OPENERS
Slightly late today, as I had to shop for birthday gifts for my little sister (Disney and Square’s PS2 game Kingdom Hearts, which is an AWESOME game) and my mother (a DVD player). For myself, I hunted the bargin bin and found Star Trek: First Contact (Special Collector’s Edition) and Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke. I think a review of the latter would be appropriate for me, no?
THE ANTI-SPYWARE SECTION
As previously helmed by one Eric Szulczewski, I’ve taken the liberty of taking the text and links from his Anti-Spyware section, and put it up on a page of it’s own, here. After spending three hours killing the “Desktop Search” crap from my singer’s computer, I feel that information like this is too good to be left out. So there ya go. UPDATE: Firefox has released version 1.0.3, to fix some security issues that cropped up recently. Get it here.
QUICK HITS
Ok, I’ll be the first to admit – I don’t go and look at EVERYTHING that goes on Inside the Pulse. I do try to play “catch up on the weekend,” but sometime things just slip past me. Last week, I put a poll over at the forums, and one Mr. James Hatton, writer of the “Monday Night Rabble” (AKA The other RAW guy) chimes in with “I dig your reviews CJ – that’s why you get pimped nearly every Rabble…” Of course, I had to go look, and sure enough, he gave me a little shout-out in his Rabble. I tell him thanks, and he replies with: “You had no idea I was doing that, did you…
YOU DON’T READ ME YOU HEATHEN BASTARD!”
I was MORTIFIED!
I mean, I never even HEARD of him.
…
But seriously folks, I read the one from last week, and it was good. It’s a unique* way of blending the action on TV with the re-action (har) of a group watching it. I also dig the comic, WRESTLING WITH THE RABBLE, which is a neat idea. So good do I find this column in fact, that I believe just saying so isn’t going to be enough. No friends, I cannot limit the greatness that is this piece of literary genius to a mere few words in an introduction. No, the Internet, nay, the WORLD must be told of what is sure to become the next Pulitzer Prize winning adventure of our heroes on the small screen:
* By “unique” I mean “very good,” and should really be checked out. I also hope James takes this as the lousy joke that it was intended to be, and with it, a little bit of thanks for the plugs. And I hope that you guys go check out a damn good column.
SMACK this! (or, I get paid DOUBLE for this!)
One world, two brands, three times is too much to watch ANYTHING.
We get the opening, but no fireworks, and no fist! BEST.SMACKDOWN.EVER. We are TAPED in NY at Madison Square Garden; it’s WWE SmackDown! The show is using the RAW set, since RAW was live from MSG as well this past Monday. I mean, I understand the logistics of running two shows, but it’s still strange to see. JBL’s music hits as Cole as Tazz welcome us and that fickle MSG crowd to the show. JBL still has the old title belt. He’s going to offer commentary on the first match.
WWE Championship Series: The Big Show vs Booker T. Booker greets his wife on the way to the ring. Kurt Angle’s music hits, and Angle walks out to share the guest commentary spot. He casts a withering glance at Booker’s wife on his way over, probably in response to getting told off by her last week. I’m shocked that the writers even pay attention to that stuff. Angle and JBL argue as Show shoves Booker down after a lockup. Show escapes a waistlock with the butt shot (?) and headbutts Booker. Show sends Booker HARD to the corner. Show picks Booker up just to headbutt him down again. Show with a forearm or so, but Booker tries to make the comeback, so Show shuts him down again. Booker is sent for the ride, but he ducks a clothesline and chops the big tree down with some kicks to the leg. Show shoves Booker away, but Booker comes back and pounds Show into the corner. Booker hits rights and a chop, but Show takes offence to that and turns Booker around, kicking him in the gut. Show motions “Shhhh” to the crowd, and lays into Booker over with an open handed chop. Um, OW. Angle says he’d rather face…neither. I love it. He’s not trying to be cute; just Angle facing reality. Show hiplocks Booker across the ring, the hits a running clothesline and goes for a cover. Show gets a two count as Angle and JBL discuss the merits of a double DQ, eliminating one man in the series final. Show gets another two off his guillotine leg drop. Show is signaling for the chokeslam, but Booker hits a few boots and chops before Show catches him on the hop with a reverse kick. Show rushes Booker with another boot, but Booker drops down, and Show crotches himself on the top rope. Bookend by Booker T! But it only gets two. Angle and JBL are impressed with the power. A missile dropkick from the top gets two as well. Booker with an enziguri and clotheslines Show out of the ring, and Angle and JBL see their opportunity, and take out Show and Booker, drawing the double DQ. Ack. Just when it was starting to get good. * 1/2. Kind of a cheesy way to get out of a face vs face match, if you ask me. But Angle and JBL’s bickering back and forth during the match was just fantabulous. Post match, Show gets a few shots in before Angle and JBL bail. Our SD! GM, TL comes out and says that next week will not be a triple threat, but instead will be a fatal four-way. But the night’s not over for these four – later tonight, JBL and Angle will face Booker T. and the Big Show!
