Monday Night Rabble

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After the exchange of titles – it is time for the first Raw with Batista as the World Champion. That’s right – SPOILED! HA! But let’s start first with the…

W R E S T L I N G
W I T H T H E
R A B B L E

M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E

Joining us is ALMOST as big as last night’s Rabblemania. Hernandez, Jenna, Eric, Angela, Laura, and for a special guest appearance, my good friend Mikie on leave from Iraq with his new wife Nina. Congrats guys!

We start off with the video package review. Fine way of doin it.

Coming out first.. a titleless Triple H! The big question is now.. IS THERE A DRAFT?!?!?!
“Yes it is kind of cold in here” – Laura

The Batista chant starts, and Trips finally talks at 9:07. Apparently, Trips wants to let us know this isn’t the Era of Batista. Triple H discusses how Batista was awesome last night, but it was ONE NIGHT!
“Hey, doesn’t that sound like the speech he said after Wrestlemania last year?” – Me

The belt circulates and will ALWAYS comes back to him. The rematch clause is solid, and the belt will ALWAYS come back to Trips..
“He is coming across like Smeagle a little.” – Hernandez

Hunter leaps out of the ring, and states that he will shove that belt down every one of our throats after he wins it again. OOOoooooooo…

Tonight – Triple Threat Match – Shelton, Christian, and Jericho.. I approve.

COMMERCIAL

Coming down to the ring is our Champion, Shelton Benjamin.
“I predict they are NOT giving it to Jericho” – Eric
“NOW YOU ARE GETTING IN ON IT.. Thanks…” – Me

His opponents, Christian, and the Ayatollah of SHUT-UP HERNANDEZ, Y2J!
“Why is Jericho slumming the IC Scene?” – Mikey
“…” – Me
“That’s where he deserves to be.” – Hernandez

It starts off with Shelton and Y2J against Christian. Shelton tosses Christian against the ropes and hits him with a clothesline. Jericho comes in and a belly to back on Christian. They are just ajoining together and beating the heck out of him. Jericho brings him into the corner to hit him – Shelton pushes Chris out of the way to hit Christian…. JERiCHO DON’T PLAY DAT!

Chris goes right after Shelton, clubbing blows, forearms, and a choke against the ropes. Jericho tosses Benjamin against the rope, but Shelton hits the flying cross body for a brief count. Jericho stands up and does the cross rope bulldog. He goes for the pin, but stopped by Christian. Christian tosses Jericho out of the ring and now tries to capitalize on Benjamin. A lot of Christian offense, he drops Shelton – kicks Jericho on the apron – continues to go after Benjamin some more. Beautiful reverse neckdrop gets two. Backbreaker for two. Finally he sits there and puts him in the sit down headlock.

Christian tries to climb to the top, but Shelton catches him.. and in comes Jericho to lift up Shelton and it’s a SUPERPLEX OFF OF SHELTON! Good God Guys!
“Shelton’s earning his banana!” – Hernandez
“And there is your banana joke for the night” – Me
“You are cut off” – Angela

Christian is tossed out and now it’s Jericho against Shelton. Jericho is on top of things, but out of nowhere a roll up from Shelton, reversed by CHRISTIAN!? Stopped at two and Jericho back bridge’s BOTH of them for a beautiful 2 count.

They get up, and Shelton immediately charges Christian tossing him into the corner that Jericho is resting for a second. He goes for the Shelton-Splash, but Christian DUCKS – HE HITS JERICHO! Shelton brings him into the middle of the ring and the Shelton T-Bone should do it….

Shelton had it, but the ref is tied up with Christian. Tomko pulls out Shelton and short arm clothesline drops Shelton. Christian tries to take Benjamin’s pin but only gets two. Jericho fights up and tosses Christian to the corner, hits the second turnbuckle and dropkicks Tomko (where’d he come from!?)

TOP ROPE BULLDOG ONTO JERICHO AND THAT IS IT!!!!!!

WINNER: SHELTON BENJAMIN

Backstage Eric is hanging with Edge! Edge sporting a Headbanger’s Ball shirt. He signs off on the contract to let him face Batista. So Eric is going to go tell Dave that he’s going to face Edge to.. NO! Edge will tell BISCHOFF when he is using his contract. Well fine, then he’s gotta face Chris Benoit tonight… dumbass.

