Title: n/a
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Writters: Paul Di Filippo, James Peaty
Pencilers: Cliff Richards, Yvei Guichet
Inkers: Norm Rapmund, Joe Rubenstein
Cover by: Paul Smith
Published by: Dan Buckley
Hey! This month in X-Men Unlimited, nothing particular happens! BAM! Angel helps out some poor kids with disabilities. BIF! KAPOW! Kitty and Beast go see a movie. K-ZZAP! Nobody will be seated during the one page of conflict that if you happen to blink, you miss it! FWEE! You will pay for the whole seat, and you’ll only use the edge!
I’m being hard on this book, it actually isn’t horrendous, but as you will soon learn – sometimes being horrendous doesn’t mean it’s not a complete waste of your time.
“Wings Over The World”
Cyclops wants to talk to Warren. Cyk’s got an idea to start a charity. He’s not sure what it is – he’s not sure what it will do – he has no idea why he’s doing it – and he really is completely devoid of idea other than that Warren should pay for it. It’s great when you can see the traits of the girlfriend rub off onto the boyfriend, but the minute I see Scott wearing thigh high white boots, I’m outta here.
Warren, being the altruistic kind of guy he is chooses to do this and now has to pour over all of those things that Cyclops had no idea about. He gets the idea and puts it into motion. The end.
There ia minor moment of conflict with some anti-mutant guy blabbing on, but he’s of no concequence. My big problem with this story is that it quite literally is stealing an idea from Robert Heinlein. Angel even TELLS YOU that they are stealing an idea from Heinlein.
That whole bit in the story left a bad taste in my mouth. You could make an argument about how they are acknowledging a great storyteller and trying to give a thankful nod to Heinlein’s greatness, but I would in fact have my fingers in my ears screaming “LAMELAMELAMELAME!”. Give him a special thanks in the credits or at the end, don’t have someone read his story and use his ideas – that’s just sloppy writing.
Rating: 3.5 (It’s not unreadable…)
“A Night at the Opera”
So, on the otherside of Hazard County, Kitty Pryde and Beast are going out on their monthly jaunt to hang out. Kitty wants to go see the Marx Bros film and Beast wants to go to the opera. It IS Beast’s turn, so off to go see the fat lady sing.
At the grand ol’ opree, they aren’t going to let Beast in because he’s black. No, not really. It’s actually because he doesn’t match the description/picture of the last ‘Beast’ that tried to get in. See, it was before he started to change from the classic Beast into the Morrison Beast.
This, for one is an insane plot point.
“I HAVE BLUE FRICKING FUR!”
“I’m sorry sir, the last gentleman–“
“HAD BLUE FRICKING FUR!”
“Well yes, but he had a more.. beast face.”
“And what, praytell, do I have?”
“Weren’t you on that show with Linda Hamilton?”
So Beast feels all down and depressed. Somewhere in that scene is the one minute of physical confrontation. Beast gets all mopey, and Kitty takes him to see the Marx Bros. That makes him feel better.
I have NO idea how that works. What weird power does the Marx Brothers hold over the Beast? Or is it that he realizes the kid is just going to keep whining until she gets what she wants. I have not the foggiest of notions, but that is this story in a nutshell.
Rating: 2.5 (Readable, but useless)
OVERALL!
Addressing the art briefly, it’s passable. Some of the scenes of Angel flying are excellent. Everything is readily accessable, and there really isn’t more to comment on about that.
That is this book’s problem. Everything is passable, but not exceptional. I feel that the heart of the Angel is resting in his story. As a matter of fact, the portrayal of Angel is the best in the entire book, but I just don’t feel the passion of the story that drives these characters.
So do yourself a favor, ignore this book. If you DO buy it, you will get two simple and fine yarns, but you will have forgotten it five minutes after you read it. What the Unlimited book needs is to focus on secondary and tertiery X-Characters that will sooner or later bleed into other plots. Right now the X-Corp all over the world should be on Yellow Alert because Magneto has Scarlet Witch and a bunch of other neat stuff. Why are we spending a lame Saturday night with Kitty and Beast?