Next, Eddy is on the Cabana!
Commercials.
Carlito is out for Carlito’s Cabana! He gets a CARLITO chant. He gets a pop for NYC and MSG, but he says it’s not cool. He has no problem take a bite out of the big apple, and spit it all of their faces. A fairly obvious ASSHOLE chant breaks out, which is covered up by production. This is Coolness 101! He says the people of NYC need to play it cool, unlike his guest, Latino Heat, Eddie Guerrero! HUGE EDDY chant! Carlito is happy to have Eddy on the Cabana, but it’s too bad he wasn’t here last week to save Rey from the MNM beatdown. Eddy says he knows what Carlito is trying to do, but Carlito says he would never tell Eddy about what happened last week. He would rather show him! Replay-O-Matic shows Rey costing Eddy his match. Eddy almost cuts a Rocky like, promo, and gets an Eddy chant for it. The real reason Eddy is out here is to explain to Rey his actions, so he’s asking Rey to come out. Rey walks out apprehensively, waiting for Eddy’s explanation. Eddy says that the footage brought up some feelings; last year, he was standing in MSG with the WWE Championship. But this year, it’s gone. He realizes he was being selfish. He cost Rey his shot, and last week he was having car troubles. He wants to extend his hand to him and say he’s sorry, and to forgive him. Rey hesitates, but Eddy is pleading. Rey finally accepts, and they embrace. Backstage, MNM interrupts and challenges Eddy and Rey for the titles. Eddy says to come challenge them face-to-face. MNM has a better idea; they’ll wait by Eddy’s lowrider. But, “if you can;t find us, we’ll just leave our calling card.” They spray paint MNM on the hood and leave. Eddy and Rey run to the back, to save the…
Commercials.
During the break, Eddy and Rey lament about the car. MNM will pay. Tonight! Meanwhile…
Backstage, Steve Romero interviews a returning Matt Morgan, and asks him about being nervous about his first ever match at MSG. Morgan does this weird, speech impediment type promo. Silly, especially since we know he can talk. Ok, the facial tick on “destroy” was kind of funny. Meanwhile…
Orlando Jordan rallies the Bashams to take care of Cena after OJ takes care of him. He’s really kind of being a jerk about it, being the US Champ and all. After OJ leaves, the Danny says he’s getting real sick of this…
Commercials.
Tonight, the Tag Team Championship: Eddy and Rey vs MNM!
Jobbers on TV in the New Millennium: Matt Morgan vs Some Pasty Guy. Morgan asks the kid is he’s laughing at him, then tosses him into the corner. Morgan sends Guy to the other side and hits a big boot on the way back. He asks Guy if it’s still funny, and sends him to the corner front first, clotheslining Guy from the back. Morgan lays in a boot, and puts him in a neck vice, but Guy tries to elbow out, and takes a side slam. Morgan starts with a suplex, but turns it into a chokeslam back the other way for the win. DUD. It’s better when Heidy does it, but I’ll bet that inside a month, Heidy and Morgan are out cutting a promo on each other.
Backstage, JBL and Angle bicker on their way to the tag match, next! Well, after these…
Commercials.
