Since the days when Lillian Ellison portrayed Slave Girl Moolah, women have been involved in the pro wrestling scene. How can their varying degrees of talent be best utilized? Are they true competitors, with wrestling ability equal to men? Are they skilled managers, capable of helping their charge achieve victory? Or are they merely eye candy, only there to provide testosterone-crazed male fans a little T & A (not Test and Albert)?
TODAY’S ISSUE: Women in Professional Wrestling
Women seem to play many different roles these days. There are those like Trish Stratus, Victoria, Molly Holly, and Jazz, who are all wrestlers that happen to also be women.
There are the likes of Joy Giovanni and Maria Whatever (that Raw interviewer) who have no business inside the ring at all.
Then there are ladies like Dawn Marie and Stacy Keibler, who I wouldn’t describe as wrestlers, primarily, but they can move around a little inside the ring without killing themselves. Hell, Stacy took that RKO from Orton better than Jake the Snake did the previous week!
So what are they? Is Dawn Marie a wrestler? Is Trish eye candy? Is Jazz a distraction from all the muscled-up men, or does she fit right along with them? I think we need to assign the gals to different “teams” if you will, to describe each woman’s functon. Few exceptional women can make a smooth transition from eye candy to wrestler. Some female wrestlers are gorgeous divas as well, so they are comfortable in multiple roles. I’ll stick to those ladies found on nation-wide wrestling programs today.
The teams are:
1) Wrestler: A lady who can actually perform a match in the ring, execute moves, sell opponents’ offense, and entertain the crowd without the gratuitous cheesecake shots.
2) Manager/Valet: A diva who has personality and mic skills, but isn’t an in-ring performer. This is someone who can make an impact, not just stand at ringside slamming the ring apron, trying to make her enormous cleavage shimmy and shake.
3) Eye Candy: Don’t even bother talking. Don’t EVER wrestle. Stand there looking hot, and shut the hell up. I wish it wasn’t so, but there are women on the roster taking up valuable air time when other, more talented folks could sorely use the exposure. Just as Chris Masters eats away at wrestling time on TV without offering anything in return, so do these bubble-headed bimbos add nothing worthwhile to the equation. If I want to see ditzy chicks with hot bodies, I’ll tune into Cinemax after wrestling goes off the air for the night.
Here’s how I see it:
Team 1
Trish Stratus: It all begins and ends with the champion. Trish is capable of real wrestling matches, and her on-screen persona captivates and entertains. She is one of the more consistent and over heels on the Raw side of the roster. She wrestles injured, and she develops her character to the current booking requirements. Total performer. It must be noted, that she was a good manager before her in-ring career took off, and she certainly has the goods to be a Team 3 member, but she’s just too talented.
Lita: Although many purists consider Lita a one-hit wonder and complain about her limited moveset, you must admit she can be entertaining when she’s on her game. Even though I’m a Matt Hardy mark, I won’t slam Lita here. I find her to be a fine addition to the women’s division when properly booked. Amy Dumas is a daredevil and if she were male, she’d be a cruiserweight or X Division champion.
Victoria: I think she’s the finest all-around female wrestler on TV today. She had outstanding character consistency during her “psycho” phase, she always puts on decent matches, she sells, and she keeps herself in peak physical condition. Lisa Marie Veron has wrestled through the pain of injuries more than once, and is a true team player. She takes a secondary role in a match when creative asks her to, and has no problem putting other ladies over.
Molly Holly: Nora Greenwald is a consummate professional. She has ring psychology and a decent moveset. She works hard in every match, and she willingly shaved her head when Vince wanted her to. Molly has worn every gimmick ever given to her in WCW and WWE, and has always performed like a true champion.
Honorable mention goes to Saturday morning’s Ivory, who was a competent female wrestler when they used her in that capacity. Poor Lisa Moretti. After years of dedicated service to the industry, she’s now relegated to playing cat-and-mouse with Todd Grisham on the worst pro wrestling show on television. Remember Tina Ferrari from the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (GLOW)? That was hard work!
Team 2
Dawn Marie: A fairly passable in-ring performer when needed, Dawnmarie Psaltis’ real strength lies in her ability to influence storylines by her involvement. She’s more charismatic and athletic than the new crop of “divas” who lost the stupid Raw contest, and she paid real dues in the business in ECW.
Stacy Keibler: Also not too horrible in the ring, Stacy can really affect how over a wrestler is by her affiliation. She added a special seasoning to the Dudleys (remember the glasses she wore?), Test (Testicles), and did a great job helping Randy Orton turn full heel again. She came off as innocent, vulnerable and sweet. It is very easy for JR and the King to defend her on the mic and bury Randy as a horrible, evil man. Other females wouldn’t have been able to pull this off.
Torrie Wilson: Another diva who has improved in the ring, Mrs. Billy Kidman also adds something to a storyline with her charisma and crowd appeal. Well, as long as her father isn’t involved…
Team 3
Christy Hemme: It’s a stretch to call this gal the Diva Search CHAMPION as they did on the Playboy cover. She has sass and personality, but not a lick of athletic skill or ability on the mic. If they wanted her to be a Nitro Girl or something, that would be fine. I think it’s disgusting that a few months after firing performers like Jazz, Gail Kim and even Nidia (who worked hard to improve in the ring), Christy Hemme will face Trish Stratus for the Women’s Championship at the biggest wrestling show of the year!
Joy Giovanni/Maria Whatever/Candice Michelle/Michelle McCool and gang: No reason for them to be on TV. There’s no benefit. There are good looking, intelligent female athletes, so if the bookers want to sprinkle in a little sex appeal, it can be done with women who can at least take a bump, or get behind a mic without stinking up the joint. I did think Amy Weber was starting to develop a bit in her role in JBL’s cabinet, but of course that was not to be.
Tracy and Trinity from TNA: No talent, AND feuding for the right to wipe Dusty Rhodes’ ass? GET OFF MY TV!!
I believe there is a place for women as wrestlers, and as managers. I see absolutely no benefit in cheesecake girls with no personalities and plastic bodies. Leave them on the Girls Gone Wild DVDs where they belong.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
Next week: my perspective as a fan from live inside L.A.’s Staples Center for both WrestleMania 21 and Raw the following night.
p.s. – Why do they call it “rush hour” when traffic moves the slowest? It’s more like “gridlock hour”.
