Oh what a night – late in April back in two’aught’five..
We made jokes, while the Raw was live…
The Monday Rabble has arrived…
That’s right – we are here, live in my family room. Joining us is Eric, Hernandez, Jenna, and myself, with Laura and Dani somewhere on the way. An amazing week for wrestling news and rumor afficianados with:
* The Ultimate Warrior proves once again he’s completely bonkers
* Matt Hardy has been sent away
* Rhyno is gone as well
* Paul Bearer No More
Wow! Guaranteed, none of this will be mentioned tonight. What WILL be mentioned is THE DRAFT! Yes, next week it seems I get the draft I’ve been so looking forward to. Now here’s what YOU’VE been looking for… WRESTLING WITH THE RABBLE:
Now though it is time for the
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Tonight Hassan will be facing Shawn Michaels as well as Batista gets an interview!
First though a girly girl tag match:
TRISH & MOLLY vs. CHRISTIE & VICTORIA
Kill the crowd early match…
We get a replay of Trish going nuts on Lita last week as Christie and Victoria come on downw. I must say, Victoria is looking quite tasty tonight. There is some misogynism to get it going. Molly in the ring with Victoria, they start up with a hammer lock – Molly catches a fireman’s carry on Victoria.
They do a great exchange of hiptosses and armtosses and Victoria does the standing moonsault. She tags in Christie and she catches Molly RIGHT in the throat with a split legdrop.. ouch.
Christie hits the ropes and Trish hits the Christie, and now Molly is in charge. A tag to Trish and let’s see if Christie’s gotten any better. Trish tosses her into the corner, licks some hand and chops her in the boobies. Kicks, chokes, etc. Standard corner fair. A tag to Molly and a baseball slide dropkick gets her a two-count and drops her into a one legged crab.
Christie fights out of it and tags in Victoria. A bit of fighting around the ring, tags abound until finally Molly’s back in with Christie. Molly tosses Christie in the corner, does the backflip backelbow – but misses! A roll-up and that is that. Christie wins!
WINNER: CHRISTIE
But before the badgirls can leave, HERE COMES KANE! Kane chases the hell out of Trish.
“Kane’s got a creepy Titantron! It’s just his head!” – Eric
We get a flashback of last week where Batista destroyed Randy, coming up next we have a major update on–
“An interview of Randy’s shoulder..” – Hernandez
–Randy Orton.
COMMERCIAL
In Birmingham, Alabama – Orton’s getting some shoulder surgery. Apparently, because Taker and Batista hurt him. THEY ARE SHOWING SURGERY FOOTAGE! OWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIE!!!!!!
Orton is out for 3 – 4 months.. and let me just make it known that
In the backstage the girls, Stacy, Boobage, and Tata O’Lovebag are all talking about how they want to be ‘Powerbombed’ by ‘Batista’ which I think is a ‘Sexual’ ‘Innuendo’. Trish charges in and Kane follows her.
Coach now is going to interview Hassan and Akbar. Blah blah blah…Akbar.. blah it’s a trap..blahblah
“He needs to go get a towel!” – Dani
COMMERCIAL
Hey, guess what – before Batista comes on down the road.. here comes the Game.
“What a beautiful site, he’s completely barren” – Jenna
“And he doesn’t have the title!” – Eric
And who does Trips get to fight??? Oh, NOBODY! He gets to talk. Rah.
“Every word is written by the Ultimate Warrior tonight.” – Hernandez
The rematch has already been signed, and the Batista chant is huge. Trips is going to find his weakness. He will find it.
“He will getcha getcha getcha getcha” – Me
Thanks to Batista, he will become the 11 time World Champion.
“Making him a 10 time loser!” – Jenna
Apparently Batista fears the Pedigree. The Pedigree is the Truth!
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” – Eric
Wait, whose music chimes in… OH IT’S THE HURRICANE! The last time Hurricane saw Trips he was wearing a mask! Not a Hurricane mask – but a CRIMSON MASK! Triple H gets a point for referring to Trips as a green tomato! Hurricane tells Trips that in response to the beatings of Hurricane and Rosie – it is now officially CLOBBERING TIME!
Hurricane goes on down WITH ROSIE and they LEVEL Triple H! Trips is selling!
“That must be Paralax!” – Eric
Triple H runs outside, grabs the mic and wants them to ring the bell. He grabs a chair and heads in. The ref, who has run on in, grabs the chair and we officially have a handicap match! It will begin after the commercial.
