The SmarK DVD Rant for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
– Perhaps my first problem with the movie is that the title sounds like a rejected Fox midseason replacement reality show or something.
As I mentioned a little bit previously, Episode I, while still filled with logic gaps big enough to drive the Millennium Falcon through, holds up better over time due to the amazing set pieces and fairly captivating story. Although flawed, I can now appreciate it better for what it was — the beginning of a new story rather than something like the original Star Wars, where it was intended to stand alone as a story.
So where does that leave Episode II?
I originally caught this one while on vacation in Las Vegas in 2002, and perhaps the disappointment of Episode I at the time left me feeling a bit better about the second installment than I might have otherwise felt, because subsequent viewings have certainly lessened the impact and fun of the movie for me.
So what happened?
The Film
Taking place 10 years after the first movie, Queen Amidala has left office and become a mere senator. Apparently Naboo has an elected Queen, because they’re REALLY democratic. Even their aristocracy is by the people and for the people. Yup, they’re one democracy-loving group of guys.
Whereas Amidala looks mostly the same, young Anakin Skywalker has grown 3 feet and changed actors. Must be a Jedi mind trick. He’s also gotten much, MUCH whinier. Right from the start, as Anakin and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi meet up with Amidala again and vow to protect her from some sort of Phantom Menace, Anakin is whining about how:
a) The assignment is beneath his awesome powers as a Jedi.
b) Amidala doesn’t remember him from years past.
c) He misses his mama.
And this is in ONE SCENE. Luke Skywalker at his peak didn’t have that kind of Jedi whine powers. On the other hand, at least it immediately becomes clear which side of the family he got it from.
So on with the plot, such as it is.
After a quick chase through the bustling city to find Amidala’s would-be assassin, which looks like it was stolen right out of the Fifth Element’s deleted scenes, they discover that the culprit is a bounty hunter who shoots lethal darts at people. Obi-Wan gets to follow up on the dart, and Anakin gets to take Amidala into protective Jedi custody and watch over her. If you know what I mean.
One of the other main problems with the movie was the editing style, which then kicks into full annoying force with Act 2, as Lucas intercuts between Obi-Wan chasing the lethal dart to a mystery planet called Camino, while Anakin puts the Jedi Mack movies on Amidala in between whining about his mother and how Obi-Wan holds him back. Sample dialogue:
“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth. “
Apparently that shit even works in a time long long ago and a galaxy far far away.
Since Obi-Wan’s plot goes on longer than is convenient for the editing, our new happy couple heads to Tattooine to find Mama Skywalker so Anakin can resolve his very deep and very creepy Oedipal issues. Seriously, when you wake up in a cold sweat moaning “Mother! Mother!” it’s time to see a professional. He works things out somewhat by slaughtering a tribe of sand people who kidnapped and killed his mother, an admission that Amidala takes surprisingly in stride. I mean, he just confessed to MURDER and she forgives him because he’s really just misunderstood? No wonder crazy women start affairs with death row inmates.
Obi-Wan, meanwhile, discovers that the mysterious bounty hunter was in fact working for an equally mysterious group of cloners, who are cloning him into a group of white-clad shock troops numbering into the millions, namely the Stormtroopers. However, it’s being done at the behest of the Jedi, which certainly has Obi-Wan and everyone else surprised. Obi goes for a little chat with Jango Fett and his cloned son Boba, and they don’t hit it off very well, ending up in a very cool battle in the rain as Jango gets the hell out of there. This is by far the most interesting part of the movie, as Obi chases him to the depressing factory planet of Geonosis, where former Jedi Count Dooku, played with his usual evil by Christopher Lee, runs things on behalf of that bastard Palpatine. Obi-Wan gets captured and sends a help signal to Captain Whiner , and the result is everyone getting captured and another set piece resulting, as Dooku’s Trade Federation cohorts stage a big arena execution by using REALLY big animals. It’s at this point where things get really over the top, CGI-wise, as all the Jedi backup forces invade on behalf of our heroes, with the Clone Army in tow, and lots of green screen hijinks ensue.
The big battle between Dooku and the forces of good, as he stampedes through badass Obi-Wan and supposed greatest-of-all-Jedi Anakin, was really the coolest part of the movie, because it leads to Yoda finally showing his mad Jedi skillz and saving the day. However, going from a puppet to CGI is kind of wrenching and takes you out of the experience a bit.
