This week’s Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say is brought to you by:
Amstel Light, Time-Warner Cable and Angry People Like Me!
Hmmm, I seem to be slipping into a deep funk lately. You see, I can’t seem to get the simplest of jobs. I have sent out well over 1,000 resumes since I moved here to NYC, but no one is calling. Even when I call, no one is calling me back.
Hell, I went to Tower Records today, about an application and resume I submitted almost two weeks (!) ago, and today, they finally had the decency to tell me that I might not get the position. See, it appears that they only want to hire someone with “Tower Records” experience, which means I am screwed. I worked for the anti-Christ of music retailers; the company that EVERYONE hates for 3 years, and I don’t get props for dealing with there asinine hierarchical bullshit. No, I get slammed for being there at all.
It’s been 4 years since I graduated college, and not one offer for a decent job?
Is it just me? Anyone else working 9-5 for little pay because they are “over-qualified?” I hear that nonsense constantly.
It is meant to be comforting and let you know that people “at those other jobs” would be DE-freaking-LIGHTED to hire such a charismatic and charming fellow.
Those folks don’t call me either. Ever. Best offer I ever got? Why, that would be the YMCA gig in CT. At least I would have had a desk!
So, I started drinking early today. Now that the bitterness is kicking in, I am going to deliver the goods.
In a language learned…
Remember kids: Ssquared doesn’t report the news for a simple reason; he doesn’t know how.
Let’s pretend for a minute I have some journalistic integrity, eh?
This here is the Central Park Summer Stage Schedule for 2005. Toby Bonagura already reported this much better than I ever could, but I felt like reminding you all again.
Sat, 06/04/05
05:30 PM The Killers
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 12:00 PM
Mon, 06/20/05
05:30 PM Modest Mouse
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 12:00 PM
Wed, 06/29/05
04:30 PM David Byrne
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 09:00 AM
Thu, 07/14/05
04:30 PM Dinosaur Jr
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 12:00 PM
Mon, 07/18/05
07:30 PM Lyle Lovett
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 10:00 AM
Tue, 07/19/05
06:00 PM Elvis Costello & the Imposters Featuring Vocalist Emmylou Harris
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 12:00 PM
Thu, 08/18/05
05:30 PM Death Cab for Cutie
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 12:00 PM
Thu, 09/01/05
04:30 PM Bob Weir and Ratdog
on sale:
Sat, 04/23/05 10:00 AM
All tickets go on sale this Saturday (4/23/05). I guess I won’t be seeing Elvis Costello or the Killers, as I have NO job.
No job = no dough. No dough = no rent money. No rent = girlfriend kills me.
Mike Eagle has quickly become the most kickass man on the ‘Pulse. His last Letters From The FreakLoud is fantastic.
I swear on my big ass head that I am not just saying that. I mean it. Mike is a super-awesome dude to begin with, and his points about the “dumbing down” of Hip-Hop are right on. When my grandmother recognizes songs and the artists who have released them, it shows just how un-cool rap music has become. In fact, its lame as hell these days, and I can’t stand it anymore. Rap was for the urban community what punk and metal are to angry white kids, it was a great form of artistic self-expression that got raped by money hungry octogenarians in their bid for the all-mighty dollar. Friggin’ white people! (btw, I AM white. Screw writing angry letters about this shit. I don’t care. White folks steal more shit than a New Jersey hooker with a blackjack.) We stole R&B, made it “rock.” We stole slave hymns, and called it “the blues.” Hell, we took the bandanas that young, black gang members wore as a sign of solidarity, and made it a friggin’ fashion statement.
So, before I continue, this is my message to all the young white kids out there: we can’t be black. There is no “being” black. In fact, being “black” isn’t something even a black man or woman or child can do. It’s who we are and where we grow up that make us what society (read: racist motherf*ckers) decides to label us. Wear a wife beater and live in/near the city? You’re a thug. Own flannel and drive a Camaro or a pick-up? You’re a hillbilly. Think about it, ever heard of a “redneck” from Connecticut?
The most important thing a child can learn is to question everything they don’t agree with. Not just curfews and allowances. Ask your parents about Affirmative Action. If you don’t agree with Mom and Dad, listen to someone who used those groundbreaking laws to better their life. I bet you’ll see the world a little differently.
But be yourself. Wear dorky clothes. Hang out with the kids that smoke cigarettes by the cemetery. Have “emo” hair. They’re all just labels anyway. And tell anyone who disagrees with you to “f*ck off.” They aren’t worth your time, and at your ten-year high school graduation, we’ll see how far the assholes got. My guess is that it’s not very far.
