Remote Destination

So, I was watching Gigli last week and I got to thinking; man I love Jennifer Lopez. I loved her when she was a Fly Girl on In Living Color. I can actually remember watching South Central, a criminally prematurely canceled program.
I’m not one of those guys who jumped on the J-Lo bandwagon after she had her big screen/platinum success. I’ve been there from jump.

I just wanted to put that out there.

What Was Watched Last Week

Real Time With Bill Maher – Cornell “I’m Kanye’s Pop” West is far too intellectual for this program. And did anyone notice Alec Baldwin’s blaccent? That irks me. But the show was solid.

The Office – I think the reason I like this show so much is because I’ve never seen the original. But who doesn’t love ice cream sandwiches? I dig the interoffice rivalry. This show and Scrubs is a nice one-two punch that rivals The Simpsons/Arrested Development

Scrubs – See, this is the reason I don’t drink. I will never be in JD’s shoes. Janitor makes me smile. He brings me joy. I love this show, I’ve got to buy the DVD.

Deadwood – Oh My God! Mrs. Garrett is preggers? That’s not going to be good for anybody. Doc, is really growing on me, but I’m really worried about Al’s stroke. I didn’t like it when it happened to Frank Pembleton, I don’t like it now.

Grey’s Anatomy – I watched the pilot this week (I’ve got the second episode on help.) My roommate doesn’t like Isaiah Washington’s “arrogant Black surgeon”, she says it’s been done before (ER.) I fell in love with Ellen Pompeo in Moonlight Mile, but she’s not nearly as hot on this show. I was disappointed. We’ll see how long I stick with this show, but it seems like a rehash of every other “hospital” show since ER.

I do feel that Meredith Grey should have shown more vulnerability when she visited her mother at the end of the episode. I would have liked to see her breakdown, after the 48 hours she’d had, and the fact that she couldn’t go to her mom for support. That part of the episode didn’t ring true to me.

The Simpsons – Anytime Homer gets his “Adebisi” on it’s a dope episode.

Arrested Development – Oh, you know I was loving the addition of Franklin. I hope he joins the family full time. I am worried that George Michael is going to lose his virginity. But I’m sure it’ll be all kinds of awkward fun.

Lost I was so afraid that Julie Bowen was going to have another aborted tv wedding. I am glad to see the circle of life continued on the show and I’m glad to see someone finally die. I am getting tired of Jack back-stories. It was nice to see everyone work together in a time of crisis. I can’t wait until next week.

(Unfortunately my roommate taped over last week’s episode. That’s the last time I rely on her for something of that importance.)

The Shield – Again, Shane is playing a better “Vic” than Vic. I think that at some point during the hiatus Vic was castrated. I dig Claudette’s passive aggressive nature with Dutch. I’m also digging how Aceveda is working out his issues through a therapy of sorts. But I like how Vic finally has a scheme going on this season, but it appears to concluding next week. I really hope Vic steps his game up.

Law & Order: Trial By Jury – Yet another cast member of The Wire pops up on this program. I do feel kind of bad for the ballplayer, but like I told O.J. and Kobe “that’s what y’all get for @#$king with ______ broads.”

Kojak – I just happened upon this show, but I liked it. I like the idea of a thief getting pulled back in for a score. I’m also glad that Ving can provide for his family again. I’ll probably continue watching this show.

Greatest Show Ever”¦this week – Project Greenlight

Yet another show that I “happened upon.” My roommate told me to put it on, for like ten minutes. I ended up watching the entire mini-marathon on Bravo. I tuned in just in time to see the directorial candidates interviews. Hilarity.

I’m beginning to think that however much money Project Greenlight loses in the film, it more than doubles on the TV show. How else can you explain why Matt Damon and Ben Affleck suggested the most awkward candidate for the job of directing the film? This guy wants to cast is family in lead roles! Not only is this guy a complete loser, but he’s also insane! This is hands down the best show ever.

It’s A Madhouse! A MAAAAAAAAAAAAADHOUSE!

Cookie Monster is going on a diet?

Is nothing sacred? He’s a cookie monster; he eats cookies. That’s what he does. That’s his character. How dare they try to alter that!

Why don’t we make Snoopy a cat? Ooh, I’ve got it; Homer Simpson could be a genius. How about making Eric Cartman courteous? I’m appalled that they would disrespect the character of Cookie Monster just because of a fad.

Do we even know anything about monster physiology, much less cookie monster physiology? What’s next is Oscar (who admittedly isn’t as grouchy as he used to be) going to give up his homeless ways and move inside? Are all the monsters going to move away from 123 Sesame Street as part of gentrification?

I haven’t been this sickened since Kermit got his “new voice”. I’m disgusted.

Which Island Are You On?

Last week I posed the following scenario;

Good News; you get to go on vacation! Maybe it’s part of your recent promotion at work. Maybe it’s part of a severance package, who knows. Bad News; you’ve got to cross a huge body of water. That means tighter security, passport photos, and possibly cavity searches. Good News; your vacation is very relaxing. Bad News; you end up stranded on a island. Maybe you went on a tour, a three-hour tour. Maybe your plane crashed on your way back from Australia. I don’t know. The point is you’re stuck on an island for the foreseeable future.

