When it comes to professional wrestling “talent”, Vince McMahon has always favored wrestlers with size and/or physique over those with skills in the ring and on the microphone. That’s no secret. Vince is a bodybuilder at heart, and even as a senior citizen, he still has a thicker build than many of his own wrestlers. Considering his recent double-quad tears, you have to believe he’s still on the juice. Thanks to Vince’s muscle-head fetish, the WWE roster continues to suffer from this obsession with physical attributes over ability.
TODAY’S ISSUE: Roster Decisions
Meanwhile, “smaller” men on the roster (those under 6’3″ and 260lbs.) wallow in ridiculous gimmicks or lack of respect from the bookers, regardless of their ability to entertain a crowd. Nova’s playing the second coming of BodyDonna Skip, even though Maven has a much better build for that gimmick, and Nick Dinsmore got called up to the big leagues to portray a mentally challenged wrestler. Moreover, Trish selected Viscera as backup in her war against Kane and Lita. That role could have allowed a performer with charisma and athletic ability endless possibilities for advancement (I’d have enjoyed seeing Sean O’Haire play that part). Being Trish’s “chosen one” might have launched the next breakout star, but instead we’re treated to the 17th return of Mabel. (Well, he is BIG!)
For my money, Matt Hardy is a talented all-around professional wrestler, and one of my favorites as well. He’s exciting and dynamic in the ring, he has more than acceptable mic skills (his ‘V1’ gimmick got over quickly), with an athletic and somewhat unique appearance. He had a few catchphrases and a hand-signal that were popular, as well as the “seasoning” on top of his character like his Matt Facts and signature logging-on ring intro.
So what happened? Did Vince actually fire him without a second thought over the Amy Dumas-Adam Copeland affair? If I understand things correctly according to WWE sources, it’s Matt’s fault the live crowds are treating Lita so harshly. V1 is to blame for the actions of his loyal MFers who sympathize with Matt is this situation, because he cleared the air regarding the love triangle publicly, via his website. Also according to the WWE, Matt is limited as a worker and not over with fans. Oh, really? Did you hear the crowd in MSG at Raw last week? They were chanting mad-loco-crazy for V1! With those reactions, just think of the huge money angle Vince has chosen to ignore by letting Matt go.
Speaking of which, how would you “fantasy-book” the WWE return of Matt Hardy? I’m very interested to read your responses – I’ll give credit next week for the best suggestion I receive. E-mail me at: vtruncellito@4sternstaging.com.
I’ll say this much, if Matt Hardy were built like Mark Jindrak, Vince would simply separate Matt from Edge and Lita in the draft lottery, and that would be that. But because Matt’s size doesn’t impress Vince, Hardy is expendable. What a waste. One of the better performers on the Raw side is now a free agent, and I for one have my fingers crossed that Matt will debut in TNA immediately following the end of his 90-day no-compete clause. Hell, if Freak-Boy brother Jeff Hardy can get multiple title shots and a t-shirt for sale in TNA, the future looks bright for V1 in the six-sided ring.
“The Masterpiece” Chris Masters is the epitome of the million-dollar body with the ten-cent brain. Well, that’s not exactly fair – I don’t know the guy, although he does sound pretty dumb when he tries to cut a promo. I do feel comfortable stating that Masters has about a dime’s worth of talent. How many of you would like to have been in Stevie Richards’ boots about a month ago? The poor guy faced off against the lumbering behemoth on Raw, and the Masterpiece missed a double axe-handle to the chest by about 12 inches! Dancin’ Stevie suffered injuries to his cheekbone and nose as a result of Chris Masters’ inability to protect his partner in the ring, which I believe is the number 1 rule in the business. It’s not like they were attempting some complicated highspot; this was a double-fisted strike to the chest, and Masters cracked Richards right in the face!
The $1,000 Masterlock Challenge protects Masters from exposing his weaknesses as an in-ring performer, while keeping him in a prominent position on television. Where’s the upside? If you have to prevent a WRESTER from having to WRESTLE, then maybe you’ve hired the wrong man. The fact that he looks like a Greek god won’t go very far once his thimble full of talent is spent. Can you imagine a record label giving a contract to a singer who can’t really sing, with the marketing plan being to ensure the singer never has to sing in front of anyone?
