There’s no denying that last episode stunk. It was tough enough to follow up the unexpected destruction of God’s avatar two week’s ago, but this episode was rediculously inferior. The drama was snuffed and a bland challenge determined the fate of the two next fights.
So what could possibly happen this week? NBC certainly promises more torture – only you’re the only one guaranteed to be on the receiving end of it.
The kid named Juan had no idea that he would destroy Tarick.
It bothers Sugar Ray that these guys are willing to jeopardize their careers to win a televised fight with cheap shots and flailing (flashback to the sloppiness called a bout we witnessed last week)
Jimmy is more experienced with 24 fights over the insecure Joey’s 8. He’s apparently the most physically gifted (that’s what they said about Brent), but lacks the mental confidence.
At Jimmy’s place, Jimmy’s Dad gives him a big sappy hug (to the tune of the love variant of the Contender theme) after having driven 700 miles to see him.
Joey pulls his hamstring during the overwrought training, placing him at a disadvantage. Not only that but he will be against one of the toughest competitors. Add the fact that he doesn’t have a trophy wife and kids to go back to for the evening, and you got one all-around sure-to-be-the-loser.
Sugar Ray saw Juan as a kid who fights like an amateur, not the prodigy he expected from the get-go. It’s funny that even though the focus should be on the upcoming bout Sugar Ray doesn’t care about, all he can do is complain about how crappy the last fight was.
Before the commercials there is a preview for the surely exciting next leg of the race. IS this because NBC is afraid it will be losing its viewers over the break? Well it should be.
Jesse tells Joey he needs to believe in himself more than he believes in anything else.
Joey is told because he is a loser with no friends, wife or kids, Jesse will take him back to visit Jesse’s family. The big Jerry Springer twist? Joey’s dad was lured on over. It’s been five years, since Joey lost his fathe’s company to the Afghanistan war. Cue the dad’s wise speeches about not giving up.
There is a lot less to focus on this episode, with no lame Toyota-sponsored challenge in sight, so we’re taken to the pre-match butterflies prematurely. Jimmy’s well-dressed kids come and surprise him in his extra-tight spandex tank top, at which point Jimmy’s wife decides to leave the fruity metrosexual, (or at least she should have).
Jimmy knows that Joey will not be the walk in the part everybody expected.
Joey says that his family is the most important thing to him and the only thing he’s got. “¦ But he doesn’t have a family besides the parents we all have”¦
Lacing up the boots and wrapping up the wrist guards takes extra long this week. We get to see every uninspiring second shared between Sugar Ray and the boys. He doesn’t even seem to care at all about this fight. It’s just too bad there is nothing else left on the editing room floor.
It looks like there are no celebrities this week (Chuck Norris and James Caan had to attend a taping of Hollywood Squares instead). Jimmy Lange and his 17 KOs are announced first. Joey sees his fathe’s face in the back of his head the entire time. Who knows if this distracting obsession will actually help.
Sugar Ray says the odds for Joey are 10:1, while Sly (the boxing aficionado, we’ll remind you) counters that they’re 20:1. I would listen to someone else.
Round One: After the first few seconds, Sylveste’s predictions seem to be pretty clairvoyant, what with Jimmy using his reach to good effect. However, Joey suddenly rids himself of the first round jitters and unleashes a fury on poor Jimmy.
Joey is fast and strong and is using every ounce of his one-track muscles to destroy Jimmy.
Dad says this will be a third round KO, which acts as a bona fide jinx. Jimmy consequently fights more strategically (Joey is losing his legs due to his hamstring injury and Jimmy knows it). The sudden slow-mo doesn’t bode well either: Joey takes much more abuse than expected.
For round four, Joey falls for every cheap shot and can’t dodge any of Jimmy’s furious blows and is lured into all of his feints.
It really will be down to round five. Win or lose, do or die. Joey needs to summon every ounce of courage to survive. In perhaps the most Hollywood-exciting of all the fights, Joey becomes Jean-Claude Van Damme in the ring and overcomes his hamstring. He pounds Jimmy so hard that the taller guy drops to his knees and NBC narrowly avoids the temptation to edit in a triple-take (though I wouldn’t been so hesitant).
