Hi all. Welcome to another of What a Tease! I am Norty News Guy and I’m back with some new trailers this week. I’m still in the process of dealing with hectic, slightly hellish life, so hang with me. Not that there are a ton of new film trailers online anyway, but hopefully by the time summer rolls around I’ll be all set to really tackle this beast. Anywho, anyone know what time it is?
Crowd: For the love of God, STOP asking that question!
That’s right! It’s Trailer Time!!!!
I’m beginning to win them over…………………
New Trailers Online this Week
Basically, you’ll get a direct link to the trailer, the ‘Plot According to Yahoo’ (Or IMDB if it’s an Apple Trailer), the length of the trailer and the *estimated* release date. You’ll ALSO get the following: The Spoilerish ranking – what this basically gauges is how much of the movie the trailer gives away, on a 1-10 scale; My Analysis of the trailer, sometimes being pretty straight and narrow, sometimes being witty and sarcastic, sometimes both; finally, you’ll get an Overall Rating, which is ‘calculated’ based on the length of the trailer, it’s ‘spoilerish-ness’ and, well, how I feel about it. It IS my column, after all, but I promise the ratings will be fair and make sense.
New Trailers This Week:
The plot according to Yahoo: Lincoln Six-Echo (McGregor) is a resident of a seemingly utopian but contained facility in the mid-21st century. Like all of the inhabitants of this carefully controlled environment, Lincoln hopes to be chosen to go to the “The Island,” reportedly the last uncontaminated spot on the planet. But Lincoln soon discovers that everything about his existence is a lie. He and all of the other inhabitants of the facility are actually human clones whose only purpose is to provide “spare parts” for their original human counterparts. Realizing it is only a matter of time before he is “harvested,” Lincoln makes a daring escape with a fellow resident named Jordan Two-Delta (Johansson). Pursued by the forces of the institute that once housed them, Lincoln and Jordan engage in a race for their lives to literally meet their makers.
Length: 2:03
Spoilerish: 4
Release Date: July 22nd, 2005
Analysis: Interesting concept here. Michael Bay is at the helm of a semi-futuristic tale about cloning and such. So, at the least, we’ll get a ton of fun explosions and cool-looking action scenes. Ewan McGregor should be on fire right now, and Johansson definitely is. Both are good to great at what they do, and their performances here will probably be no different. The material is iffy, as a lot of people have gotten to the point they really, really can’t stand Bay (See one J. Kern) but the cast is soild and this could be another surprise hit of the summer. The trailer definitely raises interest, as it shows the twist but not much more of the plot. The montage of scenes chosen are excellent, especially the one with Michael Clark Duncan being dragged away. Not too many spoilers and it didn’t even seem that long, so good stuff overall.
Overall Rating: 7
The plot according to Yahoo: Lisa Reisert hates to fly, but the terror that awaits her on the night flight to Miami has nothing to do with a fear of flying. Moments after takeoff, Lisa’s seatmate, Jackson menacingly reveals the real reason he’s on board: He is an operative in a plot to kill a rich and powerful businessman, and Lisa is the key to its success. If she refuses to cooperate, an assassin awaiting a call from Jackson will kill her father. Trapped within the confines of a jet at 30,000 feet, Lisa has nowhere to run and no way to summon help without endangering her father, her fellow passengers and her own life. As the miles tick by, Lisa knows she is running out of time. She desperately looks for a way to thwart her ruthless captor and stop a terrible murder.
Length: 1:47
Spoilerish: 4
Release: August 19th, 2005
Analysis: You know, I know I had heard of this at one point, and I think I saw the trailer in front of a recent flick. Ah well, doesn’t matter. What does matter is that this looks mighty interesting and creepy. Wes Craven has some work to do to shake off the abomination that was Cursed, and who knows, this might do the trick. The trailer isn’t too long, and it doesn’t show much of anything, really, except how the two main characters got to where they…erm, will be most of the film. No plot is given away, just some mysterious and chilling lines spoken. It’s a mysterious trailer meant to get people talking a little bit for now, and it succeeds, until the next trailer anyway (the film opens a long way away from today).
