OPENERS
Happy Cinco de Mayo! Or as I like to say: FIVE! FIVE! FIVE! AHAHAHAHA!
So I liked the Count. Sue me.
THE ANTI-SPYWARE SECTION
As previously helmed by one Eric Szulczewski, I’ve taken the liberty of taking the text and links from his Anti-Spyware section, and put it up on a page of it’s own, here. After spending three hours killing the “Desktop Search” crap from my singer’s computer, I feel that information like this is too good to be left out. So there ya go. UPDATE: Firefox has released version 1.0.3, to fix some security issues that cropped up recently. Get it here.
QUICK HITS
We’ve got some stuff here, ,here, and over here. We’ve also got some stuff here and here, but you might not want to look under there; we don’t know where that’s been. Be sure to check around here, there, and this little thing over here as well.
SMACK this! (or, see what happens when I work at work?)
One world, two brands, screw it: FIVE! FIVE! FIVE!
We get a recap of the latest in the Rey/Eddy saga, from last week. They do a nice job with this, showing Eddy standing by as MNM beats Rey down.
No opening and no explosions but we DO get Rey’s theme music. We are TAPED from Trenton, NJ; it’s WWE SmackDown! Right now, Rey Mysterio is heading to the ring. Rey speaks! He’s gotta give it to Eddy; he’s a great liar. He had Rey believe that they were like family. Rey was played for a fool, an he’s not a fool anymore. So Rey calls Eddy out right now, to face him like a man. He says Eddy walked away last week like a coward. Eddy walks out to a smattering of boos. An EDDY SUCKS chant builds as Eddy gets in the ring. Eddy has NOTHING to say to Rey, holmes. Rey asks Eddy what happened to brotherhood? Rey says words don’t mean a damn thing to him anymore. Eddy won’t talk, so Rey shoves him. Eddy says he never laid a hand on Rey like Rey just did. Rey says we’re gonna fight right now, and slaps Eddy. Eddy says he’s not gonna fight Rey, ever. He drops the mic and turns his back. He tries to leave the ring, but Rey grabs him. Eddy shoves him off and heads to the back. Just before Eddy leaves, Rey asks if he’s scared if Rey is going to beat him again. Oooooo, now THAT was a burn. That gives Eddy pause, but he still leaves, as we go to…
Commercials.
Backstage, Rey pleads with our SD! GM, TL for a match with Eddy, but Chavo comes by and talks smack, saying Rey will NEVER be a Guerrero. Rey jumps Chavo and Long gets some security to break it up.
Jobbers on TV in the New Millennium Matt Morgan vs Some Guy. Matt gives the kid some advice: run. He does the stuttering thing and headbutts the kid to start. Morgan kicks Guy then sends him into the other corner, followed by a clothesline. Morgan pumphandles the kid straight over onto his face. Matt wins with the delayed vertical suplex into the Rock Bottom. DUD. People wonder why I don’t give negative stars – I’ve seen King of the Ring 2000.
Eww.
Breaking news from Teddy Long’s office; tonight, Rey will meet Chavo in a streetfight! Also tonight, we have the World Premiere of John Cena’s new video, “Bad Bad Man.”
We get the same recap of the making of the video as last week, with Christina Aguilera introducing it.
Commercials.
Cole and Tazz promo Cena vs JBL at the next SD PPV, Judgment Day. They also run down the main event from last week, which JBL won, due to a chairshot from Booker on Angle.
