The SmarK RAW Rant – April 4 2005
– Live from Los Angeles, CA.
– Your hosts are JR & King.
– Opening interview: HHH, minus his belt. You’d think Batista would get the first word after winning the World title, but I guess that’s the fun of HHH on top. He admits that he lost the title. Well, that’s the first step. But if anyone thinks it’s the Batista era, they’re wrong. I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments. The title will return to him because he owns it. Again, shoot comments yada yada. He quickly announces his rematch for Backlash and departs in a huff. Man, that’s pretty much the shortest interview he’s ever done.
– Intercontinental title: Shelton Benjamin v. Christian v. Chris Jericho. JR notes that Benjamin won the title from Jericho “a few weeks ago”. Uh, going on six months is more like it. The faces team up on Christian in the corner and pound him down, but Jericho turns on the champ. He gets a low dropkick and hammers away, then chokes him down on the ropes. Shelton comes back with a crossbody for two, but Jericho bulldogs him. He goes for the Lionsault, but Christian breaks that up with a cheapshot , only to walk into a backbreaker from Benjamin. Christian comes back with a necksnap and stomps away, setting up a neckbreaker for two. Backbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock and Christian releases to go up, but Shelton follows him up. Jericho then reappears and they do the superplex/powerbomb spot from TNA. Jericho takes advantage and hits Christian with an enzuigiri and gets two on Shelton, then tosses Christian. There’s a lot of “One guy vanishes and the other two wrestle” stuff here. Shelton gets a sunset flip on Jericho for two, but Christian rolls up Shelton for two. Jericho gets a rollup on both guys for two, but Shelton puts the other two in the corner and splashes them. Christian moves, leaving Jericho to take it, and Christian gets two on Shelton. Jericho goes up and gets caught with the exploder, but Tomko yanks Benjamin out and Christian covers Jericho for two. Jericho cradles him for two in turn. Unprettier is reversed by Jericho and he gets rid of Tomko, then puts Christian in the Walls. Benjamin is missing in action with Chrstian ready to tap, but he makes a miraculous return with the top rope bulldog on Jericho and retains at 7:27. This guy needs a program in the worst way. Really good, fast-paced TV match. ***
– Meanwhile, Edge signs the contract for his match with Batista, but not tonight. Bischoff books him against Benoit instead, just because.
– Joining HHH in the pouting losers’ club, Randy Orton comes out for words. He blames the tombstone reversal on his shoulder giving out. Otherwise, he’d have beaten Undertaker. Onto other matters, he has no respect for Batista (and of course he mentions that even when he hated HHH, he respected him) and so to make up for choking against Undertaker, he’s gotta beat Batista…TONIGHT. This of course draws out Eric Bischoff, because apparently Batista can’t speak for himself. Either that or he’s just going to be showing up REALLY late.
– Women’s title: Trish Stratus v. Christy Hemme. Trish kicks Christy into next week out of nowhere, before the bell, and then goes after Lita too. No actual match occurs. If Trish keeps acting this cool, she’ll turn face again.
– Let us take you back to last night, as Hassan attacks Eugene and Hulk Hogan makes the save. It would have been neat to let Eugene pose with Hulk, but obviously that kind of push is no longer in the cards for him.
– Next up in the lineup of losers, Shawn Michaels, who at least is selling the leg injury from last night. He wonders who would like to see a rematch. He promises to do everything to give us what we want. Hey, I got what I wanted last night — Shawn tapping like Kurt’s bitch. At any rate, Muhammad Hassan interrupts before Shawn can say anything else of note, and he tells it like it is — Shawn should be ashamed, because he lost and tapped out to boot. So he may be a legend, but he’s still a loser. And the fans will cheer for him anyway, because they’re all losers too. This prompts Shawn to attack, but our Arab friends go for the leg after suckering him into an attack. See, now Hassan should have used an anklelock here instead of a camel clutch, which would be both effective and would really tork everyone off, too. Still, good beatdown, and one of the few segments where Hassan didn’t bore me or irritate me.
– Chris Benoit v. Edge. Benoit chops him down to start and then takes him into the corner for more abuse, setting up a snap suplex. Edge tries for the arm, but Benoit elbows him down and then brings him outside and sends him into the railing. Back in, Benoit hits him with a knee to the gut and takes a breather outside, then keeps fighting with one arm. He follows with a baseball slide, but lands on the bad arm. He goes after Edge again, but Edge smartly snaps the arm on the top rope and goes to work on it. Into the corner for more punishment, and then a simple hammerlock suddenly looks a lot more painful. Benoit tries to slam out of an armbar, but Edge hangs onto it. Benoit slugs out of it and comes back with the rolling germans, but the arm can’t hold. So he does three separate ones instead. To the top, but the headbutt misses and he lands on the arm. Well really, that was pretty stupid. Edge gets two off that. Benoit rolls to the apron, so Edge baseball slides him and we take a break. Back with Edge holding a top wristlock, which Benoit rolls out of, but Edge kicks him in the arm and goes up. Benoit crotches him and keeps fighting with one arm, chopping away, but Edge fires back with headbutts. You don’t wanna get into THAT war, and Benoit makes him pay and then fires off a superplex. That sets up the Sharpshooter, and he doesn’t even need the bad arm. Edge fights to the ropes, but Benoit pulls him back, then has to release. Edge goes for the DDT to finish, so Benoit reverses that to the crossface, but that DOES use the bad arm. So Edge powers into a single-arm DDT to break, but misses the spear, and Benoit rolls him up for the pin at 15:26. Now THAT was a hard-fought win. *** Benoit’s selling was just awesome here. Edge of course snaps and destroys the arm afterwards.
– Simon Dean and his protege, Maven, join us to insult the fat people in LA. This proves to be nothing but an easy setup for Steve Austin to pop a rating. Given these two, I’ll take Austin. Apparently, Simon’s comments against beer-drinking have offended Austin. So he offers a trade — he’ll try a protein shake if Simon will try a beer. Simon actually gets a funny line, asking for a glass. He’s pretty weight-conscious, so he starts doing push-ups to work off the calories. Austin doesn’t like the shake, so Maven suggests that perhaps Austin isn’t enough of a man to handle it. And Simon spills it on him. Oh, that’s not gonna be good for him. And indeed, Austin beats the holy hell out of both clowns and finishes Dean with the stunner. And Batista has to follow THAT act?
– Meanwhile, Kane rubs the loss in Orton’s face. And with no time left in the show, we take ANOTHER commercial break.
– Batista v. Randy Orton. So after TWO HOURS of the show, we finally get the first appearance of the new champion. I’m guessing this is non-title, since we don’t get any graphics to indicate otherwise. Batista goes for the shoulder to start and whips Orton into the corner, then elbows him down. Orton comes back with the dropkick to put Batista out and they brawl outside, allowing Orton to get two. Orton drops a knee for two. He pounds away and goes to the chinlock, but Big Dave fights back. Corner clothesline and he works Orton over and sends his shoulder into the post. Orton bails, so Batista follows him out and rams the shoulder into the post again. Back in, spinebuster, thumbs down, demon bomb, goodbye at 5:06. Meh. Batista sold too much for someone on their way out with a major injury. 1/2*
The Inside Pulse:
A generally entertaining post-WM show, but not one that felt special or anything. Plus there was a ludicrous amount of talking with no real payoff to anything. I’m surprised there was no mention of the draft lottery, either.
Still, what little wrestling there was, was good, so huzzah.