Russo-Riffic “Book it on-the-fly” Tag Match: John Bradshaw Layfield & Kurt Angle vs The Big Show & Booker T. Next week, we’ll have the Fatal Four Way. You ever notice how they have a “triple threat,” a “fatal four-way,” and a “six-pack challenge,” but nothing for five? I wonder why that is? Anywho, JBL and Angle are still sniping at each other. JBL and Booker start it out. Booker tags in Show right away. JBL tries to slug him, but Show shrugs it off kicks JBL into the corner. Show sends JBL to the other side HARD, and then hits JBL with an open handed chop. Again, OW. Show hits a snap (?) suplex and a headbutt. Show puts JBL into the corner, and does the “Shhhh” and big chop spot again. I dig that spot. JBL tries to fight big, but is reversed on whip in, and eats the same boot that Booker chowed on earlier. Show eats one of his own on a blind charge, but catches JBL flying off the top rope, and hits a fallaway slam! Watch Angle laugh on the apron as this happens. JBL tags Angle in. Angle tries a single leg, but Show just stomps his foot to toss Angle off. Angle fights and gets a side headlock, but Show powers him to the corner; well it’s a big slap for Angle. Show does it again, but with the “Shhh” spot. Show drags Angle back to the corner to tag in Booker. Booker stomps on Angle, but Angle kicks Booker, and hits a headlock take down on Booker. Angle sent for the ride off the headlock, but he knocks Booker down with a shoulder. Angle is on the hop, and walks into a hiplock. JBL comes in and takes one of his own. A clothesline for Angle, ditto for JBL. Booker sends JBL for the ride and hits a leg lariat. But Angle is in from behind, and nails Booker with a German suplex, keeping the arms locked. Angle goes for number two, but Booker blocks, and as JBL charges, Booker ducks, leaving JBL to knock Angle down. Booker takes over on JBL with rights and chops, but is reversed on a whip in, and Angle pulls down the top rope, low bridging Booker to the outside. Show chases Angle away, which allows JBL to slam Booker’s head into the STEEL step, near where Booker’s wife is sitting. Show comes back for JBL, and Angle goes out to drag Booker back in. Some stomps and a suplex by Angle get two. JBL gets the tag, and punches Booker in the corner. A swinging neck breaker gets two. Angle tags back in and lays on some euro uppercuts. A backbreaker by Angle also gets two. Angle snapmares Booker over, and puts him into a reverse bearhug. Cole announces the Draft Lottery will happen next month. Cripes, I’m just getting used to the SD roster as it is. Argh. Booker fights out with elbows and goes on the hop, but Angle gets a knee and a pair of two counts. An Angle Slam is countered by Booker, who hits Angle with rights, but Angle gets an eyeble and tags in JBL. JBL draws Show in, so the heels double team, and JBL gets a rope assisted two count. JBL makes the Longhorns, going for a powerbomb, but Booker backdrops JBL out. JBL hits a BIG boot and drops three elbows for a two count. Angle gets tagged back in with a belly-to-belly throw on Booker. Angle puts Booker in a body scissors, as the crowd rallies. Booker fights around and out with a kick and lands some chops. Booker is sent for the ride, but ducks a clothesline and kicks Angle to hit a DDT! The ten count is on; Angle tags JBL, and Booker tags Show. Show with rights and headbutts on both. He hits a double splash into the corner, followed by flying shoulder blocks. JBL is in the goozle, but Angle sneaks up from behind and gets an Angle Slam, and the straps are down! Booker hits Angle with a crescent kick, But JBL hits a BIG boot and knocks him down. JBL is ready for the clothesline from hell! As he goes for it, Show catches him in the goozle, as Angle has had enough, and walks out on the match. JBL tries to fight them both, but Show hits a headbutt takes an axe kick from Booker. Chokeslam by Show, and it gets the three. ** 1/4. Better on a second viewing, since I missed a small section during the live recap.
Still to come, Champion vs Champion: Cena vs OJ!
Commercials.