COMMERCIAL
Rabble question: Top pick for drafting from Raw to Smackdown.
“Hurricane and Rosie” – Hernandez
“Edge, it’s easier to edit his screw ups” – Eric
“I agree, Hurricane and Rosie” – Jenna
“3 years running.. I choose Triple H” – Me
“ME!” – Laura
HURRICANE & ROSIE vs. TRIPLE H
Undercard moment of the night
We come on back and Trips has got Hurricane in a front headlock. During the commercial, Hurricane got a flying leap onto Trips. Hurricane against the ropes, ducks a clothesline, but eats a HUUUUUUGE spinebuster. Rosie is taunting Trips, but you ain’t pulling the Game away that way. He tosses Hurricane to the corner, back and forth. Trips charges in and a realllllly big european uppercut catches Trips offguard.
As Hurricane is crawling to the ropes, Hunter grabs him and tosses him against the ropes. A Hurricane-Rana spins Trips out and tags in Rosie. Rosie a leaping 360 legdrop. Neat!
“This one is for Jamal!” – Eric
Rosie butt-busts Trips in the corner. He picks up Hunter and drops him down, while Hurricane climbs to the top with a FLYING leg drop off the top rope… note: The ref was in the way, didn’t sell the move, but he STILL landed it!
They pick up Trips and in a moment of desperation, Trips clotheslines Rosie over the top and Rosie’s leg gets caught between the second and bottom rope – nice set-up! He spins around and Kick-Wham-Pedigree on Hurricane. A mean looking one too, that Hurricane sells like a trooper.
WINNER: TRIPLE H
Hunter beats on Rosie for awhile, comes back in and grabs the microphone. He vows by the end of the night, he will Pedigree Batista.
“Like he did to the Ultimate Warrior! ..oh wait..” – Hernandez
Trips once again goes after Rosie, always pickin on the fat guy. Geez. Pedigree on Rosie.
“There goes Rosie’s dinner at Wendys” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL
Awww, the Wrestlemania Revenge tour shots.
Backstage, Benoit and Batista are talking and hanging out. Benoit stares at the belt longingly.
Oh great, here comes Chris Masters, with a great entrance.. sadly the wrestler is the problem.
“Walk into the flames!” – Hernandez
“I didn’t know afrosheen could catch fire like that?” – Jenna
“Let your SOOOOUUULLLLL GLOW” – Me and Hernandez
“I like his entrance!” – Me
“I don’t like how they stole Christian’s opening” – Eric
“He stole Lex Lugar’s entrance!” – Hernandez
“So that means he’s going to kill a woman?” – Eric
They give us a small video package of what Masters has done.. blah. And here we are in a match with some guy. Masters just grabs and throws him around. Stiff knees, a BIIIIIG tossed bodyslam, and then he taunts.
Random guy gets a kick to the stomach in. He leaps the second rope and as he tries to double ax, but gets the Polish Hammer to the gut. Pin and win.
Winner: Chris Masters
Masters grabs the mic, because apparently EVERYONE gets the mic tonight. Masters challenges the wrestlers to break out of his full nelson. $1000 of his own money on the line.
Not to say I condone such things, even though I do, but there was a boring chant.
We get a flashback of last week of Hassan beating on HBK… wheee…
And because HBK demanded it, up next – Shawn vs. Hassan..
COMMERCIAL
Apparently there is going to be another Diva search…. color me whatever’d.
Here comes Shawn with freshly trimmed eyebrows. And here’s Hassan.. with a mic. JR said it:
“He’s here to wrestle.. not talk.” Thanks JR.
Apparently, Hassan believes that HBK hasn’t earned the right to fight him. So instead, he gets to face Akbar!
“HOLY CRAP!!! IT REALLY IS A TRAP!!!!!!” – Me
HBK vs. AKBAR
The It’s a Trap Match
Shawn chases after Akbar, as he gets in HBK clotheslines him to hell, and chopdrops him. I gotta say Akbar sells like a maniac! Hassan climbs up to the top rope, but Shawn grabs him by the throat. Akbar leaps OVER shawn and drops Shawn across the ropes! GOOD GOD HE’S GOOD!
