Hi everyone. Welcome back for another edition of the Guide, written by your loveable yet damn overworked movie news guy.
Real Life is Damn Entertaining
There are all sorts of polls popping up all over the place showing that more than half the nation feels Bush lied on purpose to go to war (Duh). Bush’s approval rating is falling, around 45% last I heard. Tony Blair is feeling some incredible heat on his side of the ocean for, well, lying to his country to go to war. This is nothing new, and while it’s good to see people waking up and realizing our country is run by a liar, fool, and murderer (Among other things you wouldn’t even begin to believe), I’m not really cheery about the news. These people sit around (And, to an extent, myself included) and read the news, hit the blogs, whatever you want to say, and they educate themselves. And then….nothing. The world, the country, needs action, and it needs it soon. But Americans have grown complacent. We are easily manipulated; we are still at the point where to criticize the Iraq war means someone is un-American. Where we eat what Fox News/MSNBCNN spoon feeds us. How educated we’re becoming, yet how simple-minded and near sighted we are. But, really, how are we to change? What will it take to push America off its couch and into action? That is the $64,000 question that this movie writer has no idea how to answer.
You Mean Inside Pulse Talks About Stuff Besides Movies?
Turns out we do.
Wrestling – As I write this, word of Chris Candido’s death has just come in. I don’t know how to pimp the section of the site with that black cloud forming overhead. What a damn shame. I join the rest of Inside Pulse in offering condolences. What a sad time for the sport.
Games – The Guild Wars begin, Nintendo continues to think outside the box, and the build to E3 has finally begun.
Music – I’m not a big music guy at all – I listen to a little bit of everything. But if YOU are big into this kinda thing, you’ll fit right in with this crew.
TV – Survivor and the Apprentice coverage like no one else. Plus news on American Idol, 24, and more.
Sports – I don’t do sports, but these guys do, and they do a hell of a job too.
Comics -These guys make me want to start collecting and reading comics again. A fantastic section that you’d be hard-pressed to find better elsewhere.
Figures – Grown men play with/collect dolls/figures. And you do too. Or you will after you check these guys out. So read them, because they’re a very fun section of our site.
News You can Use – And We Abuse
You know the deal by now. J. Kern and myself take most of the news from the week, post it here in one easy-to-find spot, and then commentate on/make fun of/rip it up. This week, since we’re pressed for time (Again), we’ll only be taking the top two most interesting stories this week. (Wow, we’re really reaching here, aren’t we?)
George Lucas Gives Details on Indiana Jones, Star Wars
George Lucas recently appeared at the Celebration III event. While they had him (and his right-hand man Rick McCallum) on the spot, the fans asked where Indiana Jones is right now.
“As a matter of fact, I just received the new script two days ago. I have yet to read it,” McCallum said. “I’d like to be able to read it this weekend. I’ll be talking to Steven [Spielberg] on Monday, and then we’ll figure out what we’re going to do. So, it’s definitely in the works.” Apparently Spielberg has one more film to do before turning his attention to Indiana Jones 4. As for rumours that Harrison Ford’s going to be recast due to age, those were officially shot down.
Also, Lucas also confirmed the long running rumors of a Star Wars television show. In fact there are two Star Wars based T.V. series in the works. One of them will be a half hour 3-D CG animated series, the other will be a live action regular show, featuring characters from the film series, though not necessarily the main ones. Mark Hamill has long been rumored to play an older, wiser Luke Skywalker in the new series, but the latest rumors circling around the net indicate that the show may fill in the gaps between Revenge Of The Sith & A New Hope.
Kern: Former fanboy filled with bitterness and loathing after steadily being beaten down by six years of grossly insufficient cinematic efforts moment. With another one yet to come.
Norty: Stepping off Star Wars for a minute, what do you think of Indiana Jones 4?
Kern: i’m an empirical cynic. i don’t start getting mean until experience tells me i should. i’m not looking forward to Ep 3 because 1 and 2 made me feel like Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction, but the Indiana Jones series has yet to do me wrong. i felt the third movie was every bit as good as the first and i expect 4 to be, at the very least, enjoyable. i’m guessing the only way they can justify Harrison looking old (since he drank from the Grail) is to set it in hte far flung future, which means that it would be entirely possible to do a franchise crossover and have Harrison run into himself as Deckard from Blade Runner. And since we’re on the subject of fanboy moments … may i for a brief spell linger on the image of Rutger Hauer engaging in fistic hostilities with Sean Connery? Awwww yeeeeaaaah…
Norty: Very true, very possible, very fanboy-ish. However, I have heard nothing of setting Jones in the far future. Most things I heard had it set maybe a decade after the last one.