COMMERCIAL

Hey, here comes Randy Orton! WHERE’S MY DRAFT?!?!?!?!!!!
“Hey a sign that says ‘The Legend Killed U’ ..is that about Boss Man?” – Me
“Did you see the 14 – 0 sign?? Someone is confused.” – Eric

Orton gets booed to hell and there are an amazing amounts of Taker posters out in the audience. Orton looks like he’s gonna cry.
“CRY BABY CRYYYYYY!” – Hernandez

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.
“I have testicular cancer” – Mikey

I wasn’t expecting it to end this way.
“My father isn’t Orton.. it’s TL Hopper” – Mikey

So when he tried to do the tombstone he felt something change… something happened.. his shoulder gave out. So if it didn’t give out, he would have beaten Taker. When he was back talking to the doctor in the back, he saw something that sickened him. He saw Dave win the world title. He respected Undertaker. He hates Triple H, but he respects him.. BUT HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR BATISTA.

It was HE that was supposed to be the diamond in the rough.
It was HE that was the gem. The future champion.

“He’s not stuttering!” – Jenna
“He took his Vicadin” – Hernandez

So to get that bitter taste of loss from the Undertaker, he wants to clear the bitter taste out of his mouth.
“Do a shot of tequila” – Me

He wants Dave.. T O N I G H T! Oh, here comes Bischoff. So, wait a second – Orton loses the biggest match of his life and he gets a title shot? Ummmm… sure. That’s our main event.

Coming down to the ring though .. is overly made-up sexy Trish.

COMMERCIAL

Coming down to the ring is Christie with Lita, both looking tasty as all get out. This is apparently a rematch for the Woman’s Title, which might actually prove Hyatte’s thought that there was a switch up at the last minute for some reason.

Christy vs. Trish
Rematch of death

Trish comes in bows and the Chick Kick to Christy before the bell rings. Lita goes nose to nose with Trish and Trish takes down LITA! She grabs Lita’s leg and starts the twisting! The ref pulls off Trish, but she goes right back in. Trish charges through them and goes after that knee again!

Trish takes a bow and heads on out.

In the ring Christy and Lita are on there way out.

Coming up next.. umm… Hogan?!

WINNER: Nobody in particular…

COMMERCIAL

(A note: Not a lot of commentary – we’re catching up with our buddy Mikey.. sorry.)a

JR & Lawler discuss how we were surprised by Eugene!
Then there was another surprise that followed that!
And hey, a surprise after that!
“…I wasn’t surprised…” – Me

They recap the Hassan/Hogan bit. Oh.. and just because.. IT’S A TRAP!
“Hey his boa got bigger” – Mikey on Hogan
“He’s compensating…” – Me
“Hey, how come he didn’t do the leg drop?!” – Mikey
“His hip…” – Me

I would like to make a point that Akbar took the boot better than Hassan did, and Akbar had something attached to his foot.

“So you can’t give Val Venis or Stevie Richards a match… but you can reshow the Hogan performance. Thanks” – Hernandez.

Coming up next, the Michaels/Angle recap.

COMMERCIAL

…hey..look..the austin commercial…
…can you feel me pop…
…woo…

Okay, good – it’s not a huge recap – here comes Shawn!
“Shawn stole Dave’s suit!” – Eric

Shawn bows respectfully to all of the people. He’s apparently not going to take a lot of time. He has had two loves in his life. The first is the family that God gave him. Then there was his wrestling career. So he is here to say thank you. He is also here to ask a favor…
“Please stop chanting ‘YOU SCREWED BRET!'” – Me

He actually wants to know if we would like to see a rematch of him and Kurt. The crowd eats it up, and hey.. I’d pay to see it.

We are also mentioning that this is VERY similar to his speech last year right after Wrestlemania.
“He and Trips seem to have run out of promos…” – Hernandez

…oh! hey! hassan and akbar…
“I’ll admit Hassan’s suit is much better than HBKs.. that’s it though” – Me

Akbar prattles on as HBK does the lying on the turnbuckle spot. Hassan takes the mic and discusses the return of a legend. The fans cheered as Hogan beat up Hassan. They cheered when Angle BEAT Kurt Angle. Hassan doesn’t get how come these people embrace mediocrity. People fear him.. and we all notice that Shawn is rolling up his sleeves, loosening the tie.
“Umm.. have you noticed we’ve only had one match?” – Mikey

After Hassan calls Shawn and the fans a loser, Shawn loses it! He does the flying shoulder to Hassan – the kick-up, and Michael sells a back injury… and that’s where Hassan and Akbar take control. Hassan gets his finisher, puts Shawn into the camel clutch – and Akbar boots him square in the face!
“Send out someone.. where’s Marty!!? Send out MVP for all I care!?!!!” – Mikey

Shawn is out cold and that is that.