So would you rather be stranded on Gilligan’s Island (Gilligan’s Island or the island on Lost?

First up is Brad M, who wrote;

Gilligan’s Island. Why? Three Words: Ginger & Mary-Anne. Besides, eventually, you know the Professor’s going to invent something that’ll get us off the island. And the natives speak English.

T weatherd concurred;

Gilligan’s Island of course no contest. The people in Lost are hungry, scared and they have major assholes on the Island. Lost has some hotties, true, but who can mack when creepy stuff keeps happening. Most important though, no one had to move dead people on Gilligan’s Island! Hello sexy professor, but just say no to being an amateur island mortician. Fo’ real tho’.

IP Movies own Michaelangelo, didn’t disagree;

Tough call. But I’d have to go with Gilligan’s Island. I mean, at no time does it look like the Castaways are in any danger. They’re well fed, have a radio, and two smokin chicks to pass the time with. Lost, however, just gives you that vibe, like you’re the red shirt on a Star Trek away mission. And God help you if Locke gets you in his sights. No, give me Gilligan and his merry crew. Who knows, I might get lucky and meet the Harlem Globetrotters.

But Patrick Puhl adds a new wrinkle;

This is a tough one. Gilligan’s Island definitely has its benefits. If you’re a guy, you’re competing for either Ginger, a movie star who was quite slutty, or Mary Anne, a naive, innocent farmer’s daughter. Plus, your competition is an old fat dude, an old rich dude whose wife is on the island with him, a bumbling dork, or a well-built guy who happens to be a nerd. You’re almost guaranteed to win, every single time. If you’re a girl, sure, you’re up against stiff competition, but really, does any girl win here? You meet more people from different walks of life than you ever would had you not taken that 3 hour tour — (Russian Cosmonauts, Headhunters, The Mosquitos, the Harlem Globetrotters, etc) and these kind of people show up on your island on a daily basis. The only bad part is, virtually none of them take you with them when they leave the island, so you’re stuck hoping that the guy who can make a working telephone out of a coconut (which makes him INFINITELY more handy than Greg Buis) can apply his knowledge towards creating a patch for the Minnow. Good luck with that one!

Lost has all sorts of problems and the guest stars aren’t as friendly and they don’t drop by every day. If you did survive, not only were you somehow not injured in the slightest from the crash, you got to loot the dead people’s stuff! How cool is that? Unfortunately, a lot of the people who did survive suck, whereas everyone on Gilligan’s Island was a friendly bunch who got along and could keep you entertained. All the people you’ve got with you on LOST have a ton of personal baggage that they unload on you. And as soon as one person tells you their back-story, then the next one feels obliged to. You start to wish that more of these people had died, or that you had. Plus, you realize you better tell your story soon, because a bunch of these other people’s stories are much better than yours. The good news for LOST is that there are multiple people trying to figure out a way off the island. There are also people trying to make life comfortable if they don’t get off the island. Gilligan’s crew happened to get stranded on an island with pre-built huts, and there were just enough for everyone, oddly enough. This part is a push.

This really could get much more in depth, but there’s no need to because LOST has one thing Gilligan’s Island does not — Sun. Even when Sun was speaking Korean and dressed in that Plain Jane beige sweater, she was still the prettiest woman on the island. Plus, her husband’s probably going to die soon, so she’ll be on the market!

ADVANTAGE: LOST

As for my answer, I dig the modern convenience of Lost. It’s got a great mystery and I fancy myself a sleuth of sort. There’s also a diverse cast so there are many people to meet. And I’m a great listener, so I wouldn’t mind hearing back-stories.

That said I’m going to Gilligan’s Island. The deciding factor for me, as it often comes down to, is the theme song. Lost doesn’t have one. Not only does Gilligan’s Island have one but it rocks. Plus my character gets recognition (except for the first season.) “¦the professor and Maryanne (and Mathan), here on Gilligan’s Isle. Dopeness.

But as usual this leads us to;

Good News/Bad News/Question Of The Week

Good News; you’re a hugely popular celebrity. Bad News; I meant, “were a hugely popular celebrity.” Maybe you were huge in the ’70’s. Maybe it was the ’90’s. Maybe you where a famous musician or perhaps you were a sex symbol idolized by millions. Regardless, your heyday was in the past. Good News; your name is again creating a buzz. Bad News; it’s because your life has been profiled on cable tv show.

So, would you rather be featured on The E True Hollywood Story or VH1’s: Behind The Music?

Linko

Mike covers a show I have a passing interest in.

Gloomchen details the exploits of Vic Mackey Shane Vandrell.

Coogan has five questions for you.

J.A.M.

Hello?

*crickets chirping*

Greatest Video Ever”¦this week

The Jets – Make It Real

C’mon anytime you have a band that combines Earth, Wind and Fire (a huge band) and The Jackson Five (composed of family members) you know you’re in for something good. This is a nice slow ballad that I want to dedicate to all the ladies. The production values aren’t great, but the pure joy of witnessing ’80’s hairstyles and fashion is what makes this clip great.