Viscera vs. KANE
PK: Viscera…on a PPV…Christ.
Winner – KANE
Eric Szulczewski: I’d rather have my testicles chewed off by rabid weasels than watch this one. Hell, I’d rather be promoted into the open slot we have here than watch this one. Big deal; the focus will be on Trish and Lita anyway. Since we already know that Trish has to put out if Viscera wins, that means they’ll go for the Sports Entertainment Ending.
Winner – Viscera
Hyatte: the winner are the fans who get to see Trish perform… simply the best female worker EVER
Matthew Michael: This isn’t over … so hopefully they’ll keep it short in the ring, do more funny backstage vignettes, and Manchester will be united against Lita.
Winner – Viscera
David Brashear: Man alive. This one is gonna suck. Can anyone explain to me why they keep bringing Viscera back? They’ve been trying to build him up since at least 1995 and it hasn’t worked yet. I’ll flip a coin and go with Kane. Next!
Winner – Kane
Josh “Repo” Leeman: While Viscera has been hilarious over the past few weeks, that still doesn’t truly mean that he should be currently feuding with Kane. Viscera is an awful wrestler, and it’s hard to imagine KANE carrying a match. I’m expecting Kane to go over here, and then Trish turning on Big Vis’
Winner – Kane. Probably by DQ
Gordi: I didn’t even like the skits with Viscera and Trish. I guess I’m just too old and stuffy, but I don’t find non-consensual sex to be the comedy goldmine that many writers apparently do. This match will suck, badly, but hopefully Kane will at least get in a spot where he shows off his awesome strength. Remember him carrying Big Show across the ring?
Winner – Kane
Vin Tastic: It makes no sense for the storyline if Vis loses, and the whole “payment” from Trish gets dropped. Plus, I’m SICK of Kane!
Winner – Viscera
Thomas Kilduff: What is this, 1995? I hope Lita gets sat on here; Viscera shoot style. Oh god…. I’m cheering Mabel now.
Winner – Kane, or the world has gone mad.
William Regal & Tajiri (c) vs. La Resistance vs. Maven & Simon Dean vs. The Heart Throbs vs. The Hurricane & Rosey – Tag Team Titles – Tag Team Turmoil
PK: I think the Champs will retain, but it will be for a reason…I will explain more below.
Winners – Regal & Tajiri
Eric Szulczewski: What a wonderful way to slip the tag titles on to the Heart Throbs without losing any heat for any of the competitors. Yeah, like the tag division on either show has any competitors with any heat. Expect Regal and Tajiri to be one of the two first teams in there, do the survival thing until the end, and the Heart Throbs Cheat To Win.
Winner – The Heart Throbs
Matthew Michael: The Heart Throbs aren’t ready, so I think either Hurricane and Rosey or the champs retain. Or …
Winners – Maven and Dean
David Brashear: Let’s see. La Rez has had too many chances at the titles. Maven/Dean as well as Hurricane/Rosey I don’t think would be seriously considered as new champs. With the WWE’s putting the Smackdown tag belts on MNM, I see a chance for them to move the titles to the Heart Throbs without having Regal and Tajiri do the clean job.
Winners – Heart Throbs
Josh “Repo” Leeman: This is pretty obvious, since MNM are the new tag team champions on Smackdown, so why shouldn’t the Heart Throbs be the new champions on Raw? If the Heart Throbs weren’t in this, I’d expect Maven and Simon Dean to win.
Winners – The Heart Throbs.
Gordi: If the champs don’t retain, I’ll take that as another sign that the sky is falling. A truly optimistic person might look at this match and see some sign that the tag team division is being resurrected. I look at the teams involved and see another reason to hold onto my money this weekend.
Winner – Regal & Tajiri
Vin Tastic: Where the heck did this match come from? How do Billy and Chuck, v2.0 get a world tag team title match in their SECOND appearance ever? This match is tough to call, considering there’s been NO build-up to it on TV.
Winners – The Champs, I guess…
Thomas Kilduff: Right, La Resistance have been relentlessly jobbed out; Maven & Simon Dean have no heat at all; Heart Throbs just jobbed to the champs; The Hurricane & Rosey have NEVER been a credible threat. On top of all this crap, the champs were just jobbed to a team in their first match, on national TV. So to sum up: NO ONE CARES ABOUTTHE TAG TITLES ANYMORE. It does not make a difference who wins, but its prime for a title switch since the champs just jobbed, give ’em to the Hurricane and Rosey, see what they can do.
