if you are feeling like this.

Karma Police, Arrest this Man

NME is reporting that my FAVORITE band, Radiohead, has begun work on new material.

May I be one of the first to say: WHOOOOOO HOOOO!

I have overplayed the hell out of Hail to the Thief, and I am DYING for new stuff. Just dying.

Also, I recently found out about a kickass documentary; Amazing Grace: Jeff Buckley which has been making its way around the world as we speak. How I hadn’t heard of this before, I am not too sure, but I am really excited for the day when this one comes to town again. It was apparently done by two young filmmakers, and it serves as a reminder to us all just how amazingly talented this young man was, and how tragically short his life was cut. His music is timeless, and his legacy lives in all of the artists that draw on him as inspiration, even when the man only has ONE album that was released before his death.

Bright Eyes will be touring with the Faint in the days leading up to Coachella. That should be an awesome show, as they are playing 5 (!) nights at Webster Hall here in New York, so I will do my damnedest to get tickets and see Conor and his Traveling Roadshow once again. Just a fantastic live experience if there ever was one. Trust me, by the way, as I wasn’t a fan of Bright Eyes until I saw them at the disastrous Field Day Festival in 2003.

We’re Just Two Lost Souls, Swimming in a Fishbowl

I didn’t make it out to the booked open mike in Brooklyn this past Tuesday, as I was just starting to feel under the weather. That, and, my girl convinced me that we should head out to Suffolk County.

Now, that is kind of a random place to head to on a weeknight, so I will clue you in to something: Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, has been filming out there all week. Last night was the big reveal, but we were told that the crowd that would be there was only going to be friends and family. Judging by the turnout Tuesday, this particular family has a LOT of those.

We DID get pictures of the house and of Michael from the cast, but, much to the chagrin of my Mother, we didn’t get to see Ty. They filmed a scene while we were there, in which Southwest Airlines were donating gifts and such, and Michael rode a conveyor belt, waving those illuminated air traffic batons. It was pretty cool. If you see a dude in a white and blue Brooklyn Dodgers hat, that’s me. Sorry, Mom, but I had to wear my glasses as it was too damn dark.

As for meeting anyone else, we tried, but we had to wait an HOUR just to see the outside of the house, as there was this massive line just to walk down the block. It was pretty crazy there, but I am sure this loving father and his young sons will be eternally grateful for everyone’s help.

I wish I had been there in Williamsburg, but I know I really needed to refocus my priorties and get my head on straight. I need a job, I need to make money, and I finally seem to be on the right track. Yes, I want to do stand-up full time, but right now, that isn’t an option. I will still make the weekly treks to Alligator Lounge, but I think that until I get working, I won’t do much more than that.

Not yet, anyway.

Say Hello…

There was another school shooting this Monday, thus proving that American children are f*cked up now more than ever. Yes, there have been school shootings before, and yes, there are always the “signs” that people tend to miss out on, but I feel the blame falls squarely on the shooter, Jeff Weise.

Everyone has a period in their life when shit seems overwhelming, or when things seem to be spirally out of control. That’s NO reason to lash out like he did. I don’t care if you are from a small town or a huge metropolis, killing people isn’t going to make you feel better. If it did, would you have needed to turn the gun on yourself?

I don’t feel wrong in saying that someone in his life must have seen it coming, seen all this self-destructive behavior, as he was on medication for depression, but he just didn’t get it. If you are depressed or angry, don’t f*cking take it out on easy targets. Don’t shoot up a f*cking school of unsuspecting kids with their own damn problems.

Be a man. Try to take down a Police Precinct or a Biker Bar. I guarantee that shit wouldn’t fly there. You wouldn’t get to shoot 9 defenseless children there, you would gunned the f*ck down.

As a manic-depressive, I can say this with certainty:

Wanting to die doesn’t take courage. It doesn’t take strength. It is a sad, cowardly way to admit you feel out of control.

And taking innocent children with you won’t help you at all in my eyes. If YOU have problems, acting on negative/destructive impulses isn’t the solution.

If you’re angry, go for a jog, go work out, go write in a journal, just don’t hurt anyone else. It WILL get better. 99% of growing up sucks. I am still “growing up” every day, so I know. All adults were there once.

We may grow a bit “out of touch,” but everyone has someone who is willing to listen and be there. Sometimes, you have to look a bit harder.

After saying all this, I need to add my condolences to the Weise’s and the families of the victims. My heart goes out to you in this time.

Can’t Think of Header

Ugh, after that, I don’t know if I have much left in the tank this week. Senseless tragedy tends to suck it out of me, I guess.

Tom D’Errico evidently DOES read my column. My bad, Tom-O. My bad.

You know what, Mathan? I guess I did break down Hip Hop last week. What I said was true, though, right? Thanks for the plug, man.

My buddy, Mike Eagle, makes an excellent point this week: P. Diddy is lame and can’t rap, so if Mos, Talib, AND Kanye are gonna write for him, is he really even saying anything at all? Common might just be selling out if he signs on as well, I believe. Next thing you know, the Roots will be whoring themselves out as a backing band to Jay -Z…wait, they’ve done that. On his Unplugged disc? My bad.

What was VOTE or DIE about, anyway? My girl couldn’t make it home that night to vote, and she’s still breathing, but WE still didn’t get what we wanted. Only good thing to come out of the 2004 Election? Barack Obama. He’s got my vote in 2008, if he runs.

Alright, kids, I have to lay back down before I lose consciousness at the keyboard. Until next week, stay healthy, and keep it real.