WWE Sunday Night Heat Report 17/5/05

WWE Sunday Night Heat Report 17/5/05

Hi, I’m Kyle David Paul, the fire breathing dragon (according to PK and Jeffrey R. Fernandez at least) and this will be my very last Heat report (thus, I suppose, killing my fire breathing dragon reputation around these parts quite dead.) No special reason other than summer work and constant night shifts, basically. Maybe if there’s a spot open in September I’ll try it out. I’ll still be around though, just not in the wrestling section as regularly. I’ll be doing a Monday column over on the music side of things.

ANWAYS, it’s 7pm est on Spike TV and it’s time for a little HEAT!

Viscera VS Val Venis ~ The alliteration of Heat competitors continues. That guy int e front row is very, very happy to have Venis’ towel. Lockup. Viscera moves Val to the corner and hits a hard slap. He screams at him, but Val counters and gets him some hard shots in the corner. 10 count punch, but Val throws him down. Powerslam reversed to a clothesline in the corner. Irish whip blocked to a clothesline. Viscera puts Val upside down in the corner, and does a running splash. Viscera stands on Val for a 4 count. Bodyslam. But Viscera misses a charge and gets rolled up for 2. Val takes out a knee and hits a bulldog. Val slowly climbs ,drops, runs and gets hit with a 450 pound enziguri. That’s sick man. Viscera hits the Batista Bomb for three.

Winner: Viscera.

Later on, La Resistance gets their last chance match against Tajiri and Regal.

Commercials.

Video clip of last Mondays freaky segment that had Hassan’s manager, Daivari, get a singles pin on Shawn Michaels. According to King, it was like coupon day at Piggly Wiggly’s. It takes exactly 4 seconds for Hassan to interfere, and Daivari is pretty impressive as a singles guy. Afterwards, Bischoff states that Shawn has to have a partner if he wants to fight them again. He goes the uber-patriotic route and picks Hulk Hogan. What a weird, weird pairing.

Commercials.

Simon Dean & Maven Vs CM Punk and…some guy ~ Coach has one of those Simon Dean bar. Simon has a mic “We have something very important to say about Stone Cold Steve Austin. We have photographic evidence as to why we were beaten so badly two weeks ago. There it is, people, there it is! That man is not a beer drinking redneck, he’s a certified member of the Simon System!” They show photoshopped Austin drinking the Simon System. Not too shabby, boys. Lillian never named the other guy. Guy get a quick rollup on Maven. Guy gets an armdrag and an armbar. Irish whip to a hip toss. Tag to Punk, go gets another armbar on Maven. Maven gets a cheap shot, and they double team punk in the corner. Tag to Simon, know gets some knees to the head, and a snap suplex for 1. Simon flexes his pelvis and hits a legdrop. Stomps in the corner to Punk. Irish whip, tag to Maven, and a big dropkick on Punk. Punk catches the ropes and Maven misses another dropkick. It’s funny; Coach keeps calling him CM Punk, Grishom calls him like Steve Coogan or something. Tag to guy who cleans house before Maven gets a low blow and they hit this double team move to get the pin. They lifted him up and just sort of dropped him. Afterwards, they took guy and shoved a Simon bar into his mouth. Nice touch.

Winners: Simon Dean & Maven

Commercials.

Recap of last Mondays’ dealings with HHH going over how scared Batista is of the pedigree. Also, how Batista isn’t actually at all phased by the pedigree, let alone HHH. And how they booked JR VS HHH, in a move that seemingly makes no sense.

Commercials.

La Resistance VS Tajiri & Regal ~ So, the number of times a tag team can challenge IN A ROW is at about 17 or so. Good to know. Brawl to start. La Rez gets dumped. Regal and Conway starts. Lockup, headlock sequence that favors Conway first, then Regal. Hiptoss by Regal. Dropkick. Loud crowd. Tag to Tajiri. Irish whip, drop toe hold by Regal and a baseball slide by Tajiri. 2 coiunt. Regal gets a knee to the gut and tagged Grenier. Grenier gets a side slam for 2. Stomps in the corner. The announcers argue over the logic of “lightning only strikes once. Sometimes twice” Tajiri gets double-teamed in the corner. Tag to Conway and he gets a suplex. Chinlock. Tajiri escapes and gets the hot tag to Regal. He cleans house pretty well. Fisherman suplex to Grenier for two but Conway saves. All four men in now. Double Irish whip leads to a do-se-do, Regal getting dumped, and an Au Revoir to Tajiri for the three!

Winners….wait a minute…there’s 9 minutes left, and Tajiri wasn’t legal. The ref picks up the mic and tells La Resistance that he just realized that Tajiri wasn’t legal, so they’re going to commercial and restarting it while we’re away.

Commercials.

We come back and La Resistance is beating down on Regal. Tajiri is still out I ghuess because I can’t see him. La Resistance gets the Hart Attack for two. Conway beats down on Regal. Ah, there’s Tajiri. Tag to Grenier. Tag to Conway. Reverse chinlock. Grishom compares this to the Moscow basketball team in the Olympics. What are those two on tonight? Regal powers out, and they hit a double clothesline. Tag to both partners. Tajiri kicks everyone. Handspring elbow to Grenier. Tarantula to Grenier! Hard kick missed but he gets a dropkick. Conway saves the pin. Grenier holds Tajiri, Conway grabs the flag, but he hits Grenier! Tajiri hits the green mist on both guys and gets the pin!

Winners and STILL champs: Tajiri and Regal. Regal gets the mic “Being the champions is not only an honor to us, but it’s important to have great competition. So, it’s important to be proactive. We’re going to throw an open challenge out to any tag team in the world to face us.”

And that’s the show. And that’s my last report. See ya later.