Winners – The Super Jobbers
Muhammad Hassan & Daivari vs. Hulk Hogan & Shawn Michaels
PK: No way Hogan comes in and does a JOB. However, to get the heat back on the Arab-Americans, they win the Tag Titles the following night on RAW.
Winners – Hogan/HBK
Szulczewski: Samuel Morse couldn’t have telegraphed this ending any better. Hogan pins Daivari via the Big Boot and Leg Drop. 50/50 chance that Michaels is turned heel after the match by arguing with Hogan over the pinfall.
Winners – Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan
Matthew Michael: I’m sticking with it — Shawn walks off, Hogan takes a beating, and we see “one more match” at Summerslam between the Heartbreak Kid and the Hulkster.
Winners – Arab-a-Mania
David Brashear: Are you kidding? Only way Hassan and Daivari are pulling this one out is if Michaels turns, and I’m afraid that’s going to happen to set up a Hogan-Michaels feud. Still, hope for the best…
Winners – Shawn Michaels & Hulk Hogan
Josh “Repo” Leeman: Come on, you REALLY expect Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels to JOB?! It’s too bad, because I’m really getting behind Hassan and Daivari.
Winners – Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels
Gordi: Anyone who orders this PPV to see this match will get what they deserve. Take that as you will.
Winner – The Bret-Screwers
Vin Tastic: I’d love to see a Hassan/Daivari victory that leads to a Michaels/Hogan feud via an HBK heel turn…
Winners – Hassan & Daivari
Thomas Kilduff: One last match. PLEASE DEAR GOD LET THAT BE TRUE. I don’t want to have to sit through a Hogan pose fest every now and again, until he realizes that he has lost all ability again, and scuttles off for another year to push his daughter down your American throats. I’d laugh my arse off if they make Hogan the face in peril for this match, but I would LOVE to see Hogan beaten up for about ten minutes, and have to actually sell. But that seems a fallacy. Daivari is a decent worker (sticking up for my ROH alumni), but Hassan is horrible in the ring, and decent on the mike; = mega push in WWE. But anyone who thinks Hogan will job here, is sadly mistaken. And since Michaels has jobbed once this month, and not got any heat on the EVIL foreigners.
Winners – RETIRE! And take the Undertaker with you.
Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Chris Jericho – Intercontinental Title
PK: Note to Y2J: Please resign so they can push you again.
Winner – Shelton
Eric Szulczewski: Benjy, through no fault of his own, is getting no mileage out of the IC strap. He’s been trying, Lord knows he has, but the bookers just don’t seem to care. So a title swap is necessary here, and who better to slap it on than Jericho? He’s virtually in the same position in re the IC title as the Dudleys were for the tag titles not long ago: the default choice when the bookers have no clue about what they’re doing.
Winner – Chris Jericho
Matthew Michael: I donno man, this one’s tough. I’ll be rooting for Y2J, but will the crowd even care, with this horrible build-up? Part of me thinks Shelton has to retain, only to make Jericho snap and heel him out with a post-match beat-down. We needs us some more bad-guys anyway.
Winner – Shelton Benjamin
David Brashear: Shelton’s done okay as the champion, but hasn’t done anything really notable. Jericho should be challenging for the world title right now. That said, I’d see them putting it on Jericho again. If they do, please let a good Jericho-Christian feud be in the cards…
Winner – Chris Jericho
Josh “Repo” Leeman: What I AM expecting is a great match between these two. It’s too bad there’s no stipulation involved, but I think this will be a good enough match. They really can’t kill Shelton’s push right now, with everyone actually getting BEHIND him, so I’m expecting a Shelton title defense.
Winner – Shelton
Gordi: Default MOTN. These two work really well together.
Winner – Mr. Benjamin
Vin Tastic: I have no idea where they’re going with this particular feud (although I’m glad Mr. Benjamin is finally in one), but I can’t see the payoff to Y2J winning his 8th IC title right now. Benjamin needs the big win.
Winner – Shelton Benjamin
Thomas Kilduff: Pretty weak build for this match. I think Shelton is destined for the main event in the next year, and Jericho is stalling over contract negotiations; one clear winner. And where the f*ck is Christian on this card? After his stellar performance on Monday.
Winner – Shelton ‘you have to buy a book if you want an autograph’ Benjamin
Chris Benoit vs. Edge – Last Man Standing
PK: Edge is getting the push, Benoit is…well Benoit.