COMMERCIAL
“bbbbbbbbjgjgtyi durka durka mohammmad jihad!” –
Mikey typed this when I went to the bathroom.

Here comes Edge!

Edge vs. Benoit
Second Match Of The Night

Fight for the lock-up. Stiff elbow from Benoit.. back to the fight for the lock-up.. lots of technical run arounds until Benoit just chops Edge – a lot. In the corner goes Edge, followed by knees. Nice snap suplex from Chris.

Edge to the ropes and another big elbow and Benoit is selling his wrapped arm. He goes outside and tries to stretch it out, Edge follows and Benoit shoulderchecks him and crawls into the ring. See THIS is psychology, Benoit is selling stuff from LAST NIGHT! He runs out of the ring, hits Edge. He comes in the ring. Edge follows. He hits Edge. He goes out and it continues like that until finally Edge drops him arm first onto the ropes. Now it’s Edge’s turn.

Edge starts working the arm hard. Lifting him by it. Armbars. Benoit tries to fight out of it, but Edge is doing it right.. just working on it hard. A modified hammer lock is the hold spot of choice, as Benoit is almost crying over the arm. Benoit fights out of it to bodyslam Edge, but Edge CONTINUES holding onto that arm.

The discussion at the Rabble is how this is a really slow match after a show with NO MATCHES…

FINALLY Benoit spins around Edge out of nowhere and catches the german! He sells the arm, and Edge tries to capitalize, but Chris hits ANOTHER! Again, Edge TRIES, but ANOTHER german. Benoit crawls up to the top rope and MISSES the headbutt… both men are down.

Edge crawls over to pin Benoit, but only gets two. Benoit is now crawling out of the ring, but Edge hits the ropes and LAUNCHES Benoit out of the ring!!!!

COMMERCIAL

We come back and Edge is working on Benoit’s arm in a weird armlock. During the commercial, Edge ripped off Benoit’s arm wrapping. Lawler with the line of the night, discussing that Benoit hasn’t quit, but is ‘Lying through his tooth’. Edge crawls to the top rope, but Benoit charges up and chops Edge on the top turnbuckle. He follows and climbs up and Edge starts headbutting Benoit…
“Al Snow would be proud!” – Hernandez

Benoit gets HIS OWN headbutts and hits a HUGE leaping superplex. The double count gets to 7 as Benoit gets to his feet and begins clubbing Edge. He grabs him for the german, but Edge elbows Benoit in the arm to stop it.. Benoit though pulls him in, drops him and locks in the sharpshooter!
“Does every Canadian know this move now?” – Mikey

The crowd is totally into it as Edge grabs the rope to break the hold. Edge tries to charge Benoit, but Chris hit’s the CROSSFACE!!!!! Edge fights up out of the weak crossface and drops Benoit with a huge armbar. Edge goes to the corner to set-up the spear… He charges.. MISS!

Benoit sidesteps it, rolls it up and WINS IT!

WINNER: Benoit

Edge wastes no time to go and attack Benoit, throwing him into the stairs. He grabs a chair and begins the pummeling right on the arm. Edge grabs his briefcase and heads on out. This was either the set-up for a long program between Edge and Benoit, or Chris is taking some time off – he really probably should.

COMMERCIAL

And now.. because we haven’t had enough not wrestling tonight.. in the ring is Simon Dean. We learn that Maven is looking the way he does because of Simon Systems.

…and the crowd goes mild…

Who is coming down?
“Send out Bertha Faye!” – Mikey
“Tugboat!” – Hernandez
“Bastian Booger!” – Mikey

Danielle enters the room and the glass shatters. Here comes Austin. GOOD GOD SHE SUMMONED HIM!!!!!!!
“Summoning Austin is kind of a cool superpower.. your not Namor” – Mikey
“I’d rather talk to fish.” – Dani

Austin asks the entire audience to raise their middle finger.
“Somewhere a six year old just raised his middle finger for the first time..thanks” – Hernandez

Austin knocks on Dean, he does come up with a few funny bits, generally making fun of their haircuts. Referring to Dean as ‘a little purple bastard’. He has a proposition for Dean. He’ll leave Dean alone if he tries one of Austin’s beer. Dean relents. Beer Summoning Action occurs.