Overall Rating: 6.5
The plot according to Yahoo: A documentary look at “krumping,” a dance-form emanating from the streets of South Central Los Angeles, with movements including quick syncopated body gyrations fast enough to warrant a disclaimer that the film was not sped up. It centers around “Tommy the Clown,” and focuses on the form of an expression as a positive alternative to the stereotypical hip-hop images and criminal pursuits.
Length: 2:04
Spoilerish: N/A (Documentary)
Release: June 24th, 2005 (Limited)
Analysis: An upcoming documentary about a dance craze called “krumping” that’s become pretty popular in South Central LA, apparently. Pretty amazing stuff if those guys are really moving as fast as they claim. Documentary, so the usual applies. If you’re remotely interested in the material, check out the trailer to decide if it’s your thing.
Overall Rating: 5
The plot according to Yahoo: This is the story of Danny (Li), a slave who has lived his whole life without any sort of normal human education, with the mind and personality of a young child, with only one lesson learned: how to fight. Treated like a dog by his owner/boss, Bart (Hoskins) which includes having to wear a collar, Danny has been raised to be a lethal fighting machine who fights in illegal gladiator-style fight clubs, where he earns lots of money for Bart as the undisputed champion. After a car accident that lands Bart in a coma, however, Danny meets a kind elderly blind piano tuner (Freeman) on the run because he knows secrets some bad guys don’t want known, who uses music to teach Danny some things about the world and about being human…
Length: 1:02
Spoilerish: 6.5
Release: May 13th, 2005
Analysis: This is actually a shorter version of the original trailer, and this one works much better. It’s concise and crisp, showing the audience just what they need to see with this movie. It’s action packed with a nice little story and an excellent cast. Interestingly enough, even this version gives away a nice chunk of the film, so you can imagine what the first trailer showed (an extra minute and a half, for those of you who haven’t seen it). I’d check the film out based on this trailer, as I’m sure others will too, and it’s definitely something to keep an eye on. Thumbs up.
Overall Rating: 6
Trailers for Films Opening This Very Weekend! (Weekend of April 22nd, 2005)
The Plot according to Yahoo: Anthony Anderson stars as Malcolm King, a wealthy and arrogant businessman whose ex-wife to be has plans to take him for everything he’s worth in their divorce settlement. Determined to avoid losing his fortune to her, Malcolm plans his own kidnapping with the help of his dim-witted mistress and her ex-con brother. Unfortunately for Malcolm, he is not the only one with a kidnapping plot.
Length: 1:58
Spoilerish: 6.5
Analysis: The trailer for a comedy is always hard to do. Jay Mohr and Anthony Anderson are very funny guys if given the right material, and the trailer shows them really clicking with each other. It’s funny and actually makes you forget about the fact people have seen this concept a hundred different times. It doesn’t run too, too long but does give away a nice handful of some of the funnier scenes of the movie. It doesn’t really give away most of the plot, in a coherent way anyway, so brownie points for that. Slightly above average overall, but it made me laugh, so that counts for something a little extra.
Overall Rating: 6.0
The plot according to Yahoo: It takes some people years to fall in love at first sight. A LOT LIKE LOVE is a romantic comedy about destiny, connection and the frequently fuzzy line between chance friendships and happily ever after. A LOT LIKE LOVE traces the relationship of Oliver (Ashton Kutcher) and Emily (Amanda Peet) who met on a flight from Los Angeles to New York seven years ago – each of them declaring that they couldn’t be more wrong for each other.
Length: 2:25
Spoilerish: 7
Analysis: I like Amanda Peet. I don’t hate Ashton Kutcher. I’m a sap who digs a good love story, so this trailer really appeals to me. Everything looks good – the acting, the story, the atmosphere. And yet I hate this trailer. Why? Well, it’s another one of those ‘run through the plot’ trailers. This one gives away almost everything. I’m sure there are plenty of romantic giggles and gags in the film, but the core story, the overall plot, is handed to viewers in two and a half minutes, and that’s a shame. I’ve seen most of what I need to see in this one, and that really sucks.