NOT a WWE U.S. Championship Match: Orlando Jordan vs Booker T. Backstage, Booker’s wife gets him pumped up again. Um, you know what I mean. Cole reminds us that the Draft Lottery will be happening in a couple weeks. Seriously, I thought Booker would have retired by now. Not that he needs to; I just remember him saying he was going to be done soon, after WM 19. BTW, this match is non-title. Lockup, and they tussle to the corner, with Booker breaking clean. Another lockup, and Booker gets a hammerlock, but OJ hits a back elbow and turns it around into an arm wringer. Booker comes back with the rights and chops combo (herein now called Combo #5), and sends OJ for the ride, but Jordan kicks a sleeping Booker and clotheslines him over the top. With a clothesline. Well, it’s not like he used a Burning Hammer or anything. Outside, OJ kicks Booker down, but Booker hits a mini Combo #5 and a boo before helpfully taking a thumb to the eye. That Booker guy is all right. OJ breaks the count at 7 so he can send Booker shoulder first into the post. Back inside, OJ gets a two count. OJ with a rear naked choke, and he’s bleeding from the mouth. Booker fights out, but Booker eats an eyeble and OJ gets a rope assisted two count. OJ with a clothesline and keeps working over Booker with rights, as it’s clear that his lip is split. OJ with a rear chinlock again, but Booker fights out again, hitting OJ with the flying forearm and a suplex. Booker goes to the top rope, but OJ knocks him to the buckles. OJ goes for a superplex, but Booker blocks and hits OJ with a missile dropkick for a LONG two. Booker with the boot, but OJ moves on the axe kick. OJ tries a Bookend (?!) but Booker elbows out and hits a leg lariat, and then the boot and axe kick for the three. * 1/2.This was a bit of a squash, yup. Post match, Booker does a spinnerooni!
Backstage, Booker’s wife celebrates, but Kurt Angle drops by to pass a message to Booker – he wants Booker at Judgment Day, and she can be at ringside to watch him tap and scream in agony. Kurt leaves and so do we. To some…
Commercials.
A promo for the WM 21 DVD set. You get the battle royal, all the commercials, and more, next Tuesday!
NOT a WWE Tag Team Championship Match: MNM vs Scotty 2 Hotty and Shannon Moore. This is also non-title. We get a replay of the beat-down on Rey from last week. Scotty and Mercury start off, with Mercury driving Scotty to the corner. Mercury doesn’t break clean, and hits him with a right. Scotty sent for the ride, but Shannon hits a blind tag and nails Mercury as Scotty dances. Scotty with a reverse atomic drop, and Moore hits a leg lariat. BAAAAAACK bodydrop on Mercury, and Scotty and Moore clothesline Nitro out of the ring. As the ref gets Scotty out, Nitro grabs Moore who was on the hop, so Mercury drops a knee on the back of his head. Mercury gets a one count. Nitro tags in and hits Moore with a big knee in the corner and gets two. Nitro goes for a belly to back, but Moore flips over and sends Nitro to the ropes. Moore ducks a clothesline, but they both go for a crossbody and the ten count is on. Scotty gets the hot tag and cleans house. A flying forearm for Mercury and a dropkick off the apron for Nitro. Scotty hits a belly-to-back on Mercury for two, but Nitro breaks it up. Scotty sent for the double ride, but he kicks Mercury, ducks a Nitro right, and superkicks him. Mercury is reverse on a ride to the corner and gets bulldogged to set up the worm! Scotty goes for it, but Malina is on the apron adjusting her dress. Scotty is distracted, so Nitro goes for Scotty, but Scotty meets him with rights. Nitro with a thumb to the eye, and MNM do the spike DDT (now called the Snapshot) for the win. *. Guess they have to start somewhere. Post match, Rey comes down with a lead pipe, and MNM scatters.
Up next, the Champ is HERE!
Commercials.
JBL’s music welcomes us back. He still has the old WWE Title belt. JBL speaks! He says that for a suburb of NY, these people need to show more respect. He carries the old belt around for his fans. He knows how bad the people want to chant his name, and for all intents and purposes, the champ is here! He survived WrestleMania, and the people no nothing about that. The people would quit; they’ve quit their jobs, marriage, school, and most importantly their dreams. The people could not have gone through what he did; he walked through the tournament, and there is only one left: Cena. He calls Cena a one hit wonder. He tells him to listen to his 15 minutes of fame, and after Judgment Day, Cena will be but a footnote in the history of the WWE. JBL is not only a survivor, he is a wrestling GOD!
