Riding Coattails: Virgin Leaves Whorehouse


The kid is gone. Like many others, I knew that this was inevitable, but the way in which Chris exited The Apprentice was truly memorable. For the first time, a candidate actually cried after getting the boot. Omarosa wept immediately before getting the axe, but I’m certain she was trying to gain sympathy points (which she didn’t). No, this was different. Chris was clearly beaten down, humiliated, and overwrought by his lengthy losing streak and rocky ride through Trump’s boot camp. Trump called him a loser repeatedly and had threatened to fire him because he chewed tobacco. While I agree with the Donald that dipping into the Copenhagen is gross, I now see that this treatment was a tad hypocritical, given that both Angie and Bren had been shown smoking cigarettes on the show. Then again, Bren wasn’t lighting up in front of the kids during the mini golf task, nor was Angie puffing away as she stumbled in front of the American Eagle Outfitter executives (although I’m sure she wanted to). The fact that Chris was chewing during the performance portions of a couple of tasks was definitely inappropriate. But still, he was obviously not the only player battling a nicotine addiction.

Bad habits aside, it’s been an eventful week for young Chris. Just days prior to his nationally broadcast boot, the boy was arrested in Florida for wigging out over the cover charge in a bar. I find this news particularly interesting in light of the fact that Chris is a millionaire and could easily afford even the most ridiculous entry fees. He also admitted on the show that he planned to buy himself a Pontiac Solstice Roadster, a clear indication that he didn’t think the Donald would hire him, since the winner will be award that very vehicle. Anyone with enough coin to throw around on sexy little two-seaters can surely shell out $20 to get into a bar.

But I have a feeling that money was not the real issue here. Chris is a volatile guy and when he gets excited, he shouts. He curses. He makes up words like “interiorally.” And yet, after Trumpo fired him, he declared him “a good kid” and Carolyn chimed in an agreement. Huh? What’s so damn great about him? Personally, I think this child was out of his league. Tana put it best when she said, “He’s a virgin and we’re all sluts.”

And what a perfect task for these promiscuous players. The candidates were asked to design a teaser brochure for Pontiac’s sexiest new car. I was so impressed with Kendra’s performance this week. Not only did she deliver an amazing brochure, but she did it without much help or support from teammates Tana and Craig. This is the first time I’ve seen Tana drop the ball on a task and frankly, I was very disappointed. She has a tight friendship with Craig, who can’t stand Kendra. Kendra and Craig continue to butt heads, which has resulted in a two against one configuration on the team. Obviously, Tana will side with Craig every time, but that’s a mistake. Craig is corny, condescending, and has some serious elocution issues. His days in the suite are numbered and it would be in Tana’s best interest to distance herself from him a bit.

Not that she will, of course. Tana seems like a very loyal person and at this point, Craig is her strongest ally. They are the only two original Net Worth members remaining and they’ve worked together on every single task. Kendra’s outsider status isn’t going to change, and her resentment toward her two teammates undoubtedly grew to epic proportions after they insulted and abandoned her. What was worse, Kendra had to stand by and act as though Tana and Craig had contributed adequately to Magna’s victory. I predict that all of this is going to come to a head next week and result in a big blowout between Kendra and Craig. I only hope that the Donald sees that Kendra has more talent and keeps her, because she’s really proven herself. Unfortunately, she might be penalized for not sticking her neck out on many of the earlier tasks. And if she tries to expose Tana and Craig’s disappearing act during the Pontiac task, they’ll probably gang up on her and make her look bad. I don’t see Kendra as one of the final two, however deserving she may be.

As for Alex, I think his days are numbered as well. The Donald’s respect for him has rapidly gone downhill in the past few weeks as he’s continually been on the losing end of things (and taking naps). No, I think the last two standing will be Bren and Tana. Both have been very successful and are well-respected by their peers and Mr. Trump. Bren’s vegetable porn idea could come back to bite him in the ass, as could his pathetic writing contributions to the Pontiac brochure. With the exception of the Pontiac task, I don’t see any major flaws with Tana. Except for the fact that she wants to work for Trump in the first place, but nobody’s perfect, right?