Overall Rating: 3.0
The plot according to Yahoo: Kidman stars as African-born U.N. interpreter Silvia Broome, who inadvertently overhears a death threat against an African head of state scheduled to address the United Nation’s General Assembly. Realizing she’s become a target of the assassins as well, Silvia’s desperate to thwart the plot…if only she can survive long enough to get someone to believe her. Sean Penn is Tobin Keller, the federal agent charged with protecting the interpreter, who nonetheless suspects she may not be telling the whole truth. Silvia and Tobin, by nature, see life from different points of view: one, a U.N. interpreter, believes in the power and sanctity of words; the other, a Secret Service agent, believes in reading people based on their behavior, no matter what is said.
Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 6.5
Analysis: Well, the plot seems good. Sort of. The actors are award winners, so that’s good. And yet, this trailer just…it’s boring. It seems run of the mill, despite trying hard to be mysterious and intense. Kidman and Penn, who usually deliver amazing performances, just put me to sleep here. It’s weird. I can’t totally explain it, and maybe the film will be different as a final product, but the trailer is pretty disappointing overall. Or maybe I’m just going nuts.
Overall Rating: 3.0
The Number One Movie in America!
Every week, I’ll take the number one movie in America and put its trailer here, just in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet (or you just loves the trailer).
The plot according to Yahoo : On November 14, 1974, police received a frantic phone call that led them to a nightmarish crime scene at the Defeo residence in Amityville, Long Island – an entire family had been slaughtered in their beds. In the days that followed, Ronald Defeo confessed to methodically shooting his parents and four siblings while they slept, claiming “voices” in the house drove him to commit the grisly murders. One year later, George and Kathy Lutz and their three children moved into the house thinking it would be their dream home. But shortly after settling in, bizarre and unexplainable events began to occur to the family as George was plagued by nightmarish visions and haunting voices from the evil presence still lurking within the residence. 28 days after moving in, the Lutzes abandoned the home – lucky to escape with their lives.
Length: 2:31
Spoilerish: 5.0
Analysis: Ugh. Talk about a trailer making you feel all excited for a movie and then delivering less than a dud. This film is total dreck, and the trailer hides it well. Watching it again, it still doesn’t spoil too much, but damn if it doesn’t set you up for some major disappointment. I mean seriously, the trailer, a series of chopped together scenes rushed through in two and a half minutes, is more coherent and makes more sense than the film. Good trailer, sub-par film. I am bitter. Sue me.
Overall Rating: 7.5 (trailer) 4 (movie)
Debating that DVD purchase? Check out the trailer first!
Yupp, each week, I’ll take the new, major DVD release(s) and put the trailer here too. Just to help you decide how to spend that cash or remind you about a movie, in case you forgot ^_^
The plot according to Yahoo: Having given permission to male nurse Greg Focker (Stiller) to wed his daughter (Polo), ex-CIA man Jack Byrnes (De Niro) and his wife (Danner) travel to Detroit to “meet the parents”, who this time around are Mr. and Mrs. Focker (Hoffman and Streisand), who are as different from them as can be.
Length: 2:26
Spoilerish: 5.0
Analysis: Well, here’s a nice little sequel to add to your comedy collection. This movie was great – not only did it make me laugh real hard, but it made my dad bust a gut, and he hasn’t been out to a movie in, well, a long time (Men in Black, if I recall). It’s really a movie for teens and adults, as the jokes are for the youth and the…erm, not so youth. Perhaps not as great as the first, but for a sequel, it does a pretty nice job. Check out the trailer and if you so much as chuckle, give this at least a rental.
Overall Rating : 7.5
Wrapping it Up
So, that’ll do it for another week. Any thoughts or comments, send them my way, and, as usual,
Until next time…..
