What a Tease!

What a Tease!

Hi all. Welcome to another of What a Tease! I am Shaun Norton, and this column was pumped out over the course of a very bad night. So let’s get to it. Everybody know what time it is???

Crowd: **Cough**

That’s right! It’s Trailer Time!!!!

I hate you all…

New Trailers Online this Week

Basically, you’ll get a direct link to the trailer, the ‘Plot According to Yahoo’ (Or IMDB if it’s an Apple Trailer), the length of the trailer and the *estimated* release date. You’ll ALSO get the following: The Spoilerish ranking – what this basically gauges is how much of the movie the trailer gives away, on a 1-10 scale; My Analysis of the trailer, sometimes being pretty straight and narrow, sometimes being witty and sarcastic, sometimes both; finally, you’ll get an Overall Rating, which is ‘calculated’ based on the length of the trailer, it’s ‘spoilerish-ness’ and, well, how I feel about it. It IS my column, after all, but I promise the ratings will be fair and make sense.

New Trailers This Week:

Bewitched

The plot according to Yahoo: In this remake of the classic 60s TV show, Nicole Kidman stars as Samantha Stephens, a witch who cannot resist using her powers to remedy problems she encounters with her husband, Darrin (Will Ferrell).

Length: 2:31
Spoilerish: 7
Release Date: June 24th, 2005
Analysis: So Bewitched comes to the big screen. I have to say I was expecting something quite different with this adaption, but the course they’re going down looks fantastic. This trailer is laugh out loud funny, and the cast looks perfect. Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman, in the trailer at least, show some great potential for their work together in this, and Michael Caine as the witch dad is just icing on the cake. The trailer is a bit long and shows a bit too much, but considering the surprise at how fun this looks overall, spoilers with the plot and jokes won’t ruin the score as much as usual.
Overall Rating: 6.5

Kingdom of Heaven (Extended)

The plot according to Yahoo: Kingdom of Heaven is an epic adventure about a common man who finds himself thrust into a decades-long war. A stranger in a strange land, he serves a doomed king, falls in love with an exotic and forbidden queen, and rises to knighthood. Ultimately, he must protect the people of Jerusalem from overwhelming forces while striving to keep a fragile peace.

Length: 4:47
Spoilerish: 8
Release: May 6th, 2005
Analysis: Holy hell. You want to talk about epic – I don’t know if the film will come off that way, but this trailer is HUGE. Almost five minutes long, you’ve basically got the entire movie in this trailer. I mean, I thought the original length trailer was spoilerish enough, but this thing is just nuts. The movie looks like it has the potential to really wow people if they do it right, though the casting seems less than inspired on some counts. As a trailer it’s just….wow. I’m sure it leaves a nice chunk of the film unspoiled (at two and a half hours, it better) but it’s just such a turn off for so many reasons. Thumbs down for the extended edition – stick with the regular one in the end.
Overall Rating: 3.5

State Property 2

The plot according to Yahoo: Three notorious gangsters battle for supremacy in the City of Brotherly Love. Beans, the imprisoned kingpin and hometown druglord, struggles to keep his renegade ABM Crime Syndicate on the map. He is driven and consumed by a festering hatred for his longtime rival. Dame, the Harlem-born hustler, is also the top dog in town. His Umbrella network is unmatched in cash flow and manpower. With a long list of enemies seeking territory and revenge, the self-proclaimed “cake-aholic” is forced into a vicious war. Loco, the flashy Miami playboy, is about to be released from prison. His deep pockets and stellar reputation prove to be valuable tools in Loco’s plot to takeover the streets of Philly, but he must first overcome the ghosts from a turbulent past. Alliances are formed and shattered, and lifelong friendships are put to the test as the various crews deal and duel to the death. Somewhere, buried deep within the ranks of one of these gangs, a ruthless criminal mastermind is conspiring to take them all down. The backstabbing, thievery and deception simmers, boils and ultimately spills into a gruesome finale — an old-fashioned shootout on the cold, unforgiving Philly streets.

Length: 1:53
Spoilerish: 4.5
Release: April 13th, 2005 (Limited)
Analysis: Anyone who likes their films ‘gangsta’ will be happy here. This one looks pretty rough and intense, with all the drama anyone could possibly need. The trailer appears to do the film justice, covering all of the important characters and some of the situations. The film is a dark tale of the streets, and the trailer really portrays that well. No real complaints, as this one is pretty nice and everything really works well.
Overall Rating: 6.0

Trailers for Films Opening This Very Weekend! (Weekend of April 8th, 2005)

Fever Pitch

The Plot according to Yahoo: A contemporary romantic comedy about a high school teacher who meets and falls in love with a successful businesswoman. Although their lives are vastly different, the relationship seems perfect until the baseball season begins and she has to compete with his first true love: the Boston Red Sox.

