OPENERS
So I missed WM XXI, and have avoided all coverage like the plague, only to find out that the guy that taped it for me won’t be back in town until Sunday. So it’s gonna be spoiled for me tonight anyway. Argh.
Side note: This would have been in sooner, but the phone lines at home were down. And our entire network was down at work. I had NO internet access all day. I don’t think my cell can handle a text message this big.
THE ANTI-SPYWARE SECTION
As previously helmed by one Eric Szulczewski, I’ve taken the liberty of taking the text and links from his Anti-Spyware section, and put it up on a page of it’s own, here. After spending three hours killing the “Desktop Search” crap from my singer’s computer, I feel that information like this is too good to be left out. So there ya go. UPDATE: Firefox has released version 1.0.2. Get it here.
QUICK HITS
Um, I got nothing this week. Read it all!
SMACK this! (or, RESETBUTTONMANIA!)
One world, two brands, it always happens in threes. I always thought it was one and a half, but Love Canal can do that to you…
No theme! No fireworks! Let the fisting ensue! Er, maybe not. We are TAPED from San Diego, CA I Pay One Center. Michael Cole and Tazz are ringside as…
JBL comes out, no title, so he must have lost. Well, that and Chimel said it. 242 days. He was the greatest of all time, and he will be remembered forever. He is still, a wrestling GOD. Don’t dis him, yo. Cena is a common, lowlife thug that is not in his league. He is a once in a lifetime performer, and he does not ride so easily into the sunset. He wants his rematch, when Eddy comes out! Eddy gets a HUGE response. JBL tells Eddy we have no green cards. Ha! Eddy says that the people don’t need JBL as their champion; they want Eddy!
Booker T’s music interrupts. Eddy chant interrupts Booker’s scintillating promo. Big Show’s music interrupts Booker’s “five-time speech.” Damn, he got GOT. Twice. Show doesn’t even get to start before another EDDY chant breaks out. Show tells JBL to shut up or he’ll “shove that hat where you’ll never find it again.” Heh. Now, here comes hometown hero, Rey Mysterio. JBL: “Try it in English.” Rey says since Eddy did it, he’ll throw his name in too. Here comes Kurt! I smell a tournament coming on. Kurt gets some great zingers in. Angle got arrested for armed robbery, because he stole the show at WM, baby! JBL has no idea what in the hell these people are thinking. He tells them all to get out of his ring, and here comes our SD GM, TL! This is Long’s ring, playa. HOLLA! There is a no rematch clause in the WM contract; JBL could be SOL. Long says JBL and everyone else has to EARN the WWE title match. But since there are six guys challenging for Cena’s title, there will be some pairings. Tonight, it will be JBL taking on Rey Mysterio!
Also tonight, the Viva Las Divas Bikini Contest, but next: the WWE Cruiserweight Championship – London vs Kidman.
Commercials.
WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Paul London (c) vs Billy Kidman. Chavo is guest commentating. Replay shows the footage from last week. Chavo says 25 guys attacked him ruthlessly. Awesome. He’s like a less hyper Owen. Lockup, whoops, Kidman with a knee and goes to town on London, screaming “I should be champion!” There’s a lot of that going around tonight. London gets whipped in, but slides under Kidman’s legs, and gets a high hiptoss, followed by a deep armdrag. London whip to the corner, but Kidman reverses; London does that leap over while the other guy charges, but Kidman catches him on a charge and plants him into the top turnbuckle. He follows up with a sweet looking neck breaker (Rude Awakening) for two. Kidman opens a can of whup-ass on London, and strangles him on the middle rope for good measure. London tries to chop out, but Kidman shuts him down and snapmares him over. BIG kick to the back gets two, as Tazz and Chavo agree that referee Charles Robinson (‘Lil Naitch) is shady. Hard whip to the corner by Kidman, who then steps on the back of his neck for fun. Must have been a kink there. London again trying to fight back, but Kidman shuts him down with some knees and more choking. Again, London tries to fight out, but Chavo dumps him into the bottom turnbuckle headfirst, and then London falls out of the ring, landing right on the back of his head. Ouchie. London is busted open, as a replay shows he hit his head on the connecting bolt on his way outside. Kidman gets a two count. Kidman sets London up on the top turnbuckle for a superplex, but London fights him off, and does that silly mule kick. He can’t follow up though, as Robinson starts to check on London, who is bleeding almost like Jericho on the SMW DVD. London hits a pair of clotheslines and a reverse flying elbow on Kidman, and then follows with a hurracanrana and a leg lariat for two. Kidman hits London with an eyeble as London charges, and follows up with a nice looking dropkick for two. London tries again to fight out, but Robinson breaks it up to ask London if he can continue. He says yes and walks right into a BK Bomb. Kidman pulls him into position for the Shooting Star Press, but London is still stirring, so Kidman boots him in the head a few times. Kidman goes for a bulldog, but London shoves him aside. Kidman with a charge and steps into a small BAAAAAAACK body drop, so London goes up top for the 450. Kidman moves, London (sorta) lands on his feet, Kidman catches London in the FU position, goes for a gutbuster, but London rolls through for the three count. **. Never really got going. The blood seemed accidental, but didn’t help either. Post match, Chavo distracts London so Kidman can ambush him. Chavo gets in a couple of shots too.