Kern: Man … they sure don’t build Holy Grails like they used to, huh?
Norty: Are you surprised? Not like Lucas is a fan of like, continuity or anything like that.
Kern: Maybe he’s just planning on CGIing out the crow’s feet. Hell, i wouldn’t be surprised if he CGIed Ford out completely, replaced him with a cute talking hamster (or something else equally merchandisable). Because really, can we be perfectly frank here? Lucas is no longer interested in being a filmmaker. All he wants is A) to make cartoons for his grandchildren and B) to duke it out with Bill Gates for the title of Richest Sonuvabitch on the Planet. And he’s got a decent shot at it, although he’d do well to follow theMicrosoft paradigm. Have the Star Wars movies hardwired into every DVD player produced so that no matter what disk you put in, you’ll still get wookies on your screen.
Norty: Ha. He should definitely talk to you for marketing ideas. What do you think about Kevin Smith directing an arch? I like the idea, being a big Smith fan, though I kind of liked the idea even more of him being in control of the whole series. Speaking of control, this will never work if Lucas doesn’t keep his hands off it and let the directors work.
Kern: Pfft. Lucas doesn’t care. As long as the cash keeps rolling in, he’s perfectly content to hole up at his ranch masturbating with the Wicket costume from RoJ…”Mmmm … Warwick ….”
Norty: True enough I suppose. And the choice of Smith?
Kern: Smith has never done anything i’ve loved, a passing few things that made me smile and one thing that rests among the top ten worst movies i have ever seen in my entire life. AND I HAVE SEEN SOME CRAP, BELIEVE YOU ME. It’s harder to crack the Bellagio safe than it is to crack my top ten worst list, but Dogma did it. So unless he learns to, you know, NOT SUCK … i think i’ll skip the series, thank you very much.
Norty: Wait. Dogma is one of your worst films ever? Good God man, why?
Kern: Because it thinks it’s so frigging insightful and funny and satirical when it is anything but. And that’s my job. It’s more a matter of professional discourtesy than quality when it’s all said and done.
Norty: And, interestingly enough, people think the same about you, I’d bet. Still, worst of all time? That’s harsh.
Kern: It’s edgy and hilarious for the same audience that still thinks it’s mildly blasphemous to be calling the papal limo a “Popemobile”….
Norty: I…guess. I liked it. I like Smith. He’s a big Star Wars fan, and I think he could do good with a tv show.
Kern: i’m sure you and your tv show will be very happy together.
Norty: Well, I hope so.
M says Brosdan will be back as Bond
The New York Post spoke to Judi Dench, ‘M’ from the recent Bond films, and she had something interesting to say about who will be playing the next James Bond. Apparently, it is no one new at all. Dench seems to think that Pierce Brosnan is indeed going to return for the upcoming Casino Royale.
Says the actress, “Despite the fact that everyone on the face of the Earth has been tested as his possible replacement, he’ll be doing it again, and it’ll be announced come summer.” Also, one of the men rumored to be replacing Brosnan, Daniel Craig, announced last week that such rumors were inaccurate.
Norty: I’m so sick of this on again, off again crap with Brosnan and Bond. It’s so stupid at this point. Just tell the world you’ve hired him back already, and stop jerking all these other actors, good ones I might add, around.
Kern: i say they just replace him with Ice Cube and be done with it.
Norty: Oh, yeah, because that’s about to work WONDERS for the XXX franchise. Or, should I say, former franchise.
Kern: Wait, i’m sorry. Which crappy, no-longer-viable spy franchise are we talking about? Maybe they could extend the franchise if they tried writing a script instead of transcribing one-liners off the back of cereal boxes and adding explosions.
Norty: Maybe. Or maybe they could stop circle jerking actors and directors. Tarantino should be making this flick. Period. Not even because I’m a massive Tarantino fan, but mostly because the studio is in desperate need of something new and original here.
Kern: Yeah, then maybe they could get Robert Altman to direct an episode of “Girlfriends” on UPN.
Norty: Come again?
Kern: i said maybe they could get Martin Scorses to direct a Care Bears Movie sequel.
Norty: Are you trying to be subtle about the fact a snowball has a better chance in hell than Tarantino getting his hands on Bond?
