Hi all. Welcome to another edition of What a Tease! I am Norty News Guy and I’m back with some new trailers this week. You might notice a little, tiny addition to the format this week, if you look hard enough (or not really). As for me, the world slowed down a tad this week, but it’s looking to pick up with final projects in the next two weeks, and then finals the week after that. Tons of fun, I’ll tell ya. Another seemingly slow week for trailers, but two big ones dropped that had respective fans collectively going “Oh hells YES!” or something like that. Anywho, anyone know what time it is?
Crowd: We’re prepared to lynch you if you ask that again!
That’s right! It’s Trailer Time!!!!
Like kids eatting out of the palm of my hand…………………
New Trailers Online this Week
Basically, you’ll get a direct link to the trailer, the main stars involved in the film, the ‘Plot According to Yahoo’ (Or IMDB if it’s an Apple Trailer), the length of the trailer and the *estimated* release date. You’ll ALSO get the following: The Spoilerish ranking – what this basically gauges is how much of the movie the trailer gives away, on a 1-10 scale; My Analysis of the trailer, sometimes being pretty straight and narrow, sometimes being witty and sarcastic, sometimes both; finally, you’ll get an Overall Rating, which is ‘calculated’ based on the length of the trailer, it’s ‘spoilerish-ness’ and, well, how I feel about it. It IS my column, after all, but I promise the ratings will be fair and make sense.
New Trailers This Week:
Starring: Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, Morena Baccarin, Adam Baldwin
The plot according to IMDB: The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, “Serenity.” He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family — squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal. When Mal takes on two new passengers — a young doctor and his unstable, telepathic sister — he gets much more than he bargained for. The pair are fugitives from the coalition dominating the universe, who will stop at nothing to reclaim the girl. The crew that was once used to skimming the outskirts of the galaxy unnoticed find themselves caught between the unstoppable military force of the Universal Alliance and the horrific, cannibalistic fury of the Reavers, savages who roam the very edge of space. Hunted by vastly different enemies, they begin to discover that the greatest danger to them may be on board “Serenity” herself.
Length: Approx. 2:15
Spoilerish: 6
Release Date: September 30th, 2005
Analysis: I wasn’t aware of this series and I instantly fell in love with the trailer. It just looks absolutely amazing. I’m not at a loss for words or anything, but I think I’ll let Mr. Joss Whedon give you his thoughts on this trailer. **Courtesy of Aint-it-Cool News** Now, here’s a word of warning: this trailer ain’t shy. If you’re looking to live totally spoiler-free, know that there’s plenty of key dialogue and images running through this bad boy. It’s pretty tasty, though, and it doesn’t give everything away. But close scrutiny will definitely learn you much of what’s to come. (Anakin TOTALLY goes evil.) It’s a nice piece to while away the time till September, and hopefully should intrigue th’ peeps that don’t have coats of brown.
Overall Rating: 8.5
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman
The plot according to Yahoo: As a young boy, Bruce Wayne watched in horror as his millionaire parents were slain in front of him–a trauma that leads him to become obsessed with revenge. But the opportunity to avenge his parent’s deaths is cruelly taken away from him by fate. Fleeing to the East, where he seeks counsel with the dangerous but honorable ninja cult leader known as Ra’s Al-Ghul, Bruce returns to his now decaying Gotham City, which is overrun by organized crime and other dangerous individuals manipulating the system. Meanwhile, Bruce is slowly being swindled out of Wayne Industries, the company he inherited. The discovery of a cave under his mansion, along with a prototype armored suit, leads him to assume a new persona, one which will strike fear into the hearts of men who do wrong; he becomes Batman!!! In the new guise, and with the help of rising cop Jim Gordon, Batman sets out to take down the various nefarious schemes in motion by individuals such as mafia don Falcone, the twisted doctor/drug dealer Jonathan ‘The Scarecrow’ Crane, and a mysterious third party that is quite familiar with Wayne and waiting to strike when the time is right.