Akbar hits a flying crossbody, and leaps up to the top rope and hits the decapitator! They exchange punches, finally dropping each other. Kick up! Shawn’s heading up to the top rope, but Hassan stops him. HBK armtosses him over the top rope and they fight it out, all the while Akbar is going for the ringbell. The ref steals it away from him and tosses it out as Hassan lowblows Shawn. Akbar gets the roll up AND THE WIN!!?!??!!
WINNER: AKBAR!
(..it actually was, indeed, a trap..)
COMMERCIAL
HBK is back with Bischoff, and he wants a handicap match against Akbar AND Hassan. At Backlash he can give him a tag team match. Bischoff can’t do it though, he can pick his own partner… Shawn just stands there.. defeated.
“Where’s his smile?!?!” – Me
“Hassan stole it!” – Hernandez
Now here comes the human highlight reel.. he is, CHRIS JERICHO with the HIGHLIGHT REEL!
“Hey, he’s not curtain jerking!” – Eric
“Yeah, but he’s not wrestling..” – Hernandez
“I hate you guys.” – Me
Apparently, he was happy with the Wrestlemania Ladder match which was his idea. He liked it, even though there was one problem with that… he didn’t win. He can track that down to the date he lost the IC title to Shelton at Taboo Tuesday. He needs to talk to Shelton face to face, so without further adieu, his guest is… SHELTON BENJAMIN.
“I don’t like his shorts, but he’s way cuter than Jericho – bad shorts and all” – Laura
Straight to the point, Jericho wants a rematch. Shelton plays the smallest violin in the world for Shelton. (Who is the heel here? Seems like Shelton.) Shelton denies Y2J.
Shelty (as Jericho puts it) has been the IC champ for 6 months – they should just make his Hall of Fame plaque already. Jericho has been the 7 time IC title.. record winner, he MADE that title.
“Forged it with his own two hands.” – Eric
Shelton knocks the new Fozzy album. Has Shelton heard the new Fozzy single, ‘Shelton Benjamin is a little bitch?’ Here comes a new one… a HIGHLIGHT REEL FIGHT! They roll their way out of the ring and go head to head, face to face and beat the snot out of each other.
(For the record, me and Hernandez now have a discussion about how Jericho dropped the ball… I ignoring him)
COMMERCIAL
RABBLE PICK: Who from Smackdown should go to Raw?
“Guerrero or Mysterio.. I’ll go Guerrero” – Eric
“Rey” – Hernandez
“Mysterio, it won’t happen, but that’s what I want” – Jenna
“I want Suzuki” – Me
“ME!” – Laura
The Smackdown Rebound: Find out from CJ Ambrosia.. he’s the fruit of the gods!
Backstage, Kane is still Trish’huntin. He finds LITA though! Apparently, this has been a set-up against Trish the whole time. They kiss.
“Awww, Kane is thinking about…. EDGE.” – Hernandez
“Everytime I kiss you I taste 37 other wrestlers!” – Me
Oh, hey, here comes HBK again! He’s going to choose his tag partner.
“Jannety’s coming out and to eat another superkick!” – Hernandez
Shawn discusses all of his family members who have fought for this country. Which I guess is pertinant to someone..
“Jesus is going to be in his corner!” – Roommate Randy
Shawn goes on his knees and begs for Hulk Hogan to join him at Backlash… and the room goes mild.
“How old is Hogan?” – Friend Mike shows up briefly.
“3,000” – Me
HBK leads the crowd into a rousing chant of ‘One More Match’ …which I thought was against The Rock, but apparently… awww, nevermind.
Coming down next though is Edge!
“Oooo! I want HIM to leave for the other show that I don’t watch!” – Laura
COMMERCIAL
Coming down to the ring iisssssssssss Benoit! And his opponent is… Christian!
Benoit vs. Christian!
I have too many people to cheer in this match
HUGE Peeps signs in the audience! Before the match begins though.. here comes EDGE with chair and briefcase.
“The contract for Lita is in the briefcase, he’s now pimping her out” – Hernandez
Christian blindsides Benoit, sending him right into the corner. Benoit with mean ol’ chops, he tosses Christian into the corner, and as he bounces out gets hiptossed across the ring!
On commentary, Edge has declared himself ‘Mr. Money In The Bank’. Christian puts Benoit in a hammerlock, and starts beating down on that beat-up arm of Benoit. Benoit fights out of it, and they turn it into a chop fight. Benoit comes out on top, but Christian tosses Benoit out of the ring.