As for Mr. Eagle, here’s a little of his column:
Every week there’s a world famous hip-hop open mic spot called Project Blowed. It’s probably the livest three dollar hip-hop show in the universe and its located smack dab in the middle of South LA. But if you were to go around the corner and ask a patron of the also-famous Baldwin Hills-Crenshaw Plaza if they’ve ever heard of the Blowed they’d more than likely think you were asking about some chronic.
The dude just makes me smile. There is justice, but it takes time.
This is why Mike Eagle is my pick for InsidePulse.com’s Music Writer of the Week! That man just cracks me up, makes me think, and rules as hard, if not much, much harder, than yours truly. In fact, I will plug some news he has posted as well.
That proves that it’s not just the beer talking:
I’m Afraid of Americans
Oh look, a review by Michaelangelo that shouldn’t offend J-Lo fans all that much. He was fair and impartial. Damn it, McCullar, you should have given her a 2.0, on principle alone. Jennifer Lopez’ best days were as a Fly Girl. Don’t pretend otherwise. Seeing as McCullar has churned out at least 35 reviews for just about every single zone here at InsidePulse.com, I don’t think J-Blo haters like myself will hold it against him.
I just get scared that a Mathan Erhardt fan mind slip out and buy that shit “for his girl.” That worries me, it really does.
Friends DON’T let friends like J-Lo.
I don’t know who this guy is, but it appears that Spin Magazine has their sites set on him. I do have a problem with the piece, though. It reads:
Luke Temple could be the latest in a line of Jeff Buckley interpreters. He sustains the same pretty-yet-despondent tenor, and touches on the same subject matter: abandoned lovers, cruel acts of God, unrequited longing.
Not possible. There will NEVER be another Jeff Buckley. Once the act is done once, anyone who sounds like him, and admits to being a fan of his, to borrow a term from the world of Hip-Hop, is “biting.”
Just a thought.
This isn’t to say that this guy, Luke Temple, couldn’t be good, but don’t put that burden on him. Jeff Buckley had one album, and by his fans, myself included, he is revered as a god. That’s a big torch to carry, so let the fans hand it to him, not Spin.
And that was “Yet Another Reason Ssquared No Longer Buys Spin Magazine.”
Last bit o’ news that I get to choose:
Big props to this guy, as I would never have thought that a Hasidic Jew would have the lyrical chops to put out a quality reggae track. I guess I was wrong. Matisyahu, originally from Crown Heights, Brooklyn, evidentally found somewhere in the Old Testament, that “rocking out” to Rastafarian beats and Judaism were meant to go well together.
I read that shit cover to cover. All I realized was once again, white folks stole all the damn good ideas from someone else.
The only way I could be shocked there was if it turned out that baseball wasn’t invented in my hometown of Ballston Spa, New York…wait, they found what? When did this hap…son of a bitch! I need to read the paper more.
Is my whole life a lie?
Nope. My girl thinks I am funny, even when you guys don’t. I appreciate you hanging out with me, though.
Want a soda? A soda…
There now, it’s all good.
Owner of a Lonely Heart, Much Better Than A…
Michael Chadwick rocks hard, and not just because he admitted that he reads my stuff. It’s really because he used MY name one time, followed by Gloomchen’s. I felt alive for a moment, and then I realized it was all a dream and no one else cared.
Tom D’Errico got rid of all of his Korn CDs. He could have done what I did when I first heard Korn: changed the station. Yeah, I truly hate that band; they just always did blow chunks. Oh, and they stole “Fight the Power” from Public Enemy. Fucking white people…sometimes I am ashamed to be one. However, my MOM is a pretty cool white person, so it can’t be all that bad, I guess.
Come to think of it, things could be worse.
Gloomy made my buddy Salty’s week.
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?
They both come on little crackers!
He almost spit milk out of his nose. Hilarity could have ensued. Then we found out that the guitarist from American Head Charge died. It was friggin’ weird, as we were just talking about them.
My thoughts and prayers go out to the family, friends, and fans of Bryan Ottoson. I actually met them when I was doing the “meet and greet” events for my old company. Just really unfortunate.
Aaron Cameron’s wife thinks I am either “porn star or a pervert.” I hope I didn’t send the Bootleg’s the Christmas card that I meant to send to Widro! Any way you look at it, I am doomed to one day hear his son utter the words, “You’re Ssquared? Mommy says you’re a bad man.” Hey, if he stays that stinkin’ cute, I will take it and grin.
And demand to be paid for the pizza. No hand-outs here, Bootlegs.
Last but not least, Jeff Fernandez coerced PK, resident figures genius, into calling me a rabbit. Damn word association.
Oh well. At least I wasn’t a jackass!
That’s it for this week. Until next week, keep it real!
Ssquared
