WWE Bottomline Report 9/4/05
Wrestlemania was last Sunday. I still haven’t seen it, but I do get the pleasure of watching Bottomline, which will tell us not only little pieces of information about Wrestlemania, but also little pieces of information about last week’s Raw. Will we get any substantial information on anything? We’re all just going to have to wait and see!
We get the Wrestlemania recap video to start us off. It’s really nice. Then we get the Bottomline video, which is less nice. It just doesn’t at all say ‘wrestling’, though if you think about it, that’s very fitting for this show.
Mark Loyd has a new tan and is now .7 a ripe Florida orange. He introduces HHH’s interview ~ “In this ring, Wrestlemania 21, the biggest stage of all time, Batista was awesome. I will admit it. He was on, but it was one night. I am great every night. And the remath clause is rock solid, there is no way out, it will take place. The greatest rematch will take place. Batista./ HHH 2 will take place, and when it is over, I will stand in this ring an 11 time champion. And I can promise you this”¦I can promise you this”¦when I do, I will come back here and I will jab that championship down each and every one of your throats.” Mark thought this was a very powerful image, and apparently we’re to have a match later on between Batista and Orton.
And up next, we’ll look at the 2005 WWE Hall of Fame, where Hulk Hogan didn’t say nearly enough, in my mind.
Commercials. Hey, there’s a new Diva’s video. Of who, Trish, Lita, Victoria, Molly and Christy? Remember when they had a solid dozen divas? Really wasn’t THAT long ago.
“Behind those Eyes” by Three Doors Down is one of the two Wrestlemania theme songs, and trust me, go with the other one.
Coach welcomes us to the 2005 hall of fame induction ceremony. Randy Orton inducts his father. They show really quick clips of everyone, and they show a lot more than they did back on Raw last week. Jimmy Hart thanks his megaphone. Roddy does a great speech. Hulk does not. Great little video. Brooke Hogan really isn’t THAT hot. She’s in a room full of WRESTLERS, it’s not a great comparison.
Mark thought it was unforgettable, and then he copies Hogan’s lines to a much lesser coolness. They then show Hogan doing his thing against Muhammad Hassan.
Up Next, the triple threat intercontinental title match from last Monday.
Commercials.
A commercial for the debut of the Altar Bridge CD, which came out like 6 months ago, and still doesn’t do anything but suck.
Clips of the ladder match at Wrestlemania”¦and a T-bone suplex from the top of a 16 foot ladder.
Mark is still trying to figure out how they survived that move. And last Monday, Jericho, Benoit, and Benjamin fought in a triple threat match for the title. Jericho had Christian in the Walls of Jericho, but Benjamin came from out of absolutely nowhere, hit a bulldog on Jericho, and stole another win. He’s going to hold that title exactly until Muhammad Hassan wants it.
Up next, Muhammad Hassan points out that losers love losers. That explains Wal-mart, I guess.
Commercials. Is it weird at all that 3 out of 8 commercials in any given break are WWE based? You know, you don’t really see that with any other show.
Backlash commercial, booking the match between HHH and Batista before Eric Bischoff gets the chance.
Recall- Trish requests a rematch with Christy, and kicks her to kill her off in record time. And then she takes out Lita for good measure. Go Trish.
HBK then came out and challenged Angle for a rematch ~ “Now I admit it, things didn’t go exactly as planned, but having said that, I was wondering how many of you would maybe like to see Kurt Angle and HBK in a rematch.” JR would love to, of course. “I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I promise you that I will do absolutely everything to give you exactly what you want. And this time, this time the result will be a little bit different.” Hassan interrupts. Shawn gets up on the ropes and yawns. Hassan goes on a tirade ~ “You may be a legend, but last night at Wrestlemania you proved to me that you are a loser. But don’t worry Shawn, because all these people, all of these sheep, they’re still going to cheer for you because losers love losers.” Shawn attacks him. Hassan counters and attacks back and the double team leaves Shawn totally unconscious as we fade away slowly as if we’re watching Henry V or something.
Up next, Edge calls himself money in the bank, which makes no sense at all. Because of his horrendous math skills, Eric Bischoff thus books Edge in a match with Benoit.
Commercials.
Mark Loyd mentions the girl who won that Bottomline contest. You know, the one I was ROBBED out of? Yeah, that one. Because of that, Edge fought Benoit. Benoit had bandages all over him, but predominantly on his left arm, which Edge just tore apart the whole match. Seriously, this was twenty minutes of Edge just using moves that hurt Benoit’s arm (and Benoit constantly using moves that hurt Benoit’s arm) and then Benoit pulling out a quick rollup victory at the end. Edge takes Benoit to town with the steel steps afterwords and a few select chair shots to a particular shoulder This was one of the best Raw matches this year, and I hate Bottomline because they clipped the crap out of it in order to fit into their 3 minute limitations.
Up next, Stone cold Steve Austin. Great.
Commercials.
They show the Austin Wrestlemania Gladiator thing, which isn’t nearly as good as ANY of the other 8.
I wouldn’t call Wrestlemania a ‘return’ of Stone Cold Steve Austin, per se Mark Loyd. However, he WAS on Raw, making fun of Simon Dean. He tries a protein shake in trade for Simon Dean having a beer ~ “I don’t have a problem with beer, so long as it’s low carb beer” That’s awesome. Then he asks for a glass. Ha! He drinks a little of the beer, and decides to work off the calories by doing push-ups. Austin goads him into doing 5 more, then 5 more, then 10 more. This scene is perfect; it’s playing into Stone Cold’s strengths of being a smart ass redneck, Simon Dean’s strengths of a well developed gimmick, and Maven’s strengths of doing nothing of note. Naturally, Stone Cold stuns the both of them.
Up Next, Orton don’t respect no li’ll bit o’ Batista, yo.
Mark Loyd pimps Backlash in three (two?) weeks, and leads us to Randy Orton ~ “Even when I was fighting HHH, I respected him. But I have no respect for Batista. HHH, Ric and I, we’d laugh at Batista. They’d say ‘let him catch up’ because I was so far ahead of him. The animal. Ha. Chant his name! Go ahead. But this year I’ve beaten him twice! So I know what I need to do to get that loss from the undertaker out of my mind”¦so Batista”¦tonight!!!” Mark then tells us that in fact, Orton’s shoulder DID give out and still came closer to beating the Undertaker than anyone.
So Batista came out and squashed Randy Orton but good. He continued the night of great chemistry by going after Orton’s ‘bad’ shoulder. Batista was cocky as hell the entire match, and following a demon bomb and an easy three count, Batista had it done. HHH comes out and threatens Batista from afar, but Batista isn’t exactly all that scared.
Next Monday”¦.there’s nothing planned, actually. We’ll see what happens. See you guys later!