Kern: i’m saying XXX is a franchise in the basest, most mercenary form of the word. Nobody involved with the project has ever had any greater aspiration than to pad their bank account. There’s only a half-hearted attempt to make the movies mildly enjoyable in between things blowing up and that’s only to get them down to a PG-13.
Norty: XXX has always been, and will always be, a cash in franchise. It’s a suped-up, EXTREME version of Bond. If that’s your thing, then you love it. Kind of blah otherwise.
Kern: i already pay for porn. There’s no room left in my budget for more people whoring themselves onscreen.
Trailer of the Week: Serenity
I told you last week I owed you for skimping on the trailer, so here you go. This has been an amazing week for trailers, but this one really stood out of the crowd. **Okay, fine. I can’t post Batman again and I didn’t find out about Land of the Dead until after I announced this as TotW. Happy now?**
The Link: Here
The Plot: The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, “Serenity.” He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family — squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal. When Mal takes on two new passengers — a young doctor and his unstable, telepathic sister — he gets much more than he bargained for. The pair are fugitives from the coalition dominating the universe, who will stop at nothing to reclaim the girl. The crew that was once used to skimming the outskirts of the galaxy unnoticed find themselves caught between the unstoppable military force of the Universal Alliance and the horrific, cannibalistic fury of the Reavers, savages who roam the very edge of space. Hunted by vastly different enemies, they begin to discover that the greatest danger to them may be on board “Serenity” herself.
The Analysis:
J. Kern: Joss Whedon is, in my mind, the undisputed master of playfully subverting convention. Buffy took the tired High School Soap Opera and rammed it into the Bug-Eyed Monster movie and created something sui generis. With Firefly, he one-upped himself, generating a show that managed to be both wholly original and absolutely unmarketable. How exactly was Fox supposed to sell a series that was equal parts Family Drama, Western, Slapstick Comedy, Thriller and Sci-Fi Extravaganza? Here’s hoping Universal figures it out, because if ever there were a genre in need of a shot in the arm, it’s the FamDramWesSlapThrillFi Extravaganza.
Tal Aulbrook: Joss Whedon is under appreciated in the genre of both TV drama and Sci -Fi. Though credited as the great creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, his credit to the series is still the pinnacle of creativity today. Joss being the writer/director of such innovative episodes as “Hush” and “The Body”, proved that mainstream television can be pushed to the experimental limit of creativity. There is no way that another popular television show, ala E.R or Friends, can push the element of drama and comedy combined as much as Buffy the Vampire Slayer could do. Now that Serenity is out, based on the one season Firefly (which was cancelled by Fox for no reason at all), the film experience that Joss brought to television can fully be appreciated in theaters. Those who think Joss cannot do film is dead wrong as Joss was writer of such hits as X-men, Toy Story and Speed. This film, though has nothing to do with those films, has been set to stretch the boundaries of sci-fi filmmaking. The twists and turns that Joss is going to take us, will be fun and invantive. Joss has promised a story that no one is going to expect. And if there were any visual adventure I would go on, it would be an adventure led by Joss Whedon
Matt Coates: I suppose this might make me unpopular with some people but I hate Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I hate the cast, I hate the characters (oh god do I hate the characters), I hate the stupid rubber faced bad guys and I hate the fact that in all the episodes I have ever grudgingly watched with housemates and girlfriends the script has never even raised so much as a smile from me. Of course I don’t begrudge those people who do like it and I know how much of a following Joss Whedon has. The whole background to Serenity is alien (hah) to me as I have never seen Firefly but the trailer looks interesting enough for me to fork out my 6 quid at the City Screen. I like the hint the wild west in the film and the FX look to be be pretty good. Whether or not it will raise a smile on my face remains to be seen
Mike McCullar: I never understood the fuss over Firefly. People were proclaiming it as the best show on TV, but it jumped around so much I never got a chance to watch it. I find it funny that Joss Whedon seems to be working backwards this time. Before, with Buffy, he took a failed movie and created a hit TV show. This time, he’s taking a failed TV show and hoping to make a hit movie out of it. And I gotta admit, the trailer looks kick-ass. It’s got me ready to fork over legal tender to catch it. Let’s hope Whedon’s Midas touch extends to the multiplex.
