I’m so thankful it’s almost over. The total annihilation of Ulong, that is. To be honest, this extended ass-kicking sequence is getting more and more difficult to write about (not to mention watch). I mean, at first it was interesting to see who would go next, but as things moved along, there just weren’t that many options left. Waxing Natalie Merchant with the whole “What’s the matter here?” question is equally futile at this point. Although, I would add a layer to last week’s proposed theory on why Ulong has continued to fail. It was an option that I didn’t want to consider at first, but an overwhelmingly large amount of evidence has led me to this highly scientific conclusion: they’re kind of dumb.
I mean, obviously Stephenie and Bobby Jon had enough wherewithal to survive in the jungle for almost three weeks, which is no mean feat. But their puzzle skills obviously need a little work. And the fact that Steph was looking over at Koror’s answers to the word search during the immunity challenge was pathetic. I was thinking, “Yeah, I probably would have done the same thing in her shoes,” but then I remembered that A) I would have already pulled an Ashlee and been voted off and B) I freakin’ rock at word finds. So what do I know about any of this?
Not much. And although Stephenie is understandably freaked out by going solo in the wilderness, she’ll never really be alone. I mean, there are camera crews, right? And she can talk to the producers during interviews. Actually, if I were in her position, I might be kind of happy to finally get some down time from Bobby Jon’s snot rockets (a term I didn’t know before this episode). On the other hand, the amount of effort it takes to keep a fire going and get water and all that jazz looks pretty monumental. The girl is definitely in a curious position.
As are all of the members of Koror. They appear to be on some sort of bare bones beach vacation or a seriously twisted version of Outward Bound. They’re obviously sick of each other and it’s clear that at least some of them (like Coby) are disappointed that they haven’t had to strategize yet. Of course, all of this build-up should make for a tremendous crescendo when Koror finally has to start devouring itself.
I’ve never been good at predicting the outcome of any reality show except The Apprentice (identify the most generic, dullsville white male and you’ve found the winner). However, since I don’t really have anything else to say about the show right now, I figure it can’t do any harm to put in my picks for the people with the most (and least) staying power in the game. But, just like Britney Spears, I don’t really care if the American public thinks I’m a total ass. I’m also like Britney in that everyone keeps hoping I’m pregnant, but I’m just not. Anyway, here are my choices.
1. Ian
Who doesn’t love a Dolphin trainer? This boy will probably take several individual immunities. He’ll kick ass at final tribal council.
2. Janu
Talk about a coattail rider. I know she wants to quit right now, but I have a hunch that Janu is going to get pulled along to the end. Anyone sitting next to her would look better. She’s the sacrificial lamb.
3. Coby
Ian will win the final immunity challenge, see that Coby was a dominant, kick-ass player, and get him out of the way. And once again, our lovely hair dresser will feel left out. Thankfully, he’ll deliver a scathing bitch slap of a speech at the final tribal council, making it all worth it.
4. Caryn
Another under the radar woman who will probably slip by because she works hard and doesn’t raise too much of a ruckus.
5. Jenn
(Shrill giggle)
6. Gregg
After Tom is gone, you’re the next Alpha male to get rid of. Duh.
7. Tom
Dude, you shouldn’t have left that shark head out so long.
8. Stephenie
Alliance with Tom and company my ass. They’ll dump her as soon as they can.
9. Katie
No one likes her except Jenna Morasca who, unfortunately, isn’t playing this season.
