WWE Bottomline Report 16/5/05


WWE Bottomline Report

Hey y’all. This’ll be my last Bottomline report. Got a job working nights. It’s pretty much that simple. Not sure if there’ll be one next week by someone else. Widro didn’t put ‘bottomline’ into the ‘hiring’ section, so I doubt it. And since no other website reports on Bottomline, I can say I’m pretty proud to be the first and last Bottomline reporter in the history of the business.

I WILL be doing a weekly column over in the music section (the same spot I post the Coachella reports) so it’s not I’m disappearing COMPLETELY.

Okay, enough about me. More about BOTTOMLINE AND IT’S HOST, MARK LOYD.

Mark says it’s ladies first. 2 weeks ago, Trish kills Christy and Lita slaps Trish. Trish hits a cheap shot to the knee of Lita and a modified half crab. Last week, Victoria fought Molly (Molly’s last match!) Also, Trish and Christy were around as tag partners to Molly and Vic. Victoria pounds down on Molly and tags Christy. Molly pulls some playboy bunny hair, facelock, Irish whip, missed the backspring elbow, Christy rolls up and gets the pin! Poor Molly. I hope she’s awesomely happy wherever she goes. As well, Kane comes out and chases Trish out of the arena. Later on, Kane and Lita share a moment of nice little tenderness. Kane doesn’t seem to happy to be making out with Lita.

Up Next, Orton is injured.

Commercials. HHH VS Batista II at Backlash promo. Is that the entire stipulation? II?

Smackdown VS Raw is still sponsoring stuff. Shouldn’t there be a new game by now?

And now, a special look at Australia, and the wrestling that goes on there when the WWE shows up. Or, at least, the autographing. All three nights night sold out. Was it just Raw guys? That’s what it looks like. Eh, basic house show highlights. I’d love it if they taped the regular shows like that, with all the dark lighting and closeups.

Oihh, and now we get graphic footage of Randy Orton’s shoulder surgery. It’s blamed on the tombstone piledriver originally. Then, they say that Batista killed it dead with several highlighted moves (I love motives like this in storylines…I just wish they’d follow up on it sometimes in spots that didn’t include Bob Holly). He says “I’ll be back in 4 months, but I’ll be hurting the rest of my life…because of you.” Nice.

Up Next, Shawn Michaels picks Hulk Hogan as his partner…for absolutely no reason at all.

Commercials. There’s another $25,000 Raw Diva search? Well Gravy.
Trish is supporting that Tag Body Spray stuff. I suppose that means something, but damned if I know what.

Mark says that nobody likes Muhammad Hassan. I like Muhammad Hassan. Like for instance, 2 weeks ago, when he said that the only reason people cheer for HBK is because losers love losers? I loved that. So, last week, they fought one on one, but actually Daivari got thrown in there instead, who is a pretty good wrestler on his own. Chops, chops, chops back and forth. Flying forearm by Michaels. Bodyslam. He goes up, but Hassan interferes. Shawn beats him down, the ref breaskt aht up. Daivari distracts the ref with the ring bell, and Hassan hits a low blow. Daivari gets on top of Shawn and pulls out the MAJOR underdog victory. See that? Loved that.

Shawn proposed a 2 on 1 match for Backlash, but Bischoff demanded that Shawn had a partner. So he picks Hogan, who is not Marty Jennety, which would have been better. His reasoning is that he loves his country, and Hulk Hogan = America in symbolic wrestling-logic. So does Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and so does the Patriot. Ooh, the Patriot would have been so bad ass. And what’s with the guy in the crowd with his sign that says “Look at my horns!” Dude thought he was going to Smackdown, or Nitro maybe.


Up Next, Hurricane challenges HHH to a 2 on 1 match, which Bischoff I guess had no problem with in this case.

So, 2 weeks ago, Batista won the World Heavyweight Championship. Mark says it’s being received very well. To who? Everyone but HHH apparently. Last Monday, HHH did a lil’ soliloquay. “You’re eyes betrayed you. They told me the one thing I should have already known. Everytime I went for it. It was the one thing that made me a 10 time champion, and it is the one thing that will make me an 11 time champion. It is the one thing you fear Dave, and that is the pedigree. You know it, and now I know it. The pedigree is the one move that when I hit it, this lie you are living will be done. The pedigree is the truth. And the truth is, Batista, that you made the biggest mistake of your life when you decided to screw with me….”STAND BACK, THERE’S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH. That is the greatest interruption music ever. “HHH you claim to be the best, the most celebrated guy in society. But holy asskickings. Last time we saw you, you wore a mask. Not a hurricane mask, but a crimson mask, as you got demolished by Batista, whatsupwitdat?” “Listen Green Tomato, I don’t have time…” “Don’t have time? Braaaaaaaaap! Last time you went toe to toe with the hurricane, you left him hanging. And the following week, you took out Rosey. But as my friend “The Thing” would say, it’s clobbering time!”