Dean holds his nose and tries to chug… he then decides to do rowboat push-ups to work off those calories. Austin bets him he can’t do five more. Then five more. Then five more. Then…. TEN more… yep, quality wrestling time here. Dean moves on to KNEE push-ups. Now it’s Austin’s turn to try one of Dean’s patented Simon Shakes.

Austin tries it and spits it out.

In a long set-up for a cheap joke and a ‘You F’d Up’ chant.. no, I’m not explaining it – it involves Dean pouring the shake on Austin by accident – Austin goes nuts, drops Maven and then throws Dean around outside the ring like a ragdoll. He stops only to low blow Maven. He drags Dean back in the ring and stomps the …mudhole… He then pours beer on Dean, and even tells him in what might have been a calling moment. “Stunner!” says Austin.

He brings in Maven to take one.. and.. seriously.. whatever.

COMMERCIAL
“I would have popped more for a pose off” – Me
“Flair should have come out on a donkey” – Dani
“Flair resetting his pacemaker.. ANYTHING” – Jenna
“We’ve had two matches–” – Eric
“..and NOTHING amazing.” – Hernandez
“And for the 3rd time.. WHERE IS THE FRIGGING DRAFT?!?!?!?!” – Me

In the back, Orton is walking… and hey, right into the red lit hallway! Kane just smiles and says, “Toldja so.”

..COMMERCIAL!??!?!…

And now.. finally.. THE ENTRANCE OF THE MAN WEARING THE FRIGGING TITLE!!!!!

We are now all expertly staring at his crotch to see if the name plaque has changed names. Yes it does..

BaTISTA!!!! vs. ORTON
World Title Match

Dave looks good. Orton hits the ropes, and shoulderblocked and falls to the ground. Orton tries to grab Dave to throw him, but Dave says NAY KNAVE! He just starts throwing around Orton. Batista lifts him up for a bodyslam, but Orton punches Dave until he lets go. Orton then tosses Dave outside and brings him out to throw him into some steps.

Randy throws Dave into the ring and goes for a pin. 2 Count. Randy hits a fireman’s carry, drops a knee and a two count. The chant is now ‘Randy sucks’. RKO locks a chinlock and we sit at our hold spot as Randy changes it into a tight headlock.
“How does he do that, Dave has no neck!?” – Eric

Dave finally fireman’s carry out of it then SLUGS Orton right in the face. A couple more of those and Dave’s got him in the corner – it is now time for huge shoulderblocks. Dave grabs him and throws Orton shoulder first into the turnbuckle. He heaves him over his shoulder and charges Randy RIGHT into the turnbuckle. He drags Randy in, spinebustah, and I have to say.. RANDY TAKES THE BATISTABOMB LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS!!!!

Winner: Dave!!!!!

And before we can even enjoy it.. here comes Trips…

Trips claps. Batista gestures to the nameplate that says ‘Batista’.

The end.

WHAT?!?!?! THAT WAS IT!?!?!??!?! Oh good christ. Look, I understand that this is the night after Mania, and everyone is tired. The fact is that every single person that was tired last night.. WRESTLED TONIGHT?!?! Where was the tag match? Where was the chance for SOMEONE to possibly gain a little heat while the big boys sat and relaxed.

I liked Mania a lot. I thought it was a damn fine show – but this entire night was just sloppy booking. That’s my opinion, what did the Rabble think?

Final opinion of the show:
“OOO! UFC’s ON! What show?!” – Eric
“It sucked” – Angela
“Just put quotation marks over Angelas” – Hernandez
“I’d rather see Cincope wrestle Damian Demento in a best of seven series” – Mikey
“I was asleep.” – Nina
“As a recap it was decent, however it still sucked.” – Laura
“..ditto..” – Jenna
“For the record, I didn’t like the draft last year.. this year, where’s the draft?” – Eric
“I’m glad I didn’t see it.” – Dani

Okay, there’s the show… feh.