Length: 2:22
Spoilerish: 6.0
Analysis: Ah, so we come to the movie causing such controversy all over Movies Pulse. What fun times. It’ll be interesting to see how this does up against Sin City this weekend. **Ahem** I’m not ready to give up on Jimmy Falon, even though Taxi sucked the soul out of Kern’s body. Everyone gets two, and this looks like a nice little romantic comedy to erase that crap film from people’s memories. Falon and Barrymore look good together in the trailer, and though it gives away some of the plot, you’re going into a romantic comedy – what do you expect, really? It doesn’t seem like they told all the jokes here, so that’s a plus. Not too shabby overall.
Overall Rating: 9.0

Sahara

The plot according to Yahoo: Master explorer Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) takes on the adventure of his life when he embarks on a treasure hunt through some of the most dangerous regions of North Africa. Searching for what locals call “The Ship of Death”, a long lost Civil War battleship filled with coins, Pitt and his wisecracking sidekick (Steve Zahn) use their wits and clever heroics to help Doctor Eva Rojas (Penelope Cruz) who believes the ship may be linked to mysterious deaths in the very same area.

Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 7
Analysis: Well, here’s a film I have absolutely no desire to see, before, during, or after this trailer. It all just seems so…been there, done that. The cast looks solid and some moments made me chuckle, but the trailer did nothing to make me interested in the plot, the characters, any of it. Maybe it’s an over saturation of the genre with crap movies, maybe I’m just jaded. Either way, this one has bad timing coming out against Fever Pitch and Sin City, but who knows. Based on this average-at-best trailer (what’s with sound of the voice of the narrator – totally doesn’t fit…) I’m inclined to pass.
Overall Rating: 5.0

The Number One Movie in America!

Every week, I’ll take the number one movie in America and put its trailer here, just in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet (or you just loves the trailer). Also, comments from anyone who has seen the film and the trailer could be thrown in, to give you a complete idea about it and the movie.

Except this is Sin City. What people think about the trailer doesn’t mean much at this point, what with half our staff telling you to see it, and see it now (myself included).

Sin City.

The plot according to Yahoo : Sin City is a violent city where the police department is as corrupt as the streets are deadly. In this movie, we follow three stories, the central of which is Marv, a tough-as-nails and nearly impossible to kill street fighter who goes on a rampage of vengeance when a beautiful woman, Goldie (King), he sleeps with for only one night is killed while lying in bed with him.

Length: 2:03
Spoilerish: 5.0
Analysis: Gah. Words don’t describe how awesome this movie looks. I thought I knew it best when I first saw the teaser some time ago, but damn it, I’m in love. Almost everything in this trailer is perfect, and that is something I will rarely, if ever, say. It’s given me goosebumps – it’s that good. Watch it, and watch it now.
Overall Rating: 9.0

Debating that DVD purchase? Check out the trailer first!

Yupp, each week, I’ll take the new, major DVD release(s) and put the trailer here too. Just to help you decide how to spend that cash or remind you about a movie, in case you forgot ^_^

Sideways

The plot according to Yahoo: Miles Faymond (Giamatti), a divorced middle school teacher and failed novelist, and his altar-bound friend Jack (Church) take a wine-tasting trip in California, pondering questions about their directions in life.

Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 4.0
Analysis: Well, you can definitely tell it’s an Oscars thing, because this is just another fantastic film. I had seen the trailer for it many times, and you know something? It didn’t ruin anything for me. Yes, it details a lot of happenings, including a plot twist, but by the time that happens you are so deep into this movie you don’t even remember the trailer. It shows off the charm of this jewel of a film, and it should be viewed as a success in that sense.
Overall Rating : 8.0

Spanglish

The plot according to Yahoo: Cultures collide as Flor (Paz Vega), a beautiful Mexican woman, and her twelve-year-old daughter move in with an affluent Los Angeles family (Adam Sandler, Téa Leoni and Cloris Leachman). Of all the horrors Flor imagined about this new culture, she never fathomed the peril of being truly embraced by an upscale American family. Written and directed by James L. Brooks.

Length: 2:27
Spoilerish: 5.5
Analysis: Fantastic, fantastic movie. Absolutely tremendous performances by everyone (almost) and a great plot and….oh, the trailer. That’s fantastic too. It’s a bit long, yes, but it really doesn’t spoil the film. This movie is deep, funny, thoughtful, emotional. It really has a little bit of it all and the trailer only touches on that. Highly recommended, if the trailer alone doesn’t do that for you.
Overall Rating : 7.0

Wrapping it Up

So, that’ll do it for another week. Any thoughts or comments, send them my way, and, as usual,

Until next time…..