Man, they two of them did get in some good, hard moves on HHH during this thing. They cut to when HHH is WINNING, however, stomping and choking on Hurricane. HHH then clotheslines Rosey, and he gets caught on the bottom rope and caught. Pedigree on Hurricane and it’s as good as done. Green Tomato. That’s funny. He gets the mic again. “Batista, you see this? One second is all it takes. One Pedigree. And that is you. You don’t believe me? I vow to you that by the end of the night, that will be Batista. I will pedigree his ass in this ring. It doesn’t matter to me how big he is.” Then he goes out and pedigrees Rosey for good measure. There’s another awesome little thing. Not only does he do an entire monologue on a single move, thus making it that much more powerful in the minds of the fans, but he also did that old-school tactic of beating up a guy and naming him someone else.
Up Next, Fozzy’s new album is “Shelton Benjamin is a little bitch.” Ooh.


They show that awesome spot from the ladder match at Wrestlemania where Benjamin ran up the ladder and clotheslined Jericho. So Jericho had Benjamin in the highlight reel. Jericho’s problems seemingly started when he lost the championship at Taboo Tuesday. Benjamin plays the world’s smallest violen, and calls himself the best athlete in the WWE. Jericho congratulates him sarcastically on the 6 months statement. Jericho mentions that he’s the 7 time holder (a record) and that “the only reason you have it is because I haven’t made it my business to take it back from you.” Ooh, nice. Benjamin thinks Jericho’s crapped out enough against Benjamin. He can do things in this ring that nobody else can do (except Sting.) Jericho: “You can do things that nobody else can do. Can you take that title and shove it up your ass?” Shelton: “No, but I can take this fist and make more hits than the last Fozzy album.” Jericho: “Oh, okay, have you heard the new single? It’s called ‘Shelton Benjamin is a little bitch. You gonna do anything about that, huh? Ain’t no stoppin you now, huh?” They brawl all over the ring, outside, and get separated by refs. Awesome segment between two good guys acting like asses.

Up next, Christian VS Benoit.


Two weeks ago, Edge really messed up Benoit’s shoulder. Last wek, Christian took on Benoit, and Edge did commentary, still holding onto that damn briefcase. Benoit gets a snap suplex for two. Benoit gets a northern lights suplex for two. Benoit tries the sharpshooter, and after a small fight gets it. Christian gets the ropes. Edge blames all his problems on Benoit. 3 German suplexes on Christian. Benoit goes up top, smacks down Tomko, but misses the headbutt. “You call it courage, I call it stupidity!” Edge is awesome on commentary. Unprettier attempt reversed into a crossface. Benoit breaks it, takes out Tomko, takes out Edge, and Christian hits the unprettier for the pin!

Up next, Batista is ready for HHH.

Commercials. John Cena’s solo album comes out May 10th. Why?

Mark shills Backlash and it’s 2 matches so far. And the song by Trust Company called Stronger.

We get the end of HHH’s speech. Batista does his speech then. “I knew, when I became world heavyweight champion, I knew I’d be a hunted man. That’s just the laws of the jungle. I refuse to be anyone’s victim. I’m the predator. I’m the top of the foodchain. So if anyone wants to come out here and try to take what I’ve worked so hard to acheive, I will do the same thing I did to HHH and Randy Orton, I will rip them apart. And if you’re looking in my eyes and seeing fear, you’re just looking at fear. Once again, you underestimate me. I don’t plan on being 10 time champion, but I do plan on being champion for as long as I want.” Weird phrasing there.

HHH interrupts. He comes from behind. Irish whip and a knee. Pedigree attempt, but Batista backdropped him out of the ring. Jim Ross holds up Batista’s hand. HHH: “That’s it, I’ve had it. I’m talking to you ou son of a bitch. I’ve had it. Next week, Madison Square Garden, we’re gonna make history. I’m gonna shut your big mouth once and for all. Next week, you and I are gonna go one on one. Sounds good, huh? That’s right. Next week, it’s gonna be the game against JR.” What?!?! JR is in shock, naturally, though they have found themselves a profile of him for the VS screen.

So next week, it’s THAT match, as well as a Chris Masters segment that WILL suck the show down the tubes.

Mark says “Thanks for watching, and I mean that.” And the same goes for me. Thanks for reading. Tomorrow will be my last Heat recap. Catch it at 8pm or so.

K Sawyer Paul is the author of This is Sports Entertainment: The Secret Diary of Vince McMahon, co-editor of Fair to Flair, and curator at Aggressive Art.