Finally this show times a commercial BEFORE announcing the winner like it should have been all along. THAT is how you edit tension! Congrats to NBC for finally learning something eight episodes in!
The judge’s score cards are in. Representing the west, it’s Joey! In the Contende’s finest fight, Joey has come out on top without a single loss.
Jimmy was out-hustled by who was by all accounts the loser on paper. This makes Jimmy potentially the biggest loser of the Contender. At least he’s not as retarded as the other losers; Jimmy realizes his loss is nothing compared to his wife’s pregnancy, dodges the urge to commit suicide. Making up for lost challenge time, Jimmy gets extra screen attention before being ousted.
Sergio says that defeating Jimmy was a legitimate, honorable win for Joey. He was a soldier and needed to go through a lot of pain to get where he is. He got over the weakness in his heart and certainly proved himself to be the underdog of this reality show.
Suddenly, the most boring contestant (post Tarick), Juan starts to pansy out and decides he wants to submit instead of facing the next few potentially debilitating battles. Quote Sergio: “Joey and him would’ve been a good fight. Joey would’ve knocked him out”.
Uh oh. Who will replace loser Joey as the eighth semi-finalist? Hopefully we get to see Brent replace the fallen fruit-case, sort of Peter Manfredo style.
Reaching down and going through the pain to beat the odds is what this thing is all about, apparently. I’ll let you guess who bestows upon us this pearl of wisdom.
The reward for having made it to the second round has everybody flown to Caesa’s Palace, where two of them will eventually fight for $1 Million (though I bet NBC will regret making this offer, when these kind of ghetto homeboys and family-oriented farmhands would’ve jumped at a $1000 prize).
Anthony and the “winners” feel treated like royalty taking a plane on route to the hotel, instead of dodging drive-by bullets in a cab. Alfonso gets a sneak preview of celebrity, while being fed grapes and being served to by buxom Vegas blondes.
The boys stand in the ring of greatness, where Ali and Sugar Ray himself have fought. Two cheesy Roman guards show the men what a chest full of a million dollars looks like, that is, if all of the bills were ones and they were stacked on top of Styrofoam peanuts.
They play a lame bit of gambling, where the man who draws the Ace wins a Toyota Tundra (thought you wouldn’t see one this episode, did you?!). Sergio wins first car even and feels like he’s received a blessing (but if I’ve learned anything from Survivor, winning a car sure does a lot for your popularity). Joey bullshits that the car couldn’t have gone to a better guy than Sergio.
So now it’s time to vote back in one of the losers. So who could it be? Sadly Brent is not considered one of the medically eligible boys to return (And why the hell not, I demand to know?!). This also may come as a shock, but neither is Najai.
So who will be the man undeservingly brought back to the blandest reality show on air, where as long as you don’t come down with chickenpox, commit suicide or end up flagellating yourself for a disgraceful humiliation in front of God, no amount of defeat in the ring can prevent you from winning a hokey boxing tournament? I guess you’ll have to tune in next week, with NBC’s not so crafty way in injecting a bit of cliffhanger juice into its floundering series.
The sad part about this series was that this episode was one of the best. Making us think a new editor must be in town, the show sported the most thrilling of the fights, and major decisions were kept from us for more than a delayed pause in speech. While at the same time, the episode revealed more of the reasons why this show, as a competition, is a pathetic joke (where the combatants can quit and allow formerly defeated losers to come back for no more reason than a paltry vote-in). By the end of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes down to a popularity pose-off or arm-wrestle instead of a real fight. I hate to say it, but a boxing show about pansies just isn’t right. Either way, Joey did become the underdog hero the Contender desperately needed to offset the strategic deviousness of Anthony’s villainy, if you could call it that. And while the only reason I’ll be tuning in next week is because I have to, at least NBC is trying their desperate best with the new cliffhangers. And hey, Sylvester can finally be satisfied. One episode actually turned out like Rocky.
Rating: B+
