WWE Sunday Night Heat Report 27/3/05

WWE Sunday Night Heat Report 27/3/05

I don’t like how the Spike Tv guy tells us to turn our brains off right before WWE Heat. Not exactly positive advertising, you know?

We are TAPED from whatever areana Raw was in last week. Sure, there were spoilers, but why spoil something so pretty as….

Gene Snitsky VS Val Venis ~ They’re pretty good at finding the one woman in the crowd still happy to see Val. Coach thanks the director for showing said hot chick. Punches to Snitsky and some chops. Irish whip reversed and Snitsky charges but gets elbowed. Rollup gets to on Snitsky. Chops on Snitsky. Irish whip reversed into a powerslam by Snitsky. Snitsky stomps on Val, picks him up, throws him into the corner chokes him with the boot. Apparently this months RAW magazine fantasizes about Snitsky VS Psycho Sid. That’s a good question, actually. Side slam gets a two count on Val. Val fights back, but Snistky gets a gut shot. Irish whip and a missed back body . Cross body gets two on Snitsky. Up to the corner and a ten-punch count, Snitsky casrries him off, but Val takes him down. More punching. Val goes up and gets a Legdrop, and appears to be bleeding from his head. Flying clothesline gets two. Snitsky kicks off and gets the pumphandle slam, but it’s reversed into that move that Val does, but it only gets two. Val is freaking out. Snitsky gets the big boot, and Snitsky gets a BIG inverted DDT for the win.

Winner: Gene Snitsky.

Wrestlemania Recap: Shanes Vanterminator on Vince.

Commercials.

Chris Masters VS Russel Simpson ~ Say what you will about Muhammad Hassan, but at least he fights real WWE wrestlers. “The first thing you need to realize is the the masterpiece is not just an image, I have a better body than a young swarzennager, more desirable than Brad Pitt, more athletic than Lebron James, and think like Einstein. The complete package, if you will.” I’m not kidding, he said it just like that, incomplete sentence structure and everything. Anyways, the bell rings and Masters just flexes. Lockup, armbar on Simpson, and a takedown. Masters pulls him outside and just sort of kicks him. Two count on Simpson. Masters throws him to the corner, Simpson fights back, but gets a drop on the top rope. Polish hammer, full nelson (I refuse to call it the ‘Masterlock’) and it’s over.

Winner: Chris Masters.

Josh Matthews says that it was an insult to all wrestling fans, and I completely agree.

Commercials.

They run down the WWE card. I’m a fan of the new profiles, the ones with bright, bright lights behind everyone’s. This segues into Randy Orton’s interview last Monday ,where he verbally ran down the Undertaker, Kissed Stacy (causing huge Boos) verbally running Down the Undetaker some more, and then hitting Stacey with an RKO (generating even bigger boos, probably the biggest he’s gotten since the feud with Foley.) I don’t totally see how RKO’ing Stacey sends the Undertaker a message, but whatever. JR explains it to us “If Orton will do that to his own girlfriend, then he’ll do anything to the Undertaker.” that’s quite the logic.

Commercials.

Hurricane VS Biohazard ~ Lockup, headlock, irish whip and a roll through, and a few snap armdrags to the jobber guy. Hurricane goes to the corner, gets in a few punches, but Biohazard throws him off. Snapmare, and a buff blockbuster on Hurricane. Really loose neckbreaker on Hurricane. Reverse chinlock on Hurricane. I don’t see at all how that might be painful. Neckbreaker on Biohazard. Hurricane fights back, throwing Biohazard into the turnbuckle, and gets a blockbuster of his own. Irish whip reversed but Hurricane gets a power suplex. Hurricane goes up, gets a crossbody, and gets the three count. Basic squash for Hurricane, and what kind of name is Biohazard, anyway?

Winner: Hurricane.

Commercials.

Recap of last week’s Batista/Kane lumberjack match, where the most interesting thing that happened was that Coach was considered a threatening villain on the outside. Oh, and Batista killed half the roster. But, I mean, HHH has beaten all these guys at some point in time too, so it’s not really proving anything.

Muhammad Hassan is backstage talking to what’s his face. “Of course it’s because of my heritage. This country is full of prejudiced people so blinding by their hate that they spite one of their own. I am an Arab American, but because of my customs, I am the target of bigotry in and out of the WWE. But my record cannot be denied. I have not been pinned on RAW, and I deserve to be on Wrestlemania.” Dabari says something pretty short about HBK, and Hassan continues. “Starting with Rhyno tonight, and Shawn Michaels tomorrow, the resentment built up inside of me will come to an end. And HBK, you will a martyr for everyone that doesn’t believe in me.” Ooh, dudes pretty good at this.

Commercials.

Muhammad Hassan VS Rhyno ~ Funny image, people booing Hassan while dancing to his catchy music. You just can’t help yourself. It should be the next remix on DDR. And what does C4-life mean on Rhyno’s trunks? Big ECW chant. Lockup, Headlock on Rhyno. Dabari is about as annoying as Coach. The original Coach, in 1991, with Mr Perfect. Rhyno fights out of it, but they gets a stare down. Dabari gets so mad at the crowd that he ends up speaking English. Armbar on Hassan, but Hassan gets out and hits a neckbreaker. 1 count. Hairpull on Rhyno, and then a choke on the ropes. Been a while since I’ve seen someone just pull someone’s hair like that. Elbow drop to Rhyno’s head outside. Back in, another elbow drop, and another. 2 count. Headlock on Rhyno. Coach threatens to call Eric Bischoff to take Batista/HHH off the card and replace it with something with Hassan. Irish whip whip and a clothesline to Hassan. Hassan punches him, but Rhyno hulks up and gets a Spicolli driver. Shouldercharge to the corner, and a belly to belly suplex. They both seem hurt. Rhyno goes for the Gore, but Dabair comes up, and Rhyno clotheslines Hassan. Rhyno misses a charge, and Hassan gets the flatliner. Hassan does this weird pose thingie, and gets a sick looking camel clutch. Hassan looked freaking crazy with that move applied.

Winner: Muhammad Hassan

Tomorrow night on RAW: Hassan VS Michaels, and a face-off between Batista and HHH.

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