Ryan Closs: I never really got in to Firefly, I saw a couple episodes, dug it, but then never tuned in again for whatever reason. This movie has Alan Tudyk in it though, and I love Alan Tudyk, he consistently cracks me up. I like the idea of a wild westish future, and my best friend LOVED the show so I know I’ll end up going to see it with him. Would I see it otherwise? Yeah I think so, looks like a decent sci-fi flick. Do I think it’s going to be an epic movie of the year? Nahh. Looks like it’ll slip under the radar, doubt it’ll hit #1, and probably get a solid 7/10. But still, looks like fun.
Rob Sutton: I wish I had actually watched Firefly when it was on television. I heard about it through a bunch of my friends that are HUGE Buffy fans and I decided to take the show up on DVD. What I saw surprised the hell out of me. Firefly was the best Space Adventure show I’d seen since Star Trek: The Next Generation went off the air. It absolutely tapped into everything I love about Space Operas (space ships, swordfights, crazy aliens, evil empires) but also gave me a great western. The dialouge, dress and shootouts look like they could be right at home on a network version of DEADWOOD. I just wish it had gotten the chance it really deserved. It is a crime what is happening at FOX television these days. Arrested Developement on the bubble, shows like Wonderfalls and Firefly unceremoniously cancelled, and yet Malcolm in the Middle and the worst lineup of reality shows on television stay on the air. But now there is hope. Now everyone else can see what they missed when this fantastic show was on television. I’m ecstatic about this trailer for Serenity. It looks like its full of action and suspense, and finally I get in this film the one portion of Space Operas that I never got in the 13 episodes on DVD; a huge space battle. It’s really a testament to the show that the movie doesn’t look THAT much better than the show did, even with a much bigger budget. If people give this thing a chance, then Serenity could be the next big Sci/Fi series. With the king of Space Operas finally riding off into the sunset this summer, its nice to see that I still have another universe to look forward to.
I have yet to see an episode of Firefly, and my friend has already promised to cut me over that. So, this is why I didn’t assign any fun nicknames this week. Sue me.
Reviews We Sit Through – For You!
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy -Our little Canadian buddy, Brendan Campbell, checks in with our first review of The Guide! As a man who never read the books, he walked away happy, but desiring a little more. It’ll be interesting to see how Adams fans, as well as the common joe, felt come Sunday.
The Interpreter – Here he is again, Mr. Campbell, and this time he is absolutely beaming walking out of his viewing of this film. It looked kind of boring to me, but unless Canadian taste is THAT different, I was probably very wrong.
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room – Arturo Garcia sits in on the story of Enron, and comes away…erm, happy? Well, he found the this to be a well made documentary, and it is actually quite chilling. Arturo keeps it short, sweet, and to the point, and when dealing with Enron, what more do you need?
A Lot Like Love – Wow, Campbell clocks in with a third film this week. Ashton Kutcher puts the moves on Amanda Peet, like when that guy Harry told Sally men and women can’t be friends. Unfortunately, Ashton is no Harry, and this film falls short.
On DVD
It’s Travis Leamons DVD week here on the Pulse. He’s got a triple threat lined up, as he takes a look at XXX: Uncensored, Unrated, The Assassination of Richard Nixon, and Blade: Trinity. Interestingly enough, none of them are very good.
We Even Do Columns!
Rob Sutton looks at the Bad Ass (Formerly known as BADASS) film The Wild Bunch. This is another western that was created by remaking a Japanese film. This one is also one of the best westerns ever made. Rob goes into his usual detail about why this is awesome, so check him out.
Brad Torreano returns this week for Mondo Culto XXII. This is the first of two Cultos where he delves deep into the career of one of the best performers ever, Rodney Dangerfield. He looks at Cadyshack, Easy Money, and Back to School. Great stuff.
I write two columns weekly (usually) – this one, and a column about trailers. Check it out if you haven’t yet, as some people think it’s kind of fun. No, really, they do.
Rob Russo continues to Set the Trend. He’s got a very fun topic this week, as he looks at video game movies and, well, how they suck. I disagree on one of his points, though. I’m not taken out of the movie by not controlling some of my favorite characters. Quite the contrary; just seeing them up there would be fun enough for me. Unfortunately, the movies rarely make any sense and they’re just stupid friggin….erm, I’ll let Rob handle the rest. Good stuff.
The End
Well, that’s a wrap. School ends in two and a half weeks, give or take. So maybe the column will be fleshed out a bit. Then again, this lighter thing has its appeal too. Any thoughts? Preferences either way? Let me know.
Thanks, and….
Until Next Time…