Winner – Edge
Eric Szulczewski: We all know that Benoit knows how to do this kind of match. We all know what kind of punishment Edge is willing to take in pursuit of his job. So we know this is going to be great. Now how do you handicap the ending? Neither guy has a real knockout move as part of his arsenal of finishers, so that’s a wash. So let’s focus on the SE portion. What’s better, Edge winning and taking advantage of the bragging rights about him beating Benoit, or Benoit winning and Edge deciding to cash in on the World title contract at the next PPV in order to prove that he’s a winner? The former is a better option, plus Edge is red-hot right now, so I’ll go against my normal policy and not give it to Benoit.
Winner – Edge
Matthew Michael: If WWE’s smart, Matt Hardy does a run-in here. Ha! Anyway, this one goes to Benoit, as Edge’s gimmick is based around being screwed while holding onto that briefcase, and of course, a title shot. Benoit wins with some sort of controversy (according to Edge, of course).
Winner – Chris Benoit
David Brashear: This has potential, but I’ve noticed that Edge has lost a step or two lately. That said, Chris Benoit should also be firmly in the world title picture. Wait – is this the world title picture? Who can tell anymore? I’m going to cross my fingers and hope that Benoit gets another push toward the main event.
Winner – Chris Benoit
Josh “Repo” Leeman: Oh please. I mean, I really want Benoit to win, but Edge is getting a big push right now, I hate to admit. He’s got the whole money in the bank contract, and I really doubt they’ll make him job on the WrestleMania revenge P.P.V. This would’ve worked if the contract was on the line, but oh well.
Winner – Edge
Gordi: As the old, old adage reminds us: Girlfriend cheats on you? Out of the company! Steal your buddy’s girl? Get put over by Chris Benoit!
Winner – Man-Slut
Vin Tastic: Well, they didn’t fire Edge, although he’s the asshole who screwed Matt (via Lita, that is). Therefore, he must be in for a push. The Money in the Bank victory would seem to suggest that as well.
Winner – Edge
Thomas Kilduff: Edge has bored the f*ck out of me since his return. Since he is the only strong heel on RAW now, I’d figure he would win here, and challenge Batista at the next PPV. The draft might mess that plan up though, and I suppose JBL could be traded to RAW, and feud with Batista over the whole pre-Wrestlemania Smackdown trade deal.
Winner – He Fucked Lita You Know
Batista (c) vs. Triple H – World Heavyweight Title
PK: HHH will get the win back, but not this quick.
Winner – Batista
Eric Szulczewski: Well, the first one sucked, so do you expect this one to be any better? It’s too soon for a title change anyway. I’ll download this sucker for Benoit/Edge and blow off the main.
Winner – DAVE
Matthew Michael: Well, since we all know – due to leaked Vengeance posters – that the plan is currently HHH vs. Batista in a Hell in a Cell, they can do either of two things: take the belt off of Dave and have him “chase” (yes, that worked so well with Randy) … or just keep the Animal dominant. Man, I hope they go with the latter here.
Winner – DAVE
David Brashear: Okay. All I’ll say is that if they move the title back to HHH this quick, it’s going to destroy Batista just like it did Randy Orton. They’ve finally built up a dominant face and they need to keep him that way. Plus, HHH got the last victory before the PPV by planting Batista Monday night.
Winner – Batista
Josh “Repo” Leeman: A Hell in a Cell match between these two is etched in stone at Vengeance, so I REALLY doubt that Batista will drop the title now. I’m expecting him to hold on to it until SummerSlam.
Winner – Batista
Gordi: People are so used to everything revolving around HHH that there is no use even complaining about it any more. I’d guess that Batista will take the blame when it turns out that very few people are interested in paying to see these two go at it again.
Winner – Batista
Vin Tastic: It makes no sense to cut Big Dave’s legs out from under him at this point. We all know HHH will be at least a 17-time champ eventually, but he’s not getting one of them this weekend.
Winner – Batista
Thomas Kilduff: Sigh, the ‘you can’t kick out of the pedigree’ angle pretty much guarantees that Batista WILL kick out of a pedigree during this match. The fact that Hunter managed to pedigree Batista at the end of RAW states even to the stupidest (Hulkamaniacs for example) wrestling fan that Batista is keeping the belt. But, where do they go next? Logic suggests that Edge beats Benoit, to give some momentum for his title shot at the next PPV. DUH! BUT WHAT ABOUT H’S HEAT??? He jobs to JR and Batista twice in a month; THAT’S THREE JOBS IN A MONTH!! Who says this guy never puts anyone over? But where does he go next?
Winner – H’s pet project