Inaugural Diva Search winner Christy Hemme is the female equivalent of the Chris Masters type: all show and no go; all sizzle and no steak. The same can be said for the other ridiculous divas on the roster (Candice Michelle, Joy Giovanni, Michelle McCool, Maria Whatever, and That Other One). Meanwhile talented female wrestlers are on the outside looking in. So when Hemme got the women’s championship push towards WrestleMania and later beat Molly Holly on Raw, these were senseless slaps in the face to Nora Greenwald (the wrestler who “portrays” Molly Holly). Greenwald has devoted years to the wrestling business, and has always been a dedicated professional. I completely understand why she chose to request her release. I certainly hope “Mighty Molly” finds success somewhere, or makes a happy life for herself outside of pro wrestling.
Now, I’m all for established veterans putting over new talent in the name of creating future stars, but what’s the payoff to a feud between Christy Hemme and Trish, a big money match at a ppv? Hardly. As anyone who saw WrestleMania 21 can tell you, Hemme is just not ready to perform at that level yet. It’s not her fault she doesn’t belong on the big stage at this point, but it’s the truth. So why get her involved in a huge wrestling angle before she’s prepared? It doesn’t make sense.
Some other poor roster moves, in my humble opinion:
HIRED: Heidenreich (big man who can’t wrestle – no charisma)
FIRED: Sean O’Haire (big man who can wrestle – tons of charisma)
HIRED: Rosey (huge guy, and uh… huge!)
FIRED: *James Gibson (highly skilled, but SMALL)
HIRED: Diva Search castoffs (worthless)
FIRED: Jazz (no silicone, awesome performer) and Gail Kim (has charisma, talent and potential)
HIRED: Jackie Gayda (Tough Enough for what? More redundant SmackDown eye-candy…)
FIRED: Nidia (came a long way – moved to Raw to wrestle before being released)
* I know there was an issue with Jamie-San regarding a fraudulent insurance claim. But is releasing a talented performer the only punishment WWE management knows? Why not de-push him for a few months, but keep him on your roster? What about a fine, or a ban from television? There has to be a way for Vince to punish a capable wrestler besides letting him go to TNA, RoH, Japan, or wherever else they wind up.
What about all the other giants Vince either hired or brought up to the bigs from OVW before they were ready for a prominent role on national television? Off the top of my head I can think of Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, Lance “Garrison” Cade, Travis “Tyson” Tomko, Kevin “Seven/Mordecai” Fertig, and Gene Snitsky. Of the above performers, the only guys still in the big leagues are Snitsky (his act has run its course and he’s not very good in the ring) and Tomko (Captain Charisma doesn’t need him, and he isn’t too hot in the ring either). But ooh, guess what? They just brought Matt Morgan back to SmackDown with a thrilling new gimmick: he stutters! Remember how awesome that was when Bubba Dudley debuted in the then-WWF? Spare me.
I hear they’re also going to debut a lady with a big hairy mole on her face! How long did it take before THAT joke got old in Austin Powers: Goldmember, ten minutes? Surely, these two new gimmicks will set the wrestling world on fire.
Doesn’t anyone in WWE’s corporate accounting division consider all the cash they wasted on, take Mordecai, for example? Producing vignettes, designing his costume and cross, ring entrance music, et cetera. He was on the main SmackDown roster for about a month. They didn’t get ANY return on that investment! What a way to run a company.
Perhaps Vince needs to reevaluate his minor league system, and allow wrestling geniuses like James E. Cornette to properly prepare the RIGHT young wrestlers to become the superstars of tomorrow. Apparently Talent Relations Chief John Laurinaitis digs the big men too, or else his knee-jerk reaction is to agree with Vince in order to keep his job secure. Although the rumor-mill suggests he might not WANT to keep that job for much longer. Apparently, it’s pretty stressful…
Slightly off subject: Why debut two new tag teams, with vaguely similar gimmicks, within five days? While I already like the brand new WWE tag team champions MNM, I see absolutely no upside to the Heart Throbs on Raw. Wait, what am I thinking? How could they not get over after they got the massive rub via Coach’s commentary about how they’re all man, and all the ladies at the hot night clubs love them? But if that’s true, why do Romeo and Antonio remind me so much of Billy and Chuck, version 2.0? “Hey guys, Coach digs this new team, even though they’re more ambiguously gay than Ace and Gary! They MUST be cool!” Whatever.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
p.s. – If at first you don’t succeed, then maybe sky-diving is NOT the hobby for you…