Heidenreich comes out. He says he spent the last few days in NYC, and he made some friends, including, the Brooklyn Brawler?!? The Brawler comes out, and Heidy says that the Brawler is his friend, and was inspired to write a disaster-piece for him:
My Friend
by Heidenreich
I have spent a lifetime, looking for a friend
I have traveled far and wide, never knowing where the road might end
Well, now the end is finally near, the Brooklyn Brawler is standing here
Right smack down, in the middle of the mecca, of sports entertainment
Madison Square Garden!
And that was a poem, by Heidenreich!
It was quite nice I think, but the Brawler thought it stunk. He says it was embarrassing, and the only thing worse was the Yankees losing to the Red Sox last year. He’s embarrassed to be a NY’er, so he takes off the Yankees shirt, and underneath is a Red Sox shirt. He puts on a hat, and says he wants to be known as the Boston Brawler. Heidy says if he’s not friends with the people, than he’s not Heidy’s friend! Crazy-man beat-down ensues, which gives Heidy a decent pop. I gotta admit, I’m really starting to enjoy Heidy. Call it my SD! guilty pleasure.
The Replay-O-Matic shows us the vandalism perpetrated by MNM on Eddy’s ride. The tag match is next!
Commercials.
WWE Tag Team Championship: MNM vs Rey Mysterio & Eddie Guerrero (c). MNM gets the red carpet and paparazzi treatment on their entrance. Tazz pimps Malina’s entrance, and I have to agree. If JR were to deflect the comment, it would seem normal, due to JR delivery. When Cole does it, he sounds like a cold fish. Eddy drives the painted car out, but doesn’t show it off. Eddy chases the guys and grabs Nitro outside and hits a right on Mercury. Nitro hits a couple of rights, but Eddy counters with a boot and some rights of his own. He ends him for the ride, and Eddy hits a back body drop on Nitro, who bails to the outside. Mercury comes in a gets atomic dropped by Eddy, then gets headscissored out by Rey as we head to…
Commercials.
We’re back, and Eddy is working on Nitro, and then tags in Rey. Rey hits a pair of kicks and a forearm. Rey sends Nitro for the ride and drops down, and gets two off a dropkick. Tag to Eddy, who helios in for two. Eddy with a chop and a front facelock. A belly-to-back by Eddy gets two. Nitro hits Eddy with a shot to the throat, and makes his way over for the tag. Mercury takes over in the corner as an EDDY chant fires up. Eddy sent to the other side, but moves out of a blind charge and dropkicks Mercury down. Mercury back body drops Eddy over, but he lands on the apron. Eddy hits a shoulder on Mercury and Nitro tries to distract, but Eddy knocks Nitro down as Mercury nails Eddy to the floor while Nitro recovers and sends him back in. Nitro tags in and nails Eddy with some forearms, getting a two count on the cover. Mercury tags back in and MNM do a double gut-buster on Eddy, but it only gets two. Mercury works an armbar as the crowd gets behind Eddy. Eddy shoulders and elbows his way out, but Mercury shuts him down as Eddy goes on the hop, but takes a knee and two count. Mercury puts Eddy in an abdominal stretch, but Eddy tilt-a-whirls into a sloppy backbreaker and makes the tag to Rey! Rey knocks Nitro off the apron, then goes to work on Mercury, getting a springboard moonsault on him for two. Mercury with the backdrop, but Rey also lands on the apron, and shoulders Mercury, following with a seated Senton that gets two. Nitro saves and MNM double teams Rey with another double gut buster. Eddy breaks up a cover attempt, and tosses Nitro outside. Eddy hits the Three Amigos on Mercury, and launches Rey into a dropkick to the back of Mercury, setting up the 619. Rey goes for the 619, but Malina puts herself in the way, so Rey stops. Eddy jumps out after her, so Malina jumps on Eddy and buries his face in her breatasists. I gotta admit, that’s a hell of a way to distract an opponent. Meanwhile, MNM gets a their double DDT impaler on Rey for the three and the titles. **. Not a bad match, actually, and MNM looked competent, if not a bit plain. I’d say it’s too soon for the titles, but God knows someone had to get the titles off Eddy and Rey so they can do the breakup angle they’ve been teasing for what seems like years now. Post match, Eddy and Rey argue about the loss, and Eddy shoves Rey down. Eddy goes to leave, but Rey goes out and stops Eddy. Rey shoves Eddy down, as the crowd seems confused.
