Everyone’s scratching their heads. The Ulong tribe will go down in Survivor history with the longest losing streak ever. The Maraamu group in the Marquesas held the ‘L’ title for a while and then the Morgans took over the post of El Perdidor Grande in the Pearl Islands. But this takes the cake and I can’t imagine that in future seasons, there will ever be a tribe to beat this record of six straight immunity losses. And at tribal council this week, in which busty Ibrehem was sent packing, Probst stated that the Ulong folks have been up against many different combinations of Koror at this point. So it’s not like Koror always wins because of power players like Tom and Ian, because this week, neither of those two competed in the challenges.
But while others raise their arms skyward and shout “Why?” like Eddie Vedder did on the “Ten” album, I have all of the answers. It’s simple. Koror has an embarrassment of riches, which keep them energized and comfortable. Thanks to the Survivor set designers, they have a kick-ass shelter that keeps out the rain (or at least keeps out more of it). Thanks to Tom and Ian, they’re chowing down on seafood (not to mention to edibles they’ve won in challenges). There are more of them to gather firewood, get water, and do other kinds of manual labor around camp. They have more collective energy. That’s why they win.
Anyone can test my theory on a small-scale, real-life level. Just get up an hour or two earlier than normal in the morning. Go to the gym and work out vigorously for at least an hour. Skip breakfast, have a light lunch, and hit the gym again after work. Skip dinner. When night hits, how mentally and physically sharp would you be? While delicate flowers such as myself tend to wilt fairly rapidly under such conditions, I’m sure others would barely feel it. But do it again the next day, and the next, and the next. Eventually, one would start to feel like a pan of human Jell-O.
At this point, Ulong only has embarrassment. While Ulong has been dealt a bum deal with many of its resources, I believe that the one factor under the tribe’s control has been voting strategy. People are resources, too, and it was a huge mistake for them to chuck Jolanda at the first tribal council. Now granted, Jeff’s injury was bad luck and his departure probably further contributed to Ulong’s demise. But why’d they get rid of Angie? That was stupid. At Koror’s first voting opportunity, they got rid of Willard, who was by far their weakest link. Duh.
Maybe I’m being too obvious with all of this, but everyone seems to damn perplexed by the unusually severe ass flogging Koror has been handing Ulong. I’ve never found it all that mysterious.
What I do found mysterious is Jenn and Gregg’s quasi romance. What is going on there? They have an alliance. They cuddle on the beach. Jenn rubs Gregg’s stomach. And yet, Gregg claims to be keeping his distance. Yeah, right. I love Coby’s take on the whole situation. He said that he didn’t give a damn if they were make-out partners or not; he just wanted to use them to demolish Tom and Ian down the line.
I hope he gets his chance. Not only has Koror’s winning streak been predictable, but it’s been boring, too. I mean, I’m happy for them and all. And if I had a chance to board a Survivor time machine and join the tribe of my choice, Koror would be at the top of my list, given all of its comforts and amenities (a close second would be any tribe whose members included Rob Cesternino or Lex van den Berghe). But I’m as anxious as anyone for Koror to start eating their own, especially since they’re so unaccustomed to tribal council and back stabbing and all of that. Bring it on!
P.S. Anyone reading this column is a serious enough fan of the show to be watching Survivor Live at CBS.com on Fridays. Of course, I always tune in and enjoy the banter created by Jenna Morasca, Dalton Ross, the week’s latest cast-off, and the fans who call in. However, if I ever decided to call in (but I won’t because I hate confrontation), my comments would most definitely be directed at Ms. Morasca.
Girl, you’re always whining about how the Palau people are running around in their underwear. To Angie, Coby, and Katie, you have grumbled, “Go put some clothes on!” Um, not to nitpick or anything, but isn’t that a tad hypocritical? I mean, you’re the one who stripped in the Amazon for chocolate and peanut butter. Then, you posed for Playboy with your best bud Heidi. And most recently, you appeared in that ridiculous photo spread for In Touch magazine, which included a reenactment of Nipplegate starring you as Janet and Ethan as Justin.
Just stop already, Jenna.