Length: 2:20
Spoilerish: 6.5
Release: June 15th, 2005
Analysis: I am a Batman fanboy. Or I was. I hadn’t dabbled in a while, but seeing footage of this film has definitely renewed that spark. Everything has been done so right, from the casting, the direction, I just can’t get enough. I think I watched this trailer three times, easily. It is that awesome. The only minor thing is the casting of Katie Holmes, who may be out of her league a bit. Then again, she could impress, so we’ll see. The trailer is a little long, and I suppose some things could be slightly spoiled for those not following the story behind this one. But really, overall, this thing is on fire and is near perfect to get people into seats this June.
Overall Rating: 9
Starring: Simon Baker, Asia Argento, Dennis Hopper, John Leguizamo, Robert Joy
The plot according to Yahoo: In a modern-day world where the walking dead roam an uninhabited wasteland, the living try to lead “normal” lives behind the walls of a fortified city. A new society has been built by a handful of enterprising, ruthless opportunists, who live in the towers of a skyscraper, high above the hard-scrabble existence on the streets below. But outside the city walls, an army of the dead is evolving. Inside, anarchy is on the rise. With the very survival of the city at stake, a group of hardened mercenaries is called into action to protect the living from an army of the dead.
Length: 1:49
Spoilerish: 5
Release: June 24th, 2005
Analysis: This is the best week for trailers I can remember. Batman, Serenity, and now this. Romero returns to the work he basically created, and I am in heaven. Forget about the Dawn remake and its running zombies. Forget about 28 Days Later and those “zombies.” This, ladies and gentlemen, is where it’s at, and man does it look great. The trailer is absolutely fantastic, from the opening montage of Romero’s work until the final exhilirating scene. It’s a very fast moving trailer, with a lot of scenes and characters quickly intercut with footage of zombies and zombie interactions. It’s the kind of trailer to get someone to sit up in their seat and pay attention to. If the montage at the beginning doesn’t do it, and you aren’t sold on seeing this in June, then you’ll never be a zombie film fan. Awesome-ness all around.
Overall Rating: 8.5
Starring: Martin Short, Jan Hooks, John Michael Higgins, Elizabeth Perkins, Linda Cardellini
The plot according to Yahoo: Jiminy Glick (Martin Short), an entertainment critic for a television station in Butte, Montana, arrives at the Toronto Film Festival, a complete unknown, intent on finding fame among the rich, famous and fabulous. His dreams of becoming the most celebrated and renowned star interviewer are realized when he is granted an exclusive with elusive young megastar Ben DiCarlo (Corey Pearson). This catapults Jiminy from obscurity to being the most talked about guy in town. Filmmakers and studio executives want to schmooze him and every actor wants to be interviewed by him, including fading Hollywood star Miranda Coolidge (Elizabeth Perkins). When Miranda is later found dead in Jiminy’s bed, he thinks he is to blame and suddenly gets embroiled in a murder mystery whodunit complete with sex, scandal, rappers and glamorous celebrities.
Length: 2:09
Spoilerish: 3
Release: May 6th, 2005 (Limited)
Analysis: Well, this one is a comedy. I think it’s supposed to be funny, but I wasn’t chuckling at all during this trailer. I have nothing against Martin Short or anything like that, it’s just that this came off as lame and unfunny more than anything else. Who knows, maybe I’m missing the big gag here or something. The trailer is also painfully long if you’re not humored by it, so keep that in mind. Not so heavy on the spoilers for a two minute plus trailer, and it’s slightly odd how little of the plot it gives away. Perhaps that means the plot is weak or something? Nah…..I’m probably just too worked up by Batman and zombies.
Overall Rating: 4.5
Trailers for Films Opening This Very Weekend! (Weekend of April 22nd, 2005)
Starring: Ice Cube, Samuel L. Jackson, Scott Speedman, Peter Strauss, Sunny Mabrey
The plot according to Yahoo: NSA Agent August Gibbons, fresh off the success of his last renegade recruitment, once again finds himself in need of an outsider. Gibbons and his new agent Darius Stone, now code-named “XXX,” must track down a military splinter group that is conspiring to overthrow the U.S. Government.