Cena’s music hits and he walks out. JBL tells him to go ahead and get his 15 minutes. A CENA chant breaks out. Cena says that everyone knows that he stole from Cena’s bag, but do it right: the CHAMP IS HERE! He says there is truth to JBL, he’s not a quitter. And neither is Cena. And that’s why at Judgment Day, they settle it: I QUIT. He swears that the last two words that come out of JBL’s pathetic mouth will be “I quit.” JBL is left speechless as Cena leaves.
Still to come tonight, Chavo vs Rey in a streetfight!
Commercials.
Backstage, Chavo and MNM chat about taking out Rey.
Kurt Angle Invitational: Kurt Angle vs Some Guy. He tells the kid to get out of the ring. He’s not in the mood for an invitational. The kid goes to leave but Angle changes his mind. Not even a match, as Angle just pounds on the kid and puts him in a few moves. An Angle Slam and ankle lock follow. The kid taps, but there’s no match. Kurt releases and kicks the kid out of the ring. DUD. I guess.
Post match, Angle wants an answer to his challenge, so Booker and wife head out and gives him one: I accept! Now can you dig that SUCKA! Angle says it’s too bad that he’s gonna break Booker’s ankle, and that he has to go home with that gutter BEEP, and Booker rushes the ring and pounds on Angle. He gets Angle outside and holds him from behind while encouraging his wife to slap him. She does, repeatedly. Booker sends him back in the ring, but Angle hits a low blow and an Angle Slam. He stares down Booker’s wife, who runs, but trips and falls down the rampway. Angle goes after her, but security stop him as Booker tends to his fallen wife. We go to some…
Commercials.
Cole helps recap the European trip from last week.
Tonight, Cena’s video!
Backstage, Eddy is SITTING. Chavo comes by and wants to tell him that he is a far better man than he is. He says he could never put friendship first like Eddy just did, and tonight Rey is going to learn why he should never mess with a Guerrero.
Next, Carlito goes up against Hardcore Holly! That’s cool!
Commercials.
Carlito vs Hardcore Holly.I thought Hardcore got released a while ago. Oh well, here we are. Holly gets a decent pop as they lockup. Holly with a side headlock, but gets sent to the ropes. Holly shoulders Carlito down, and hits the other ropes. Carlito catches Holly with a hiptoss, but Holly kicks up. Holly misses a clothesline, but Carlito kicks him and puts Holly in the corner. Carlito with a BENOIT sized chop on Holly. Holy shit! That was LOUD. He asks the crowd for one more, but Holly goes all-Incredible Hulk on him and chops Holly three times in the corner. Holly does that almost a low blow, but not kick, and gets two. A quick Carlito hotshot gets one, so he puts on a rear chinlock. Holly fights out and sends Carlito for the ride, but Carlito catches Holly in a sleeper. Holly counters out with a belly-to-back suplex, and the ten count is on! Carlito misses a clothesline (his expression here is AWESOME) but Holly does not miss two if his own. Carlito is sent for the ride and takes a BAAAAAAAAAACK body drop, and a full nelson slam that gets two. Holly goes up top and hits a flying clothesline on Carlito for two again. Holly is calling for the Alabama Slam, and has Carlito up, but Carlito blocks by grabbing the top rope. Carlito counters out of a suplex back in, into a backslide with his feet on the ropes for the win. * 1/2. Wish it were a bit longer. Post match, Carlito says that next week, the Big Show will be his guest on the Cabana, and he will make Show an offer he can’t refuse.
Tonight, it’s a streefight! But next, it’s a video! No, next are some…
Commercials.
It’s our SD! GM, TL! He intros Cena’s music video. If you missed it, it’s a parody of the A-Team called the Chain Gang, as they fight to save kidnapped 80’s icons. Cena plays Hannibal, some fat dude plays B.A., and a random guy plays Murdock. Odd that they didn’t get Face. Gary Coleman guest stars. They do rip off a TON of camera angles and plots from the A-Team, and the execution is fairly good. Musically, it seems very “safe” for a “thug” like Cena, but they gotta sell that merchandise I guess.