There’s a bit of political intrigue, as Palpatine has himself declared Big Kahuna of Space with everyone off doing more interesting things and Dooku blabs about plans for a cool new space station called the Death Star, but really the focus of the movie is on Anakin’s rapid descent into the Dark Side and mother issues. Plus I think he says some sort of variation on “Obi Wan is holding me back, waaaaah!” at least three times in the course of the movie, just in case people didn’t get it the first time.
I think the problem, the main one, is that the underlying principle of Anakin’s change of allegiance hinges on his betrayal of Obi-Wan being deep and meaningful due to a long relationship, and we just don’t get that here. Anakin mumbling about Obi-Wan being a father to him in his weird monotone just doesn’t convey the same kind of feeling that actually showing them as compatriots would. They’re at each other’s throats from almost the moment that the movie starts, and you never feel like it’s the great friendship about to be torn apart, like Obi-Wan recalled in the original movie. Maybe his judgment and memory were clouded with age, who knows.
Even worse is the relationship between Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker, as the dialogue is BRUTAL and you never really understand what she’s seeing in the guy. Plus the actors have a kind of anti-chemistry, almost as bad as the non-chemistry demonstrated in Episode I between the same characters. Almost. I know they needed a reason for them to get together and make Luke and Leia, but if you chopped, oh, the entire storyline out of the movie, the pacing and direction would be 1000% improved, rather than the crashing bore that is left in the middle portion.
Initial reaction to the movie was that it was better than the first episode, but I think time has been very much unkind to it. The plot is meandering to say the least, with Padme and Anakin just kind of wandering from planet to planet with no real purpose until Obi-Wan needs to be rescued, and the Jedis just kind of hanging around in the background until everyone needs to be rescued. It’s like two hours of the Perils of Penelope or something. The special effects and CGI are amazing again, but I just did not dig the writing and directing this time, and I really hope they pull it together to wrap up the series with something much better.
The Video
On the other hand, no complaints here. Struck directly from the digital source, I’ve seen this disc demo’d on everything from standard tube TVs all the way up to $10,000 DLP screens, and I have yet to find a flaw with the picture. Crystal clear, with details so fine you can probably read Anakin’s name on his underwear when he bends over, this is the definition of a perfect transfer.
The Audio
More perfection, as it’s even BETTER than the Episode I soundtrack, if possible. Once again in Dolby Digital 5.1 EX, I was immersed in space from start to finish, as all six speakers got a workout. Crank up the subwoofer during the sonic landmine sequence between Jango Fett and Obi-Wan and feel the fillings shake out of your mouth. I’m serious, it’s just that good.
The Extras
Once again, hours of extras that I don’t have time to watch again, so here’s the rundown from Amazon…
Commentary by writer-director George Lucas, producer Rick McCallum, picture editor and sound designer Ben Burtt, ILM animation director Rob Coleman, and ILM visual effects supervisors Pablo Helman, John Knoll, and Ben Snow
Eight exclusive deleted scenes with introductions: Padme Addresses the Senate, Jedi Temple Analysis Room, Obi-Wan and Mace on Jedi Landing Platform, Extended Arrival on Naboo, Padme’s Parents’ House, Padme’s Bedroom, Dooku Interrogates Padme, Anakin and Padme on Trial
“From Puppets to Pixels: Digital Characters in Episode II”: all-new full-length documentary about the creation of digital characters in Episode II
“State of the Art: The Previsualization of Episode II”: witness the vital role of the animatics team
“Films Are Not Released: They Escape” sound documentary
Three featurettes examining the story line, action scenes, and love story through behind-the-scenes footage and interviews with the cast and filmmakers
12-part Web documentary
“Across the Stars” music video: an original composition by John Williams crafted exclusively for this DVD
Exclusive production photos
One-sheet posters
International outdoor campaign
Trailers and TV spots
“R2-D2: Beneath the Dome” mockumentary trailer
ILM visual effects breakdown montage
Exclusive DVD-ROM content
Suffice it to say, the extras are plentiful and very excellent indeed.
The Ratings
The Film: ***
The Video: *****
The Audio: *****
The Extras: *****