Christian follows him out and slams his arm against the ring. The commentary of Edge talks about how he feels as if he’s been exploited by the WWE.
“The WWE never exploits their wrestlers.. that’s HARDY th– I mean HARDLY the case!” – Hernandez
The commentary is keeping us entertained while the chop and toss match continues. Kind of disappointing. Christian bodyslams Benoit for a two-count.
“People should throw marshmellow peeps at the ring when Christian comes in!” – Hernandez
A hard armlock is keeping Benoit down right now. Benoit fights up to his feet annd they exchange punches. Christian hits the ropes, and Benoit tries to hit the crossface. Instead Christian bails.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back to more arm-hurting hold spots. I GET IT! THEY ARE WORKING ON HIS ARM! Christian fights to take off the turnbuckle, the ref stops him and while he’s trying to fix it, Benoit gets a roll-up for a loooooooooooong 2.
Christian pulls up Benoit and chokes him against the ropes, distracts the ref while Tomko yells and hits some more arm. Christian capitalizes and continues with the beatdown, until Benoit hits a couple chops of his own. RIGHT back into the hammerlock (Christian BITES Benoit’s hand.. ok, THAT was funny)
Christian picks up Benoit, and OUT OF NOWHERE GERMAN SUPLEX… Benoit is now bleeding from the mouth. After a long pause of Benoit selling the arm, Christian gets to his feet and sends Benoit back to the mat with an armlock. Everytime Benoit gets up, he’s sent back down via the arm. Benoit finally gets some punches to the face, against the ropes – ducks two clotheslines – but they then collide and the ref starts the double down count.
They get to their feet at 8, and the chopfest begins… AGAIN… Benoit tosses Christian to the ropes and a kick to the gut and a backbridge belly to belly.
“That move could screw up your neck, but Benoit just doesn’t HAVE ONE!” – Hernandez
Benoit now goes for the sharpshooter, Christian fights it.. he fights it, gets pulled in and can’t fight no more! Tomko tries to PUSH the ropes to Christian, but he gets them all on his own. Benoit gets the triple-rolling-Germans. (I think I might refer to this as ‘Rolling Out The Barrel’) Benoit goes up for the headbutt, Tomko tries to stop him and fails.
HE LEAPS……… CHRISTIAN MOVES!
Both are laid out .. again. Christian gets up first and tries to set-up the Unprettier, which gets reversed into the crossface. Tomko interrupts, he gets floored. Edge runs on down, he gets dropkicked. Christian grabs Benoit. Unprettier. There’s the pin.
WINNER: CHRISTIAN
A long set-up for a screwjob win. I’m not sold.
Coming up next is our main event Batista Interview.
COMMERCIAL
JR is in the ring. Here comes BA-TIS-TA!
Dave struts on down and let me just say that he gets some new Pyro… and it’s HELLA Pyro!
Sweet.
Dave is dressed ready to compete.
When Dave became the World Champ, he realized that he became a hunted man. He will NOT be a victim, though. He is at the top of the food chain.
“He’s a velocaraptor!” – Eric
Dave continues to sell the ‘Animal’ motiff. This is his jungle. Once again, Triple H is underestimating Dave. He is going to be champ for as long as HE wants.
“Jim Ross hits him, pins him..” – Hernandez
“But only with his right side” – Eric
Trips music hits, but NO Trips. Dave turns around just in time to get hit. There is a toss to the corner, a toss to the ropes. Dave eats some Triple H knee, and just as Hunter locks in the Pedigree… DAVE hurls him over the top rope.
Before the end of the show though, Trips grabs a mic. Next week, at MSG – Triple H is through with that Sonuvabitch!
“Leave JR out of this!” – Hernandez
So next week, MSG – TRIPLE H IS CHALLENGING……. J R!
And the show ends with a crying Jim Ross. Awwwwwwwww.
Final Opinions of the show:
“Can you tell me what happened? I don’t know!” – Eric
“.ehhh.. back to my PSP” – Jenna
“Hey, I called JR! I’m done.” – Hernandez
“My summary: blah blah blah blah you’re a bitch blah blah hit hit aww snap” – Laura
“A meh show, sets up some matches for Backlash, but for the most part I’m looking forward to the draft!” – Me
So, we’ll see you next week!!!! Umm… Bye!