Next, another bad, bad idea: streetfight! But first, some…
Main Event: Trenton Streetfight: Chavo Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio.Rey comes down with the pipe, but Chavo tells him to lose it and fight like a real man. Chavo starts off with a kick, several boots, and a Euro uppercut. Chavo with more stomps in the corner. Rey is sent to the other side, but Chavo gets drop toeholed to the second turnbuckle on the BLIND charge. Rey does a sliding dropkick to the testicular area, which happens to be legal in this match. Rey hits a split-legged moonsault for two. Rey with a forearm and a whip in, but Chavo reverses. Rey hits a springboard, but he misses the body splash and Chavo takes over. Rey sent in again, but he reverses and Chavo does a sunset flip. Rey rolls through though and dropkicks Chavo in the face for two. Rey almost gets backdropped over the top, but he lands on the apron, and springboards into a hurracanrana on Chavo, who is sent to the outside. Rey goes for the plancha, but Chavo moves and works Rey over on the barricade. Rey is sent back inside, and Chavo is looking for plundah. Chavo fins a chair, but misses the shot in the corner. Rey kicks Chavo in the gut, dropping the chair, but Chavo drops HIM before he can get the chair. Rey kicks Chavo and backs him into a corner, setting up for a tornado DDT, but Chavo punches out. Rey gets a double boot on Chavo and goes for a dropkick, but Chavo aims a bit lower and hits his first on the way down. Chavo sends Rey head first out of the ring as he grabs a ladder from under the ring. He sets up the ladder in the corner, legs facing out. Rey comes back, driving Chavo kidney first into the apron. They get back in the ring, but Rey hangs up Chavo on the top rope, sending Chavo to the floor again. As Chavo gets up, Rey dropkicks the ladder, sending into Chavo’s head. Ouchie. Rey sets up the ladder on the floor against the ropes, as we see a replay. Rey sends Chavo to the ladder, but Chavo blocks, and launches Rey… onto the ladder. Rey kicks him down, and then climbs a couple more rungs, hitting a somewhat botched moonsault on Chavo. Rey sends the ladder to the floor, but Chavo moves. Chavo back in, but Rey misses the Dime, and Chavo hits a dropkick for two. Rey sent to the corner, but he hops on Chavo’s shoulders, and headscissors Chavo into the STEEL post, shoulder first. Rey grabs the chair, and tries to senton down on top of it, but Chavo knocks Rey down. Chavo sets up the chair near the ropes, and bounces Rey’s melon off the chair a couple of times. Chavo with a GORY BOMB! It only gets two though. Chavo kicks on Rey some more, then motions to the back. MNM comes out and grabs the ladder, holding up on the apron. Rey knocks Chavo down and dropkicks the ladder into Nitro and Mercury’s faces. Rey blocks a suplex back in with a shoulder to the gut. Chavo pulls himself up, but lands in the chair near the ropes, seated in the 619 position. Rey goes for it, but Chavo drops down. Rey charges for a hurracanrana, but Chavo counters into a face-first slam for two. Chavo sets the chair up in the middle of the ring, and predictably, gets drop toe holed onto it. Chavo sits in the chair, and Rey hits the seated senton, knocking CHavo over (but still in the chair) for the three. * 3/4. Not the best use of this gimmick. I wasn’t expect Foley/Funk, but still, kind of tame for a street fight. Post match, MNM comes back in to help with the beatdown. Latino Heat’s music hits, and Eddy comes down to clean house. Eddy hugs Rey, then knocks him down. Eddy spikes Rey into the ringpost, and then rips his mask half off so we can see the juice. Eddy says: “You want to fight now?” Eddy just destroys Rey, culminating in a suplex onto the base of the STEEL stairs. The cameras show various concerned crowd shots as we got off the air.
THE INSIDE PULSE
Well, an awful show for wrestling this week, but they’re doing a nice build for Judgment Day, so I can’t complain too much. See ya next week!