The RAW Rebound, showing the HHH vs JR match. Batista shows up beats up HHH with a chair, giving JR the victory. READ THE FREAKING RABBLE! OY OY OY!
Next, Champion vs Champion!
Commercials.
Backstage, MNM celebrate their win.
Cena comes out to speak, but first, a CENA chant. That is the sound of Staten Island, Queens, Brooklyn, The Bronx, etc. Here’s another CENA chant. He says NYC has been built on tradition – the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and MSG. NYers are fighters, and tonight there will be a fight! US Champion faces the WWE Champion, and tonight, they will overcome. “Orlando Jordan, listen to the sound of the NYC Chain Gang! If you want some, come get some!” Hey, a decent promo from Cena! The match will be right after these…
Commercials.
Main Event: Champion vs Champion: WWE Champion John Cena vs WWE US Champion Orlando Jordan. This is non-title. Doug Basham comes out with Jordan, but Danny said earlier that he was sick of taking orders. A lockup, and OJ gets a side headlock. He gets sent for the ride and shoulders Cena down. OJ is on the hop, but Cena leapfrogs him and shoulders OJ down. Cena with rights in the corner, then sends OJ to the other side, following with a clothesline. OJ is sent back to the opposite corner, but gets up a boot in time for the BLIND charge. OJ takes over with rights and lefts, but mocking Cena gets him turned around, and Cena all but stomps a mudhole in OJ. Cena mugs for the crowd and goes for OJ, but Doug is on the apron with the distraction. Cena nails him, but gets DDT’d by OJ. OJ with some boots and works over Cena in the corner. A whip to the ropes and Cena eats a big clothesline, but kicks out after two. Cena sent to the corner again, but he reverses OJ and hits an awful looking Y2J bulldog on the way back. Cena hits an inverted atomic drop and a scoop slam and an elbow for two. OJ is sent for the ride and takes a BAAAAAAAAAACK bodydrop. Cena goes after OJ, but is pulled through the ropes to the outside. Doug works over Cena and sends him back in while OJ distracts the referee. OJ with rights on Cena as a “lets go Cena” chant starts. Cena is snapmared over and eats some more rights form OJ. He gets a cover, but doesn’t hook a leg, and Cena kicks out after two. OJ hooks on a reverse bearhug. Cena fights up and out with some forearms, and reverses to a suplex. The ten count is on, and Cena blocks OJ with a bunch of rights, a boot, a headbutt and a pair of power clotheslines. Cena hits a sloppy Japanese armdrag and his silly spinning sideslam. Cena’s gonna pump up, but Doug is on the apron, but Cena knocks him down. Five Knuckle Shuffle on OJ! Doug is up top, but Cena kicks him on the way down and hands him an FU for his troubles. OJ is on the other top rope, but Cena crotches him. Cena is going for a superplex, but Danny Basham pops up and nails Cena with the title while the ref is distracted with Doug. OJ hits the top rope elbow, but he only gets two. He tries another quick cover, but Cena Hulks up as Danny gets on the apron. Cena hits a bunch of rights, but OJ gets a thumb to the eye. OJ sends him for the ride but Cena reverses and sends OJ into Danny, knocking the Basham off the apron, to the floor. OJ walks into an FU, and Cena gets the three. *. One word to describe this mess: yucky. But Cena is at least somewhat over, and seems to be doing better promos, so it’s not really hurting the company. Cena celebrates as we go off the air.
This was a show that was just kind of there. The setup for the fatal four-way was nice, but I think Angle right now is the only one who can carry Cena to a decent match on the next SD PPV. The good news is, if they DO turn Eddy, after he finishes up with Rey, he can go after Cena. Eddy vs Cena for SummerSlam would be killer, since Cena CAN work, as long as his opponent is better. THAT, I can get into. More Double Dips, next week!