Tonight, Cena!
Commercials.
Bunches of San Diego Chargers are ringside. At least, that’s what my grammar-check tells me. Meanwhile…
Let’s have a look back at WM XXI, shall we? Meanwhile…
Backstage, Luther talks SMACK about Show to Nunzio, Spike, Akio and some SD tart, making fun of Show’s match at WM with Akebono. Show shows up and says let’s get it on! Meanwhile…
Torrie Wilson gets ready for the bikini contest. Later, JBL vs Rey!
Commercials.
Big Lugs, no Gauntlet: The Big Show vs Luther Reigns. Replay-O-Matic shows the “jeep tipping incident” from two weeks ago, where Show tipped a jeep. Show starts off with a bunch of kicks, and a BIG open hand slap to the chest of Reigns, who scampers outside to catch his breath. But Reigns hits Show with a boot, and shoves him into the STEEL ringpost. Reigns hands out a pounding on Show’s back, but Show swats him away and rolls back into the ring. Reigns has Show in the corner, but again Show swats him away, with the silly looking sumo hand slappy thing. Reigns again attacks with some rights, but gets caught in the goozle, which he fights out of with a couple of chops to Show’s head. Reigns tries for a whip, but Show just sends him outside. Reigns is back in, and nails Show with a pair of shoulder blocks, but only the second one knocks him down, getting a one count. Reigns charges, but runs into a karate kick by Show (?!?). Reigns does it again, so Show does it again, and this time gets him GOOD. Show runs from one corner to the other, and hits the Rikishi Butt Splash, and bounces off the rope (“On the hop” as Tazz says – I like that) and hits Reigns with a somewhat-flying shoulder block. The Giant is AWAKE! Goozle, chokeslam, goodnight Irene. *. Show was game, but he’s just not the guy to carry Reigns.
Next, it’s John Cena!
Commercials.
Here comes our NEW WWE Champion, John Cena. Thankfully, he hasn’t tricked the belt out. Yet. I STILL don’t think he’s ready, but for better or worse, here he is. “The champ, is here.” I just said that. He cuts an “ok” promo, but I was really expecting a thank you to the crowd. He runs down JBL’s accomplishments, but “the champ, is here.” He gets quite a few CENA chants. He also mentions that if the “traditionalists” thought the US title was bad, we ain’t seen nothing yet. Oh, for cryin’ out loud. He heads out to the crowd to acknoledge the “Chain Gang”, and he wraps it up with “If you want some, come get some, because the champ is HERE!” Cena leaves through the crowd.
Tonight, JBL vs Rey. We KNOW.
Commercials.
Cena is still LEAVING.
Kurt comes out to tell us the REAL highlight of WM: HBK tapping to Kurt. Next week on SD, Kurt will be facing Eddie Guerrero. Awesome! Cena’s days as champion, are over. Word freaking life. Angle’s opponent comes out, and Kurt asks him to speak English, please. Angle asks out of curiosity (interrupted by an ASSHOLE chant) if the kid has any of his family here. As the guy goes to point some of them out, Kurt attacks…
Kurt Angle Invitational: Kurt Angle vs Jose Cassada. Kurt hits him with the mic, and the bell rings. Angle nails the kid with some rights and kicks, before locking in a release German suplex. Angle slam, ankle lock, and he’s not working by the hour tonight. 0:36. DUD. Post match, Angle reminds Eddy that this is his future. He wants “Jose or Jorge or whatever your name is to give Eddie the Spanish translation for unbearable pain.” Angle sets the mic down at the kid’s head, and puts him in another ankle lock. After this, Angle tells Eddy that this will happen to him next week, and Cena will find out, “the champ, the REAL champ, is HERE.”
Miss Jackie gets ready for the bikini contest.
Commercials.
A WM thanks promo from Cole.
Steve Romero (who is obviously “Some New Guy” TM) chats with Carlito. Next week, Carlito’s going to host “Carlito’s Cabana.” Meanwhile…
Eddy and Rey chat. Eddy is going to make sure Rey wins; he’s got his back, holmes! Rey says that didn’t work out too well, so he asks Eddy to stay behind. Eddy reminds Rey that he knows what it’s like to lose the WWE title; JBL is gonna be PISSED out there, and Eddy doesn’t thing Rey can beat him by h
Next, JBL vs Rey! Really? Wow, I didn’t know anything about this. Golly gee, those wacky McMahons…
Commercials.
Next week, Eddy vs Kurt! Again, AWESOME!
