Letters from FreakLoud!… Beethoven\'s Fifth of Crown Royal

Jeebus…

I have GOT to stop tryin’ to do this at the last minute…It’s like ninety-o’clock in the morning and I’m just starting. I’m only good at doing shit like this if I get graded on it.

The show went great last week. Except that I didn’t get paid and the sound system was ass. It was still good press. Me and Psycho killed it and we opened up for some pretty high-profile acts. I’ll be on Solid Gold before I know it….yeah me and “S Club 7″…

I’ll be there again this week. If they make me open the show again I’m gonna have one of the homies throw a cup of pee at somebody. I won’t feel bad about it either…

So if you’re in the Southern California area this Tuesday night, come check out your boy OpenMike rocking at Lyric’s in San Bernardino…and bring an umbrella.

SOMETIMES THEY USE THE UNDERGROUND TO MAKE A COMEBACK THAT SHIT IS WACK, FADE AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK…

Yo, so check this bulllshit out…

Will Smith disses Wendy Williams and Larry Elder. It turns out that Will Smith didn’t dis Eminem on his “Mr. Nice Guy” track. Big Will only commented on being dissed on 2000’s “The Real Slim Shady.” On the track, Will, who uses an unusually rough delivery spits, “Dissed by Eminem; but didn’t bother him / Yup, but he’s classy Big Will; just get another 20 mil / walk right pass he / I’m a nice guy, why y’all harassing me?” Smith does however take shots at radio host Wendy Williams and TV talk show host Larry Elder when he offers, “Larry Elder (Uncle Tom) / You lucky I didn’t make you the whole damn rhyme / Wendy Williams; you don’t know me /I’m not your punching bag; you won’t blow me / Up, girl better leave me alone / Before I buy your radio station and send ya home.” Credit: sohh.com

..okay so the Wendy Williams line made me chuckle…

…but is this is kinda sad. It looks like Agent Sm- er, I mean Mr. Smith wants to re-claim some of that long lost street cred. But can Captain Whitebread convince anyone that there’s any gangsta between them ears?…I hope not. But I’m sure a couple of you jerks’ll bite. All most of you need is a little media hype to go with your studio-thug and you’re sold. Hell, maybe that’s what this whole Eva Mendes/Open Marriage shit is about. The family man wants to show you how strong his pimp hand is so you can buy his wack ass record.

…as usual, I sit in silent protest.

If someone wants to mail in and defend Mr. Pinkett, please feel free. I would love the opportunity to pick at your argument in this column when you won’t be around to defend yourself in real time.

You’ll know you’ve bested me if I exploit faults in your grammar instead of your logic…

AND SPEAKING OF READER MAIL…

Last week I told you guys that I had witnessed an incident regarding a certain Talib Greene that alerted to the fact that he was herb looooong before he started making sex faces into the camera at the end of his videos…

I told you all I’d talk if I was begged sufficiently…

Reader Colin, says:

I think it’s safe to say that the Black Star legacy is in need of a polish these days, but between that record, Reflection Eternal, and “The Manifesto”, I still got love for Talib. What was his nonsense in St. Lou? I saw him and Common rip it here in T Dot a few years ago, and have to know about the wackness.

Fine, I’m officially begging you….

cheers,
Colin

You can thank Colin for being man enough to beg me for information that may not have even existed. He’s now OFFICIALLY my favorite reader. Right behind Tiffany, Malaika, Rapi, the 4Real Hoppers and Krunch-e. So really, he’s my least favorite, but he’ll never be able to tell the difference…

…But I digress…

Kweli is a herb because this one time at an instore appearance that he was making in St. Louis before a Roots show, he acted like a bitch.

I was in line to get his wack-ass autograph, since I still respected him at the time…A couple of places in front of me was this younger MC who was saying that when he got up to the autograph table, he was gonna ask Kweli if he wanted to battle.

Sure it was a bit juvenile and inappropriate, but we were sure that Kweli, being a product of the underground, faced this kinda challenge quite often and probably knew a few clever ways to avoid the conflict without herbing-out. Besides none of us thought that the young rapper would actually bring it to dude anyway…

But I guess the young homie was smellin’ himself, because he sure as hell asked Kweli if we wanted to go at it when he got to the table. Well instead of dismissing the sophomore-ish challenge…Kweli lost his f*cking mind.

First he just wigged out on the young homie, callin him all types of names and acting like the shorty had slapped him or some shit. Then this fool jumps on the f*cking table and starts cursing out the whole store.

Now I understand that the pressures of fame (even though I’m hella reluctant to give him that much shine) can get a bit heavy and take a certain toll on the brain. But this jerk was actin’ like he was god’s gift to emceeing and that no one should have had the gall to bring it to him like that. But f*ck that. Even Bruce Lee got challenged, and Bruce Lee would stop whatever the hell he was doing, whether it was shooting a movie, smoking some dope, or whatever. He’d kick the dude’s sorry ass and go back to his hashish.

And weak-ass Kweli wants to bitch out a whole record store. What a herb…

And oh yeah, during the show, he spit a lame hook that he had made up about the young rapper while he was on stage…two hours later.

Anyways…it’s ninety-seven o’clock in the morning now and I’m ready to go to sleep…let’s wrap this shit up shall we?

WHY I THINK SHE MIGHT BE THE ONE

In this portion of my column, I’ll give you jerks a peek into my private affairs. I’ll give you one reason every week why the new lady in my life…just…might…be…the ONE.

This week’s episode…

Rap Superstar…

The Lady and I recently decided that we would be a rap crew.

My name?… ScanTron

Her Name?…Teacher’s Pet

Together..we’re known…as the Super Smart Krew.

And if you don’t believe us, check the mixtape, haters!

BROKEN LINKS

Now go and read all of last week’s IP Music goodness…Kindred Spirit Mathan, Siamese-Twin Shawn, Crazy Uncle Aaron, Greasy Tom, The Graceful Gloomchen, Fernandez w/ Health Factor of 100, The Indomitable Chadwick, and Freddie “Boom Boom” Botter.

I’d provide links for them, but I’m far too sleepy for all that cuttin’ and pastin’.

Now do yourself a favor and study the Bavarian Illuminati.

You’ll thank me later.

OpenMikeEagle

Peace.

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