Length: 2:08
Spoilerish: 5
Analysis: It’s gotten late now as I write this, and this trailer doesn’t do much for me. Honestly, it looks run of the mill enough, and then you factor in Ice Cube replacing Vin Diseal and it just keeps tumbling down. A lot of people will see this for the name value along, so it might make a penny, but probably won’t be a long run contender. Typical action movie trailer, with some but not a lot of the film given away. Color me apathetic.
Overall Rating: 3.0
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Starring: Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel, Bill Nighy
The plot according to Yahoo: Earthman Arthur Dent is having a very bad day. His house is about to be bulldozed, he discovers that his best friend is an alien and to top things off, Planet Earth is about to be demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Arthur’s only chance for survival: hitch a ride on a passing spacecraft. For the novice space traveler, the most astonishing adventure in the universe begins when the world ends. Arthur sets out on a journey in which he finds that nothing is as it seems: he learns that a towel is just the most useful thing in the universe, finds the meaning of life, and discovers that everything he needs to know can be found in one book: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Length: 2:26
Spoilerish: 5.5
Analysis: Now, this is the trailer that should have been the official Guide one since the beginning. It’s pretty damn funny and definitely captures the essence of the Guide that is Hitchhiker. It’s also very creative, which should capture the attention of those not familiar with the books or film. Good stuff.
Overall Rating: 7
The Number One Movie in America!
Every week, I’ll take the number one movie in America and put its trailer here, just in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet (or you just loves the trailer).
The plot according to Yahoo : Kidman stars as African-born U.N. interpreter Silvia Broome, who inadvertently overhears a death threat against an African head of state scheduled to address the United Nation’s General Assembly. Realizing she’s become a target of the assassins as well, Silvia’s desperate to thwart the plot…if only she can survive long enough to get someone to believe her. Sean Penn is Tobin Keller, the federal agent charged with protecting the interpreter, who nonetheless suspects she may not be telling the whole truth. Silvia and Tobin, by nature, see life from different points of view: one, a U.N. interpreter, believes in the power and sanctity of words; the other, a Secret Service agent, believes in reading people based on their behavior, no matter what is said.
Length: 2:31
Spoilerish: 6.5
Analysis: Well, the plot seems good. Sort of. The actors are award winners, so that’s good. And yet, this trailer just…it’s boring. It seems run of the mill, despite trying hard to be mysterious and intense. Kidman and Penn, who usually deliver amazing performances, just put me to sleep here. It’s weird. I can’t totally explain it, and maybe the film will be different as a final product, but the trailer is pretty disappointing overall. Or maybe I’m just going nuts. Obviously, I’m a complete crack-pot, as people loved this flick and it easily became the number one movie in America. Go figure.
Overall Rating: 3
Debating that DVD purchase? Check out the trailer first!
Yupp, each week, I’ll take the new, major DVD release(s) and put the trailer here too. Just to help you decide how to spend that cash or remind you about a movie, in case you forgot ^_^
Starring: Jim Carrey, Meryl Streep, Emily Browning, Liam Aiken, Billy Connolly
Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events
The plot according to Yahoo: This is the story of the Bauedelaires, three young orphans, Violet (Browning), Klaus (Aiken) and Sunny, looking for a new home, who are taken in by a series of odd relatives and other people, including Lemony Snicket, who narrates the film, and starting with the cunning and dastardly Count Olaf (Carrey), who hopes to snatch their inheritance from them. Violet is the oldest of the Baudelaires at 14, and is their brave and fast-thinking leader. The only boy is middle child Klaus, 12, who is intensely intelligent and obsessed with words. The youngest is infant Sunny, who speaks in a language only her siblings can understand, and she has a tendency to… bite.
Length: 2:26
Spoilerish: 5.5
Analysis: An interesting take on a children’s book that did fair with the critics and the box office. The trailer definitely helps its come across as a very strange tale indeed, highlighting the child actors and the various faces of Jim Carrey. Many of the characters can be seen in the trailer, along with some (seemingly) key scenes, but it’s nothing too bad overall. Check this out to see if it may be something you’d be into, but again, it seems mostly for kids.
Overall Rating : 6
Wrapping it Up
So, that’ll do it for another week. Any thoughts or comments, send them my way, and, as usual,
Until next time…..