Main Event: #1 Contender Series: John Bradshaw Layfield vs Rey Mysterio. Cole explains the series: 3 Matches, including Angle vs Eddy next week, and Show vs Booker in two weeks. Winners will be in a triple threat match in the UK at the end of the month, to determine who gets a shot at Cena. US Champ Orlando Jordan is out with JBL, while Rey’s family has ringside seats. 619 chant to start, but JBL looks mean tonight. Rey plays “stay away” for a bit, as JBL stalks up to Rey, but he escapes, drawing a pop when Rey goes under the legs of JBL. Rey ducks out of the ring, and draws JBL outside. JBL follows Rey around ringside, and as Rey gets back in, he dropkicks JBL down to the ground. JBL is back up and TWEAKED. He backs Rey into a corner, and drops a few heavy forearms down. He picks Rey up, only to drop him down with a punch. Same as above, but with a kick at the end. Rey rolls to the apron, with JBL kicking all the way. Rey is on the apron, and delivers three shoulders to the gut before hang dropping JBL’s head on the top rope, knocking JBL down. Rey goes up, and drops the dime for two. Rey’s on the hop now, but runs into a JBL boot, and a CLUBBERIN blow to the back of the neck. JBL makes the longhorn signs, and goes for a powerbomb, but Rey punches out, and headscissors them both outside. Rey runs and dropkicks OJ off the other apron, then heads back to JBL with a Tope to the outside! I think. Rey is back in the ring as we go to…
Commercials.
We’re back, and Rey has JBL in a sleeper. Well, I should say Rey is on JBL’s back, and has him in a sleeper, but I digest. JBL is BUSTED WIDE OPEN! MUTA 1.5! No, just a slightly split lip, but for a second, you though you missed something cool! Anyway, JBL flips Rey off his back, and boots Rey back down. JBL tries to send Rey for the ride, but Rey blocks. He does it again, and Rey still blocks. So JBL beats him all the way down for resisting a standard (nationality/gimmick here) whip in. JBL gets the whip and shoulders Rey to the mat. He gets a two count. JBL punches some more, and then works Rey over on the ropes. JBL with a big suplex, which gets two. Rey tries to punch out, but JBL gets a thumb to the eye. Can’t argue with that, says Tazz. A straight right to Rey’s head knocks him down in the corner. JBL seats Rey on the top turnbuckle and chops him, followed by two rights. Fallaway Slam from the second rope, and Rey really sells it. JBL covers, but only gets two, and Rey got his foot on the bottom rope. JBL sends Rey for the ride, and Rey ducks the first boot, but not the second. JBL drops an elbow and gets two. Rey slides outside, so JBL slams him up against the barricade. JBL nails a HUGE chop that knocks Rey down, and makes the longhorn sign again. Rey is sent back into the ring, and JBL distracts the ref while OJ gets in a cheap shot on Rey. JBL puts Rey in a bearhug as the crowd gets LOUD. Rey winds up biting JBL to escape, but takes an elbow to get shut down. Rey kicks out at two. JBL makes a 619 motion to the crowd, but just drops Rey with a weak spinebuster. He makes the goofy grin, and gets a two count on Rey. Rey fights out again, but JBL kicks him. Rey keeps on though, getting in some good kicks before JBL knocks him into the corner with a right. JBL measures Rey, and nails him with a knockout right. He sends Rey for the ride, and Rey hits the turnbuckles front first. JBL sets him up top, facing the crowd, and JBL is looking for a belly to back. But Rey is holding on to the turnbuckle, and eventually hits a bunch of rights, and then elbows JBL back to the mat. Rey with a nice looking moonsault (except JBL was standing, which makes it tougher make look good) for two. Rey ducks a boot and dropkicks JBL to the knees, then the gut, then the head, to bring him down for another two. JBL sends Rey in and goes for a tilt a whirl slam, but Rey counters into a headscissors. Rey is on the hop, and ducks the clothes line, but jumps into the fallaway slam position, but as JBL goes to throw, Rey counters into a swinging DDT! Rey dropkicks JBL into position for the 619, but on the way in, OJ trips him up, finally drawing Eddy out. He chases OJ around, then in a neat spot, lies in wait on the other side and ambushes OJ coming back around. Eddy pounds on OJ near the apron, but JBL gets a kick in and knocks Eddy down. Meanwhile, Rey springboard dropkicks JBL to the second rope, and hits the 619. Rey gets one, gets two, gets Eddy pulling him off the cover and beating JBL himself, drawing the DQ. Rey is stunned, and so is the crowd. ** 1/2. That finish, while somewhat creative, was AWFUL. I know, it makes sense; that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Post match, Rey pulls Eddy off JBL and is all like “What’s up wit dat?” Eddy tries to explain that JBL kicked him. Here come the Bashams! They put some hurt on Rey and Eddy, and then Cena comes out. He cleans house on OJ and the Bashams (an FU for each), and the world is safe once again. Cena and JBL make faces at each other as we go off the air.
Not a bad show, but not a good one either. Good planning in setting up possible opponents for Cena, but the rest was just filler. See ya next week!
